by Alla Kar
Her short hair is spiked in the back and her ears are filled with piercings. “Who’s the girl?” she asks.
I eye her over my bottle. “And why would you think there is a girl?”
She snorts, slides a customer their shot and turns back to me. “Because there is always a girl, unless there is a guy, and I don’t get that vibe from you.”
“What about for you?” I ask, tilting my bottle toward her, praying I didn’t cross the line. She’s definitely a lesbian though. I can see the way she looks at Bella when she walks past her. Just like me—wanting to jump her bones.
“Bi,” she says. “I swing both ways. So that gives me authority to know that this is definitely a drink off my ex session for you. So … what’s up? Does this girl have brown hair and nice legs?”
I grin. I knew she was checking her out. “I guess our huge fight kind of told more than we wanted it to,” I say.
She shrugs. “More or less. You two used to date or something?”
I shake my head. “More or less.”
Another smile. “Are you the reason she bailed on work tonight?”
“Most likely, yea.”
“Well, you better go explain to Maddie. She’s two seconds away from firing her. I knew something had to be wrong for her not to show up. She’s normally dependable.”
I drop my bottle and slide it toward her. “Is she in the back?”
She tosses the full bottle in the trash and winks. “Sure thing. And just to let you know—if you and Bella don’t work out. I am bi. That means I like boys too.”
I keep my smile at bay and give her a wink before shooting down the hallway toward Maddie’s closed office door.
I don’t knock—which I probably should—and she snaps her gaze up toward mine and points to the office chair. “Why are you here? I thought I told you that you’re shift was cut and hour ago?”
I nod and drag the chair closer to her desk where I can brace my hands on the wood. “I’ve clocked out just stuck around to drink a few beers before I go home.”
She lifts a brow. “You’re drunk and you think I’ll sleep with you? Didn’t I tell you that was a onetime thing, Beau? I’m your boss now.”
I wave her away. “This has nothing to do with you. I know why Bella didn’t show up for work today.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I slept with her.”
She gives me a look of outrage. “You’re serious? You slept—you asshole! She was one of my best waitresses. You scared her off! I didn’t think you’re sex was that bad, Kid.”
I narrow my gaze. “No—I mean yes, we had sex but we had something before that too. I—I love her.”
Maddie’s eyes widen and she leans back in her chair. “Wow. Love? I never thought I’d live to hear you say those words.”
I knock my fingers against the wooden desk. “Knock on wood that you don’t die on your way home.”
She flips me off. “So, you’re telling me this because why? Just because she had a one night stand with you doesn’t excuse her from work, Beau.”
“Well,” I clear my throat and pull on the collar of my black shirt. “That’s not all.”
“Off course it isn’t,” she mumbles flipping through stacks of envelopes.
“Jordan—my best friend died when our plane crashed. He—he was Bella’s boyfriend at the time.”
She looks up. “You’re her boyfriend’s best-friend.”
“And that’s the reason she’s freaking out. Because even though I do love her—she loves me—we both know this is going to be difficult. Especially for other people close to us to see.”
“Wow,” she wipes her brow. “My employees have so much drama that I don’t even need any for myself.”
I frown. “This is serious. I love her, Maddie.”
Her face softens—it’s nice to see this side of her—and she reaches across the table to run her fingers against my knuckles. “Let her know she still has her job. And go get her, Beau. It’s going to take time but get her. Don’t let her slip through your fingers.”
I nod and stand to my feet. “I plan on it.”
***
The front door to my apartment is unlocked when I come inside. The TV lights are casting a glow across my kitchen, and I doubt a robber broke in to watch TV.
“You know, you’re supposed to call before you come over, Cody. Not just pick the lock and break inside.”
I round the corner and stop in my tracks. Cody is sitting on my couch but Ashley’s sitting beside him. “What in the hell is going on in here?”
Cody gives Ashley a sideways glance and gestures for her to start. She pushes her hair form her shoulder and straightens her shoulders. “I talked with Bella today.”
Oh, shit. Suddenly the living room feels like its two inches wide. Is it hot in here? I tug on my shirt and pull it away from my armpits. “Okay, good for you.”
She rolls her eyes. “We know, Beau. About everything.”
Tugging at my hair, I pretend to not be interested in this conversation. I don’t know how they’re going to act. They don’t look pissed but who the hell can tell with a woman. She’ll be fine one minute and the next she’s crying or yelling.
“You don’t have to avoid it,” Cody says, sipping on one of my beers. “Because we knew before the trip to Spain. We knew as soon as we all started hanging out around each other. It really wasn’t a secret.”
Oh. “Then why in the hell did you two break into my apartment? To tell me you knew? Good for you. You know about our secret. Now get out.”
Ashley shakes her head. “Bella needs help, Beau.”
“What do you mean?”
Cody sits up and rests his elbows on his knees. “She’s having a hard time forgiving herself. She needs medical help. Someone to talk to. So—,” he looks over at Ashley who nudges him to continue. “We were thinking you could ask if she wanted to go to counseling with you, so that she’ll go. Maybe she’ll go if you do.”
I bark out a laugh and tug off my shirt and shoes. “No way. I’m not going to counseling. I don’t need it.”
“But she does,” Ashley says, begging me with her eyes. Girls like to do that shit. “Bella needs you.”
Raking my hands through my hair, I take a seat at my gaming chair and drop my head. Counseling for Bella? I don’t even ask myself if I’ll go because I know the answer is yes. But how to ask Bella to go is a completely different story. “She’s not going to go with me guys. She freaked out on me this morning. I don’t—I don’t think it’ll work.”
Ashley shakes her head and raises her palm. “It’ll work. You just have to try, Beau. She’s not going to go if we ask. We weren’t there and we don’t know what you two are going through. Just please try, not for us. Or you. Just Bella. Try for Bella.”
Standing, I start to unzip my pants. “I’ll ask, but no promises. She’s avoiding me if you haven’t noticed. Now get out. I need to shower.”
Ashley squeals, jumps up and runs to give me a hug. I roll my eyes and pat her back until she skips toward the door.
Cody stops by me with a big grin on his face. “Now see how nice being nice is?”
“Get out of my apartment, Cody.”
He laughs and disappears into the breezeway.
***
I’m so nervous my pits are sweating like I’m running a marathon. I’m at the library—for the first time—and I didn’t realize how huge it actually is. Ashley told me Bella is studying on the top floor and she’ll most likely be in one of the back aisles, hiding form everyone.
It sounds like Bella to me, so here I am searching down the aisles until I see her. She’s hunkered over a book, a Slim Jim in one hand and the other pinching the pages between her fingers.
She doesn’t notice me until I’m standing beside her. Her gray eyes widen and she backs up against the bookshelf like I may try to attack her.
“I’m not going to bite,” I say, taking a seat a few feet away from her. She relaxes into the
bookshelf and fiddles with the strap of her sandal. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What about?” she asks.
I sigh. This sounds so ridiculous. “I’m going to counseling and I think you should come with me.”
She gives me a narrowed gaze and straightens her books scattered around the floor. “Ashley talked to you, didn’t she?”
Shit. There isn’t any denying it. We both know that I would never offer something like that. “Yea and I think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?” she asks, furrowing her brow. I can see the wheels turning in the girly brain of hers and it’s only seconds before she’s accusing me of something. “Because you think I need mental help?”
And there it goes.
I shake my head. “No, that’s not it and you know it. I’m trying to help you—us. Because if you feel even halfway what I feel after last night I know you’ll want all the help you can get.”
She swallows and tries to keep her lips from trembling. When she lifts her gaze to meet mine my bones melt to goo like a woman. And I know I’m putty in her fucking hands. If she doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t fucking have to. “Are you really going?”
“As long as you need it.”
She nods, and then points to her work in front of her. “I’ll go with you, but if I don’t like it—,”
I hold my palms out in surrender. “We’ll leave and never go back.”
“Okay.” She nods. I watch her pouty lips and push back the things I did to them last night. Because I need her to heal completely before I take her as mine.
I stand slowly and start to walk away. I hear her take a long breath and I can imagine her settling against the bookshelf behind her.
I know we’re not there yet but I know a step in the right direction when I see one.
I’m going to undo this mess and start from the beginning. I’m going to win my girl this time around.
Chapter Sixteen
Bella
I pull at the hem of my shirt and tuck my hair behind my ear. Maddie’s door is opened and I’m scared out of my mind to go talk to her. Since I didn’t show up for work last night and didn’t call, I’m not even sure I still have my job.
Nervously, I walk to her door and tap my fingers against the doorframe. Maddie looks up, her eyes widen and she gestures for me to come inside, as she pushes papers into her desk drawers.
I sit down in the chair opposite of her and tighten my fingers around the edge of my chair. “What can I help you with Bella?”
A thick lump of fear starts to strangle me and it hurts to push it away. “I’m sorry I missed last night. I had some things come up and wasn’t mentally capable of working. I know I should have called but—I was kind of balling my eyes out all night. And then—I’m just sorry I missed. I’ll understand if you want me to go home but I really want to keep my job. It won’t happen again.”
Maddie strokes her chin and then smiles. “Okay. You’re shift starts at six today. That good?”
What? I gawk at her as she starts to scribble some things down, ignoring that I’m even here. “Oh—okay. I guess I’ll see you then.” I start to get up when she snaps her gaze back to mine.
“Everything happens for a reason, Bella. Even if we think that reason sucks. But it all works out in the long run,” she says.
Okay. “Thank you, Maddie. For the second chance and everything.”
She smiles. “Everyone deserves a second chance, Bella.”
I walk out of the office with a strange feeling that she was talking about something completely different than I was, but hey, I have my job so I won’t push it.
The sunlight drenches me as I walk out of the double doors and toward my car. My shift doesn’t start for another four hours, so I pull out and just start driving. I’m not going home because Ashley’s been tip-toeing around me ever since I spilled the beans about Beau and me.
And now she’s manipulatively gotten me to agree to counseling. God, I hit my steering wheel before running my fingers over the volume knob of my radio to turn it up. How was I supposed to say no? Clearly, I need help and it’s not a secret. But to have Beau come and ask me to go with him, settles a warmth against my heart that I can’t begin to explain. Even though Ashley is behind it, Beau wouldn’t have asked to come along if he didn’t want to. I know he wouldn’t.
Before long I’ve driven past my apartment complex, past the university and downtown toward the square. I watch the shops turn to blurs as I ride through the small street, not worried about where I’m going or how long it’ll take. I just drive.
Once I hit the end of the road, I make the loop and drive down the opposite side. The shops start to blur into a foggy cloud of neon lights. The song on the radio changes and my heart stops beating in my chest. The Reason starts to belt loudly from my speakers, the words pouring over me like acid.
And all the reasons why I love this song is there. Because it’s almost like I’ve known all along that Jordan was a stepping stone on my way to where I’m supposed to be. The reason for Jordan is Beau. He’s the reason. And before I know what I’m doing, all the madness builds up and I pull into the first open parking lot I can find. The older brick—somewhat rundown—buildings stretch on for at least a mile in both directions, but I know where I’m going.
My feet carry me quickly toward the tattoo shop and I spring through the door like a madman. The lady behind the counter, lifts a pierced brow and gives me an are you okay crazy lady smile. “Can I help you?”
“Do you take walk-ins?” I ask, drumming my fingers nervously on the countertop. I know that if I don’t do this now, I’ll think about it too long and change my mind. I’ve always wanted a tattoo anyway.
She watches my fingers. “Yes, we do. What are you looking to get? Tattoo or piercing?”
I swallow the clogged feeling in my throat. “A tattoo. I need a small quote.”
***
“Welcome to the dark side,” Gin says, examining my bear shoulder in the bathroom mirror of Maddie’s.
With my shirt off, and back turned toward the mirror, I examine the small cursive writing on my shoulder. I like—love it. I love it. I always wanted a tattoo but could never come up with something to get. But it just sunk into me while driving. There isn’t anything better to get than this because it’s the one thing in my life that makes my survival on that plane more real to me. Because even if it’s not right there is one reason I did survive that crash.
I pull my shirt back on and stare over at Gin with a wide smile on my face. “You seem extra chipper today.” I watch as she locks the door and makes sure no one is in any of the stalls. “And you got a tattoo. Did someone get laid?”
She pulls out a cigarette—once the bathroom has been thoroughly checked—and lights it up. “No,” I whisper, lying my ass off. “Just thought it was time my skin lost its virginity.”
She snorts and turns her ear to the side to listen. “Who’s playing tonight?”
I shrug. “Not sure. I didn’t even look at the schedule. Shit—,” I whisper, looking at my cell. “My break is over. I’ve got to get out there. See you in a bit.”
She waves the smoke from in front of her face as I run out the door and into the dining area.
A group of guys are huddled around the stage where the bands normally play. They look really young standing next to Maddie who had a worried as hell look on her face. “What’s going on over there?” I ask Michael, one of the other waiters as I grab my ticket book from under the counter.
He tosses a chip into his mouth. “The band for tonight is short their lead singer and Maddie is trying to get the new security guy to fill in for him.”
“What?” I screech, jerking around and slinging a pile of junk out from underneath the counter.
“Hey!” Michael yells through a mouth full of chip. “What the hell—,” he trails off as he tries to help me pick everything up.
“Is he going to do it?” I ask nervously.
He shr
ugs. “What’s it to you?” He grins, chips sticking out of his teeth. “You like ‘em?”
I roll my eyes. “Swallow before you talk, caveman.”
He flips me off and scurries to his table when they start waving him down. I wait until he’s in the back to look over at them again. When I look closer I see the guy standing directly in front of Maddie, with his back to us it’s definitely Beau. I can tell by his wide shoulders and perfectly tight ass.
I blink a few times to get that image out of my mind. I can’t think about him naked while I’m working … I shouldn’t think about it at all.
Closing my eyes, I grab my book and go find something to do.
***
When I hear the first cords of the guitar awaken, my ticket book drops from my trembling hands and its content spills out on the floor. His voice rocks over the small bar, and my panties are immediately wet.
The woman I’m standing in front of lifts her brow and continues with her order once I get my hands to stop shaking.
The entire female population of the goddamn town is here and staring up at him. When I turn, my panties aren’t damp anymore, wetness is pooling in them. His thick thighs are wide, one elbow resting on one knee and the other strumming along on his guitar while a group of cougars have started to make a line in front of the stage. Bitches, half of them are probably married.
His thick dark hair is upright making it easy to fall into his too-blue eyes. I have no idea what he’s singing but no one does. It’s a small town indie band but with Beau as their lead singer for the night they’ve got it made.
Bethany nudges my side and leans against the counter. “Dreamy, huh?” I give her a go to hell look but she doesn’t catch it. She’s staring at Beau with a lustful gaze. And taking that he kissed her the other night to get a rise out of me, I can see why she’s fawning.
But I don’t like it.
“Yeah, if you like that kind of thing,” I say, turning my back to her so she doesn’t see the fury on my face.
“What do you mean?” she asks a few seconds later.