Noob Game Plus

by Ryan Rimmel

  The Remort tab was there now, and I opened it up. The tab quickly filled out, a far more elaborate page than the rest of mine. I glanced through it. The options were flat out weird.

  ● Pray tell, grand adventurer, thou hath advanced far into thine...

  “Shart, what is going on here?” I asked, looking away from the menu into my mindscape. I still missed the little red blood clot. It was strange to not see him on any of my sheets or tabs.

  “I can’t see anything,” replied the demon sheepishly. “What’s wrong?”

  “The page is written in badly formed archaic English,” I replied.

  “Oh, that might be a problem,” said Shart. “No one has Remorted in a while.”

  “Why is that?” I asked, trying to read through the ‘thees’ and the ‘thous’ on the page and failing at it.

  “I’m not entirely sure,” replied Shart. “It was never really my department. If a few monkeys die, who cares?”

  “Wait a second, I talked to Charles! He didn’t sound like this,” I said, thinking back to my conversations with the devil.

  “Duh, Dum Dum,” replied Shart. “After Grebthar left, people continued to develop their language. Eventually it ended up in this more formal dialect, so that’s how everyone talked for a few centuries. Eventually, they got bored with it and switched back to a more archaic, less complicated, version of the language.”

  I shook my head. At least they weren’t talking in valley girl or something. I could imagine it now. “Like, fer sure, do you want to, like, totally Remort or some junk?”

  Rolling my eyes, I continued trying to gauge what everything meant. I heard a clicking noise in my mindscape and looked over toward the sound. It was coming from the admin console Shart had built. The demon had just moved it to the platform that made up my higher consciousness. I would have complained, but there was no point. Shart was going to do what Shart was going to do. I was trying to kill Charles and getting into a fight about console placement wasn’t advancing that cause.

  “Found it!” exclaimed Shart. Suddenly, the page reformatted into modern English. It wasn’t my actual spoken language, of course. English was not the language of Ordinal. I just interpreted everything into English. What I verbalized wasn’t even a language I had ever spoken before. It sounded like English to my ears, though, thanks to Ordinal’s magical linguistics.

  “Some sort of thing?” I asked. The ruled the physical laws of Ordinal. As such, it had control over menus, gravity, and the like. However, even this found a way to get even odder. There were some skills that the had decided no longer had a place on Ordinal, so it had deactivated them.

  ● Great news, Chosen, you have elected to Remort yourself. You will now have access to the Remort menu. Please select which class abilities you would like to lock into your Base Build from now on.

  “Base Build?” I asked.

  “When you go back to Remort as a 1st level character, you can gain some characteristics from each of your classes that you already possessed. You get to use those even if you aren’t that class anymore,” said Shart. “You do get to retain all your skills, though, but you might not be able to use all of them.”

  “Makes sense,” I replied.

  “Really?” asked Shart suspiciously.

  “Fuck, no! I just say, ‘Makes sense,’ when I’m not going to get a better explanation out of you. It makes no sense whatsoever. When I say, ‘Makes sense,’ what I really mean is, ‘I’m just going to muddle through it without your help,’” I thundered at him.

  Shart became quiet. After a moment, I heard the clicking again. “You don’t need to be a dick about it.”

  The Remort menus were pretty straightforward. I had some abilities unlocked for all of my classes, with Woodsman having the most options. I was level 15 there. The Sorcerer class had the fewest choices, as I was only level 3 in that class.

  ● You are granted Woodsman’s Lore. This perk will follow you to your next Remort!

  ● You have an animal companion. You may elect to maintain him or choose another perk from Woodsman!

  ● You touched a Dungeon Core! You gain the ability to choose one additional stat bump or perk!

  ● Error, no level 30 abilities found!

  ● Error, no level 60 abilities found!

  ● Beast Lord Path abilities Badger’s Rage and Badger’s Toughness will be applied when you are within four leagues of your companion. You may select one additional perk from your class list!

  “You get something neat at level 30 and 60?” I asked Shart.

  “Yes,” he replied meekly. “Why did you yell at me?”

  I inhaled sharply. “The Dark Overlord just killed Jarra. I’m still rather upset about that. Not to mention the fact that I feel like I’m starting this world all over again. It’s stressful. This world is stressful, and sometimes I just need a straight, easy answer from you.”

  “Oh, that’s very tragic. I think I understand your feelings now,” replied Shart. “Jarra was the one who shot arrows?”

  “No,” I said, gritting my teeth.

  “Was she the one with the mustache?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “The really big…” he started.

  “No! She was the pretty blond woman who just tried to help people, and I let her die. I let her die because I was too stupid and trusting,” I growled. “Now, I don’t get an option to choose for the level 30 or 60 ability?”

  “Correct,” replied Shart quietly. “It is probably because of UnBound. You shouldn’t have even been able to Remort right now, but, because the saw your total level was 60, you got to anyway.”

  “Thank you,” I replied curtly.

  I selected the option to keep Badgelor. He was useful in a fight, and I didn’t fancy betraying him. Badgelor had stalked Charles, who just so happened to be Grebthar, for centuries just to enact his revenge for betraying him. I was going to do everything in my power to avoid being hunted by the furry little lunatic. Plus, he was worth way more than one perk.

  That left me with two perks or a perk and a stat bump. I took the bump, applying it to my Endurance. I selected Improved Companion Bond with the other, which would grant me regeneration. That had always been helpful in the past.

  ● You were a Warrior! You favored the Resistance perk, and that will stay with you. Base Defense value of Resistance is now character level +5!

  ● You were a Duelist! You can maintain access to your Duelist tree or select a perk.

  ● You touched a Dungeon Core! You gain the ability to choose one additional stat bump or perk!

  ● Path: No Warrior Path Found!

  I skipped over the prompts that I was missing. No sense in crying over spilled milk.

  The Resistance perk upgrading from my class level was going to be handy. My Resistance had grown to match my Warrior level in my last build, which had rendered it less effective. That had mainly been because I was leveling up in multiple classes instead of a single class, like everyone else.

  I also selected the Duelist talent, as it was far more useful than a single perk could possibly be. With it, my sword was going to be much more helpful than it would be otherwise. Finally, I selected Iron Will, remembering the agony of Ordinal without that perk. It reduced the feeling of pain by 50%. Iron Will turned a sword wound to the gut into something painful rather than utterly incapacitating.

  ● You were a Rogue! You favored the Mobility perk, and that will stay with you!

  ● You were an Adventurer! You can maintain access to your Great Explorer talent or select a perk.

  ● You touched a Dungeon Core! You gain the ability to choose one additional stat bump or perk!

  ● Path: No Rogue Path Found!

  Adventurer was even easier. Great Explorer was a massive no brainer, if only for the bonus experience it tended to give me. Great Explorer also let me smell interesting things, like health potions and hidden doorways. That was worth far more than a single perk. Likewis
e, Mobility, or the ability to move my body in whatever means I decided, was also advantageous.

  Picking a perk was going to be trickier, though. I’d made great use of my Poisoner perk, as well as my Shadow Walker perk. Poisoner had made it much easier to make and use alchemical poisons. Shadow Walker made sneaking around much more manageable because I could Shadow Meld. Considering it for a moment, I decided to take Shadow Walker. Many classes had similar perks, and I figured I was more likely to find a substitute for the Poisoner perk in one of the other classes, as no class seemed to focus on poisoning. I considered that more likely than finding a Stealth perk outside of the Rogue class.

  ● You were a Mage! You favored the Hardened Barrier perk, and that will stay with you!

  ● You were a Mage Knight! You can maintain access to your Magical Sword Knight talent or select a perk.

  ● You touched a Dungeon Core! You gain the ability to choose one additional stat bump or perk!

  ● Path: No Mage Path Found!

  I selected Second School as my bonus perk without really thinking about it. My ability to cast from two schools of magic had been critical in defeating Charles the last time we fought.

  I could choose any perk I had rather than having to start at the bottom of the tree. The ability to cherry-pick my perks from anywhere on the list had some advantages. Assuming I Remorted again, I could go as high up the perk tree as possible to choose which ones I took. Hopefully, I’d find one that improved Plasma control.

  The thought of trying to maintain a barely controlled ball of Plasma directly in front of my person caused me to cringe. I balled my hand into a fist unconsciously and noticed that my rings were absent. I reached up to touch my amulet, assuming it was also gone. However, my fingers ran across the cold metal of the necklace.

  “Shart, where is all my stuff?” I asked.

  “You are wearing it, aren’t you?” responded the demon.

  “Would I be asking if that were the case?” I countered dryly.

  “Oh… that isn’t good,” responded Shart after a brief pause. “I get a feed into your character sheet while you are in a Chamber of Souls. Your stuff is gone.”

  “The Ready room?” I asked. At least that was what I had been calling it.

  “The room with all the statues? A Chamber of Souls?” stated Shart, who was busy concentrating.

  “Is it like the Requirements Room?” I asked.

  Shart inhaled. “What stupid are you going to drop on me now?”

  “It’s a room that only shows up when you need it,” I joked.

  “Hardly, Dum Dum, it shows up for everyone whenever they Remort,” replied Shart, “What you just said is stupid. Why would a room exist only when you need it? You would have to build it first, and you’d have to know why you were building it in the first place.”

  “Couldn’t it just be magic?”

  Shart facepalmed. “Magic doesn’t work like that!”

  “Well, I mean, it’s magic,” I said.

  “No, magic is careful study followed by careful preparation,” hissed the demon. “Look, I’ll try to keep it simple for your meager intellect. The room is called the Chamber of Souls, you Dum Dum!”

  “Okay, geeze” I said, trying to change the subject. “I thought you said my equipment would stay with me.”

  “It should have, unless it was destroyed or something,” said the demon.

  “Could Plasma destroy magical items?” I asked, knowing the answer already.

  “Certainly, but…” Shart trailed off. “Oh, no. You did the thing that almost killed Badgelor again, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did, but only to kill Charles,” I explained. If that wasn’t a good use for all-destroying Plasma, I didn’t know what was.

  “It didn’t kill him, that’s for sure,” said Shart.

  “Actually, I think it did,” I replied. “Charles had to use a Resurrection perk after I hit him with it. I think that Plasma might be his weakness!”

  “Everything is weak against Plasma, except War Badgers,” groaned the demon, “Like, just for a fun example off the top of my head, all your magical items! They got disintegrated, Dum Dum! I’m surprised that the amulet is in one piece,” exclaimed Shart. I tried to examine the necklace but got nothing.

  “Your skills, except , are all locked out here. You’ll have to check it out back on Ordinal,” said Shart.

  ● You were a Sorcerer! You favored Dragon Scales, and that will stay with you!

  ● Subclass, you did not select a subclass!

  ● You touched a Dungeon Core! You gain the ability to choose one additional stat bump or perk!

  ● Path: No Sorcerer Path Found!

  Sorcerer, the class I’d taken the fewest levels in, gave me the fewest benefits. I didn’t even have many perks that I considered useful. They were all just steppingstones to higher tier perks that I never got to select. I chose the stat bump and applied it to Willpower.

  ● Congratulations, you will respawn on Ordinal with 2 stat bumps! Enjoy your more powerful body! You selected +1 Willpower and +1 Endurance.

  ● Select a Remort perk!

  The options for Remort perks were highly limited. None of them seemed to improve my abilities much. Instead, they all appeared to be related. Several focused on removing penalties for experience, for example. As I’d leveled up to Max Level in under a month, I didn’t see how those would be useful. However, as I scanned the list, I found one I knew I had to take.

  ● Alternative Identity: You have had multiple lives on Ordinal; now, you can have multiple names! People you meet will know you by the newer name, and you can decide which name to make your permanent moniker.

  “Oh, really?” I asked. As much as I didn’t want to lose my chosen name, there were points when you had to acknowledge that its time had passed. Maybe I’d choose Grebthar, just to piss off Charles. Of course, Grebthar was going to bring its own set of problems, so that was probably a bad choice.

  I considered my options and decided it was time to retire ‘Jim’ and come back as someone new. Someone who was less trusting. Someone who was less of a pushover. I would reinvent myself and kill Charles while doing it.

  “Well, you can finally choose a new name. Just say out loud whatever you want,” Shart instructed me through our new connection.

  “I’ll have to think about it a bit,” I replied mentally, pushing it to the back of my mind.

  All that was left to do was choose a class. All the classes I’d already leveled in, however minimally, were darkened. I knew that meant I couldn’t pick them again, not even Sorcerer, in which I was only level 3.

  “Any chance I’ll ever be able to go back into one of the classes I already picked?” I asked.

  “I’m checking your options,” stated Shart. “I think I’ll have something for you eventually.”

  “Meaning the next time I spawn?” I replied, looking around. “Okay, I still have plenty of options for this time.”

  There were seven classes left on this level. If memory served, there were more powerful classes below. However, something Charles had said tugged at the back of my mind. A god required worshipers. If he didn’t have them, he would perish in agony.

  “Shart, can I just choose a second-tier class?” I asked. It would make sense to choose a class with more powerful skills and perks.

  “Maybe,” replied the demon, and I imagined him looking over my character sheet. “I don’t recommend it, though. You won’t be ready to start as a second-tier class until you hit max progression in at least three other complimentary classes. You usually have to do some other stuff, too.”

  “Other stuff?” I asked.

  “Sky Pirate, for example,” stated Shart. I missed the little ass hat pacing around in the background of my mind. Wow, who would have thought it? “You need a sky ship before becoming a Sky Pirate. You don’t simply, magically get a nice boat. You have to provide it, or the will provide you one. If the provides one
, it's going to be the worst boat ever. You’ll be lucky if it floats, let alone flies.”

  Sadly, that seemed entirely in line with how the worked. Much like anything else on Ordinal, the least costly option was always the first choice. It also tended to be the worst choice, but you wouldn’t find that out until later.

  “So, just get a new ship then,” I replied.

  “You have to spend perks to do that,” answered the demon. “Otherwise, you are attuned to your first ship. So, you see, you can just become a Sky Pirate, but you would put yourself at a massive disadvantage by selecting it too early. Plus, you don’t even know how to sail a sky ship.”

  “Don’t second-tier classes grant skills?” I asked.

  “Only rare skills. Why would they need to hand out basic skills?” replied Shart. “You should have picked those skills up when you hit Max Level in the earlier classes.” I thought about Glorious Robert, who was a Warrior and an accomplished Sailor. He wouldn’t need any new sailing skills.

  “And the only reason we are even talking about this is my UnBound trait,” I said. That trait gave me options, but not all my options were wise to take. If I truly wanted to kill Charles, I’d have to get way more prepared before thinking about second-tier stuff.

  “Yes, if you want to actually be successful in a second-tier class, you have to lay the groundwork when you Remort,” stated Shart. “After you Remort the first time, you learn about second-tier classes. Later, you can get quests to do what is necessary to take them. Then, you just have to pick the right classes and complete the right quests.”

  “So, what you are saying is that I could have picked something that would have totally screwed me,” I said finally.