Capture the Wind for Me

by Brandilyn Collins

  Pastor Beekins drummed his fingers against the pulpit. “Seems to me, though, we can’t do this without Bobby’s consent. Goin’ after Katherine is really something he needs to be doin’.”

  Almost instinctively, then, all eyes snagged on me—the daughter who’d done so much to help her daddy. Who knew him so well. I looked around at all the faces, tongue-tied, nerves tingling. Suddenly, I felt like a tiny child. After all I’d done, was God giving me the chance to help make things right?

  “Tell them, Jackie.” Greg tugged my hand, nudging me to rise. “Tell them he needs help.”

  If Greg hadn’t been there, I never would have spoken. But with his encouragement giving me strength, I pushed myself out of the pew. Clasped my wrists. “The thing is . . .” My voice wavered. Oh, Lord, please help me. I did not want to cry in front of the whole church. If I started, I might never stop. Greg gave me a little nod, urging me on. “The thing is, well, as you can see, Daddy’s not here. He’s not doin’ very well. He’s talked all he can to Katherine, but she won’t change her mind. So now he’s . . . given up.”

  “Do you believe that?” Miss Jessie asked gently. “You know better than anyone how Katherine’s been with your family. Do you think she really wanted to leave?”

  Tears pricked my eyes then, no way to hold them back. I shook my head. “Mr. King’s right. I just think she’s . . . mixed up and afraid. And the longer she stays away, the less ties she’ll feel with us. She needs to be reminded of what she’s left.” I pressed my lips together to keep my mouth from quivering. “She needs to see Clarissa and Robert,” I declared, my voice rising. “She needs to see Daddy.”

  “Then we’ll just have to persuade Bobby to go,” Danny Cander spoke up. “We’ll go by his house and get him, no taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

  Imagine that. Danny Cander speaking up to help my daddy.

  And that’s just what we did.

  I drove home first with Clarissa and Robert and Greg to give Daddy fair warning. The folks who decided to go hurried to their own houses to change clothes, then began to line their cars in our street. Katherine’s parents, and Grandpa and Grandma Delham came inside.

  “No fightin’ this, now, son,” Grandpa told Daddy matter-of-factly. “We’ve already decided. This’ll teach you to miss church.”

  Daddy appeared more than speechless. He was downright flabbergasted. When he found his tongue, he threw out one argument after another. He’d already tried to talk to her and nothing had worked. What was the point? He’d drive all that way, and she wouldn’t even let him in the door. Besides, maybe he’d decided he didn’t even want her anymore!

  “Oh, peanuts, who do you think you’re foolin’!” Grandma grabbed him by the elbow and steered him toward the door. “Fetch your coat now, it’s cold.”

  chapter 56

  We made quite the procession, winding through those Kentucky hills. Woodenly, still not quite believing what had happened, Daddy drove our car, hemmed in—Lee and Miss Jessie before us, a dozen vehicles behind. Robert sat in our front seat. An excited Clarissa shared the backseat with Greg and me. “We’re gonna bring Katherine home, we’re gonna bring Katherine home,” she sang, bouncing up and down. “I can’t wait to tell her what I did to Alma Sue!”

  Fiercely, I shook my head at her, warning her to be quiet. Daddy did not need the commotion. The creases on his face bespoke the nausea in his stomach. He’d found himself at the wheel only because he’d been so pressured. Now, surely, he deplored what he’d agreed to do. How could he face Katherine, just to be told no all over again?

  Celia and Danny rode with the Matthews. Both sets of our grandparents went, Grandma Westerdahl fuming all the while, so I later heard, about Katherine’s unreliability. Saying her son-in-law would just be better off without the woman except that he seemed intolerably miserable, so what could she do but try to help? The Beekins joined our group, and Lyle Roth and his wife, and, of course, the Kings, who rode with Lee and Miss Jessie. Mr. and Mrs. B wanted to go in the worst way. “But honey chil’,” Mrs. B shook her chin at me, “if I sit that long in a car, I’m afraid I’ll never get out.” Mr. Luther, who’d always admired Katherine so much, said he’d ride along with the Clangerlees. He’d managed to get home first and grab a new bag of Tootsie Rolls to hand out “when Katherine changed her mind.” Numerous other friends came with us too.

  The drive took over four hours. Clarissa fell asleep on my shoulder. Greg and I entwined our arms and fingers—and prayed.

  “Daddy,” Robert asked when we were about halfway there, “do you think she’ll come back with us?”

  An interminable moment stretched out as I waited for Daddy to answer. “I don’t know, son.”

  “Yes, she will, Daddy!” I burst. “She will.” I could not bear to think of anything else. The mere idea of her denying Daddy a second time—in front of all his friends and family—left me cold as ice. Daddy would not survive it.

  Still, Daddy’s answer got me all riled up. The more I envisioned the scene of Katherine’s turning away, the more panicked I became. What had I led our family into? We’d all rushed like idiots, not thinking this through. It really could turn out very badly; Daddy was right to think we shouldn’t come. We could be worse off than before.

  I checked the clock. Three hours. Somewhere in this area years ago, Miss Jessie had turned around. I wondered why. Some day, she would have to tell me her story.

  Please, God, help us. Please.

  Daddy’s shoulders drooped. He flexed them tiredly. I leaned forward to rub them. “I love you, Daddy,” I whispered.

  He managed a smile.

  We hit the interstate, heading north. The last time I’d been on this road, Katherine was driving me to Greg’s concert. The memory knifed through me, cold and clean. What a fun companion she’d been that night. Spontaneously, I squeezed Greg’s hand, bringing it to my lips. How very much I owed her.

  Darkness was falling by the time we entered the city of Lexington. Lee knew the general direction of the apartment building. Near Turfland Mall—not far from New Circle Road. Our lineup meandered a bit looking for the building, having to turn around at one point like some ungainly caterpillar. I could hear Daddy deep-breathing. I perched on the edge of my seat again, pressing fingers into his shoulders. By the time we pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine, his hands fairly trembled.

  He spotted Katherine’s car. “Well, at least she’s here.”

  I floundered then, not quite sure what to do. “Do you want everyone to go with you to the door, Daddy? Maybe you want to do it alone.”

  He slipped the keys out of the ignition. “I’m . . . not quite sure yet.”

  Car doors opening, people getting out, stretching, breath misting in the frigid air. Streetlights washed the pavement in pale yellow. Apart ment twelve, Miss Jessie had said. Our group straggled together, a motley crew of stiff backs and stubborn hearts.

  “Who’s goin’ in?” someone asked.

  “We should ask Bobby what he wants.”

  “How we all gonna fit in one apartment?”

  “Well, that’s what we came for, isn’t it?”

  Daddy stood gazing at the apartment building, a grim look on his face. My pulse kicked into high gear. How would he stand it if Katherine refused him now?

  Surely God’s providence intervened at that moment. The door to the apartment house opened, and Katherine May King walked outside, hands in her coat pockets, purse over her shoulder. Headed somewhere. We all fell silent like some trapped flock of birds. Katherine stepped down from the porch onto the parking lot. Someone in our group sneezed, and her head came up. She slid to a halt and froze.

  Nobody moved. I couldn’t tell which of us had frightened the other more. Her mouth opened, but no words came.

  “Katherine!” Clarissa tore from my side and bounded to her, throwing both arms around her chest. The hit pushed Katherine back like a puppet. Robert followed Clarissa, flinging his arms around her from the side. A c
ry escaped Katherine’s lips. Slowly, almost as if in a dream, she moved to hug my brother and sister. Then she nudged them away. “Clarissa. Robert.” Her voice shook. “What . . . why . . .”

  “Katherine,” Daddy called gently. He emerged from our crowd but did not approach her. “We’ve come to take you home.”

  Katherine made a little noise in her throat. She tossed her head and faded back.

  No! I cried and threw a glance at Daddy. He watched her with pain on his face.

  “Come on, Katherine,” Celia called. “We know—”

  “Stop!” Katherine raised her hands, palms out. “Please don’t do this to me. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Katherine.” Clarissa reached for her again.

  “No, Clarissa.” She spread her fingers. “Just . . . I . . .”

  I hugged my arms against my coat, sickness welling in my stomach. Greg steadied me. This could not be happening. Neither Daddy nor she was moving toward the other. I needed to do something.

  “Katherine!” her mama said sharply. “Now you’re gonna hear us out.”

  “No!” Katherine raked in air. “Stop telling me what to do! All of you! Bobby, why did you bring everyone here? I’ve already told you—” Her voice pinched off, high and flat.

  “I didn’t bring them, Katherine; they brought me.” Daddy started walking slowly toward her. “They know as well as I do where you belong.”

  “Bobby, this just isn’t right! You can’t come here with half the town and force me to change my mind on the spot.”

  I could see her muscles tensing, as though she prepared to bound away like a deer at any moment. Daddy stopped. Raised his hands at his sides, palms up. “Katherine,” he said simply, “we all love you.”

  Her throat convulsed as she swallowed hard. Clarissa tilted her face up at Katherine in a sudden grin and pulled on Katherine’s sleeve. “Guess what I did when you were gone. I punched Alma Sue in the nose!”

  The statement rang through the air like wind chimes in a freshening breeze. Nervous laughter sputtered from our group. Katherine turned a nonplussed look upon my sister. “You did? Well, that’s . . .” She lifted her hand to smooth Clarissa’s hair, then let it drop again.

  We all fell silent. I gripped Greg’s hand.

  “It’s getting kind a cold out here,” Daddy ventured. “Let me help you get your things, and these good folks can head on back.”

  “Katherine,” Miss Connie jumped in, “now you listen to him. ’Cause we’re not movin’ till you do.”

  “Mama, please. There are so many reasons why I can’t. You don’t know everything—”

  “I know all I need to know. I know that the grief over your brother’s death has clouded your thinking. We let you run before. You were an adult and there was nothin’ we could do. Well, you’re still an adult, but you’re thinkin’ like a child right now. Honey—” Her voice broke. “When you’re hurtin’ and scared and feelin’ like you made too many mistakes in life—that’s when you need the people who love you the most. This is not the time to leave, Katherine. This is the time to cling. To your friends, to this family who loves you. And most of all, to God.”

  “I haven’t run away from God, Mama,” Katherine retorted defensively. “You don’t know how much I’ve been praying!”

  “Talkin’ to God is wonderful, daughter, but have you done any listenin’?”

  Katherine turned away. “This isn’t the time, Mama, in front of so many people.”

  “Why not?” Daddy demanded, anger edging his voice. He still had made no move toward her. “Your actions were certainly in front of a lot a people. You left a week before our wedding, Katherine. You knocked me to the ground, then left me to pick up the pieces, to tell the kids and the town. To cancel the wedding.” His anger mounted, propelling him a few steps forward. “Now you can’t so much as talk in front of your friends and family, after they’ve come all this way?”

  At the tone in his voice, Clarissa started to cry. Robert moved to Katherine’s side and slid his fingers around her arm. “Please come home with us,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he were a grown man talking to a child. “We need you. Daddy can’t eat. Clarissa’s gone off the deep end, fightin’ with somebody twice her size. Jackie’s not happy, even with Greg here. And I just . . . miss you a lot. The house isn’t right without you anymore.”

  I stared at my brother in amazement. For him to sound so mature, so insightful. For him to not only express his feelings, but in front of so many.

  Before I knew it, I’d let go of Greg, pulled across the pavement toward Katherine like tide over a beach. I stepped out from the crowd, passed Daddy, then drew to a halt before Katherine. Her eyes found mine, a pleading, exhausted look flicking across her face. “Jackie,” she said, so quietly that I barely heard.

  She waited for me to speak. I sensed that she was bracing herself, as if I had the power to cut from her what little strength she had. Suddenly I saw how unfair this was to her—the public airing of her private pain. If Derek had lived and I’d had to make my choice for Greg, would I have wanted a confrontation such as this?

  In that moment, all my judgment and anger slipped away, and I saw in Katherine a reflection of myself. Two stripped saplings in the wind, barren and weathered and clinging to shore.

  “Robert, Clarissa, leave us for a minute, okay?”

  They eyed me questioningly, then moved away. I sensed them joining Daddy, watching, wondering, but I did not look back.

  “Katherine.” My voice was low enough for only her to hear. “Look. I . . . know you’re hurting. For lots a reasons. I know you miss Derek and that you think you failed him. I failed him too. And I miss him more than you can know.” I exhaled raggedly, my breath fogging in the chilled air. “Now we have to go on. I’m goin’ to make it with Greg. I have you to thank for our bein’ together in the first place. With God’s help, I’m not gonna let my past mistakes ruin my future. I’m goin’ to love Greg. I’m gonna be loyal to him, Katherine; do you hear what I’m sayin’?”

  Her face pinched, tears welling in her eyes. I knew she understood the confession behind my words.

  “As for the differences in his life and mine—and that’s a lot—we’ll work through them.” I reached for her, laying a hand on the sleeve of her coat. “And you can do the same with Daddy. Because you love him and he loves you. Together, you can work through your problems. And all the stuff you’re feelin’ underneath—the confusion and hurt and guilt—they’ll . . . well, they’ll get better in time. They have to.” I breathed a half laugh, half sob. “At least, I’m sure countin’ on that for myself.”

  She puffed out air. I tried to say more, but the words had run dry.

  I heard shuffling behind me. How bizarre is this night, I suddenly thought. Daddy hanging back while I try to convince Katherine to come home.

  Now I realize that he understood how much she needed to hear my words.

  Katherine could not find a response. She opened her mouth, then shook her head helplessly. A sound rose from deep in her throat, and she reached out to pull me close. My arms went around her, and we held on to each other, bodies quivering.

  Time blurs at this point in my memory. I know only that after some moments, I sensed Daddy beside me, pleading etched into his forehead. I let go of Katherine and slid away, Daddy before her. “You know I’m not leavin’ without you,” he uttered. For a moment Katherine stilled. Then her fingers sank into his coat until her knuckles blanched white. She sagged against Daddy’s chest as he pressed his face into her hair. I left them then, drifting back to Robert and Clarissa. The three of us shuffled to our crowd of friends and family, allowing Daddy and Katherine what little privacy they could muster.

  Greg slipped an arm around me and held me tightly. I leaned against him, gratitude and love welling within me like a sun-warmed spring, filling me until I thought I’d drown. He whispered words against my head that I did not catch. No matter. I felt their meaning.

  Vaguely,
I registered the sound of crinkling paper. Mr. Luther began moving through the crowd. I heard a tiny, relieved chuckle, unmistakably Miss Jessie’s, followed by a giggle from my sister. Everyone began to whisper and mill, as if passing a secret amongst themselves. I held on to Greg, immersed in my emotions, and paid little attention.

  Until Celia sidled over and pressed a Tootsie Roll in my hand.

  ~ July 4, 2002 ~

  epilogue

  Fireworks rat-a-tat-tat in the summer sky and burst into color, fizzling long fingers back toward the earth. “Ooooh!” The crowd’s appreciation drifts heavenward.

  Bradleyville’s first centennial. It seems everyone raised in the town has returned for the wild celebration. Well, wild for Bradleyville. This morning the parade had to continue around a broken-down farm wagon. Somebody’s runaway horse scattered participants like bowling pins. The Methodist and Baptist women held a much anticipated and highly competitive pie-baking contest, only to tie in the end. And this afternoon at the all-town picnic, a makeshift table collapsed under the weight of the food.

  Whoosh! A multicolored snake bursts into life and writhes through the sky. “Aaaaah,” the crowd responds.

  I lean back against Greg, feeling the strength of his chest, his arms around me and clasped at my waist. For months we have looked forward to our visit here, a break from the mad dash of concerts and touring. Only in Bradleyville can the lead singer for LuvRush, relentlessly pursued by fans around the world, be simply Greg, my husband. Here we joy in seeing old friends and family. When we visit, we stay with Daddy and Katherine in my old bedroom, where I used to gaze at Greg’s picture. The tack mark has longed been filled, the wall repainted. The memories linger. Memories of falling in love with Greg.

  And memories of Derek.

  I do love visiting Bradleyville. Still, I have an admission to make.

  There remains a part of me that cringes when I come back. In the rush and cacophony that has become my life, it’s far easier to drown out the thoughts that insistently thrum upon my return. Here I come face-to-face with old regrets.