Rhys could not agree with the lads assessment. He thought it would be quite enjoyable to witness Lydias excitement, when she saw things for the first time.
“Colton, Im taking my horse to London, Rhys said. “Hell be tethered to the last coach. Perhaps you could see your way clear to ride him for a bit this afternoon.
“You mean it? the lad asked.
“His Grace isnt one to speak falsely, Lydia said, before Rhys could respond.
The cold edge to her voice made it sound as though he had indeed spoken falsehoods. Her glittering eyes said it even more clearly. He suddenly remembered Colton warning him about Lydias bad side. It was a lonely, frigid place to be.
“I have never spoken untrue, Rhys said through clenched teeth.
“Did I not just say that? she asked lightly.
“It is the manner in which you said it.
“I think, Your Grace, you are looking for and finding innuendo where it does not exist.
“I feel as though Ive walked in on the middle of an argument, Abbie said, her gaze darting between Rhys and her daughter. Even Grayson had narrowed his eyes.
“Lydia, has something happened we need to know about? Abbie asked.
Lydia smiled sweetly as she reached out and squeezed her mothers hand. “Of course not, Mama. Im simply practicing my repartee. You know how much I like to put into practice the things I read in my books. Besides, Ill need it in London if Im to be a success. I was thinking I should travel in the coach with His Grace, so I might continue to practice.
Rhys felt every muscle in his body tighten into a painful knot.
“Lydia, Im not certain thats a good idea, Abbie said. “Weve imposed so much already.
“But I have so many questions about the Season that the Duke could answer for me along the way. Besides, he offered to teach me what I didnt know.
“When was this? Grayson asked.
“One morning when he discovered me studying my books, Lydia said, her gaze never faltering from Rhys.
“Im not sure its appropriate, Lydia, Abbie said.
“Hes offered me his protection, Mama. According to my books that makes him a trusted chaperone. Besides, were traveling in a caravan. Papa will be only a scream away.
“Why would you scream? Graysons voice contained a savage edge.
Laughing, Lydia moved over to him and hugged him. “Now everyone is being silly. Hes family, for goodness sakes, and well be traveling in the coach in front of yours. She lifted her face to Grayson, looking all the world like an innocent again. “Please, Papa, I do have so many questions, and I cant find the answers in my books.
Grayson studied Rhys. “Its up to youwhether or not you want Lydia to travel in your coach.
“Please, say yes, Colton piped up. “Itd give me more room to move around.
Rhys considered suggesting that Colton travel with him, so hed have all the room he needed. But to deny Lydias request would no doubt open a Pandoras box of speculation and suspicions, and while they were well deserved, he preferred to handle this matter as diplomatically as possible. That Grayson had blithely accepted Rhyss desire to offer Lydia a Season as mere kindness and a way to repay his mothers inhospitality was a godsend.
“I shall be most honored to have Lydia travel in my coach.
The look she flashed his way indicated that having her travel with him would not come without cost.
Sitting across from Lydia as the coach traveled toward London, Rhys was acutely aware of every aspect of her being. The slow rising and falling of her chest. The sparkle in her eyes as she gazed out the window. The gentle fragrance of flowers that surrounded her.
Shed spoken not a word since entering the coach. He would accuse her of being coldhearted, but he knew she was anything but glacial. She was as warm as sunlight in a meadow.
Yet she seemed too proper, too perfect, sitting there with her hands folded in her lap. Silent. The injured lover seeking to heal her own wounds.
He shifted on his bench seat, as he imagined Colton did for much of the journey. “Youre being most disagreeable, he finally uttered.
Keeping her profile to him, she did little more than shift her eyes in his direction. “On the contrary, Your Grace. Ive agreed to go to London. Ive agreed to attend the balls. Ive agreed to find a husband. I pray every day that I am not with child. How much more agreeable would you have me be?
He could not prevent his gaze from drifting down to her waist, nor could he prevent himself from wondering if she were indeed carrying his child. It pleased him to think of her having his son or daughter, while at the same time he was horrified to consider the ramifications. How his past might affect his child. If he were not accepted in polite society, neither would his offspring be.
Hed always taken such care with the ladies Camilla sent him. Hed always made use of a condom if a lady wanted to reach her fulfillment with him nestled inside her. With Lydia, hed given no thought to protecting her, only possessing her. How could he have taken so little care with the one lady who meant so much to him?
“I would have you ride in the other coach, he finally admitted.
She shrugged. “You need only have said so.
“And have Grayson wonder exactly what the undercurrents were within our strange exchange at the manor?
“Guilt has obviously made you delusional, so you are reading messages which do not exist into the conversation.
Reaching across the coach, he grabbed her arm and shook her. “Stop it, damn it! This is not you.
She jerked free of his hold, scooted into the corner, and glared at him. “How would you know?
Balancing himself, he moved until he sat beside her. He cradled her cheek against his palm. “A part of me feels a need to apologize for not walking out of the room that night, before you were close enough for me to smell your sweet fragrance. But another part of me, a greater part of me, is incredibly grateful you gifted me with your love, even though you refused to believe I was so undeserving.
“Rhys
He touched his thumb to her lips. “The hardest thing I shall ever do is give you up to another. That I will be a better man for having done it will be little consolation in the lonely years that follow. Trust me to know there would come a time when you would hate me and when the dream you thought youd achieved would become a nightmare.
“I dont know if I want to marry an English lord when he cant be you.
“Many good men are in London, and we shall find you the best.
“When I first thought of coming to England, I have to admit I thought it would be wonderful to marry a man with a title. But after having seen your parents, Im no longer sure. It never occurred to me there would be marriage without love.
“You shall have love in your marriage. We will not settle for less.
He slid his arm around her and drew her head within the crook of his shoulder.
“I wish youd tell me what you did that is so awful, she said.
“You would loathe me, and that I could not bear.
She snuggled up against him, her hand coming to rest beneath his jacket, against his chest. “Mama said wed stay at your house in London.
“I thought it best. I am the only one in residence so there is ample room. Although I believe Ravenleighs house is large, he does have five daughters to accommodate.
“Will you attend the balls?
“No. His being in mourning was the perfect excuse. The less he was seen, the better. “I shall, however, interview any gentlemen who express an interest in calling upon you.
“Shouldnt that be my stepfathers job?
“His position is not ashellip;
She tilted up her lovely face. “Hes illegitimate.
“Quite so.
“His birth shouldnt make any difference.
“But in my world, it does make a great deal of difference.
Moving away from him, she straightened. “I actually do have a lot of questions.
He leaned back into the corner of the coach, cross
ed his arms over his chest, and smiled ruefully. “Then by all means, let the lessons begin.
“Dont know why we hafta go back to London, William grumbled.
Rhys took the jacket the lad offered him and slipped it on. “London is an excellent place for Lydia to find a husband.
“But I liked it in the country.
Rhys studied his reflection in the mirror, wondering why he cared how he looked. “Things will be much different for us in London now.
“Ill never be like you.
“We should hope not.
He gazed past his image to the bed where William sat, looking forlorn. The inn had made rooms available to him and his entourage for the night. Dinner would soon be served in a private room. Life should have been good. Instead he found it lacking. It seemed William did as well.
“You dont much like wearing the cloak of servant, do you, lad? Rhys asked.
William shrugged. “I aint complaining.
“Perhaps while were in London, you might serve as Coltons companion. The Ravenleigh household is overrun with girls. I suspect the boy would welcome having another male around when theyre visiting.
“You mean be his valet?
Rhys turned and smiled. “I mean, be his friend. Your duties to me will be suspended. Youll have no lessons while were in London, except for what you learn from Colton. But I will expect you to apply yourself more diligently to your studies when we return to Harrington.
“Why do you care so much about me studies?
“Because I have great expectations where youre concerned. You were not meant to be some mans servant, but rather your own master. We simply have to determine how best to achieve that end.
Lydia had been staring out her window at the inn, certain the faint lights she saw in the far distance were those of London, when she spotted Rhys walking along a rolling hill. She now trudged along the same path hed taken.
Dinner had been an incredibly informal affair. Sabrina had almost as many questions to ask Rhys as Lydia had asked him in the coach. Hed been patient with his answers during both occasions.
During the meal, Lydia had simply watched him, trying to understand him, while searching for a way to heal her heart.
She loved him. She loved his patience, his kindness. The way he rubbed his bottom lip when he listened. The way he smiled with amusement, using his eyes more than his lips.
She even loved him for wanting to protect her. However, she couldnt help but resent that he kept so much hidden from her, judged himself through his eyes, and would not allow her to judge him through hers.
He turned his head slightly as she neared.
“I should think you would have learned your lesson about joining me when I am alone at night, he said quietly.
“Youre very skilled at seduction, Rhys, but make no mistakenothing thats happened between us would have taken place had I not wished it to.
“I could prove you wrong.
“I wasnt issuing a dare. Try to seduce me, and youll succeed because I want you. Why would I deny myself the pleasure of your touch?
“Are you admitting to coming out here for the purpose of seduction?
“No. I came out here because I was curious as to whether that hazy light in the distance is London. I thought maybe you would know.
“It is.
She laughed lightly. “Its a much larger town than Fortune, then.
“You will see things youve never seen. Its possible youll hear things you would prefer not to hear.
“What kind of things?
“Things about my family. About me.
“Ive told you before that I dont care about your sins. Im drawn to you, Rhys. I feel like Im caught in large waves, tossed toward the shore, then pulled back out to sea. You cant tell me that you arent attracted to me at least a little.
“My feelings are of no consequence.
“They matter to me; they matter to me a great deal.
“Youve told me that you long for respectability.
“I think all women do.
“Precisely. That is the very reason I shall never marry.
“Because youre not respectable.
“Because Ive done things that cannot be respected. My mother, as you may have noticed, can barely tolerate my presence. She holds me accountable for Quentins death.
She rolled her eyes. “Your brother got drunk and fell into the family pond. How can you be responsible for his carelessness and poor judgment?
“I told you that Id betrayed him, betrayed my family.
Rhys had been standing here, pondering his past, wondering what he should reveal to Lydia. He had no wish to harm her further. As far as he knew, Quentin had kept Rhyss betrayal within the family. But there was always the chance he might have told someone during one of his drunken stupors. Rhys would prefer Lydia hear the truth from him.
“Are you trying to convince me youre as cruel as he was?
“Cruelty had nothing to do with it. Therein lies the irony. For I had not meant to be cruel, and yet I was.
She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his arm. “You are anything but cruel. You made my family feel welcome. You rescued the horses that your brother treated badly.
“But I could not rescue Annie.
“Annie?
“My brothers wife. She possessed the disposition of an angel. She came to me one night, and I did not have the strength of character to turn her away. There in my fathers house, in the bedchamber beside my brothers, I took my brothers wife as though she well and truly belonged to me.
“You slept with your brothers wife?
Her voice reflected the horror his actions deserved.
“At least your stepfather thought your mother was a widow when he visited her bed. I knew Annie was not. I knew she was to get herself with my brothers child, to provide an heir. I knew she was not free. Yet I showed no restraint. Rather I revealed my true self. The weak man I am. The weak man you do not deserve.
Lydia couldnt help but feel a measure of revulsion. But Annie had gone to Rhys. He hadnt sought her out. Shed believed the worst about him when shed seen the scarred horses. She wouldnt believe it now.
“How old were you? she asked.
“Nineteen.
Relief coursed through her. “You were so young. Youre no longer that man.
“Am I not? Three nights later Annie took my brothers straight razor and slashed her wrists.
Lydias legs suddenly went numb and weak. She stepped to a tree and pressed her back against it to provide her with support. “Not because she slept with you?
“She left a letter. Darling Rhys, she wrote. Forgive me for what transpired between us in your bed for I cannot forgive myself. You can well imagine my familys reaction to her words, to the truth of my betrayal. That night I ran away. Only once in all the years before my brothers death did I return to that house. I was turned away. But one cannot ignore the heir. And so here I am. Where I was never meant to be.
She shoved herself away from the tree and cautiously approached him. “Rhys, her death must have been awful for you. I understand youve probably been riddled with guilt. But I know you. I know it was not your intent to harm her. My love for you does not lessen with this confession.
“Confession? Lydia, that night was only the beginning of my sins. The others are buried so deeply within the shadows of London that I can only pray they remain where they are. It is not what I did with Annie that makes me unacceptable, but what I dared to do in the years since. Your opinion of me would change; your love for me would die.
“Then tell me everything.
“Nothing will be gained, and everything lost. He walked away.
“I wont stop loving you, she vowed into the night, determined to find a way to prove it.
Rhys had never before presented his card. He did so now at the Earl of Ravenleighs London home, waiting in the entrance hall while Graysons family stood nearby. The butler had taken his card and was off to inform His Lordship of the Dukes arrival.<
br />
It appeared to be a very nice residence, not as ostentatious as his own, but then not everyone possessed his mothers garish tastes or her need to surround herself with clutter.
A high-pitched squeal emanated from the stairway. Rhys looked up to see a young woman rushing down the steps.
“Mama! Theyre here!
Mayhem and madness followed that pronouncement.
Lydia released an echoing squeal as she hurried across the foyer. Then she and the young woman were wrapped in each others arms while four other girlscompletely devoid of decorumwere scurrying down the stairs.
A woman who greatly resembled Abbie in appearance hurried out of a distant hallway, the one down which the butler had recently traversed. She was followed by a man whom Rhys recognized as Ravenleigh.
That Abbie and her sister embraced did not surprise Rhys. That Ravenleigh was heartily shaking Graysons hand did astonish him.
Yet all he could think was that this welcome was the sort Grayson should have received upon arriving at Harrington. Shrieks of joy rather than shrieks of anger.
He couldnt stop himself from smiling at the sight of Lydias happiness. She was again the hopeful woman shed been when shed arrived at Harrington, before hed disappointed her by not offering for her after shed given so much of herself to him.
She and the other girlLauren, he remembered nowwere no longer hugging, but swinging held hands as though they needed the touching to confirm each others existence. How natural they seemed. How unaffected.
He had little doubt Lydia could hold her own in London. He simply wasnt certain if it would be better if she left without reaching for her dream, because the experience would surely change her in ways he had not.
“Your Grace, I was sorry to hear of your fathers passing.
He jerked his attention to Ravenleigh, who was now standing before him. Under the circumstances he decided to overlook the slight not greeting him first had been. “It was not totally unexpected. Still, the passing of a parent does manage to take one unawares.
“Exceedingly so, Im afraid. The ladies are going to take tea in the garden. Elizabeth has a penchant for growing roses which Im certain she wishes to show off. Well usher all the younger children upstairs for sweet cakes. Perhaps youd like to join Grayson and me in the library.
Love With a Scandalous Lord Page 17