Always

by Amy Richie

  Three long skinny welts ran down my arm and up to reach just below my neck. I grimaced at the memory of receiving those injuries. My neck and arm were splattered with mud and what may or may not have been blood. I really needed a bath.

  I threw the new nightgown and the dirty jacket on my bed and went to stand close to the fire. Maybe If I just stayed awake, I could slip out before everyone else woke up and bathe in the small stream that ran behind our barn. I couldn’t go out now, but at first light…

  I yawned wide, letting my thoughts fade away. Would I be able to stay awake so long? I turned my face towards the window in desperation. It was then that I noticed something I hadn’t seen before.

  Hidden there in the shadows of the corner was a large tin basin. Upon inspection, I found that the basin was more than halfway filled with warm water.

  Who could have done this? My mind spun with discarded possibilities. It couldn’t have been Becky or anyone else in the house. They were already all in bed. Although the basin was close to the fire, it wasn’t close enough to keep the water heated for long. It couldn’t have been Marcus–he had been with me. Then who?

  My need for a bath won over the curiosity of how it had gotten into my room. I slipped out of my ruined nightgown and threw the shredded material into the fire. I couldn’t risk Aunt Dora finding it.

  There was a fresh burst of light as the flames eagerly consumed what was left of the gown. I discarded my under clothes into the corner and stepped gratefully into the still warm water.

  I sank deeper into the basin and let the heat seep deep into my body. I sighed contentedly. The bath had been a wonderful gift. I groaned out loud when I realized that I had forgotten my soap on my vanity.

  I reluctantly got out of the water to hurry and collect the things I needed, then slip sided back to the warmth. I made quick work of my hair and cleaned the rest of me just as quickly. As nice as the bath was, I needed to get into my bed before anyone came to check on me.

  What if Ryan was watching now, as I bathed? My eyes widened in horror. Had it been him who had put the basin in my room? It had been pulled close to the window.

  My eyes searched frantically for my clean nightgown, but it was all the way over on my bed; and I had already burned the old one along with my robe.

  I puffed my cheeks out and let the air out slowly. I couldn’t stay in here all night. I chewed the inside of my lip, but I knew there wasn’t much I could do.

  I heaved myself up over the side of the tub and sprawled out on the floor as fast as I could. “Ow,” I muttered into the floor. I crawled to the bed and pulled my nightgown onto the floor with me.

  It was awkward trying to pull my clothes over my head while I was lying on the floor, but no way was I standing up without it on. I stood up slowly, allowing my nightgown to flow down and cover the rest of me.

  I wasn’t sure what to do with Marcus’s jacket. It was filthy, but I couldn’t ask any of the servants to wash it. Should I return it to him dirty? That didn’t seem proper though. I sighed deeply. There was nothing to do but wash it myself.

  I did my best at the unfamiliar task of washing a man’s jacket in my bath water. I draped it over a chair and pulled it close to the fire to dry, satisfied with my attempt.

  After a quick brush through my curls, I crawled wearily into my bed. My body sank into the softness, bringing a smile to my lips. As wonderful as it had been to spend the night out in the woods with Marcus, I was glad to be back in my own bed.

  Worry tried to worm its way into my exhausted mind, but sleep came before I could think much about what they would say in the morning.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I awoke to the familiar sounds of home. The early morning sun was just enough to chase away the dark shadows. I stayed curled up on my side, trying to go back to sleep. I wasn’t yet ready to face the day. I still wasn’t even sure what I was going to tell everyone. Where had I been?

  I had been with the most amazing man I had ever known; the most amazing man I would ever know. There was no way that Edmund could possibly measure up to him. Not only was Marcus the most handsome man I had ever seen, but there was something so sincere about him.

  I knew that Marcus would never betray me, he would never lie to me about anything. I trusted him with everything I had, and I loved him with everything I had.

  It wasn’t enough though. I wasn’t enough for someone as perfect as he was. I closed my eyes against the tears that threatened. I couldn’t spend the day in bed crying over a man I could never have.

  Today was supposed to be my wedding day. I was going to be married to Edmund. I should have been happy about that, but the thought cut off all the air to my lungs. I felt like I was choking.

  I took a deep breath and let my eyes open slowly. I only saw the door from my place on the bed, but it was a door I knew well. My eyebrows puckered with my turmoil. Would I be able to stop thinking about Marcus today?

  He wasn’t who I should be worried about. I should be worried that very soon, there would be many people wanting to know where I had been. Would they be happy to see me?

  “Of course,” I whispered firmly. Of course they would be glad that I was okay, and of course they would have been worried about me yesterday.

  The more I thought of all the heartache I must have caused Aunt Dora, the angrier I became with myself. I flung my blankets aside, determined not to leave her worrying any longer.

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed and placed my bare feet on the cold hard wood. Any other morning and I might have crawled back under the covers until Becky came in to start the fire, but not this morning. This morning, I needed to see Aunt Dora as soon as possible.

  I shuffled quickly to the fireplace and put a small piece of wood from the pile on top of the still hot embers. I didn’t wait for the flames to start back up though. Instead, I turned to my bureau to find a dress for the morning.

  I flinched slightly when my hands fell on the exquisite white and gold wedding gown that Edmund’s mother had purchased from London. I paused briefly to wonder if I would still be wearing the gown that afternoon.

  I shook my head and continued my search for a plain dress for that morning. Before I found it though, I remembered Marcus’s jacket from the night before. I needed to hide it until I could return it to him. And what about the basin from last night? How was I going to explain that when I didn’t even know how it had gotten up here?

  I ground my teeth together. I hated to tell stories that weren’t true and my list of lies was just getting longer. I would just shove the jacket into the back of my bureau for now- at least then it would be safe.

  I turned back to the fire where I had left it to dry, but it wasn’t there anymore. Confused, I looked around me. The chair was pushed back up to the vanity, but the jacket was gone. I glanced under the bed just to be sure, but it wasn’t there either.

  Things got even stranger when I realized that the basin of water was also gone. There was nothing to indicate that it had ever been there. My nose crinkled with my confusion. It had been there, I was sure of it.

  I heard the familiar creaking of the stairs and then footsteps sounded outside my door. I self-consciously straightened my nightgown and tried not to look guilty.

  The door opened slowly and Becky appeared on the other side. Her face was crumpled in a look of despair. The sight tightened my chest and propelled me across the room so I could fling my arms around her waist.

  “Becky,” I called happily.

  The color drained from her usually cheerful face. “Miss Claudia?” she whispered hoarsely. “You’re back and you’re okay.”

  I flushed guiltily. “Yeah,” I nodded.

  “When did you get back?”

  “I got in last night, but I didn’t want to wake anyone.”

  “Oh,” she inhaled a great gust of air. “Shame on you for not waking us, after all the misery of yesterday! I’m sure no one slept much anyway.”

  I bit my lip, “Sorry,” I mumbl
ed.

  She wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Where were you?”

  “I was…lost…in the woods.”

  Her soft eyes widened and instantly pooled with tears. “Oh my dear Claudia, how frightened you must have been.” I nodded and let my tears fall with hers.

  The false explanations were easier with Becky. It didn’t really matter to her where I had been, she was just glad I was back. I hoped everyone else felt the same way.

  “I’ll go and get your Aunt Dora,” she pushed herself away from me.

  “Maybe I can just get dressed first.”

  “Oh no,” Becky shook her head from side to side, “she’ll want to see that you’re safe right away.”

  I watched her go without protesting any further. Hadn’t I just been thinking the same thing myself? I clasped my hands tightly at my waist, waiting.

  A loud screech resounded through the house, making me jump. That answered my question as to whether Aunt Dora would be glad to see me. Loud footsteps traveled up the stairs and then she was pulling me into her motherly embrace, sobbing and talking incoherently.

  “Oh my dear,” she cried after she was done smothering me, “we all thought the worst.”

  I put my head against her chest, ashamed beyond words for making this wonderful woman cry. “I’m so sorry, Aunt Dora,” I said into her dress.

  “I’m just glad you’re home safe. You have nothing to be sorry for,” she stroked my hair just like she used to when I was a child. “Becky tells me you were lost?” At my nod, she continued. “To be out in those woods all alone,” she clicked her tongue. “Why ever did you not wake us up last night when you found your way home?”

  “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

  I heard her heavy sigh. “How did you find your way back anyways?”

  “Marcus Letrell found me and led me back home.” Had I made a mistake in mentioning his name at all?

  “Marcus Letrell?” I could almost see the confusion on her face even though my face was still buried into her dress. “You mean our new neighbor?”

  “Yeah,” I croaked.

  “What was he doing out in the woods?”

  “I don’t know,” I shook my head, “but I’m lucky that he was.”

  “I should say so.” She absently stroked my hair again. “Your uncle Philip is eager to see you safe, dear. Get dressed and then come downstairs.” She gently pushed me away and kissed my forehead before leaving me to dress.

  Uncle Philip! I closed my eyes as new agony washed over me. How much more suffering had I caused?

  “Are you alright, Miss Claudia?” Becky asked.

  I hadn’t even realized she was still in my room. My eyes popped back open. “I’m… okay,” I responded on a sigh. Nothing could be done for it now. It would be best if I just hurried to get dressed so I could get down to see Uncle Philip.

  “Shall we get you dressed then?” Becky asked with a smile.

  I nodded, trying hard to match her enthusiasm. “Just something simple, Bec,” I pleaded.

  “The white one?” She held up the dress I had already thought of wearing.

  “Yes, that one will work nicely.” I shimmied out of my nightgown as Becky laid out my things for the day.

  My head was down when she turned back to me so I missed her expression, but I heard her sharp intake of breath. “What happened to you, Miss?” she asked in horror.

  “With what?” I looked behind me, expecting to see Marcus or Ryan in my room.

  “Who did that to your arm?” She pointed to the long scratches on my arm.

  “Oh,” I half tried to hide the marks that she had already seen. “I scratched it on a… tree.” I tried to brush her concern away. “It was dark,” I shrugged, “I don’t really know how this happened.”

  That wasn’t an entire lie. It was dark that night and I wasn’t completely sure how Ryan had managed to attack me.

  “You’ll want the doctor to look at those,” she gasped, “and that on your leg, too.”

  I had almost forgotten about the scratch on my leg. It no longer hurt at all and it didn’t even look as bad as it had yesterday. I just wanted to be dressed as quickly as possible.

  I raised my arms above my head and Becky slipped my clothes on me. She turned me around so she could button the back and then guided me to the vanity where she began brushing out my mess of curls. She somehow managed to tie it back into a single braid down my back.

  I ran my fingers lightly over the angry red marks that were visible above my dress line. I pressed my lips into a thin white line. Now I would have even more things that I wouldn’t be able to explain.

  I rolled my eyes and got up from my seat. “I’m starving,” I rubbed my empty stomach.

  “Then we best get down to breakfast,” she grinned.

  I wiggled both eyebrows in her direction and got the response I was looking for. She laughed quietly and covered her mouth with her hands. How I would miss my Bec when I was moved to London.

  She let me lead the way downstairs and squeezed my hand tightly before I went into the dining room where I knew Uncle Philip was waiting to see me. The smell of bacon and toast coming from just beyond the doorway made my stomach rumble. I hadn’t had much to eat in the past few days.

  I entered the room with a smile on my face and when I saw who was sitting at the table with my aunt and uncle, that smile froze in place.

  “Edmund,” I whispered.

  “Claudia!” Uncle Philip jumped out of his seat and sidestepped around the table so he could embrace me.

  I could only half-heartedly return his hug with Edmund glaring at me. “Claudia,” he nodded curtly.

  “Hello, Edmund.” I felt the rapid beating of my heart. I couldn’t help but remember how Marcus made my heart react. This was so much different. A strange sort of fear began creeping up my neck.

  “I know you two have a lot to talk about,” Aunt Dora said with a wink at me, “but first let’s break our fast.” She took my hand and dragged me to sit between her and Edmund.

  “Hi,” I whispered nervously to him, but he didn’t respond.

  A full plate was put in front of me, but I didn’t know how I was going to be able to eat a single bite. I took a deep breath and piled my fork with fluffy eggs. My hand trembled, but I did manage to get a few bites into my mouth.

  After I was finished, I laid my fork down and sat awkwardly at the table. Aunt Dora happily ate her meal, oblivious to the tension between us. “Think I’ll finish that old fence today,” Uncle Philip commented as if nothing had ever happened.

  “Claudia,” Edmund said stiffly, “may I speak with you alone, please?”

  “Of course,” I nodded slowly, afraid to be alone with him, but unable to see a way out of it.

  His chair was loud as it scraped along the floor. I knew he was angry when he didn’t wait for me. He walked forcefully from the room.

  I followed close behind him to the front parlor. He didn’t say a word, only directed me to sit in a chair. I sat tensely on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what he would tell me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Where have you been?” he asked without preamble.

  I swallowed thickly. “I was…um…lost.”

  “Lost where?”

  I sank deeper into my seat. “In the woods.” Why did my declaration have to sound so much like a question?

  He sat down in front of me. “What were you doing in the woods?” By the set of his mouth, I could tell just how much he was trying to contain his anger.

  “I heard a noise, so I went out to investigate,” my breathing quickened as I hurried to make up the next part of my story.

  “What was the noise?”

  My mind drew a blank. What was the noise? “It was Hunter,” I blurted out.

  His lip curled slightly. “Who is Hunter?”

  “Uncle Philip’s dog.”

  “So you went out in the middle of the night because of a dog.”
r />   “I thought I heard him crying, so I went out to see what was wrong. But when I got close to the dog, he took off running, so I followed.”

  “Why would you do such a foolish thing?”

  “I was worried for him. Then I couldn’t find my way back.”

  “Then what happened? How did you find your way back home?”

  My mouth went dry and I couldn’t swallow. Should I tell him the same story I had told Aunt Dora? “Marcus Letrell found me and showed me how to get back.”

  His eyes narrowed further until they were nothing more than two angry slits on his twisted face. I could see the muscle at his jaw working.

  “Why can’t you tell me where you were?” His voice shook with his fury.

  “I…” I chewed nervously on my bottom lip. I had never seen Edmund so angry. “I already told you what happened.”

  “You expect me to believe that you got lost out in those woods?” I nodded miserably. “For the entire day?”

  “I…just…”

  “And,” he cut me off abruptly, “that Marcus Letrell just ‘happened’ to find you?”

  “I was very lucky that he did. I can’t imagine how much longer I would have been out there if he hadn’t.”

  “Now you expect me to be grateful to the man?” His face flamed red.

  I clicked my tongue, unable to say anything. “Edmund,” I croaked.

  “What kind of wife will you make when you run off in the night with a near stranger dressed only in your night clothes?” His teeth snapped shut on his question.

  I closed my eyes briefly. This was not going well. “There was…”

  “You’ve put me in an incredibly difficult situation.” He stood up just so he could glare down at me. “On one hand, if I call off the wedding, it will only confirm everyone’s belief that you are a loose woman and our name will be tarnished merely by association.” He began pacing the length of the small room. “On the other hand, if I go ahead with the marriage and people find out about this incident, our name will be tarnished that way as well.”