by Max Hudson
This might have been scary, a part of me might have been terrified, but I was over the moon to finally be at a stage where I was comfortable enough with myself to let this happen.
“Are you okay?” Joey whispered carefully into my ear. “Are you sure?”
I bit down on my lip and grabbed hard to the pillow, before nodding. This was it, it was now or never. Then I felt a cold liquid sensation spreading across my butt, causing an involuntary squeal to fall from my lips.
It’s really happening… am I ready for this?
But as Joey’s hands worked their way over me, all doubt simply vanished. His fingers were working me, touching me, preparing me, and it felt good… good. This was the sort of sex I wanted to be having my entire life. I couldn’t believe I’d never had such a powerful chemistry like it, I just hated that I would have to give it up before the week was done.
Not that I was thinking about anything sad right now.
As he finally parted me and slid his thick, powerful cock inside of me, I sucked in a deep, sharp breath. There was pain, but not a lot, and it was totally overshadowed by the pleasure it was making me feel too. This was incredible, he’d filled me up in a really amazing way, and with each gentle thrust I felt a pressure starting to build, one that I just knew was going to be amazing.
“Is this okay?” Joey panted. “Am I hurting you?”
“Stop being so gentle,” I gasped in reply. “I need you, this feels like it’s been a long time coming.”
I slammed back against Joey, lifting myself up onto my knees. He was being kind and respectful, wanting to be good with me since it was my first time, but the passion was tearing through me and it made me want it harder. I needed more of him, all of him, luckily he seemed to get that.
“Oh, shit,” I gasped loudly, balling up the sheets between my fingers, trying to hold myself upright. “This feels amazing.”
My heart was thundering, a shudder racing through me, I could feel perspiration dripping from my forehead. Whatever Joey was doing to me, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was making me feel things, amazing things. I almost couldn’t control myself. This was joy like no other.
“Oh, Joey!”
The pressure built, gripping onto my heart, and Joey continued to thrust powerfully and hard – just the way I needed it – so before long the pleasure was bursting free from me, making a mess of my chest and the sheets below me. Despite that, I couldn’t stop, Joey was still going and somehow that managed to make the bliss last that much longer, draining me of all my energy completely. I gave myself to Joey wholly, and it felt wonderful to let him have every part of me.
“Wow, that was…” I felt forward, face planting the pillow, and I heard Joey giggle happily behind me. “That was something else.”
"Yeah, I think so too…” I turned to face Joey and as I saw his post coital bliss, which somehow managed to make him even more handsome, I wished that I could keep him forever. I allowed my imagination to roam for a second, to picture what it’d be like to just be with him, and with that I started to drift into a dream world.
My eyes were fluttering shut, sleep coming for me. I wanted to stay awake, to stare into Joey’s eyes, to just enjoy the moment but I was exhausted.
I could hear Joey muttering something to me, but my brain was shutting off, I couldn’t quite hear it. I tried to strain my ears, to force my eyes back open, but my brain had made its choice and that unfortunately was the end of it.
It’d be okay… I would just have to ask him all about it in the morning…
Before I left forever.
Chapter Seventeen
Tears pricked my eyes as I gathered up the few things I was taking back to New York with me. I hated goodbyes, and this was the worst one that I’d ever had to suffer. I didn’t even say it verbally to Joey this morning because I couldn’t stand it, I’d just slipped out while he was still sleeping. It was a decision that I now regretted, but that I had to stick to if I was going to stay strong. If I saw him for even one more second, this resolve could easily fall apart.
I sighed deeply, staring around the room, knowing that there was nothing left to keep me here now. It was time to go. I was going to have to leave this house yet again, to turn my back on the beach, on the ocean that I’d only just gotten reacquainted with. I was leaving Romi, and Joey, which destroyed me inside.
Still, maybe it would be okay. Maybe once I got settled back in and my child was born it wouldn’t all seem too bad. Maybe all of this would be a distant memory shoved somewhere in a box in the back of my mind.
Or not… I didn’t think that would ever happen. I was sure that this small period of my life would bother me forever more, but that unfortunately didn’t change anything. I couldn’t stay, even if I needed to.
My footsteps were slow as I walked toward the hotel, my toes dragging deliberately. I was about to leave the color, to return to the gray, however long I put that off it was still the truth. I was going to have to go eventually, to get on that plane… maybe I just needed to rip it off like a band aid.
My lungs filled with a deep breath of air as I made my way inside, walking on my tiptoes as if the small, silent steps would somehow make this big intrusion on my life much less invasive.
***
"Yeah, he bought it all right, he should be here soon enough,” Maria hadn’t heard me slipping in to the hotel room. She had no idea that I was standing right behind her, listening to her spilling her guts to whoever was on the other end of the phone. I knew that it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I had the horrible feeling that she was talking about me. If it affected my future, then I needed to know before I did anything life changing and crazy. My doubts were already infecting my every thought; this was just adding to that.
My heart was pounding, maybe a little too noisily, fear was creeping through my veins, a sickness infected my stomach. My feet remained on my tip toes, needing to know exactly what was going on.
“I know, Daddy, but this was the only way. Matt didn’t want to know.” As she paused to listen to her father, I slowly dropped my bags onto the ground beside my feet. My pulse was racing like crazy, this felt like I was finally getting the truth, and I had no idea what to do about it. “Of course I wanted him first, it’s Matt’s baby and he’s the one with all the money, but he chose his wife over me and I can’t raise this baby alone.”
Matt’s baby… not mine…
I didn’t know how to digest the fact that I wasn’t going to be a father after all, it was almost as if I was having dream. My entire body buzzed with a sickly sensation that I didn’t totally understand. The room spun around me, I couldn’t focus on anything, it was utterly unbearable.
Is she fucking kidding? Then anger bulldozed through my system. I’d spent the last few days torturing myself, trying to slot myself back into the idea of the life that I hated. I’d said goodbye to this place, I’d had a heartbreaking last night with Joey and now… now I was here finding out that none of it was real. My blood bubbled, my head spun, but still I remained as silent as I could. I needed all the evidence that I could get. I was mad as all hell, but acting smart. I just hoped that it fully paid off.
“Yes, I know that you’re ashamed of me, but I don’t care. I’m sorting it out, aren’t I? For God’s sake!”
It was moments like that, which made me forget that she was older than me. Sometimes she was just like a child herself. Now she was having a child, she was about to become a mother, but that seemed to be someone else’s problem. The baby belonged to Matt, a married guy who was prepared to turn his back on her. Much as I was fuming, I felt a little bad for her. I hated her for dragging me into her mess, but I could sort of understand it. She was the one stuck with her stupid life rules, I was the one that she’d just set free.
“Yeah, I’ll be back soon…”
Maria spun around to grab something, and as she saw me standing there listening in to her conversation, her whole face fell. She started to look like the child she behaved as on the
phone. A loud clatter rang out through the room as her cell phone crashed to the ground, officially ending her conversation.
“Flint,” she whispered in a panicked tone. “I didn’t know that you were there.”
“No, evidently not,” I knew that I should’ve been yelling right about now, but I didn’t have it in me. She was sad, about to go through the most life altering thing ever, whereas it seemed like I still had options. I could choose to stay in the place that I was happiest, being who I wanted to be. “Judging by what you were just saying to your father on the phone.” I wanted her to know that I’d heard everything, that there was absolutely no fooling me anymore. “So, where the hell do we go from here?”
She burst into heavy, ugly tears… the sort that racked through her whole body. I stood there in shock for a moment, watching her fall apart. It made me realize that I’d never seen her vulnerable before. We’d been together for years, and she’d always been putting on a show for me. I had never gotten to know her.
Oh shit, I suddenly realized that I was staring without actually reacting. I needed to comfort Maria here. Sure, she was a bitch and what she’d done was wrong, but I wasn’t about to end up the loser here.
I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her, trying my best to comfort her. She collapsed against me, falling into my chest, and she cried for a good five minutes.
“I’m so sorry, Flint, I’ve never been anything but a bitch to you. I know that you treated me well, and I didn’t appreciate it. Then I said all those shitty things to you when you caught me with Matt, and I’ve still never confessed that our affair went on for years, and now… now I’m still trying to trick you just to please my dad.”
“So, the baby is definitely his then?” Maybe it was a little insensitive to ask, but I needed to be sure. I had to get my mind to settle once and for all.
“The dates work out in a way that it’s his. I conceived during that month you were never home, I think you had a merger or something going on at work,” I could remember that… well, a little. I certainly recalled thinking that death would be better than another day in that job. “We weren’t sleeping together at the time, where Matt and I were at it like rabbits… sorry.”
I shrugged, no longer affected by that news. “It doesn’t matter, we were never right. I can see that now.”
“So there’s no way that I can tempt you to come back with me?” There was a half-smile playing on her lips, almost as if she was joking, but the desperation was evident in her gaze. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see any way of making that work, without any kind of bond keeping us together, I couldn’t sacrifice my own happiness. I’d already been doing that for years… this was my time now. “Even though you know the truth?”
“I’m really sorry, Maria, I would love to help you out, you know that, but if I’m totally honest I feel relieved not to have to go. I never liked it in New York, whereas I love it here.”
“But, me?”
I shook my head sadly. Maybe I loved her once, maybe there was a point where I would’ve gone back, but now I’d seen another side of life and that was what I wanted. It was unfortunate to say goodbye, but it was the right thing for both of us. Maria needed to find someone to make her happy too. “I can’t be with you, and I think that you already know that. In fact, the only reason that you want me now is because you’re scared that you can’t raise that baby alone, but let me tell you something… you’re the strongest woman that I’ve ever known. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”
“But everyone will talk.”
“So what!” I grabbed her shoulders and stared deeply into her eyes. “Who cares what anyone else says? What does it matter? You’re a freaking goddess, focus on that instead.”
“Yeah,” she sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ll just do this by myself.”
“You should, you’re a badass.”
She shot me a small smile, and nodded very slowly. “I’ll give it a try, see how it goes.”
“So… do you have a ride to the airport?” I wasn’t trying to get rid of her, but it didn’t seem like we had anything else to say. There was no point in dragging out the inevitable.
“I do, it’ll be here in a moment… and what about you, what are you going to do now?” The look that she gave me was the most genuine that I’d ever seen in my life. I felt like I got to know a little bit about her for the first time ever.
I smiled happily to myself, knowing exactly where I was headed now. I wanted my life back, and Joey too. I’d been picturing a potential new life with him in my imagination, and now I could get it. There was no more fear, only excitement.
“I think I’m going to head down to the beach, back to where I belong.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Joey!” I called out loudly over the sound of the ocean. “Joey, come here.” I couldn’t wait to see him, I’d raced down here at the speed of light to find him and now I couldn’t wait to share my good news. “Joey!”
As he finally heard me, and he swam back to shore, my heart hammered happily in my chest. This was where I was meant to be, and as much as I felt bad for Maria, I was glad that I got to stay. The color was still mine, the water, that intoxicating smell… I never had to let it go. I almost got forced back to New York, almost back to my old life, but luckily I wasn’t.
“What’s going on?” he asked, flicking his soaking hair out of his face. “Why are you still here, shouldn’t you be on some plane somewhere?”
“Things have changed.” I bounced from foot to foot, unable to keep the emotion from my face. “It looks like I’m staying after all.”
“You are?” His tone was uncertain; it was almost as if he didn’t want to allow himself any excitement until he was sure. My hands almost reached out to grab hold of him, but remained firmly planted by my side for the moment.
“It turns out Maria was lying and that the baby wasn’t mine, which isn’t as bad as it sounds.” I shook my head, understanding that I wasn’t getting this out in the best way possible. There was some good in Maria, even if it wasn’t easy to explain. She was mostly just a victim of circumstance. “Anyway, she’s not having my baby, I don’t have to go back to New York… so it looks like I’m staying.”
My tone was loaded, I was trying to figure out what Joey wanted to do with that information, and luckily from the small smile playing on his lips it seemed that we both wanted the same thing. We just didn’t know how to go about making that happen.
“Well that’s awesome news,” he gasped, running his hands over his chest. “Wonderful.”
Oh fuck it, what the hell was I holding back for? I’d just been given a new lease of life, I needed to grab onto it with both hands, to claim it as my own. I grabbed him, tugged him closer to me, and kissed him hard, making my feelings perfectly clear.
“Oh wow,” Joey groaned blissfully. “This started off as the worst day of my life, now it’s the best.”
He didn’t say that it was because he thought that he was about to lose me, but that was evident anyway, which made me happy. It was exactly the way that I felt about him too.
I wanted to rush, I wanted to take him somewhere to take this to another level, but we had all the time in the world for that now, there was no longer any reason to hurry. My eyes flickered toward the piercing blue ocean, feeling that addiction override me once more. “Come on, Joey, let’s go. I want to go surfing.”
Joey allowed me to tug him upright and we tore down the sand, giggling like idiots. I felt excitable, childlike, and incredibly free. All the fears from my life, all the sadness, it all just fell away. This was exactly where I was supposed to be…
***
“Wow, that was amazing,” I cried out happily as we collapsed back onto the beach, worn out from our surfing. The waves were high, furious, and very exciting. What once terrified me, filled me with exhilaration. I felt like I was slowly getting my skills back, and with a little practice, I was sure I’d be back to how good I
once was. “I’m so glad we did that!”
Joey threw his arm around me and pulled me in for a deep and passionate kiss. I fell happily into him, collapsing against that chest I adored so much. As his tongue made its way between my lips, my heart skipped a beat all over again. I loved how familiar and how different this whole experience felt all the time. Everything about Joey was new, but because of our bond it felt natural too. It honestly felt perfect.
I would be grateful forever more that I got to keep him in my life.
“You’re wonderful,” I whispered into his mouth. “I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Well hopefully you won’t have to find out now,” he replied, pulling back to look at me. “I hope I can be in your life for good, in whatever way you want me.”
Now that I’d experienced what it’d be like without Joey in my life… well, almost anyway, I knew for sure that I never wanted to let him go.
“Oh, I hope so too,” I smirked playfully, trying to make a joke out of what had almost been a very terrible time in my life.
As we sat back and we watched the sky darkening by the second, stars filling the air and lighting up the night in the prettiest way possible, that sense of calm filled my body all over again. Inhaling this cool, fresh air just reminded me of what a gift I’d been given, I’d never take it for granted.
“I’m glad to see you so happy,” Joey grinned at me. “You finally look fully chilled out about everything, and that’s lovely to see. The person you are now, compared to the jittery person you were when we first met… they’re worlds apart.”
“You’ve changed me!” Honesty filled every word. “I can never express to you the impact you’ve had on my life. I don’t know who I’d be now if I hadn’t met you.”
“You would have found your way eventually,” he patted me on the arm gently. “You would have worked it out. Plus, I imagine that it helps that you don’t have to go back to New York now.”