by Drew Sera
“I kept myself busy in my school work and studied hard so once I graduated I could get the fuck out. That night I had had it and snapped. All three of them were high and drunk. I went out to the kitchen and yelled at Bruce and Connor to stop hurting her. I shoved my way between them and helped her off the table. It was the dumbest thing I had ever done.” He looked over at me. This was exactly how he got his scar. I knew the gruesome details were coming.
“I tried going back to my room but Connor shoved me to the ground and sat on my chest. He pinned my arms down and asked me if I was ready to scream. Bruce sat over my thighs, pinning my legs down and I felt a pinch that turned into a horrible pain. Bruce cut me just under my ribs down to just above my hipbone. I remember trying to scream but Connor held his hand over my mouth. I remember seeing my mom standing over me as I was being cut. She was laughing at me and told me I got myself into that situation. She wouldn’t help me. She left me there with them.”
Anthony paused for a few moments. I noticed he had one of his hands under his shirt on the same side of his scar. He does this on occasion and I’m sure he’s not even aware that he does it. I was pretty sure he was holding a hand over it now.
“I started seeing spots and passed out. I woke up in the bathtub when Bruce came in and turned the shower water on. He sat on the edge of the tub and pressed on my chest with his foot to keep me in the tub. He just wanted to get a reaction out of me from the hot water on my skin. I held out as long as I could without giving him the satisfaction but when it became too much for me, he laughed and told me to hurry up and get ready for school.”
In the back of my mind was last Saturday when Matt pinned Anthony to the ground. I felt guilty about it and I’m sure Matt felt like shit right now.
“I found some rubbing alcohol under the sink and poured it over my cut. It fucking hurt. I bandaged it with paper towels and tore up an old tee shirt to wrap it around to stop the bleeding. I threw some clean tee shirts in my backpack and went to school. I was late because I had to walk slowly. I barely made it through the classes and between class I went to the bathroom and changed shirts. There was so much blood after each class and I remember how weak I felt by the end of the day. I thought I was going to die. During my last class of the day I decided my only chance was my dad. He and I weren’t very close. He lived in California. My mom had just been a fling when she worked at the strip club and my dad was a client. She was twenty-one when she had me and my dad at the time was close to fifty when I was born. He took responsibility though and sent my mom money each month. He called me on my birthdays, Christmas and as the new school year started and ended. So we were on speaking terms. I didn’t even know if he’d answer the phone but I had it all rehearsed in case he did. When he picked up, nothing came out. I just…cried. I finally got out what had happened and he told me not to go home but to go to the nearest hospital. I told him what the closest one was and he said for me to get there and he was on his way to the airport. My dad was a doctor like you, Matt. I bummed a ride from a kid at school and was scared to go into the emergency room. I was afraid they’d call my mom or Bruce. I was starting to see spots again and knew what that meant. I sat on the curb and wrote a note and sat there with it. It’s in the police file.”
Matt fished out an old piece of notebook paper with messy handwriting that read:
If I pass out, don’t call Pamela or Bruce Strand. Only call my dad Richard Graves. My name is Anthony Graves. My birthday is March 10, 1973 and I’m not allergic to anything.
“Two doctors or nurses approached me and asked me if I was okay. I handed them the note and they took me inside. I woke up later that night in the hospital and my dad was beside me. I tried to talk but nothing came out. He stayed with me and said he’d take care of everything. And he did. I was discharged a few nights later and never went home again. My dad took me with him to California and after the Christmas break, he enrolled me in a high school out there.”
Matt and I were frozen. Anthony grew up in hell and yet he was so grounded when Matt and I met him. He was already a member of Irons and was well respected. I really would have never known.
“Where were you burned?” I had to know and felt no shame in asking. He had been this open so far.
Anthony explained that he had been burned by hot water all through his childhood but that he never got any scars from that. The worst, were the cigarette burns. Anthony stood up, raised his tee shirt and pulled some hair from around his belly button out of the way to reveal several white blotches of skin in and around his belly button.
“Your belly button? They burned you there?” I don't know why I asked because it was obvious. He was showing it to us. I was disgusted.
“Yeah, my belly button was their favorite ashtray.” He dropped his shirt and sat back down.
Matt was still skimming through the medical file but was paying attention to us.
“Anth, why didn’t you go to a teacher for help? I know you were scared, but they would have helped you,” Matt added.
Anthony shook his head and looked down.
“Connor was the principal.” He reached for his coffee. He was shaking and I think it surprised him when he reached for the cup and nearly dropped it. He set it back on the table and folded his arms across his chest either to keep them from shaking or to keep us from seeing them shake.
“He was your high school principal?” I asked.
Anthony nodded. “And junior high. And elementary school.”
I frowned. I didn’t understand but was trying. Anthony exhaled loudly again but kept looking down.
“I was put in schools where Connor was at. He kept me in line and snubbed out any teacher concerns. Needless to say I was the most well behaved student who was constantly in trouble and in the principal’s office.”
Christ. Anthony’s past was far worse than either Matt or I could have imagined. I’m certain there were years of horrors that aren’t down on paper in black and white. Anthony leaned back in his chair and Matt tossed the yellow monkey over at him. He caught it and smiled.
“My dad filed a lawsuit against the school district and won, of course. There was so much evidence. A few teachers ended up coming forth saying that they had raised concerns about my well-being and brought it to the principal’s attention. Connor lied and told them all that he’d look into their concerns. My mom and Bruce were arrested but let go after a short sentence. They ended up in another argument while I was living with my dad. Bruce shot and killed my mom and then shot himself. When my dad sat me down and told me, I didn’t cry. They were nothing to me. And I don’t know what happened to Connor.”
“Anth, it’s certainly not our business, but I’m just curious,” Matt started. He leaned back on the couch and motioned around Anthony’s place. “Is this all from the suit your dad filed?”
Matt was curious about Anthony’s money. Not specific numbers, but rather if that was where it came from. I jumped in with a light joke about it.
“Are you insinuating that I’m not paying him well?”
Anthony laughed quietly and nodded at Matt’s question.
“Connor denied everything in the beginning but later admitted to inappropriate conduct in court. I had to testify, which was scary, but it was necessary. My dad put every penny from the settlement in various accounts for me. He didn’t touch a cent and said it was all mine. I didn’t care about the money. But it afforded me the opportunity to get a small place of my own while I went to college. It was during college that I learned about Irons. Every Friday after class, I’d hop a flight to Vegas from the bay area and spend the weekend. I attended all of the classes and seminars Blake required of potential members. And once selection day rolled around, I was ready with my money. I just had hoped someone would volunteer to mentor me. Turns out I got lucky and Blake took me. Then I met you guys and that’s when my life really started for me.”
I needed to remember to thank Blake for taking Anthony under his wing when Anthony was joining Irons. I
wonder if Blake knew how much Anthony needed him back then. He probably didn’t know of Anthony’s past circumstance, but sometimes a Dom can just tell.
“And the best part of your life is happening now, Anth.” I leaned forward and looked over at him. “Anthony, I know you said the answers were all in these files. But I still don’t understand why you can’t be with Sydney.”
“Colin, you guys know that Sydney has been through hell. She needs a Dom that hasn’t had shit like mine in their past.”
Un-fucking real. Matt wasn’t buying it either.
“You don’t get it Anthony, you’re exactly what she needs. You connect with her in ways I could never connect with her. You understand things and feelings the way I couldn’t begin to fathom. You and Sydney both can describe with sick detail what it feels like right before you pass out from pain. Not everyone can connect like that. Because you share a similar, painful past, you can comfort her in a way no one else can.”
He wasn’t shaking his head anymore in denial but was actually listening and thinking about it. He leaned forward and was twirling the monkey by the legs.
“I don’t want to hurt,” he said quietly. This was Anthony honestly telling me what he was feeling. I know where he was coming from now. He spent so much of his life hurting that he’s done with putting himself in those situations. Only he’s been picky about that rule of his.
“I get it, Anth. I do. I’ll be the first one to tell you that losing someone you care for fucking sucks. It’s the worst. It’s horrible torture and it’ll sting for the rest of your life. Every year as Thanksgiving comes up, I think of that night that I lost my parents and Jeff. But would I ever go back and not want to be a part of something special like my family? Not a chance. I’d do it all over again every time, even if I knew I was going to lose them. We were a close family and I was lucky enough to have both parents who loved my brother and I. Now I’ve got Matt and Matt’s family, Gina, you and Sydney.”
“What if I can’t take care of her like she needs?”
“Anthony, you’re reaching, man. You are so in tune with her that you could feel her sneeze minutes before she does. You were built to love a girl like Sydney. You’d do everything in your power to keep her safe and taken care of,” I told him.
Matt held up the tattered folders. “You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Besides, you haven’t pushed Colin and I away. Or my mom and dad or Gina. Don’t push your sunshine away, man. You’ve had enough doom and gloom. Let her in.”
Anthony was running out of excuses and crutches now. He knew that Matt and I firmly and whole-heartedly believed that he was perfect for Sydney and could give her what she needed and wanted.
“What if...what if I’m not what she wants?”
He was genuinely scared to death of this being a possibility. That’s fine. I came prepared too. I smiled and held up my index finger and raced over to the kitchen counter to collect my arsenal. I came prepared for war. I dropped the envelope on his lap.
“I brought proof that you are everything to her. Everything.” He stared at the envelope like he was afraid to open it.
“Anth, the three of us have been family for a long time. We know each other like the backs of our hand. Matt and I have never seen you like this over a woman. It means something. You drop everything for her. Even in the very beginning when you brought her over for my party, you’ve been there for her. You can sense her getting nervous and you calm her just by being next to her. You have helped make that girl as strong as she is today and have helped her heal.” He was listening to me and wasn’t blowing me off or pretending like he didn’t hear me. “When you and I walked into her apartment that Sunday night it was you who cradled her mangled body. You stepped up and did your best with what needed to be done in a shitty situation. You held her in the back seat of my car and all through the night. She’s had a connection with you from the beginning. You’ve been by her side through the good and bad with the training. She trusts you more that she trusts everyone else combined. You.”
He leaned back in his chair and stared down at the sock monkey. He was contemplating the possibility that what I was telling him was the truth. And it was. He still held the envelope.
“Open it Anth. It won’t bite you,” I told him and sat back against the cushion.
“Anthony, you’re our best friend and our little brother. Colin and I wouldn’t let you walk into a fire where you’ll get burned.”
“Open it.”
Anthony cautiously opened the envelope and pulled out about twenty or so photos. Every single one of them had Sydney and Anthony in them. Anthony stared at them in disbelief but he was genuinely smiling. He hadn’t touched them yet but was grinning. I leaned over and started spreading out the pictures on his coffee table.
“See, I’ve been taking these of you two because I’ve known for a while that you two clicked. There’s amazing chemistry between you two.” I picked up some other ones causing him to smile. He looked better and in his eyes I saw hope and possibility. “Anthony, you’re the best Dom I know. You’re the best for her. I wouldn’t trust another man with her and be able to sleep at night. Just you.”
Anthony continued to shift through the photos and pulled out the one I took of the two of them at Velocity standing by the railing. His arm was draped around her waist; fingers under her shirt and his lips were at her ear.
“This was the night that I lost my ability to control and contain my desire for her. I want her, but not just from a sexual or D/s standpoint or for a night. I want to be everything to her. I want to give her everything that I have to give. I just worry that it’s not enough.”
“Anth, what you can offer her and give her is all she wants and needs. She just needs you to be happy,” I told him.
“And, I think we’ve discovered that you need your sunshine,” Matt added.
Anthony’s face was actually showing signs of happiness as he continued to look through the pictures. The pictures I’ve been taking have turned out to be the best thing for him.
He pulled out a few more and held them up for Matt to see. I tugged out one closer to the bottom from last night. It was of the two of them on the couch during aftercare and his hand was on hers against his chest. Both of their eyes were closed and they looked relaxed and content. He smiled wide when he saw that one.
“Your sneaky photo addiction is kind of creepy, Col.”
The three of us laughed. It was some much needed laughter after viewing the contents of those folders and listening to him. I know Matt had read them cover to cover and I’d have to talk with him later about them. Matt gathered the file folders and handed them back to Anthony.
“Thank you for sharing these with us. I know it wasn’t easy and I’m sorry that I’ve pushed you over the years about that scar. I saw the stitches in the pictures they gave you and I know it bothers you from time to time. Offer always stands, Anth. Anytime you want something to ease a flare up, let me know.”
Anthony nodded. I knew Anthony would never take Matt up on it but at least it was out in the open again.
“Are these pictures mine?”
“All yours, man. Do with them as you please. Stare at them all day and then come over.” I paused while he gathered up the pictures. “Anth, I’ve got to go to Macau tonight. I have to know that you’re going to be okay with Sydney.”
“I’m okay. I’ll take care of her. She has her appointment Tuesday.”
Anthony pulled out his cell phone and opened his calendar. He turned the phone around so I could see it on his calendar. “See, I added it. I also added Sydney’s follow up with Matt a week from Monday.” He set his phone down and looked at Matt and I. “I’m sorry about last night. Both of you are right. I will tread carefully and slowly and will keep an open mind.”
“That’s all you’ve got to do, Anth. The rest will work itself out.”
Matt and I left shortly after that. I felt good about where Anthony was at in regards to Sydney. He at least was open to the
possibility of the two of them and he wasn’t fighting it anymore. I was feeling somewhat sick to my stomach over the stuff we heard and read in those files.
Anthony was going to take the afternoon to rest and relax and then was going to be over to my place around five. He needed to sleep. Anthony was bringing dinner and then would take me to the airport tonight. I needed to spend the rest of the day with my baby before my trip.
I felt funny as I got into the car though. I realized that with Anthony believing in the possibility of him being Sydney’s Dom that my time with her is limited. At this point, I’m not really sure what would happen with Sydney and Anthony, if anything. But I knew that he had finally heard Matt and I out and he hadn’t dismissed any of it. I knew it wasn’t going to be instant but I knew that he was at least more open to the idea. And that was all I needed to reassure me that while I was in Macau, our fragile kitten would be safe and cared for.
When I got home, Matt and I hit some golf balls around for a bit to blow off some steam from reading about the shit Anthony went through. It was no wonder that Anthony never spoke about his mom and Bruce. Fucking assholes. All things considering, Anthony somehow turned out okay. At least his biological father was there for him, even though it was almost a little too late. I think Blake had a profound affect on Anthony. I knew he mentored Anthony and obviously helped to make sure Anthony’s head was screwed on straight. I now understand their bond some more.
“Matt, can you help Anthony with Sydney while I’m gone, if he needs it? She’s got her appointment Tuesday and I’m nervous about that. Plus all the shit that Anthony showed us today.”
“You didn’t need to even ask, Colin. I’ll see if we can get together with them for dinner a couple times. I’ll check on him. He’ll be okay.”