Songbird: Music & Lyrics Book 2

by Emma Lea

  Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she dug it out.

  Nate: It’s not what it looks like

  Huh? Why was Nate texting her such an ambiguous statement. What wasn’t what it looked like? And then it hit her. The photo on Instagram. Him and that skank, Natasha.

  Stevie: It looks a lot like a kiss

  Nate’s reply came immediately.

  Nate: She bribed the guard at my door to let her into my dressing room and then ambushed me

  Stevie sighed. She shouldn’t feel relieved about that but she did. She shouldn’t feel anything about the situation but she did. It didn’t matter how much she told herself she was over Nate, the fact of the matter was that it felt like there was unfinished business between them. Nate thought he wasn’t good for her, but that was his insecurity talking. If only she could pin him down and have a real, honest conversation with him. If they could just cut through the crap and the baggage that had accumulated between them, they might actually be able to have a relationship.

  Stevie: Why are you telling me?

  Nate: Because I want you to know I’ve changed. I want you to know that I’m taking my career seriously

  She smiled down at the phone. She shouldn’t care that he was trying to impress her but fuck it. She did care. She was in love with the guy and it didn’t matter how much she tried to tell herself to get over him, it wasn’t happening. There was still something between them and she had every intention of pursuing it when they were in the same locale again. Stevie had loved the guy for too many years and through too many things to give up on him. She still loved him even when he had hurt her so badly she didn’t think she would ever recover. It may be stupid or idealistic or even masochistic, but she didn’t care. After their time in Nashville, she knew that there was something unbreakable between them. Now she just had to get him to realize it too.

  Stevie: Thanks for telling me

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Fucking hell Jace!” Nadine screamed across the stage.

  Stevie reached up to rub her temples. This was a nightmare.

  “What the hell crawled up your ass and died? We’ve been playing it this way from the beginning you can’t just throw in a change now, right before a gig.” Jace yelled back.

  “We discussed this. We agreed to change things up a bit.”

  “No, we didn’t. You had a fucking tantrum and then walked off because you weren’t getting your own way—”

  “Fuck you!”

  “Real mature, Nadine. Are you going to storm off now too?”

  “You are such an asshole! Who died and made you fucking God? Why do we always have to do things your way? You never listen—”

  “Changing something just hours before a gig is not how we do things!”

  “Enough!” Stevie yelled and there was blessed silence. Even the crew froze. “You two arguing is getting us nowhere.” She turned to Nadine. “I understand you want to change things up a little, and I support that—” Nadine opened her mouth to speak, but Stevie hurried on, “—but carrying on like a spoiled brat and changing things without consulting the rest of us is a bitch move. If this is really important to you then we can discuss it and do something different at the next concert, but springing something like this on us at the last minute is bullshit and you know it. If one of us changed something last minute you’d be the first one to shout it down.”

  “I—” Jace began but Stevie swung around and pointed a finger at him.

  “And you. If you had listened to Nadine yesterday when we had a full day rehearsal, we wouldn’t be having this blow up now. I get that you like order but we do need to be flexible, we need to change things up a bit. Every concert we do can’t sound the same. People can go home and listen to the album on repeat if that’s what they wanted. They’re here to see us, to see us perform live. They want to experience the music and for that to happen we need to have some fluidity to our performance. This is not like being in the studio and getting it perfect every time, this is about responding to the crowd and being open to do things a little different and surprising them.”

  Stevie hung her head. Since when was she the mother of the group? God she hated having to be the peacemaker. She just wanted to play, to get lost in the music. Her heart was too heavy to have to deal with this diva shit from her band.

  “Stevie’s right,” Vanessa said from behind her kit. “You two are being assholes and wasting our rehearsal time trying to one-up each other. Pull your fucking shit together and act like grown-ups instead of five year olds jacked up on too much sugar.”

  Vanessa didn’t wait for a reply, instead counting in the next song on the set list. Everyone was too stunned not to follow her lead. Vanessa never spoke up, she was the quiet one. If anything, she usually agreed with Nadine in all things. Whatever the reason, Stevie was glad that she had spoken up. It was what the other two Court siblings had needed to get them back on track.

  They completed the song and transitioned smoothly into the next one, some of the angst of the earlier argument bleeding away as they came together as one. The music united them, even if they were all still pissed at one another. That was something at least. What a shit show it would turn out to be if their increasingly explosive arguments messed with the music. The last thing she wanted was for them to be known as another Oasis or worse yet, Fleetwood Mac. It would be kind of ironic considering she was named after Stevie Nicks.

  They finished the next song and they only had one song left - ‘No Good for You.’ Jace had been singing it with her and it sounded great. Jace had an awesome voice, but it just wasn’t the same without Nate. Since making the decision that they still had unfinished business, unfinished business that she intended to pursue, a calmness had wrapped around her. They couldn’t be together right now, but she was willing to bide her time and for the first time since Nashville, she’d slept deeply and contentedly.

  It had been ridiculous for her to deny she missed him. All it had done was twist her up inside. She’d lived like that for five years and she refused to do so again. It was time for her to be honest with herself and stop trying to ignore the truth. Maybe he was right when he said he was no good for her and maybe they would be a disaster together, but she wouldn’t know that for sure until they actually tried to have a relationship.

  The fact of the matter was that those five years they’d been apart had been the hardest of her life. She’d had to pretend that one entire half of her didn’t exist. She’d closed off the part of her that had loved him and feigned indifference. She had even fooled herself into thinking she could fall in love with someone else, but it never stuck. When Nate walked back into her life, the wall she had built around that part of her heart had crumbled to dust. There was nothing she could’ve done to prevent it. He owned her heart and for a little while, she thought she’d owned his and was still convinced that she did. Admitting that was like taking a full breath for the first time in far too long.

  The final chord echoed through the quiet arena and Stevie looked over at her bandmates. Their expressions were mutinous and if they were going to get through tonight without the band melting down in front of an arena full of people then they needed to deal with it now.

  “Band meeting,” Stevie said and walked off stage.

  Stevie arrived back at the bus to find Nadine and Jace screaming at each other yet again. She leaned against the side of the bus and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to go in there and deal with it. She was so sick and tired of all the shit going on. The worst part was that these were her friends and she’d never seen them act like this before. They all lived together and yet Stevie had never witnessed such animosity between them… until fame. But if they didn’t deal with it now it had the potential to rip them apart.

  With a sigh, Stevie opened the door of the bus and wearily climbed the stairs until she was looking at the two Court siblings who were facing off against one another while Vanessa sat on the bench seat and looked on with teary resignation.

 
“Hey,” Stevie said.

  Nadine looked at her and the scowl on her face softened a little. “Hey.” She paused and looked down at her feet before speaking again. “You heard that, huh?”

  “I think the entire stadium heard that,” Stevie said, pushing off from the side of the bus and walking towards Nadine. “What’s going on?”

  Nadine growled low in her throat. “It’s Jace,” she said with a shake of her head. Jace started to speak but Stevie held up her hand to shush him. He needed to hear what Nadine was saying if they were going to sort any of this shit out. “He’s gotten so unreasonable since the tour started. I mean, he was a pedantic asshole before, but now…” she shook her head, “now he’s ten-times worse. I don’t know what has gotten into him.”

  “There’s a lot of pressure on all of us. We have a shot at—” Stevie said before Nadine cut her off.

  “God, not you too? Jesus. I know, okay. I know. I just want to have a little fun along the way. Why can’t anyone understand that? What is the point of slogging it out on stage and spending hours on the bus going from place to place if we can’t have fun while we do it? Most people would kill for an opportunity like ours—”

  “Exactly,” Stevie said. “Most people would kill for this opportunity. We have to make sure we don’t piss it away; this is a long game. I don’t want to be a one-hit-wonder and I don’t want to end up like Nate. No one’s saying you can’t have any fun, but we’ve got to be professional as well. This is our job. That fight at sound check today? That was bad form and completely unprofessional. That can’t happen again or all this will be over before we even start.”

  Nadine stared at her for a moment before dropping her head. “I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed. “It’s just Jace, you know?” She looked over at her brother. “You’re holding on so tight that I feel like I’m being strangled. You need to give me some space to grow. We’re not kids anymore and you don’t need to be a parent anymore.”

  Jace shifted uncomfortably but kept his mouth shut. There was sadness and regret in his eyes but also a fierceness that spoke to how much he loved his sister. Both his sisters.

  Stevie smiled sadly. “He’s always going to look out for you. I don’t think you can ever get away from that. He’s your brother and he loves you.” She shot Jace a quick glance. “Maybe now that he understands how you feel he will back off a bit and give you a little space to grow. If this is going to work for us, then we all need to adjust. There are bound to be some growing pains along the way.”

  Nadine huffed out a breath. “Fine,” she said.

  Stevie turned to Jace. “Are you actually listening to what Nadine is trying to tell you?” she asked.

  He huffed out a grim laugh. “I don’t know what has gotten into her. It’s driving me nuts.” Nadine growled but Stevie held up her hand to keep her quiet.

  “Can I be honest?” Stevie asked.

  He looked at her and shrugged. “Of course.”

  Stevie took a breath before speaking. “The two of you constantly at each other’s throats is driving me nuts. That sound check today was ridiculous and it pissed off not just me and Vanessa, but everyone as well. I haven’t spoken to her but I don’t think Lily would have been impressed that we went over time. You do know that she can kick us off this tour at any time, right?”

  “Fuck,” he breathed, dropping his head back and staring at the ceiling. “Nadine—”

  “No, Jace. Not just Nadine. Why are you holding on so tight? Since the tour started you’ve become even more obsessed with every little detail. We don’t want to sound like we’re studio produced when we’re on stage. People can listen to that at home. You need to let go a little bit. I don’t agree with the way Nadine went about it today,” she looked at Nadine quickly who just rolled her eyes, “but I do agree with the point she was trying to get across. You need to relax and enjoy it instead of trying to control every little detail.”

  “I don’t know—”

  “See? He just can’t let go. It’s like I’m twelve years old all over again. I’m a grown woman Jace! When are you going to let go and let me be me? I’m not her, I’m not mom.”

  Nadine turned on her heel and stormed off the bus, Vanessa scrambling after her. In the silence that was left, Stevie looked at Jace.

  “I don’t want to pry,” she said, “but it might help if I had some context. You guys never talk about your parents.”

  Jace slumped into the bench seat and dropped his head in his hands. “Our parents died. Tragically. Our mom was bipolar.” He exhaled with such force that his body sagged. It was so alarming that Stevie sat down beside him, her hand going to his shoulder in a show of support. Stevie had so many questions but she kept quiet. “When she was taking her medication regularly, life was good. We were a happy family, although dad was a little over-protective. When she went off her medication, things got a little scary. She would have days were she would be like this beautiful sprite, so full of energy and positivity that nothing got her down. She was a musician too. My dad too. And they were in a band. Mom taught Nadine to play the violin, she taught me piano. She was brilliant and fun until the lows hit. When she fell into depression, she fell deep. Sometimes we wouldn’t see her for days because she had locked herself away in her room and refused to speak to anyone. Our dad was the only one who could get through to her in those times. Sometimes she would run away and dad would spend hours, days even, looking for her.” He took a breath and shook himself. “Anyway, after they died we lived with an aunt for a while until I was old enough to take legal responsibility for the girls. I know I can be over-protective but I see something in Nadine that reminds me of my mom and it scares me, you know? They might not remember what it was like when she was in the grips of her disease, but I do. I worry that Nadine is headed down the same path.”

  “Oh Jace,” Stevie whispered and laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. I can understand your concern and I know that Nadine has been acting out lately but that’s all I think it is; her acting out. She’s stretching her wings and trying to find out who she is as a performer, as a woman. You holding on so tight is only making her more determined to make you let go.”

  “I know,” he said resignedly. “I see it. I hear myself and I know I should shut up but I can’t help it, the words tumble out and then she’s even more pissed at me. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Maybe changing up our sets a bit and giving her a little of what she wants will help.”

  “How will that help?”

  “It will show her that you’re listening to her, and it will show you that she is more capable than you give her credit for.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe,” he murmured.

  “Have you watched any of Lily’s sets?”

  He shook his head.

  “Do it. Tonight. We both know her songs backwards and forwards, but seeing her perform live is a completely different experience. After our set tonight, go into the crowd and just watch. See what it is that Nadine has been trying to tell you.”

  He looked at Stevie and sadness tinged his eyes. “Will you come with me?” He reached out and took her hand. “Please?”

  Stevie felt the warmth of his palm against hers and saw the desperation in his eyes. She hadn’t been sure at first, but now she knew. He was struggling with all of this just as much as she was. His way of coping was to try and control everything. Nadine’s was to go wild. Vanessa had retreated into herself and Stevie? Stevie seemed to be channelling her mother. She needed a little reminder too of why they were doing this.

  “Okay,” she said giving Jace a smile and squeezing his hand. “It’s a date.”

  “Hey,” Marci said.

  Stevie looked up from her coffee. She had found a little coffee shop and had hidden in the back corner hoping no one would recognize her.

  “Hey,” Stevie replied, “how’d you find me?”

  Marci smiled and sat down. “Just lucky. I came in for a coffee and saw you.”


  Stevie sighed and leaned back in her chair, putting away the book she had been reading.

  “Are you okay?” Marci asked.

  “You heard sound check,” she said. “You heard what a complete fucking waste of time it was.”

  Marci looked down at the cup in her hand and played with the handle.

  “What?” Stevie asked, a nervousness buzzing in her stomach.

  “Lily was pissed at you guys today,” she said, looking up and straight into Stevie’s eyes. “Your sound check took up too much time because of the fight and that meant less time for her.”

  “Shit,” Stevie breathed, dropping her head and squeezing her eyes closed.

  “Derek calmed her down, but it’s really not a smart career move to piss off the headliner of your tour. She could drop you if it gets too much worse.”

  Stevie nodded. They owed everything to Lily. It was because of her that they had even formed a band in the first place and if she hadn’t offered them this tour then they would be doing what Nate is doing - slogging it out at festivals and trying to make a name for themselves. Lily had used her star-power to leapfrog them over what most bands had to do before they hit the big time. But maybe the shortcut was what had them at each other’s throats now. They hadn’t had the years of fighting and growing as a band while they played dive bars and traveled in a beat up van from place to place. They were experiencing their growing pains in high-pressure and high-profile situations, which only exacerbated the whole thing.