by Max Hudson
As I slid past her into her – very small by Maria’s standards – hotel room, my pulse rate was bulldozing through my body. Even though I’d already seen Maria, this still felt a bit like something from the twilight zone. It just didn’t feel right to have her here. “Right,” I folded my arms across my chest and stared as sternly as I could manage at her. “Tell me what the hell is going on here.”
“I already told you,” she shrugged and smirked. “We’re having a baby, so it’s time to give up this little vacation and come back to New York. You won’t be able to get your old job back, but Brad said he might be able to get you one at his place.”
“Please, for the love of God, tell me that Brad isn’t the one you were screwing.” I rubbed my forehead hard, stress pounding in my brain. “Don’t tell me you’d be that insensitive.”
“No, Brad’s my dad’s friend, don’t you remember? The one with the black mustache.” I shrugged because I honestly had no idea who she meant. All her dad’s friends were totally interchangeable.
“Oh, you know, the rich one. Matt is the one that I was… never mind.”
Urgh, Matt. Even the thought of him sent a shudder racing down my spine.
“Right, well the thing is, how do you know for sure that the baby is mine?”
It was a legitimate question, but from the way her face turned a bright shade of red, you would have thought that I asked her to do something terrible. “Are you seriously fucking asking me that?”
“Well, well,” Oh God, how the hell did she always manage to have such a horrific effect on me? She turned me into a quivering mess with one little yell. “You did sleep with someone else.”
“Yeah… but I was already pregnant then, so the baby has to be yours. Plus, I used protection with him, so…”
“Right.” My body fell backward onto the bed, my head fell into my hands as the realization hit me. This was real, it was happening, there was no denying this anymore. Maria was having my baby, my whole life was going to change. I’d considered that before, but in a hypothetical way, now…
Well, now it was about to be my life.
“Right okay, so where do we go from here?”
As I asked the question that Maria so desperately wanted me to, her whole face softened. The sweet side of her came back out again, conveniently at the right time. She sat down next to me and threw her arm over my shoulder in what seemed to be a comforting gesture. “It’ll be okay, you know?” she whispered quietly to me. “We’ll get through this.”
“But how? Like, are we going to be together?” I needed her exact clarification here, there was no messing about. If I could even begin to plan my future, I had to have all the information prior. “Or just co-parent.”
“We can’t not be together,” she scoffed as if the idea was totally ridiculous. “I don’t know anyone who isn’t with their baby’s father, it just isn’t done in my circle.”
“So even the people that aren’t in love stick together?” Was she insane? That just wasn’t the world that we lived in anymore. Why did her group have to be so uptight about things?
“Of course,” she shrugged as if it was obvious and didn’t matter. Those rules sounded stupid. Why was public perception so much more important than being happy? This was just another way that the circle of people that I’d been involved with in New York were so damn different to my friends here.
“So, what you’re saying is you still meant all those things that you said to me, you just want me back because we’re having a child together? Does that mean you’re still going to be screwing around behind my back?” My future didn’t look too good, whichever way I looked at it.
“I already told you that I didn’t mean any of the things that I said,” she whined pathetically. “Why can’t you just listen to me? I do love you, I want us to be a family because I know that we can make it work.”
“Right,” I nodded slowly, my emotions churning in my stomach. “Right, okay, and where exactly do my feelings come into this?”
“Well you love me too, you always have. It was me that strayed, not you.” Could she hear herself? Could she be that confident? Then again, if I started arguing with her, we’d end up off topic. The fact was I did love her once, and I could probably do it again. It might not be as passionate as what I’d experienced with Joey, but that was a “vacation” lust… this was something else entirely.
“Okay, so I move back with you, we go back to the way things were, and eventually a baby comes along.”
“Our baby,” she was stroking my hair in the way she always used to do in the early days and it genuinely confused me a little bit. I didn’t like to be reminded of when I was happy while I tried to make a sensible choice… not that there were many genuine options available. “It’s going to be the best thing ever. Half me, half you, a little baby that we can mold into our own precious little being.”
My body inadvertently leaned in to her a little bit, liking the picture that she was creating. Maybe I would like to be a parent after all, maybe that’d be a lovely journey to go on…
“I was thinking that we should start putting some money aside for private schooling too. We don’t want our child stuck in the state education system. Also, it’ll be a good idea for us to travel to Italy soon, we won’t be able to go away when the baby is here.”
Oh God, there it was again, the pressure blocks piling up on my shoulders. Money, money, money… that was all Maria cared about. This time I’d have to earn more because there’d be three of us to pay for. My chest grew tighter, my breaths starting coming in shorter, my shoulders buckled slightly under the weight.
“Right,” I jumped up, trying to shake off the panic tearing through my body. “So when are you going? When are you headed back to New York?”
“Well I’m booked here until Thursday because I wasn’t sure how long it’d take to convince you to come back, but we can go now if you want?”
“No,” I hissed back quickly. “No, I need to wait until Thursday, I still have a lot of loose ends to tie up.”
“Seriously? In this dump? Can’t you just not go into work tomorrow? Surely the store can just close. There isn’t a huge amount of money to be made there.”
“It isn’t work,” I shook my head a little too frantically. “It’s just… it’s other stuff. But four days, that’ll be enough.” I was lying, four days was nowhere near enough, but it was better than nothing. I was just going to have to spend them all wisely. “I uhm… I should go now. I’ll see you Thursday.”
“Ugh, okay whatever…” I could hear her muttering behind me, making snarky comments, but I wasn’t paying any attention to her anymore, I was floating through the air, living in a dream (or maybe nightmare) world.
I just couldn’t believe it, just as I was starting to feel settled everything was all shaken up again. Only this time I knew exactly where the pieces were going to land… I just wasn’t sure that I was happy about it.
Chapter Fifteen
Hi Flint, hope all is okay with you, speak soon! Joey x
Hey Flint, haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, hope everything is all right, Joey x
Hi Flint, miss you. Joey x
I dropped my phone on the bed, unable to stand the painful ache in my heart. The issue needed addressing, that was why I needed to stay for the extra days, so why couldn’t I just do that?
How was I supposed to say to the man that I was falling for, that I had to call things off to go and be a father? That just wasn’t the sort of conversation that people had. Where would I even begin?
Make the call. Do it now, before it’s too late. Thursday comes tomorrow, then it’ll all be done forever.
But my foggy brain couldn’t comprehend it, not yet. It needed clearing, and there was only one place in the world that I could do that, so I grabbed my surf shorts and pulled them up my legs. There was one more thing that I wanted to achieve before my time here was over. Now that I’d been in the water a bit more, I wanted to surf at least one
wave. That would be a massive achievement for me, and I’d instantly regret it if I didn’t do it when I had the chance.
My feet stalked through the streets I was about to lose, needing the deep ocean air to help me with this difficult time. My brain had been flickering all over the place ever since I heard the word ‘baby,’ and it wasn’t calming down anytime soon. Stepping up on a surf board could distract me enough to take a break from it. My child would consume the rest of my life, but for now I needed a moment just for me.
The cool, salty air filled my chest, before I moved determinedly toward the waves. An excitement grew, that passion re-sparked in my chest, positivity crashed over me as vigorously as the water that lay ahead.
I could do this… if I could surf this wave, then I felt like I could do anything…
***
I was doing it… I was doing it! I was standing up on the board, moving through the water, and although I wasn’t very steady on my feet at least I was surfing… sort of. It had taken me hours. It’d been a struggle, but now there was something I could feel a genuine pride over.
This was only a tiny victory, but in a life where everything was crashing and cascading around me, it felt monumental. At least I could move to New York again now knowing that I could surf again. It’d be a useless skill so far away from the water, but the knowledge would be enough.
“Yes!” I pumped my fist as my body crashed back onto the sand, allowing myself one moment of sheer ecstasy. My heart pounded happily, my lips smiled brightly, the butterflies flapped gleefully around in my stomach. “Yes!”
“You looked good out there!”
I knew that voice, I’d recognize it anywhere. I didn’t need to even move my body to know that Joey had found me, so I took a moment to stay fixed in one place, while I tried to gear myself up for the most awkward conversation in the whole world.
I watched the waves bashing haphazardly up against the rocks, unsure of where they’d land when they fell back down. That didn’t stop them though, the ploughed on regardless of the result.
“Oh, hey, Joey,” my voice was flat, I sounded exactly as monotone as I felt. “How are you doing?”
“Uhm, I’m okay.”
It was getting weird now, I needed to turn around and see him, however difficult it was going to be. As my eyes fixed on his, I physically shuddered. There was such a beauty to him, such a raw sexuality that it made my legs turn to jelly. That sexy hair, the gorgeous body he had, the lips that I just wanted to kiss…
And now I couldn’t have him. Now my situation was tearing him away from me, it was so damn unfair, how did I get to be so unlucky?
“Yeah, thank you.” My voice was quiet as a heat travelled up and down my body. “I’m okay.” Why the hell was I lying? I couldn’t avoid this any longer. The fates were forcing my hands, this was going to be my last chance.
He stepped nearer to me, and my limbs froze to the spot. The heat from his body swam all the way to mine. “I haven’t seen you for a while,” he sounded hurt, which sent guilt cascading coldly through me. “I haven’t heard from you either, is everything okay?”
I sighed deeply, trying to figure out the best way to order these words. “I’m sorry, I’ve been a jerk not contacting you. I just don’t know how to tell you that I’m leaving.”
“You are?” The pain was so evident in his voice. How could I do this to him? I wished desperately that I could tell him that I didn’t mean it, but circumstances dictated otherwise. It was out of my control. “Why? I thought that you were sticking around forever?”
“Yeah, so did I, but now… well, everything has changed.”
“Tell me,” he stepped closer and took my hands in his. That tugged painfully at my heart strings, especially since I knew I was going to have to pull away in a moment. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”
“It’s my ex-girlfriend, she’s back.”
“Oh.” Instantly he was cold, he zoomed backward, sensing exactly where this was going. “I see.”
“It isn’t that. It isn’t that I want to go, I have to.”
“Yeah, right, okay.” I’d never seen Joey look so distant before and it pained me deeply. I would’ve done anything to make that stop, if I could.
“Maria is pregnant.”
His eyes flicked around to meet mine, and I could see an element of understanding there, but he was also creating a wall around himself, a barrier to keep me out. I got that, he didn’t want me to hurt him anymore than I already had. “Oh wow, that’s huge. Congratulations.”
“Uhm, yeah.” Why did that word sound so out of context? That was what people usually said when it came to baby news. “Yeah, I guess.”
“So when are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
He nodded slowly, then we both stood there suffering a pregnant pause. There were so many unsaid things that needed to be spoken, but neither of us could figure out where to get started. How did I tell Joey that I didn’t want any of this, that I wanted to be with him? Maybe there wasn’t any point, it would only serve to hurt us both worse, so perhaps it was a good thing that I couldn’t find the words. I was just going to have to swallow down these feelings and hoped that they’d go away. With some distance, they probably would eventually.
“So, did you want to go out and surf for a bit?” Joey finally asked, giving me a half smile. “Just for… old times sake?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I think I’m getting there, but I could use some tips.”
As we walked toward the water, a strong sense of finality clung to the air, which made it a sad occasion. I’d been so excited to plan my future here, to create my home, and now it was all falling apart. I would just have to look back on this as the greatest time of my life, a memory that I took with me forever.
This was our way of saying goodbye, tomorrow I would be gone, and after that I would never see Joey again. As I glanced at him out of the corner of one eye, I wondered if it was possible. Of course, I was going to have to, I didn’t have a choice, but I didn’t think I’d ever fully recover.
Chapter Sixteen
The air was thick with lust. I could feel it buzzing between us. At some point during the day the atmosphere had shifted completely, leaving me with a choice. Did I force myself away, and toward my new (old) life, or did I give in and have one more final night of fun? Possibly the last night that I’d ever have?
“Thank you for walking me home,” Joey said with a sad smile playing on his lips. “I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, it’s okay,” I was distracted, barely even listening as he spoke. My head and heart were wrestling, and I was waiting to see which one would win.
But as it turned out, I didn’t need to make that decision, Joey was about to do that for me.
He snapped into action and pressed his lips hard up against mine, sending an electrical bolt of lust racing down to my core. As his mouth moved against me, I happily allowed him to move me right inside his home until we were back on the sofa bed, tumbling in a heap. I didn’t care about my brain anymore, thoughts were getting me nowhere, this felt incredible and would be worth any amount of heartache tomorrow. I’d regret it forever if we didn’t explore each other’s bodies at least one more time.
Admittedly I felt a little anxious, my pulse rate thumped, my lips trembled, my fingers were shaking, but excitement was the more prominent emotion. The last time I allowed myself to do something that I hadn’t ever experienced before it turned out amazing, so there was absolutely no reason that wouldn’t happen again. At least this time I had nothing to lose…
I ran my fingers along the edge of his shorts, meeting his eyes. He folded his arms behind his head with a satisfied expression on his face, sending a warmth right through my chest. He was glistening, looking cute and sexy all at once, making it very difficult to consider leaving him.
If the choice was in my hands, I could’ve fallen for him.
With that revelation, I yanked his shorts down to shut my thoughts off co
mpletely, bringing his underwear with them, and what I found underneath was an incredible surprise. He had a thick, pulsating erection, one that was straining for me, making my heart race even faster. He was big, much bigger than I’d been expecting and I wasn’t totally sure if I could cope.
“Oh God, you feel so good,” Joey groaned loudly, spurring me forward, making my decision that much easier. He wanted it, he wanted me, that was enough. I didn’t want fear to be the reason that I missed out on this thrilling experience.
I ran my fingers along his thick length, feeling the excitement grow inside my own body too. I wanted him like crazy, but first…
I leaned in, inhaling his masculine scent, before moving my mouth in closer. I was salivating for him, desperate to taste him, and as I finally got to wrap my lips around him, I felt incredibly excited. This felt good, it felt right, I couldn’t believe that I’d gotten so far in life without ever doing this before.
“Oh wow,” Joey moaned happily. “You’re good at this.”
I moved my head up and down him, flicking my tongue as I went, taking him as far to the back on my throat as I could manage. I was doing to him what I liked having done to me, and it seemed to be the right move because Joey was bucking and crumbling beneath me.
“Stop,” he eventually gasped, stunning me. “Stop it, I can’t…” He sat up and grabbed my face, taking it in his hands. “I can’t… I want to explore you more first.”
He pulled back away from me, leaving me feeling a little cold and freaked out, shocked to be honest. I was enjoying that, I thought he was too…
But then he moved back toward me with a pot of lube in his hands and it became clear where we were headed with this.
“Oh…” I half smiled, my body clenching with a thrilling anticipation. “Oh, I see.”
He slid his arms around me and pulled me back in for a soft, gentle kiss, allowing me to relax that little bit more. As he lay me carefully on my front and his hands ran over my back, I felt that ache return to me once more, crying out for everything Joey had to offer. Then as his mouth ran its way over my neck, causing butterflies to burst out in my stomach, I began to feel ready.