The Traveling Woman

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  “I know,” I said quietly. “I just thought it would help. But he couldn’t leave fast enough.”

  “Some people aren’t built for cages.”

  “My home isn’t a cage!” I snapped, stung by her words.

  “It is if he doesn’t want to be there.”

  My skin went cold. The truth of her words hit me hard, and I felt guilty all over again.

  Kes was gone for hours, so long, in fact, that I started to wonder if he’d left me. I texted and called, but he didn’t reply.

  Eventually, just before midnight, I heard the apartment door open. Kes walked in, his head hanging down.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was just trying to help. I didn’t mean . . .”

  My voice cracked, and I couldn’t carry on speaking. Kes’s eyes met mine and he pulled me into his arms, kissing my hair.

  “Where have you been?” I asked, my voice wobbling uncontrollably.

  “Found a bar to sit in and watched a couple of ball games.”

  I hugged him tighter, relieved that he didn’t smell like he’d been drinking alcohol. “I’m so sorry.”

  He sighed. “I must be a pretty crappy student.”

  “I must be a pretty crappy teacher.”

  He gave a small laugh.

  “Nah. Should I give you the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech? I just . . . I hate being so fucking dumb in front of you.”

  “You’re not, you . . .”

  “I hate that I can’t do something the average fucking five-year old can do. I’m a grown-ass man. It’s fucking humiliating.”

  Hearing him admit to all his deepest feelings, I felt his pain, but I felt his trust in me as well.

  “I was only trying to help,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry that . . . I’m sorry.”

  “I know, baby. Come on, let’s go to bed. It’s late and you’ve got school in the morning.”

  I turned on my phone at lunchtime the next day and saw a text message from Kes, reminding me of our Zumba challenge that evening. At least, I think that’s what he said—autocorrect was a nightmare for a dyslexic.

  * zombie 545 2 nit. Wipe our ass *

  Um . . . Zumba, 5:45 tonight. Wipe our ass?! Oh, Whip your ass? Yes, that made more sense. Hmm, sounded interesting.

  Mirelle was eager to meet Kes, but when I suggested she join the Zumba challenge, she stared at me with disgust.

  “You know I hate getting hot and sweaty unless I’m getting down and dirty at the same time,” she said. “Although I might come along to watch that hot piece of ass you’re calling your man.”

  “Jealous?” I laughed at her.

  “You know it, chica! But I’ll meet him at the dinner. You haven’t wimped out on that, right?”

  “Nope, we’ll both be there.”

  I was late getting to the gym, but Kes was waiting for me, ready for the challenge. He rasied his eyebrow and smirked at me.

  Yep, I was going to get creamed.

  I introduced him to Arlene, the Zumba instructor.

  “My boyfriend thinks that Zumba is easy,” I said with a smile.

  Arelene laughed. “We’ll see about that!”

  Ten minutes later, I was regretting mentioning Zumba to Kes, regretting challenging him, and really regretting saying anything to Arlene.

  By the end of the class, sweat covered my whole body and my clothes were drenched. The other women in the class were in the same sorry condition—Kes looked like he’d been for a gentle stroll.

  He caught my eye and winked.

  “Totally hardcore,” he said with a smile.

  “You win,” I admitted, not wanting to be a sore loser.

  But instead of bragging about having beaten me, his eyes softened.

  “I win every time I open my eyes and see your beautiful face,” he said.

  We stared at each other, the room melting away, and something raw and new hovered between us.

  “Every time,” he whispered again.

  I reached up to touch his cheek, rough with stubble, the skin above smooth and warm to the touch.

  I nodded slowly. “My Kes.”

  He blinked and a beautiful smile spread across his face. Then he leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead.

  “You called me your boyfriend.”

  “Yes?”

  “First time you’ve done that since we were sixteen.”

  I wondered if he was right. Thinking back over our summer, I couldn’t remember a single time when I’d called Kes my boyfriend. Although I wasn’t sure if he’d ever called me his girlfriend either. But if it meant that much to him, I’d say it every chance I got.

  I spent most of Saturday worrying about the dinner with my colleagues. I didn’t say anything to Kes, but it was obvious I was feeling stressed.

  I couldn’t make up my mind what to wear either, and then managed to poke myself in the eye with my mascara wand and ran into the bathroom cursing up a storm.

  By the time I was presentable, we were running late. I sprinted into the bedroom, sweat trickling down my back, prepared to tackle the chaos that I’d left. But Kes had already tidied up and put away the clothes that I’d left strewn across the bed.

  “You’ve done everything!” I gasped, still out of breath.

  “Sure,” he said, looking at me in surprise. “Ready to go?”

  “How did you get to be so amazing?” I asked, still stunned.

  He pulled me into a hug and kissed me lightly on the lips.

  “Lots and lots of second chances,” he murmured.

  Then he held my hand as we walked downstairs to the car.

  “Do you want to drive?” I asked.

  “I can if you want me to. Is your eye sore?”

  “Um, a bit, but it’s not that—I just thought that you’d want to drive.”

  He looked at me quizzically as my cheeks turned pink. I’d suggested it because Gregg had always insisted on driving when it was any sort of school function. Well, pretty much all of the time because he was a guy. Yes, really.

  It was hard to believe that I’d once thought about marrying Gregg. It wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed all those annoying things about him; maybe I’d just been indifferent. I cringed at the memory of how I’d let Gregg treat me just to save another argument. Kes had opened my eyes to a lot of things.

  He still looked confused, but took the keys anyway.

  Principal Browne had chosen a casual restaurant with a couple of pool tables at the back. It was a popular place on weekends and so busy that I couldn’t see a single empty table when we arrived. But then I heard my name being called and searched through the hordes of people. Mirelle was waving at us, but I could see Gregg sitting opposite her, his eyes trained on me. As we walked closer, I could tell by the stiffness of his shoulders that he was not happy to see Kes. I held in a sigh, figuratively crossing my fingers. Kes had promised to be on his best behavior, but he wasn’t what I’d call a patient man if pushed. As for Gregg, I had no clue how he’d behave—probably not well.

  I was relieved when I recognized Lulu Masters sitting next to Gregg. I hadn’t forgiven her for knowingly seeing Gregg behind my back, but honestly, she was welcome to him.

  Mirelle stood up and hugged me, then turned to Kes.

  “So, I’m finally allowed to meet you!” and she held her hand out to him. “Aimee wanted to keep you all to herself, but she’s told me lots of good things about you.”

  Kes laughed and shook her hand before Mirelle surprised him by tugging him into a one-armed hug.

  “I’ve heard about you, too,” he said after she let him go. “Like the time when you took Aimee clubbing for her birthday and . . .”

  “Kes!” I hushed him quickly. “Let me introduce you to Principal Browne, um, Don and his wife Anita. This is my boyfriend, Kestrel Hawkins.”

  The men shook hands, and Anita was very sweet, welcoming Kes to Concord. I guess word had already gone around the school that he was from out of town. I couldn’t help noticing tha
t Gregg’s eyes narrowed as I said the word ‘boyfriend.’

  I introduced Kes to the other teachers and finally decided to bite the bullet and introduce him to Gregg, even though they’d already met.

  They looked so different standing next to each other. Gregg seemed starchy with his combed hair, pressed linen pants and white button-down shirt.

  Gregg looked respectable, safe; Kes looked untamable, his hair a curly mop, his body hard and dangerous. I glanced again at Gregg, and wondered when had I confused ‘safe’ with ‘stuffy’?

  They shook hands and then Gregg introduced Lulu. I smiled briefly, leaning into Kes as he hooked his arm around my waist.

  “What is it you do, Kestrel?” Gregg asked challengingly, a faint emphasis on Kes’s name.

  “Nothing right now,” Kes said easily. “Taking a vacation.”

  I could see the sneer on Gregg’s lips, but I ignored it.

  My colleagues were intrigued by Kes, and I could see them casting surreptitious looks at Lulu, too. They’d all known that Gregg and I used to date. I shrugged my shoulders—they’d gossip whether I wanted them to or not.

  Then Principal Browne’s wife smiled and turned to us.

  “So nice to see you again, Aimee,” she said. “Did you enjoy your summer vacation?”

  “Very much,” I answered honestly, seeing Kes smile as he heard my answer.

  “And is that where you two met?” she asked, hoping to draw Kes into the conversation.

  “Yes and no. It’s sort of a long story,” I stuttered.

  “That sounds intriguing,” she smiled, without pushing for further information.

  I knew that she was letting me off the hook about how Kes and I met, but I was proud of him and I wasn’t going to hide who he was.

  “We’ve known each other since we were ten,” I said. “Kes’s family had a traveling carnival, and one year they came to my home town. That’s where we met.”

  “Oh, what a wonderful story!” Anita said. “How exciting! And you’ve known each other all these years?” She rushed on, not giving us time to answer before she rattled off questions for Kes. “You spent your summers in the carnival? I had a dream of running away to join the circus when I was a little girl. It always sounded so magical, but I wonder if it really was like that?”

  “It was,” I agreed. “It seemed magical to me. The trucks would roll into the maize field and the next morning, there it was.”

  Kes grinned at me, and I knew what he was thinking—that the ‘magic’ was an awful lot of hard work.

  “What a wonderful playground for a child,” she smiled. “I’d love to hear about it, Kestrel.”

  “Aimee knows just as much about it,” he said, grinning at me. “She spent the summer traveling with us.”

  “Oh!” Anita looked surprised. “Your family still owns the carnival?”

  Kes shook his head, no longer smiling. “No, but I travel with some friends of mine for part of the year.”

  “I can tell you that it’s really hard work,” I said. “It’s long hours, back-breaking work, but it’s amazing, too. A whole community under canvas—well, in RVs mostly. It was a wonderful experience.”

  At that moment, Principal Browne leaned across to join in the conversation.

  “Oh Don, this is so interesting!” Anita said. Kestrel travels with a carnival. You don’t hear that every day.”

  Principal Browne’s eyes lit up. “Really? So you’re part of the traveler community?”

  Kes frowned slightly. “No, I’m a carnie, born and bred. There’s a difference.”

  “Oh, I see,” said Principal Browne. “My mistake—which leads me to ask a question: would you consider coming into school and talking to the children about your life? It would really fit in with our diversity and inclusion plan, and be good for them to hear about alternative lifestyles.”

  I was pretty certain that Kes had never heard of ‘diversity and inclusion’ plans, but he seemed entertained by the idea of coming to my school to talk about the carnival. He glanced at me to see what I thought, and I smiled at him.

  “I guess I could, although I don’t know anything about giving a speech—but it’ll be cool to see where Aimee works.” And then he said offhandedly, “I’ve never been inside a school.”

  Principal Browne looked puzzled. “You mean as an adult?”

  “Nope, never been in a school ever,” Kes clarified.

  “But . . . but . . . you never went to school?”

  Kes was starting to look irritated. “No, we traveled nine or ten months of the year.”

  “Did your parents oversee your education?”

  Kes folded his arms. “My brother went to Northwestern, so I guess he did okay.”

  “Ah, home educated, I see.”

  Education was a sore point for Kes, and I could see that his temper was straining at the leash. The beast inside was beginning to growl.

  Unfortunately, that’s when Gregg and Lulu joined in.

  “Where did you go to college?” Gregg asked. “You didn’t say.”

  Kes turned his head slowly. “No, I didn’t.”

  “Not Northwestern then,” Gregg said smugly.

  Kes grit his teeth. “I didn’t go to college.”

  “Not at all?” Lulu pushed.

  When Kes didn’t answer, Gregg smiled at Lulu. “I plan to start my Masters degree in January. The program is affiliated with Harvard.”

  I wanted to groan. Instead, I smiled brightly and decided to change the subject. But Kes had other ideas.

  “Aimee’s doing one of those—a Masters course.”

  “I haven’t decided yet,” I lied.

  Kes frowned. “I thought you were definitely doing it?”

  “Oh, well,” I stuttered. “Probably. I mean, I haven’t registered yet or anything.”

  Kes looked at me thoughtfully. “You shouldn’t give up on your dreams, Aimee.”

  “Good advice,” smiled Principal Browne then turned to Kes again. “Well, it would certainly be interesting for the children to learn about doing homework in a carnival.”

  And he laughed.

  Kes’s nostrils flared, a sure sign that his temper was only just in check. I rested my hand on his.

  “I ran a book club while I traveled with the carnival, but that was just for the summer. The children stay at home during the school year.”

  Principal Browne nodded.

  “Ah, well, perhaps you could talk about a typical day, both as a child and as an adult—what’s changed, that sort of thing.”

  Kes shrugged, and I could tell that he’d already lost interest in the idea.

  “Maybe you could do a demonstration,” laughed Lulu. “You could ride an elephant!”

  Gregg chuckled loudly and I heard a few other snickers, too.

  “Yes, let’s put up a circus tent on the school field,” Gregg continued. “Very educational.”

  “That sounds like a lovely idea,” smiled Anita in a way that made me even more grateful to her. “What a pity we can’t.”

  “I don’t think it would be allowed,” Mirelle said, her eyes challenging Gregg. “Not when fire is involved and . . .”

  “I could help you prepare a few words,” I interrupted, looking at Kes rather desperately.

  But Mirelle’s comment was too interesting to be ignored.

  “Fire?” Anita asked questioningly.

  Kes shrugged. “I used to do a fire-eating act.”

  Anita’s eyes glowed. “Good gracious! How exciting! But you don’t do that now?”

  Mirelle answered for him. “Only for fun. Aimee showed me some photographs from last summer. Looks awesome. Hey, Kes, why don’t you bring back your knife-throwing act? I bet Gregg would volunteer to be your target.”

  Kes cracked a smile. “I haven’t done it for a few years, but sure, why not. You up for that, Gregg?”

  Gregg paled. He couldn’t tell whether or not Kes was joking. Nor could I, but the glint in his eyes was menacing.


  Anita clapped her hands together delightedly. “You’re a fire-eater and a knife-thrower! How wonderful. But I’m afraid Mirelle is right; the school would be in trouble if we tried that.” Then she looked at Kes. “But you said you’re rusty, so what do you do in the carnival now?”

  Kes smiled at her, and this time the evil glint had disappeared from his eyes.

  “I only travel with the carnival for the summer, just helping out friends. I mostly do arena events—motorcycle stunts. I run a display outfit named Hawkins’ Daredevils.”

  “Kes is a Guinness World Record holder,” I said proudly. “The longest motorcycle jump ever! That was in Sydney, Australia. He has fans all over the world.”

  “Wow!” said Mirelle, looking really impressed. “You forgot to mention that little detail, Kes. Seriously awesome!”

  The other teachers seemed to think so, too, because I saw them pulling out their phones to Google his name.

  “Oh, you must come and talk to the children,” Anita said.

  “I agree,” Principal Browne smiled. “Can I persuade you, Kes? It would be a wonderful learning opportunity for them.”

  “Sure,” said Kes, seeming neither keen nor reluctant.

  He reached into his wallet and handed Principal Browne a business card. I looked at him in surprise.

  It had never occurred to me that Kes was the kind of man to carry business cards. I realized I didn’t know as much about him as I thought. Time, I reassured myself. We need time.

  I looked up and saw that Kes was watching me closely.

  “You cool with this, Aimee?” he asked quietly.

  I held his hand tightly. “I couldn’t be cooler,” I said sincerely.

  He smiled at me, and I saw his body relax.

  Gregg was pissed, and I knew him well enough to know that he was jealous of all the attention Kes was getting. I just hoped that Principal Browne’s presence would be enough to stop Gregg doing something even more assholeish than he already had.

  The evening passed quickly. Although after the first hour of eating and chatting, Kes became restless, his knees jiggling and generally just being fidgety.