Capture the Wind for Me

by Brandilyn Collins

  “Sweetie,” I plunked down beside her on the couch, “I think—”

  “They need to just go ahead and get married,” she declared. “Then Katherine could quit her job and stay home like Mama used to do.”

  Oh, boy. Even if they did get married, Katherine would never be Mama. I could see myself baby-sitting after school and in summers while Katherine worked, just like now. The thought depressed me.

  “What makes you think they’re gonna get married?”

  She eyed me as if I’d just arrived from another planet. “Everybody says so. And I know so.”

  Slowly, I nodded, remembering Katherine’s negative words about Bradleyville. But that had been weeks ago. As far as I knew, she and Daddy were getting along pretty well. Clarissa had to be right; Daddy was going to marry her. I knew Clarissa wanted it; so did Robert. And I certainly wouldn’t stand in the way.

  So what was Daddy waiting for?

  Derek, I wrote in an e-mail later that day, I know I shouldn’t be asking you this. But does Katherine talk about getting married when she’s home? Does she seem happy? I know she’s used to more of a city life, and I just wondered.

  I’d placed Derek in an awkward position, no doubt about that. He’d been very careful not to play the spy between Katherine and me, which he easily could have done. But the e-mail he wrote back merely said that Katherine never spoke of her relationship with my daddy in front of him, nor did she say anything that would give Derek reason to think she was tiring of Bradleyville. That e-mail set my mind to rest. Derek didn’t see a problem; therefore it didn’t exist. I told myself that Katherine had found her balance.

  LuvRush continued moving from city to city—Spokane, Boise, Salt Lake City, Denver, Kansas City, Des Moines. Greg’s e-mails contained news about every concert, how some arenas were better for sound than others, how Demetri fell during the choreography to one song and jumped back up as if he’d meant to do it. How the concerts pulsed with energy, but the days were long and the travel tiring. Greg also told me the news on other bands, supplemented by the articles in my teen magazine. And we talked about the competition from other bands’ songs. In July, 98 Degrees had a hit song called “True to Your Heart,” sung with Stevie Wonder for the Disney movie Mulan. The Backstreet Boys had started their first U.S. tour after making it big in Europe. ’NSync’s songs “I Want You Back” and “Tearing Up My Heart” continued to climb the charts in America after that band, too, had become major heartthrobs in Germany.

  Funny how the American bands go big in Europe first, Greg wrote, and we come from Greece and hurry to the U.S.

  As a result of the success of LuvRush’s tour, “Hung Up on You” surged back onto the national music charts, pushing to number three. Radio stations began playing another song from their CD titled “All Is Enough,” and before long it landed at number nine. Two songs in the top ten! Greg crowed. Then at the end of July came the biggest news yet. “Hung Up on You” is number one!!! Greg wrote. We hear the news today!

  I whirled about the family room and out to the backyard, whooping like I’d lost my mind. “Daddy, Daddy, ‘Hung Up on You’ is number one in the whole nation! The most popular song in the country!”

  “Well, that’s terrific,” he replied, rocking back on his heels from pulling weeds. He wiped sweat from his face, looking nonplussed. The whole music business thing continued to elude him. “Good for Greg.”

  I seized the moment. It was high time I got the official word that I could go to the concert. “Daddy.” I knelt in the grass to look him in the eye. “The concert in Lexington is only a little over three weeks away. Greg saved Katherine and me tickets, right in the front row. Please let me go.”

  He sighed. “I’ve already decided to let you go. But you and Katherine and I are goin’ to have to talk about how I expect you to be chaperoned. Lexington’s a big city, and I don’t want you runnin’ around it with Greg late at night.”

  “Oh, thank you, Daddy, thank you!” I gave him a bear hug, not caring that dirt flecked his shirt, and knocked him over. By the time we untangled ourselves, I needed to change clothes.

  In early August the cover of Teen Dream magazine sported a picture of LuvRush, Greg front and center. “LuvRush rushes the country” read the blurb. In the article, Greg stood strong for his Christianity. When asked what gave him energy to get through the grueling days of touring, he said, “I pray each day. My faith in Christ helps me do what I need to do.”

  I must have read that article twenty times, relishing every word until I knew them by heart, especially those words of testimony. I squealed about it to all my friends, who also were now receiving the magazine, and showed it to Daddy as proof of the importance Greg placed on his faith. Not to mention what a hit the group had become! Some moments I still could not believe that Greg’s world—one of music and excitement and adoring fans—had collided with mine and the town’s. Suddenly, quiet little Bradleyville had a nationwide claim to fame through Greg. Well, he may have been from Athens, but he did have family in Bradleyville.

  Even Robert seemed impressed when I showed him the magazine. “Cool,” he said. “Even if it’s not softball.”

  Two weeks before the concert, Daddy sat me down in his bedroom one evening as Clarissa took her bath. “I want to know how you’d feel,” he ventured, “if I asked Katherine to marry me.”

  I’d expected the words for weeks now. So why did they root me to the bed? I wished we sat in my own room instead of right here—where my mama had once lain.

  “You love her a lot, Daddy?”

  “Very much. I don’t know at this point what I’d do without her.”

  “What if she wants to keep workin’ after you got married?”

  “That would be all right.”

  A sudden thought struck me. Why had I not considered it before? “Would you have more kids?” My tone wavered in disbelief at the very idea. But surely Katherine would want children of her own.

  Daddy regarded me intently. “We’ve talked about it.”

  “So you’ve talked about gettin’ married already.”

  “I haven’t really asked her, Jackie. We’ve just . . . discussed some things in terms of what-ifs.”

  Well, ‘what if’ I don’t agree to this at all? I argued silently. Why was he asking my opinion now, when the ball had been set in motion? “Seems to me you’ve already decided. So I don’t really see what we have to talk about.”

  “Jackie—” He leaned forward in his chair. “Please don’t do this to me now. I want to hear what you’re thinkin’. No decisions have been made yet.”

  “I wouldn’t stand in your way, Daddy.” My voice tightened. Great. I did not want to cry. “If you love Katherine, I know you wouldn’t be happy without her. Just like I wouldn’t be happy without Greg. I understand those feelings now, and I wouldn’t want you to be hurt.”

  Daddy rested his elbows on the arms of the chair. I wondered if he felt caught, as I did. He had his love; I had mine. We should just let each other be. “We’ve had some rough starts, but it seems that you and Katherine are now good friends. She certainly stands up for you, I can tell you that.” He smiled ruefully. “But I would never expect her to replace your mama, you know that.”

  Of course I did. No sense in even discussing such a notion. I could not imagine Katherine’s trying to be any kind of parent to me at all. It would feel mighty strange, her telling me what to do.

  “I know.”

  He laced his fingers, then unlaced them, sliding them in and out, in and out. Almost as if he were the nervous child petitioning the parent. “Is there anything else you want to say, Jackie?”

  Dozens of questions swirled in my head. Did he fully trust Katherine now? Did he really believe she was ready to settle down? But how did a daughter ask her daddy about such private things? “No.”

  “Yes, you do. And we’re not leavin’ here until it’s all said. This is the time to say it.”

  I focused on my bare toes digging into the carpet. I r
eally needed to vacuum in here.

  “Jackie?”

  My eyes raised to his. “How do you know she won’t leave us?” I blurted. “Just like she did everyone else.”

  He inhaled slowly. “Well, I would expect that if she’s not sure she wants to be with us, she won’t say yes.”

  “She’s changed her mind before, lots of times. She was even engaged to that man Trent.”

  “That’s before she came back here and gave her life to the Lord.”

  “Did that change her, Daddy, really? I mean, I know God changes people, but like Pastor Beekins said, sometimes we still have to deal with all the bad results of the mistakes we’ve made before. And I’m wonderin’ if Katherine’s habit of jumping from this to that is completely gone.”

  He stared at me, as if amazed at my perception. “I . . . know what you mean. I’ve wondered it myself. We’ve had more than a few discussions about it, I can tell you that.”

  “And what does she say? I mean, how can you really know?”

  “Jackie.” He focused on the floor, searching for words. “She says she’s ready to settle down. Yes, she’s used to a more . . . exciting life than we have here in Bradleyville. We have a lot of differences to work out. But she says she wants to make it work. And I believe her.” He paused. “Or I wouldn’t be thinkin’ of askin’ her to marry me.”

  It occurred to me, then, that maybe marriage was exactly what Katherine needed. Once she’d taken that step, surely she would settle in. A simplistic view of things, to be sure. But allowing myself to think the alternative was just too frightening.

  “You can be sure, Jackie,” he added quietly, “that I will tell her to think twice before she says yes. For me, once that commitment’s made, there’s no lookin’ back.”

  “I know, Daddy.” I gave a little nod. We sat in silence for a moment as I gathered courage to ask my other burning question. “Um, what about, you know . . . all that she did?” I could feel myself blushing. “I mean, when you found out, you were so mad.”

  Daddy cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “I told you I forgave her long ago. I can’t hold against her what God has forgiven.”

  “I know, but . . . well, forgivin’s one thing; forgettin’s another.” I could only imagine how I’d feel if Greg admitted he’d slept with lots of girls.

  “Jackie,” he said firmly, “this is something between Katherine and me. It’s not anything you and I need to discuss.”

  Not for months would I know how hard the issue had been for Daddy. How he’d lain in bed at night, begging God to ease his mind from the visions it conjured of Katherine’s past. How Katherine and he had argued about trivial things, his hurt and her defensiveness from the real, underlying issue spilling over into pettiness.

  At that moment, I simply looked at my lap, ashamed that I’d even brought up the subject. Finally, I pushed from Mama’s bed to walk over and give Daddy a congratulatory hug. “When are you goin’ to ask her?”

  The next evening, Saturday, Daddy dressed in a suit and tie and took Katherine to Clayton’s Place. I stayed up after Clarissa and Robert had gone to bed, waiting for him to get in. I wrote Greg a long e-mail, spilling thoughts that I could not share with Daddy. Feeling the whole time Mama’s eyes on me from her picture on the mantel. What would we do with that family photo if Daddy got married? Replace it with a new one taken with Katherine? The thought made me sick to my stomach.

  After switching off the computer, I wandered listlessly about the house, staring at Greg’s picture, looking through the LuvRush notebook, listening to his CD. I felt as though I stood in the threshold between past and future, buffeted by winds on either side. Knowing I had to go forward, that the coming days could hold new promise for our family, while wishing with all my might that I could just fall back.

  Time ticked by. I waited and waited, my anxiety turning to worry. Then fear. By midnight I could hardly stand another minute. What was happening? My mind ran rampant, imagining scenario after scenario, ranging from a car accident to a bitter fight to the more sordid of events. Whatever the circumstance, Katherine was surely to blame.

  Daddy finally arrived just before 1:00 A.M. I heard the garage door go up, and a cold relief gushed through me. Then immediately I nearly shook with anger. How could he have done this to me? Kept me up, worrying about him half the night? I hustled to the hall between kitchen and garage like some irate parent, waiting for him, my arms folded and heart beating double time.

  “Whoa!” Daddy slapped a hand to his chest when he came through the door. “You nearly scared me to death.”

  “Why are you so late?” I demanded.

  He let his hand fall, slid it into his jacket pocket. “I . . . we had a lot of talkin’ to do.”

  “Talkin’ where? Nothin’ stays open in Albertsville this long, certainly not Clayton’s Place! Where were you, in a parked car?”

  “Jackie.” Daddy would have laughed were it not for the fury rising from my shoulders. “What is this?”

  “It’s one o’clock in the morning, that’s what!” Indignant tears sprang to my eyes.

  His forehead lined. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d worry. I figured you’d be asleep long ago.”

  “Well, you figured wrong.” I tried to say more, but all my fears about Katherine whirled through me with a vengeance. Suddenly I wondered how any of this would ever work out. I swung away from Daddy, throat aching.

  “Oh, honey.” He caught me by the shoulder and turned me around. “I really am sorry. I should have thought of you.”

  Yes, he should have thought of me, I raged silently. And of Mama. He never, ever should have started dating Katherine in the first place.

  He searched my face. “Are you all right?”

  Who was he kidding? I could not imagine ever being all right again. It hit me then—Daddy’s expression showed no sign of grief. In fact, he’d probably be beaming were it not for my ungracious welcome. Which could only mean that Katherine had accepted his proposal. Daddy was going to marry her, bring her into this house. And I’d promised to support that decision. He’d found his love as I’d found mine, and I could not stand against him now, knowing all too well the grief it would cause. Still, the difference in the two relationships could have glared from a mountaintop—Greg did not replace Mama. Katherine would.

  “Wh–what did she say?” I whispered, trembling for the answer, not wanting to know.

  “She said yes.” His face creased into an irrepressible smile.

  My head nodded in funny little jerks. I could not believe this moment in our lives had arrived. “I’m so glad.”

  His smile shrank, lacing with sadness. He pulled me close to his chest and hugged me, one hand patting my back. “Everything’s goin’ to be all right, you know.”

  My breath sucked in raggedly. “I r–really am happy for you.”

  “I know you are, Jackie.”

  “Really.”

  “I know.”

  Clutching his jacket, I burst into sobs.

  chapter 40

  After Pastor Beekins’ sermon the following day, Daddy stood and asked if he could take the pulpit for an announcement. Pastor graciously moved aside as Daddy mounted the two creaky steps, every eye in the sanctuary upon him. From the whispers that fluttered toward the rooftop, I knew folks suspected what he had to say. He’d told Robert and Clarissa that morning. Robert had taken the news stoically, shaking Daddy’s hand. “Congratulations,” he said solemnly, then burst into a grin. Clarissa had turned somersaults.

  Daddy had also made sure to call both sets of grandparents. I heard Grandma Westerdahl sniffle as he reached the pulpit.

  “Well.” Daddy put his hands on the worn wood and shuffled his feet, suddenly self-conscious. “I stand here today to tell y’all two things, and I’ll be brief. First, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the help and prayers you’ve given me and my family since Melissa’s death. You know how much we’ve needed it. Second
. Well, second is this.” He looked at Katherine’s radiant face. “Katherine May King has agreed to become my wife.”

  The room erupted into a standing ovation. I pasted a smile on my face. “Glory to God!” Mrs. B cried, and Mr. Matthews shouted, “Hallelujah!” Mr. Luther stomped both feet, then began joyously handing out Tootsie Rolls.

  It took us a good half hour to work our way through well-wishers after the announcement. Every one of us exchanged “welcome-to-the-family” hugs with Derek and Katherine’s parents. I stood on tiptoe and put a perfunctory arm around Derek’s neck, but he held on to me briefly. “How are you?” he asked quietly in my ear.

  I pulled away, not able to meet his eyes. “Fine.”

  Our families planned to meet for Sunday lunch at our house the following week. Grandma and Grandpa Delham would come, too. Mama’s parents politely declined the invitation.

  All that week in our e-mails and phone calls, Greg encouraged me to tell him how I felt. Which was hard to do at times, because I couldn’t quite sort through my emotions myself. Jackie, he wrote on Thursday, you do not know my mamma, I know. The situations are very different. But think about her second marriage. How happy it is. And it causes me to be born!! Your family has much happy times ahead. I know it is hard for you. Do not think you should not be sad for you while you are happy for your baba. You can be both things. So let this be. And soon the sad will be less, and the happy will be more.

  When the Kings came to lunch on Sunday, I shut my bedroom door. I didn’t want Derek peeking in on his way to the bathroom and seeing Greg’s picture on my wall.

  Full of talk about the December wedding, Katherine, her mama, and Grandma shooed me out of the kitchen, saying they’d do dishes. I gladly left them to the mess and their chatter. Derek perched at the computer, giving Robert secrets about playing some new space warrior game, his long arm moving this way and that as he pointed at the screen. He glanced up as I walked by. “Hey. Where ya goin’?”

  “I don’t know. To my room, I guess.”