Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  The police took their pictures, had me sign off on the statement, and said they would be in touch. Ashton led them to the door as Amelia cleaned up the broken glass. The paramedic and Cooper agreed that no major damage seemed to be done to my voice box. My voice could return whenever it wanted to, but I needed to soothe my throat because I answered yes to it hurting to swallow, emphasizing a little bit. Since Cooper and Amelia were going to be staying in the cities until after the new year, he offered to keep an eye on my recovery.

  As soon as it was just us family again, Carol released Finn who came back to me. I signaled for him to lift me up on the kitchen island again and he did. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were tear stained, it completely broke my heart. Signaling for him to look at me, Finn nodded. I put my hand on my chest, taking the blame for what happened because it was in no way Finn’s fault.

  “It is not your fault!” Finn said loudly.

  I raised an eyebrow at his tone of voice.

  “I’m sorry…” He mumbled.

  Ashton quietly chuckled, “Even without a voice she can scold him.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Ashton who put his hands up in surrender before looking at my darling husband once again. My hand pressed to his heart before it moved to mine. I used my hand to sign I, L, Y. We had been attempting to teach Leo some simple sign language. The sign in sign language for I love you always reminded me of the ‘rock on’ symbol, so when we were learning sign language basics, I would always sign those letters rather than the actual sign. Lastly, I took his hand in mine and put it over my heart. The man saved my life, feeling my heartbeat told him that. My free hand fell to my belly.

  “What is she telling you?” Amelia asked.

  We hadn’t noticed that everyone was watching us. Our silent communication was something that we had. He understood everything I was telling him, I could see it in his eyes.

  “She told me that I protected her, she loves me, and that I saved her life and the life of our daughter,” he smiled shyly.

  I tapped my nose, telling him he was correct.

  “Coop, you need to learn sign language because that is damn adorable,” Amelia looked over at her husband.

  “She only signed one thing!” He exclaimed.

  “Well then, you need to work on your silent communication with me,” she ordered.

  I giggled, the sound coming out a little strangled. But hey, a sound still came out. Finn’s lips gently covered mine before he gazed in my eyes. My neck was a little sore, and I wanted to know the damage that had been done. I pointed to my neck, silently asking him how bad it is.

  “Hopefully it won’t bruise, its just a red print right now,” he said softly.

  He leaned down and gently kissed my neck, I gasped at the touch of his lips. Cooper walked around the island and picked up the beers that were sitting on the counter.

  “Who wants to get drunk?” He asked loudly.

  Finn and Ashton raised their hands along with Carol. Two of us women were pregnant and the other one didn’t like to drink just like me. Before he could grab a beer and start to chug, I held onto Finn’s shirt, making him look at me. I needed to hear that he loved me, so I signed I, L, Y again.

  “I love you more, my beautiful wife,” he smiled, kissing me tenderly.

  He helped me off the counter and I followed him and the rest of the family into the living room. Finn reclined back on the chaise of the couch that came from my apartment before he held out his hand for me to sit down between his legs. I took my place and laid back against him. This was how our night was supposed to begin when the kids were asleep, one big happy family talking and laughing, those who wanted to drink could drink. But now, I was forced into being silent, a familiar fear-filled chill crawling up my spine. That attack only brought back the worst memories that I had tried to push off. Finn was there to protect me, everything would be okay.

  My eyes opened quickly, the last images of Michael’s evil face drifting away as I looked around the room. It was still dark outside, the bedside clock telling me that it was only three in the morning. After everyone went home, Finn and I went to bed. He had more than enough alcohol to pass right out when we got to bed, but he was nowhere in sight.

  “Did you have a bad dream, buddy?” His voice said softly from the baby monitor.

  Rubbing my eyes, I looked over at the small video feed of Leo’s nursery. Finn was rocking Leo in his glider, kissing his forehead. My two sweet boys.

  “I can’t sleep either,” Finn quietly admitted, “Mommy got hurt tonight and it scared me so much.”

  For someone who was pretty drunk when he went to bed, he sounded rather sober. I cleared my throat, attempting to talk after. When that didn’t work, I took a sip of the water that was next to my bed then cleared my throat. The sound of my own voice had never made me happier. It was a little scratchy, but it was back none-the-less.

  “I’m sorry I brought that man into our lives, Leo. I just thought that my father finally saw the potential that I had, and he wanted to be a part of my life. He only saw me for my money, as his meal ticket out of debt.”

  Finn sighed as Leo held onto his finger, “I will never do that to you, Leo. I will never leave you, your mother, or your baby sister. I won’t leave any of the siblings that we give you. My life will be dedicated to protecting you and the rest of our family. One day, I will tell you all the stories about my life. How soccer helped me out of a slump after my mother and her ex husband got divorced, how your mother changed the way I saw the world, how you brought such a light into my life that I thought only your mother could bring. But for now, I will just keep you safe because I love you.”

  I saw Leo yawn and Finn standing up before placing our son back into his crib. When I heard the nursery door close, I laid back down and rolled over, facing away from Finn’s spot. He crawled into bed behind me and kissed my shoulder as he draped an arm around my waist. My hand covered his and I heard him hum his approval.

  “Finn?” I said softly, my voice taking a second to catch up to me.

  He shifted suddenly next to me, rolling me onto my back, “Is your voice back? Am I dreaming? Say my name again.”

  I smiled, “Finn…”

  Finn pressed his lips against mine hard, giving staccato kisses one right after another. I giggled, his stubble on his chin tickling me every time he came down for a kiss.

  “Stop,” I demanded quietly.

  He pulled back and looked at me, his smile wide as he brushed his finger over my lips.

  “I’m sorry, I just missed hearing your voice,” he whispered.

  “I love you,” I finally said what I had been wanting to say since he saved me.

  “Oh, Julianna. I love you so much,” he wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

  My hands covered his cheeks as I gazed into his eyes, “You saved me.”

  “Don’t you know by now that I will always save you?” Finn smiled lovingly.

  “I never thought you’d actually have to do it,” I pursed my lips.

  “I’m sorry for letting him into our lives, I should have known better.”

  “There’s still a part of you that is that hurt, abandoned two-year-old boy. I understand why you did it, and I still love you more than anything in this world.”

  Finn nodded, knowing I understood.

  “Now, can we go back to bed? I had a bad dream and I need you to hold me,” I whispered as I released his face.

  “Of course, let me protect you,” Finn kissed my forehead.

  He allowed me to roll back over before he brought his chest against my back and held me close. Just as he always had the power to, Finn fought away my terrifying dreams and I slept soundly until morning.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “She’s in distress, prep OR 1!” Dr. Sanchez called out loudly, a nurse quickly running from the room.

  “Finn? What does she mean? What’s going on?” I asked, barely able to breathe.

  A nurse beside my bed asked if I n
eeded an oxygen mask but I shook my head. Finn gently brushed my hair back on my head. I had been in labor for hours, my water breaking just a few days shy of my due date. Everything seemed to be moving along just fine until my daughter decided to just stop trying to come out. Now a machine was beeping like crazy and people were running around me left and right.

  “Breathe, baby. Everything is going to be okay, something is going on with the baby, but Dr. Sanchez is going to take care of it,” his voice was soft as the nurses around us moved things around me and my bed shifted.

  “Don’t leave me,” I begged, tears welling up in my eyes.

  “I’ll be right there with you every step of the way, I promise,” he kissed my forehead.

  Suddenly my bed was rolling, and I was being pushed down the hallway towards the operating rooms, Finn walking quickly next to my bed. A few feet from the door a nurse stopped him, holding him back. I sat up and looked behind me.

  “Finn!” I cried out.

  “I’m coming, Julianna! I’ll be right beside you before you know it!” His voice rang out in the hallway, large wooden doors opening and closing for us as I continued to be pushed away from him.

  Tears started streaming down my face as I sobbed. He was supposed to be there with me. That was what all the television shows showed at least. My bed was wheeled into a room and parked right in the center. A nurse put my hair up in a net before putting an oxygen tube under my nose to help me breathe. Someone on my right was adjusting something with my IV and soon my body felt numb.

  “Julianna, I’m Dr. Zimmerman. I’ll be helping Dr. Sanchez deliver your baby girl. Don’t worry about a thing, we will make sure to get her out safe and sound.” A man wearing a mask said to me as a divider was put up just below my chest.

  “Where’s Finn?” I asked this Dr. Zimmerman character.

  “I’m right here, baby,” Finn rushed in through the doors on my left in full scrubs, his hair covered in a net that matched mine.

  He took a seat on a rolling stool next to me as he kissed my head. I started crying again, this time they were happy tears.

  “I told you I would be here; did you think I wouldn’t fight ‘til the death to get next to you?” He smiled my favorite smile.

  “No because that means you’d be dead if you lost and I don’t like that idea,” I sniffled loudly.

  Finn chuckled as he wiped my tears away, “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

  “Okay everybody, let’s deliver a baby,” Dr. Sanchez’s voice said from the other side of the curtain.

  As my surgery progressed, Finn whispered in my ear telling me that I was doing great. This was how he had been the last six months of my pregnancy, the most doting husband I could ever ask for. Even with his hectic soccer schedule now that the season had begun, he still helped me take care of Leo. He would have been on his way to Los Angeles right now for an away game if my water hadn’t broken ten minutes before he was supposed to leave for the airport.

  Our baby girl was nothing like her stubborn brother who decided to hang out in my womb an extra five days, she was ready to make her debut. When she started kicking, we gave her the title of being a diva because if I wasn’t giving her what she craved right after she wanted me to have it, she would kick me hard. Now, here she was, being a diva yet again and forcing me to get a C-section rather than being delivered naturally.

  I felt a slight pressure and I heard Dr. Sanchez say that she was out. The few seconds that it took my baby girl to cry made my heart stop. When her loud screams filled the room, I was overjoyed.

  “She’s here,” Finn excitedly whispered to me as he kissed my head.

  The doctors continued to do their thing, explaining little tidbits along the way. I didn’t care what they were saying the moment that a nurse walked around the curtain, carrying my daughter. She handed the baby over to Finn who brought her down to me. Her full head of dark brown hair matched mine, she had my mouth, a combination of mine and Finn’s noses, and Finn’s eyes. This was our second child that was a perfect mix of me and my husband. She was truly beautiful. Finn lifted her to me and I gently pressed my lips against her head.

  When the doctors told Finn that he would have to wait in the recovery room with the baby while I stayed behind, I nearly lost it. They didn’t tell me he would have to leave me behind. As soon as I watched him and our daughter leave, I closed my eyes to will the tears away. The last thing I was expecting was to fall asleep.

  My eyes opened to see Finn sitting in a large chair beside my bed, gazing down at our daughter. Little Liliana Isabelle McAllister was born June 6th, exactly one week after my birthday. My diva daughter really wanted her own birthday month apparently. I watched Finn whisper to her as she grunted before settling into his arms.

  “What happened?” I asked sleepily.

  Finn smiled over at me, “You fell asleep when you were being sutured up. It had been a long day for you, I figured I’d let you sleep. Do you want to hold your daughter?”

  I nodded excitedly, holding my hands out for her, “Gimme, gimme, gimme.”

  He chuckled as he brought her over to me and placed her in my arms. I looked down at my sleeping girl, her little mouth puckered up.

  “She’s perfect,” I smiled up at Finn.

  “Just like you,” he leaned down and kissed me.

  “Think you’re going to want more of these adorable little things?” I smirked.

  “When the time is right, I’d love to have more.”

  I nodded, “Me too.”

  Looking back down at Liliana, I could already picture our future ahead of us. Finn running around the backyard with our son and daughter, while I made lunch for them up in the kitchen for a little picnic outside. The idea of having more children made me smile. But for now, it would be just the four of us. My perfect little family.

  “Leo James, can you give that back to mommy? That’s not yours,” I asked as politely as I could to my stubborn year and a half year old.

  “No, no, no,” he responded with his favorite word before running off towards the kitchen, his sister’s pacifier in his hand.

  If I would have been able to, I would’ve chased after him. But I was currently breastfeeding Lily and I couldn’t exactly jump up at the chance. Up until that second, Leo had been doing good. He was sitting next to me on the couch, his plush soccer ball in his hands, as he watched Thomas the Tank Engine. Then out of nowhere his early terrible twos kicked in and he decided to grab Lily’s pacifier off the coffee table and run for it. It had been nearly two months since I gave birth to Liliana and Finn had already been back to work for some time. Speaking of which, where the hell was he?

  “Jules, I’m home,” Finn called from the kitchen.

  “Help! I’ve got a kid on the loose!” I dramatically whined, laying my head back against the couch.

  “Does he look something like this?” Finn chuckled as he carried a squirming Leo in his arms.

  “That looks like my sweet boy, but he sure isn’t being very sweet by stealing his sister’s pacifier,” I narrowed my eyes at Leo a little.

  “Leo, tell mommy you’re sorry,” Finn kissed his cheek.

  “Sowwee.” God, that’s adorable.

  Finn set Leo down on the couch, “Give mommy kisses. Daddy is going to make you dinner.”

  Leo stood up on the couch cushion and put his hands on my cheeks before giving me a loud kiss on the lips.

  “Thank you, baby,” I smiled to him.

  Finn picked him up and threw him over his shoulder as Leo squealed loudly. I could hear Finn talking to our son as he prepared him some dinner. Looking down at Liliana as she nursed, I smoothed her hair down with my fingers. She was already getting so big at two months old. Her large eyes looked up at me as she ate, blue eyes meeting mine. I had a feeling they would be changing soon; the color was already starting to seem different than it was yesterday. Oh well, if she had Finn’s brown eyes I wouldn’t complain.

  When she was finished eating, I adju
sted my shirt and held her against my chest over a burping rag. I patted her back until she burped and laid her head just below my shoulder. It was moments like this, little bonding moments, that made all the late nights worth it. Lifting my feet to rest them on the edge of the coffee table, I rested Liliana on my lap and gave her back her pacifier.

  “Who is my beautiful girl?” I smiled at her, taking her little hands in mine.

  She grunted as she wriggled her fingers. Kissing her little hands, I continued to talk to her. Liliana always watched me so closely as I spoke to her. It made me feel like she really liked to hear the sound of my voice.

  A little while later, Finn and Leo were back in the living room. Bedtime routine was about to begin.

  “You wanna take Leo for his routine and I can take my little princess?” Finn smiled at me.

  He adored his daughter. Finn would lay the world at Liliana’s feet if he could. I had to keep reminding him that she was only two months old and that she didn’t need to be spoiled with material gifts just yet. This was our own personal routine every night that he was home. Finn would do dinner with Leo if I was feeding Lily, or we would eat dinner as a family. Then I would put Leo to bed and Finn would take the time to put Lily to bed.

  “Sure, just be careful bouncing her up and down. She’s got a full belly,” I kissed her chubby cheek before lifting her up to my chest and standing up.

  We somehow maneuvered in a way that allowed us to switch children without injuring anybody. When Leo was planted firmly on my hip, I kissed his forehead.

  “Ready for bath time my sweet, handsome boy?” I asked Leo.

  “Bath!” He squealed.

  “Did you show daddy what you can do now?” I smiled at him, brushing a lock of hair back into place.

  “What did you learn, buddy?” Finn cooed.

  Leo looked at me, “Where’s your tummy?”

  With a big smile, Leo pointed at his belly.

  “And where’s your head?” I asked him.