“I appreciate your honesty.” I glanced at my sister, who nodded.
“In other news, I’ve got a cookie exchange coming up on Friday night. You guys game?” Sophie asked.
“I’m totally in,” I agreed, thinking how quickly my entire world had changed by moving to Fireweed.
“Me too.” My sister sounded equally excited.
“Awesome. Just bring your favorite cookies, and adult beverages will be provided.”
“Sounds like my kind of Friday night.” I glanced outside, noticing the sudden change in the weather. “It’s snowing.”
Sophie shot up from the table. “That’s our cue to get the heck out of Seattle. The ferries are going to be a mess.”
We all grabbed our bags and headed outside, but all I could think about was Nick.
He never mentioned he deleted his Tinder account. I hadn’t really seen him out and about much since I’d moved in, and regardless of what people said about him, he looked like he enjoyed spending most of his time at home. Maybe it was time I quit worrying about losing his friendship and see where this thing goes.
By the time Maddie pulled her car in the ferry line to head back to Fireweed, I was consumed with the idea of letting him know I wanted to experiment. I wasn’t trying to tempt love. I just wanted to have a little fun.
A flutter of nervous excitement was quickly squashed the moment the text came over from Nick.
Can we talk? There’s some stuff I’ve got to get off my chest.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I shoved my cell back in my purse and waited for the ferry to get me back home to Fireweed.
Chapter Sixteen
I pulled in my driveway, and Nick was sitting on the steps. Snow was already covering the ground.
He had to be freezing. I wondered what on earth had possessed him to wait for me to show up. Although, he was dressed in a goose down jacket, so maybe he wasn’t as cold as I thought.
By the time I reached the porch, he’d unzipped his jacket, removed his hood, and had the biggest smile on his face. I hadn’t texted him back, and I refused to let Sophie’s words influence me. Hearsay wasn’t the best way to start or end a relationship, and I had no idea which path we were headed down.
“Where’ve you been, kissing bandit?” I asked, marching up the steps.
I needed to keep things playful.
“Doing some thinking.” His smile lessened.
“Did it hurt?” I asked, and he shook his head.
A small laugh erupted.
“It does now,” he said, patting his chest.
“You want to come inside?” I asked.
“Did you get my text?” he asked, not answering my question.
“I did.” I nodded. “But I wanted to keep you on your toes.”
“Your plan almost worked except I don’t have any toes left. It’s like twenty degrees outside.”
I giggled.
“Serves you right for not texting me back since the Christmas tree outing.”
“I was out of town.”
“Since when do cellphones have such limited coverage?” I raised my brow, and a huge smile swept over his lips.
“Never one to go easy on me.”
“Would you want me to?” I winked at him, slid the key in my lock, and pushed open the door.
It felt good to be home.
“So you said you had some stuff you had to get off your chest?” I asked, loading the fireplace. I’d become a master at warming my house and not burning it down, which I’d say was a real plus. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. I don’t think you ever could.” He closed the door and took off his coat. I liked how he just made himself at home. Granted, he played a big part in getting the place to feel like a home, but it was nice.
He walked over to the chair and sat down. I watched him carefully, my pulse starting to climb as I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.
“Would you like anything to drink? I can make some coffee to warm you up or—”
“I’m fine.” He shook his head and sank deeper into the chair.
“I have to confess that your text kind of freaked me out. Is everything okay?” I asked.
He let out a sigh, which only worried me.
“I want to know what you’re afraid of.” It wasn’t really a question.
“Afraid of?” I repeated, shocked this had turned to me.
I didn’t really think of myself as afraid of anything. I didn’t even have a security system. I mean, I locked my doors at night, but that was about as far as I took it.
I curled up on the couch and brought my eyes to his.
“I don’t think I’m afraid of much.” I glanced around my cabin. “Maybe it helps to have a buff neighbor across the street.”
Nick laughed. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“After living in New York, there’s not much to be afraid of out here. Well, I did about pass out when a bunny darted in front of me at like midnight, but I—”
“I’m talking about with us,” he interrupted.
“With us?” I scowled.
“What about us makes you afraid of being with me?”
His question rocked my world. I wasn’t expecting it. I was the one who asked questions, especially ones like this.
But he didn’t let up. He leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, his eyes staying on mine, and waited for an answer.
“I didn’t really think I was afraid of anything.” I swallowed down my embarrassment. It wasn’t like I wanted to be so inept at this discussion thing, but he turned the tables.
“I think you are. I think you’re terrified of something, and that’s why we’ll always be friends.” His eyes stayed on mine. “Always friends.”
“Oh.” I felt myself sucking on my lip and stopped immediately, glancing toward the floor.
This wasn’t what I expected. I thought we were going to unpack the real issues with Nick.
“If you don’t call it fear, what do you see it as?” he asked. “Why do you think you’re so afraid of moving to the next level?”
A few seconds of silence sat between us. I was torn. I didn’t know what to say. I never thought of myself as being afraid of anything . . . cautious, maybe.
“I guess I want to know if there’s anything I can do to help,” he tried again.
“Help?”
He nodded. “How can I get you to take a chance on me?”
Nick’s words gutted me.
“Take a chance on you?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He sat back in the chair, kicked out his legs, and stretched his arms behind his head.
“So this is about us?”
“Most definitely about us.” He bit his lip before blowing out a mock sigh. “Are you afraid I’ll hurt you?”
I shook my head, the realization slowly dawning on me that he was right.
I was afraid. I was deeply afraid of losing an amazing friendship. I’d experienced so few genuine friendships that now that I had one, I’d do anything to preserve it. Even if that meant denying myself true happiness.
“I can tell something popped into that brain of yours,” he said.
I could hear the smile in his voice, and all it did was tear me up inside.
“You know what scares me?” I brought my gaze to his. “That you know me better than I know myself.”
“I doubt that’s possible.”
“I know it’s possible.” I walked over to the fireplace to rid myself of the chill that had suddenly surfaced. “I am afraid. I’m afraid of losing the most genuine friendship I’ve ever had in my life. The reason I did so well in New York was because I didn’t have to deal with anything that I didn’t want to. I knew the relationships I had were based on superficial connections. If I got sick, I had to get my own cold medicine and sleep on a lumpy bed. No one cared, and I was fine with that. Here, someone cares, and if I screw that up . . .” my voice trailed off.
“I’ll always care about you,” Ni
ck said, standing up.
I hugged myself, completely confused by the turn of events. This was supposed to be about him, and somehow, the huge spotlight had been turned on me.
“I like our friendship, Nick. I don’t want it to go away, because I’ve never had one like it. Ever.”
He walked over to me, and I closed my eyes, holding the tears in.
“For the record, no one wants to be sick on a deflated camping mat.” Nick smiled. “So I’ll always try to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Damn him. How did he get this out of me?
“Thank you.”
“I get it, though.” He scooped me into his arms and held me tightly. “I really do. If this friendship represents that much . . .”
“I’d planned on telling you that I wanted to do the friends with benefits thing.” I sniffled and his body rocked from laughter. “Seriously, I made up my mind on the ferry.”
“That figures.” He laughed, and I looked into his eyes, seeing the same kindness I’d seen so often. “Such is my luck.”
“You’re a really lucky guy,” I told him. “You’ve got so many solid relationships.”
“But I don’t have the one that counts.” He took a step back. “At least, not yet.”
The way he was looking at me made my heart squeeze with joy and fear. I didn’t want to ruin my one chance at happiness, but I also didn’t want to destroy our friendship.
I sucked in a ragged breath and wiped my nose.
“Or maybe we should just get it out of our system. Enjoy a holiday fling. We could do it one time and not make it complicated.” I took a deep breath, and Nick’s eyes moved to my mouth.
“Don’t tempt me,” he interrupted.
“Unless you’re not interested,” I added, taking a step back.
“Oh, I’m interested, but I’m a nice guy.” He grinned. “It’s a condition.”
“You know what I think?”
“I honestly don’t have a clue.” He chuckled.
“I think you might like the idea of me, and I might let you down once you get me. It’s not every day a guy meets a girl dancing in her bra. Perhaps I’m not all I’m cracked up to be,” I joked. “This could be a way of saving yourself from complete and utter disappointment.”
Nick’s gaze fastened on mine, and the pull to him shook me to my core.
“We have a problem,” he told me in a low voice.
“What’s the problem?”
“I can’t just be friends with you.” He glanced toward his house. “I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot.”
My eyes fell to his package.
“Not literally.” He laughed, throwing his head back.
“See? This is what gets me. I can’t stop thinking about you, Holly. You make me laugh. You make my days brighter. You bring joy to my life in every possible way. Do you realize I was happy you got sick so I had the chance to take care of you and spend more time with you?” He stepped closer and moved his finger along my cheek. “The difference is that I know there is something here worth the risk. I’m just going to have to wait until you figure that out.”
I swallowed hard and kept my eyes steadied on his.
“I’m a quick learner,” I whispered. “Maybe one kiss wouldn’t hurt. It could be like homework and then I could move on to the more challenging tasks.”
“You make it extremely difficult to do what’s right in a situation like this,” Nick said, running his fingers along his jaw.
He licked his lips, and I couldn’t take my eyes away from his mouth. A cloud hovered over his expression, but I felt the restraint slipping away from both of us.
“Just one kiss,” I murmured.
Nick brought his mouth down to mine, and I lost myself in his arms. We poured everything we had into this kiss. I could feel the conflict, the desire, and the raw need as he pulled me into him. Every part of me wanted to spend the night with him. I wanted to experience all of him. All the emotions crashing inside me only made that sensation more intense, and I cursed myself for ever revealing what was behind my worries. Lust was taking over every active brain cell, and I was okay with that.
Everything I’d been feeling the last month was manifesting in this one kiss. I didn’t want it to end, but I knew it would.
I let out a moan, and his mouth slowly parted from mine as if that was his cue that it had gone on too long.
“You don’t have to stop,” I told him. Every part of my body was on fire and wanting more.
“I do.” He nodded. “This can’t be rushed. It’s too important.”
“One more kiss?”
He smirked but saw right through me. There was very little chance either of us would be able to stop.
But I didn’t care. His lips hovered less than an inch from mine. It wouldn’t take much for another.
Maybe reverse psychology would work.
“You know, you’re right. I didn’t think this through. Now’s not the time,” I whispered.
A flash of confusion shot through his gaze.
“I still don’t have a bed,” I continued.
With hooded lids, he swept a kiss across my lips, and my breath hitched in surprise.
“That’s okay,” he murmured between kisses, pulling me tight against him. “You have a chair, a couch, a counter, a wall.”
“All those places?” I asked as my breathing quickened.
“That’s only the beginning,” he promised.
A shiver rolled over me, imagining each scenario as he kissed me harder, looping his arms around my waist.
“Holly,” he said in a low and needy voice.
“Yeah?” my voice was hijacked from the intensity of the moment.
“Friends with benefits won’t work.” His hands skimmed under my sweater and along my bare belly. “But you already know that.”
He kissed me one last time, and I felt his firmness pressing into me. It took everything I had not to beg him for more as his mouth slowly left mine still tingling.
“I don’t want to hurt you. It would kill me to be the one to make you doubt your decisions for any reason at all.” He shook his head.
“I take back everything I said earlier.” I smiled. “It was a weak moment. I have lots of friends. You’re one of many, and I want to see where this goes.”
“Don’t rush it. I’ll be here waiting as your friend. Whatever else might come our way will come when it’s meant to.” He smiled.
I let out a long breath. “I can’t believe you’re going to leave me hanging like this.”
“You’re the one with the neck massager.” His smile widened.
“You like that visual, don’t you?” I teased.
“I’m not confirming or denying.” He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door while I was left wondering what I’d gotten myself into.
Chapter Seventeen
I texted Nick a couple of times, and he returned the favor over the last couple of days. He was polite, but there wasn’t any flirting. I saw him a few times when I drove into my driveway or got the mail.
He brought over a huge poinsettia.
You read that right.
I took it as a sign that he was trying to progress as friends without adding any extra pressure.
Regardless, I was going to take very good care of the red speckled plant.
I wrapped plastic wrap over my platter of cookies for tomorrow and let out a sigh. The problem appeared to be that confessing my revelation to him made me feel like he was being more guarded. It probably wasn’t on purpose, but that was how it felt. I didn’t want things to stall. I wanted them to progress.
Not only that, but I was certain he was a master at turning around situations. When I arrived back at my house last night, I thought he was going to be the one opening up to me. After all, he was the one with the revolving door of women. Yet somehow, he got me to reveal some deep secret that I’d been hiding in my subconscious while he got to waltz out my door unscathed.
Without one single
reveal.
I glanced out the window and saw his truck in the driveway. The snow from the other night had completely melted and the temperature had risen to the forties, but I still bundled up for the short walk. I had about an hour before I had to be to the tea shop, which should be plenty of time to hear what he’d been up to.
As I got closer, I saw the light on in the workshop and heard a saw. I stopped, wondering if I should turn around. I didn’t want to interrupt.
Well, I kind of did. I craned my neck to see through one of the windows.
Nick looked so incredibly in control as he guided the router along the wood, and I groaned at how turned on he made me. It was nice of him to expose what my hang-ups were about dating him, but it was time I got over them.
I walked over to the door and waited for him to turn off the tool before I knocked. It sounded like it only took him a few steps before he got to the door.
“Who is it?” he asked.
“Holly.” I didn’t even finish before he swung open the door.
“I hope it’s okay that I stopped by,” I said, peeking through the door.
“Absolutely.” He seemed genuinely happy.
“Is that a hammer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” I asked.
“You didn’t just say that.”
“I believe I did.” I laughed and shook my head. “I’ve always wanted to see what goes on over here.”
“Is that so?” he folded his arms and took a step back, letting me inside his workshop.
“It’s a regular Santa’s Workshop inside here.”
“They don’t call me Jolly Old Saint Nick for nothing.” He laughed and I spun around.
“They do?”
“No, but it seemed fitting.”
“Wow. This is gorgeous.” I ran my hand along the grain of the wood. It looked like the beginning of a sleigh bed. Intricate scrollwork ran throughout the pieces. Nick’s style was impossible to miss.
“You like it?” he asked.
“Love it.” I shook my head. “You’re so talented.”
“Just a lot of practice.” He slowly walked over to me, and I felt my body already responding to his.
Tempting Love on Holly Lane (Island County Book 5) Page 14