“I want you to be my tutor.” I’d blurted it out as soon as I mustered up the courage to say it.
He stopped talking and stared at me for so long, I probably should have been nervous. Maybe I was getting used to his intensity or something because I just stood there and let him take his time. I’d been starting to realize that when he got all quiet and broody, it wasn’t so much about the other person, but that he was mulling over what he was going to say.
Unlike me, Connor was genuine. And honest. And he didn’t hide behind smiles and niceties and let people believe what they wanted to believe.
Yes, I could admit that I had a crush on Connor. But aside from that, I liked him. I admired him, even. He didn’t try to be anything that he wasn’t, which was so much easier said than done.
Trust me, I knew that from experience.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he finally said.
My chest ached as if I’d just been shoved, but I swallowed down the hurt. “Why not?”
But I knew why not. He didn’t want to tutor me because I’d gone and made things weird when I’d told him that I’d never kissed someone before. Maybe for him that kiss had just been physical, but for me it had been more. I couldn’t change that and I wouldn’t lie about it.
But I could admit it.
I could be like Connor, for once, and own it. I took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry I made things weird, okay?”
His brows drew together in obvious confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I let out a long exhale. “I meant it when I said that I don’t date and the reason I’d never kissed someone before is because I’d never met someone I wanted to kiss.”
He opened his mouth and I was afraid he might stop me so I hurried on, blurting it all out without stopping to think.
“But I wanted to kiss you because I like you.” I shrugged helplessly. “I like you and I’m sorry if that makes things weird between us. But I don’t want it to and I don’t think it has to, necessarily. Because the truth is, I need your help and I don’t want—”
I was cut off by a kiss. It happened so quickly, one second I was talking and the next he was crushing me to him, his lips pressing against mine with a frantic urgency that took my breath away.
He pulled back too quickly, his hands moving up to cup my face as his dark gaze bore into mine. “I like you too.”
My heart leapt in response to his guttural growl. He liked me too. I knew it! So what was the problem and why did he look like that had been a painful admission?
And what did that mean for us?
But I didn’t have the time or the ability to think about any of that. He crushed me to him with another kiss. I found myself kissing him back desperately. For a girl who’d only kissed once before, I was giving it all I had. I wanted to show him how I felt, just like he was.
I didn’t care who could see us or what this meant, I just kissed him.
But there was no ‘just’ about it. It was an epic kiss. It lasted for ages and our lips clung together, saying without words just how badly we needed each other.
When he finally stopped kissing me, I was breathless and needy, and so lost to the rest of the world that it wasn’t until I heard him mutter a curse under his breath that I realized we weren’t alone.
The entire girls’ basketball team was gathered out front, some still in uniform, others half-dressed and still wet from the shower. Clearly they’d come running out of the locker room to see the spectacle that was us.
I looked from them back to Connor, who was holding me up since I was still leaning against him, my body pressed to his.
He looked so concerned, it was almost comical. He cursed again, under his breath as he looked back at the crowd. When his gaze met mine, he winced. “I’m sorry,” he said in that low, sexy voice of his.
“I’m not.” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Was I confused? Yes. So very confused. But I was also happier than I’d been in a long time. In a weird way, I was glad we’d been caught. I liked this guy, and I was starting to think that he wanted to date me too. Maybe he couldn’t admit it yet, to me or to himself, but that just meant he wasn’t as perfect as I’d thought.
I dropped my face against his chest to hide what was surely beet red cheeks and to smother a laugh at the same time.
He tilted his head down until his lips pressed against my hair. I felt his smile and heard his low laughter.
Despite the audience, or maybe because of it, the moment was magic. I know how cheesy that sounds, but it was the truth. If I could have stopped time right then I would have. But the world continued to spin and soon people were saying my name. There was no barrier between us and them and once the shock wore off I’d be faced with questions I didn’t want to answer.
Questions I had no idea how to answer, not until Connor and I talked.
His arms dropped from around my waist but before I could mourn the loss of his embrace, he was grasping one of my hands in his and tugging me along so I fell into step beside him. He glanced over his shoulder and I stifled another laugh as he picked up his pace.
It felt for all the world like we were on the run. Like this guy—this big, muscley, tattooed badass was running away from a group of gossiping, nosy girls.
It was too funny.
“Do you, uh, do you want to get out of here?” he asked, glancing past me to my team. Without looking I knew they were still there. His quickened pace confirmed it.
“Sure,” I said. My response wasn’t entirely necessary, I assumed, since he was leading me along like he would Gina.
He seemed to realize that at the same time I did. He came to an abrupt stop and his grip on my hand loosened. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He ran a hand through his hair in a way I was starting to recognize and love. “Did you have to get back to your team?”
I shook my head. “Practice is over.”
He looked down at my obvious lack of accoutrements. “Do you have a bag or something we need to go back for?”
I shook my head, unable to form words.
Okay, this sounds dumb but the fact that he said “we” made my heart do a somersault and I had to catch my breath for a second. It sounded so natural coming out of his mouth and so freakin’ right. Like, all the sudden with one kiss—okay, two if you counted that last one—all of the sudden we went from being the two of us to a we. We were together. Bonded, somehow.
But how? I hadn’t been lying about never dating and I wasn’t sure how this worked. Much as I wanted to be cool about it all and go with the flow, that just wasn’t me. One didn’t become a star basketball player by going with the flow.
“Should we maybe go somewhere we can talk?” I said.
His gaze met mine and oh holy cow. Fireworks. Dark stormy nights. Ocean waves at midnight. If I were a poet I’d have the right words to describe their dark depths and all the emotions I saw there.
It was hot.
Hotter than hot. I was a little worried I might instantaneously combust.
Was that possible? I didn’t know. I was failing physics.
He turned again and we headed toward his car in silence. The further we got from school, the more some logical thoughts started to come to me, which really just reinforced my theory that it was something in the air at school that made my brain stop functioning.
Well, the oxygen quality in the school and Connor’s kisses. Both, apparently, had the disturbing ability to stop all neurons from firing. One of the things I realized? I did have a bag. It was waiting for me in the locker room.
Luckily my phone was in my jeans pocket. I’d text Aubrey to take it home with her and bring it for me tomorrow.
I would then silence my phone so I wouldn’t have to see her deluge of text responses, which I already knew would be a series of questions in all caps.
The other realization? I had my car here. But my keys were in my bag. Which worked out just fine since Connor seemed to have forgotten that I also have a driver’s license a
s he was steering me toward his beat up old Volkswagen.
This too was fine, I decided. I’d have someone give me a ride in the morning. It was for the best, really, since I didn’t trust myself to drive right now. I didn’t drink but I was pretty sure this was the most intoxicated I’d ever felt in my life.
We weren’t the only ones in the parking lot when we reached it. There were a lot of sports and after school activities going on at Briarwood, and I recognized some of the people we passed. There were couples here. I mean, there were always couples at our school, but today my gaze sought them out. I’d never really cared about that stuff before—who was with whom, and who’d broken up, etc. But today I suddenly found it fascinating. I studied all the couples we passed in the parking lot. Some just holding hands, some kissing, some laughing with friends but standing side by side.
How did they get together? Were they an obvious match? I saw the star quarterback Brian Kirkland help his girlfriend into his truck. From what I knew of Alice, she was quiet and kept to herself. Definitely not an obvious choice for the outgoing, uber-popular athlete.
“Hey Jules!” Veronica called out a hello as she and her boyfriend walked passed us. Now they made sense. A popular soccer player and her baseball playing hottie of a boyfriend. They were so obviously good together. Funny how I never noticed these things before. But now…well, now I was being stared at and I knew without a doubt that people were wondering about me and Connor. They were judging us and trying to figure out how we fit.
We passed Tina and Alex and the rest of the A-list crowd. You know the type, they were the ones who threw parties every weekend and who were always involved in some sort of drama. Not really my cup of tea but when one or two from the group called out I waved back, pretending not to notice the way their eyes would go from my face to Connor’s and then fall to our linked hands with ill-concealed surprise.
I glanced up at Connor but he was staring determinedly at his car. Either he was unaware that we were making our grand statement that we were a couple or he didn’t care what people were thinking. Or maybe both.
But I knew. Whatever their thoughts on how or why or if it made sense, what mattered most to me was that they were seeing us together and they were realizing that we were together. A couple.
I was well aware of what people were thinking…
And I liked it.
Chapter Eight
Connor
I couldn’t get out of that parking lot fast enough. The whole world seemed to be staring at us. No, at Juliette.
I hated that. They could say what they wanted about me, but I didn’t want Juliette being stared at like an animal at the zoo because she was dating me. That was exactly what I didn’t want.
I was so focused on getting her out of there, on taking her someplace where we could be alone—it wasn’t until we were in the car and halfway home that I realized I’d absconded with the school’s beloved basketball star. When I looked over I saw that she was watching me with an amused look on her face, like she was trying not to laugh.
“Where are we headed?” she asked.
Just seeing that look made me smile. There was something about being around this girl that made me weirdly happy. There was no fighting it, not anymore. I mean, I’d tried to do what was best for her and had failed miserably.
Was it right to kiss her like that? In front of everyone? Probably not, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself. She’d been standing there looking so beautiful and saying those things…
Did she have any idea how impossible it was to hold out against those words? She’d said she liked me. She’d said it out loud like it was the most normal thing in the world to be so straightforward and honest.
It had been humbling—her honesty and the fact that she liked me. Me. This girl could have anyone. She should have anyone other than me. But she liked me.
I shifted in my seat as an unfamiliar feeling spread through me. A kind of happiness I’d never known before and that kind of scared the crap out of me.
Because it couldn’t last. This wouldn’t last. I knew that and that’s why I was a jackass. I’d pushed her away the other day to protect her, and myself, but one look at those big brown eyes and hearing her say she liked me and…I’d lost it.
I’d kissed her with everything I had. I hadn’t stopped to think about who might see or what she might think I meant. I’d just acted.
And now…well now I had to see this through.
I looked over at her. She deserved honesty. She deserved…aw hell, she deserved everything. Definitely more than I could give her.
But she was waiting for me to answer and I knew she wanted to talk. “My house okay?”
She nodded.
A little while later we’d bypassed my mom and sister and were back in my room—where this all began with a kiss.
Had it really only been twenty-four hours? That may have been the longest day of my life. I’d done nothing but think about that kiss ever since. I’d done nothing but debate my actions, rethink every word I’d spoken.
And at the end of it all, I was no closer to having anything figured out. I mean, that kiss had been amazing. She was amazing. I couldn’t deny it any longer—this had gone beyond a harmless crush.
Way beyond.
I was into her and she was into me and now the whole world knew it.
So now what?
“Have a seat,” I said, gesturing to my desk chair. She sat down, but her gaze never left me. She was watching me with an amused wariness, like perhaps I’d lost my mind.
And maybe I had. I was so far out of my league here I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I wanted this. I wanted her. But it was wrong. It was everything I said I’d avoid at this school. I didn’t want attachments, and having a girlfriend? That was beyond attachment. That was a connection, a relationship.
It meant someone would get hurt, and I sure as hell didn’t want that someone to be Juliette. But thanks to my freakin’ uncontrollable impulses, I was in too deep. She’d get hurt if I turned my back on her now—now when half the school had seen us kissing. And she’d be hurt if we stayed together and got any closer than we already were.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. That was the saying, right?
She was waiting for me to say something. Do something. But I didn’t know what would be right. I mean, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to kiss her until I forgot about everything again. But that wouldn’t solve anything. I’d still be in the same dilemma I was before this all started.
I liked a girl who deserved better. Someone who expected more than I could give her.
So instead of kissing her I shoved a mock quiz in her direction.
She looked down at it. “The Civil War?” She looked up at me in disbelief. “You want me to take a quiz about the Civil War?”
I nodded. “It’s one of Mrs. Herman’s old tests. She said it was cool if I used it as a practice exam.” I avoided her gaze like it was my job. “This will help me see how much of the readings you’ve retained and what we need to go over.”
She let out a little snort, that was inexplicably cute. “You kiss me and now you want to teach me history?” Letting out a sigh, she shook her head and turned her attention to the test. “Okay, weirdo.”
I found myself grinning at the top of her head at the way she called me weirdo. There was no denying I was odd. Definitely not like the other guys who’d line up to date her given half a chance.
She picked up a pencil and leaned over. I could see her reading the first question and then saw her lips pucker up in frustration. I was coming to know her looks better than I knew my own.
She glanced back up at me with a pleading look. “What if I don’t want to study? What if I want to talk?”
Talking sounded absurdly dangerous. I was supposedly the big baddie—I’d heard the other day that I was wanted for a felony in three different states. Not true, but then rumors rarely were. Anyways, I was the school bad guy, and yet here I was te
rrified of a conversation.
Juliette shifted in her seat so she was half facing me. “How about we make it a game.”
“A game,” I echoed.
She nodded, a little smile hovering over her lips. “For every question I get right, you answer a question.”
“Why?”
She arched her brows. “Seriously? Because you are not exactly a Chatty Cathy. I like you, and you said you like me, but I don’t know enough about you.”
I shrugged. “You know the important stuff.”
She cocked her head to the side and gave me a look of disbelief. “Seriously? You’re a big brooding ball of mystery. If we’re dating, I deserve to know more about you.”
I didn’t immediately respond because—hell, what was I supposed to say to that? No one had ever called me a “big brooding ball of mystery” before. That was officially a first.
She must have taken my silence the wrong way because she shifted uncomfortably. “Wait. We are dating, right? Isn’t that what happened back there?”
“Yes.” It came out too gruff. Too harsh. It was a mistake, and I knew that. It could only end in heartbreak. But honest to God, now that it was done, there was no way I was giving her up. Right or wrong, I wanted her near me.
Right or wrong, she was mine.
I ran a hand over my eyes. Ah Christ, I had it bad for this girl.
“Great.” I heard the relief in her voice and felt like a dick for making her worry. I was the ass of the century for not being man enough to just have this conversation. I’d like to date but I can’t make any promises.
Yeah, somehow that didn’t seem like it would go over well.
“So then,” she said, the hesitation gone from her voice. “I think I deserve to get to know my boyfriend.”
Ouch. So much about that statement made me cringe even as my heart raced with excitement at the way she so casually called me her boyfriend.
I liked that. No, I loved it. I loved it way too much.
The Perfect League (Briarwood High Book 3) Page 8