by Drew Sera
“So, dare I ask what else was in the medical file?” I walked back to where Matt was leaning on his golf club. I knew he had read those files word for word and understood all that medical jargon.
“None of it was pleasant, Colin, you know that. There were lots of notes about neglect and malnourishment. There were a lot of additional pictures that nearly turned my stomach. It’s one thing to see it first hand in the hospital or read about it in a report. But then when you realize that what you’re seeing and reading actually happened to someone close to you, it’s tough.”
“What I saw looked sick enough.”
“Be thankful you didn’t read anymore. I can tell you that I’ll be up tonight thinking about it. Pictures of his back were horrible.” He didn’t move up to the tee but continued to stand leaning on his club.
“What was wrong with the back pictures, Matt?”
I wanted to know. He was my best friend. Matt took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. He cleared his throat before continuing.
“Just everything, Col. Cuts, bruising. The bruising on his lower back concerned me the most. It was in the neighborhood of his kidneys. I flipped through the report to see if there was mention of any organ damage but I didn’t see anything. They fucked him up.”
Fuck. My stomach hurt. He dealt with that for years on his own. Matt continued to talk when I wished he hadn’t. But he needed to vent and get it off his chest too. He said there were some photos where Anthony had hand marks and bruising on his neck. Matt suggested someone would have had to have been grabbed frequently around the neck to create the kind of bruising that was in the pictures and report. My mind flashed back to Anthony telling us his step-father and friend would fucking tape him to the sliding glass door. They taped him to glass by his neck. Sick fucks. I hope they’re rotting in hell. Matt’s voice brought me to the present.
“There were other pictures too, Colin.” It was the way he said “other” that made my stomach ache even more.
“Fuck, Matt. What the fuck is wrong with people?” My mind raced with the worst.
“His fucking step-father seemed to have a love for belts.”
I had mixed feelings. I was angry over what happened to him and deeply saddened over it; but it was Matt voicing that Bruce Strand loved belts that pushed me over the edge. I wanted to throw the club as hard as I could.
I spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling with Sydney on the couch. Even though I told her Anthony was coming back tonight, she was still subdued. Just before 5:00, Anthony arrived with a cheese pizza. I took the box from him while he hung up his coat. I was trying to shake the images of his younger looking abused body from my mind.
“Hey.”
“Come in, Anth. You’ve been missed and in demand today.”
“I’m sorry I was a dick and ran, Col.”
“I know. But you’ve got to make it right with your sunshine.”
He nodded and then his attention was diverted to over my shoulder. I knew Sydney had walked into the room. Anthony’s face went from stressed and worried to thankful and longing.
“Sunshine,” he whispered and walked past me. He met her half way and pulled her in his arms cradling her head in his hands against his chest. “Sunshine, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“I missed you, Sir. Are you okay?”
Sydney voicing her concern over him struck a chord with Anthony. Aside from Matt, Blake and I, Anthony hasn’t had many people express concern over how he’s doing. And after seeing a glimpse into his graphic childhood, I had a better grasp on exactly why it was hard for him to believe that someone could love him. The closest caring adult he had in his life was his biological father. And he wasn’t around until Anthony was seventeen.
Soon Anthony was kissing her face and they were all over each other. I headed towards them and pushed Anthony towards the kitchen. I made sure we talked about light things during dinner like Macau and Thanksgiving. Sydney expressed she was excited to be part of a big dinner at Matt’s and she was looking forward to meeting his parents.
On the way to the airport we talked about the time difference in Macau and how we needed to maintain daily contact over the next few days. I’d be able to pick up on any issues hopefully. We were going to try to connect with each other using the iPads in the mornings for me and evenings for them.
“Have you been to Macau before, Colin?” Sydney asked from the back seat.
“Yeah, quite a bit actually. We’ve been working on getting our foot in the door with Cheng’s team for a while. Over a year. So Mitch, Anthony and I have been there a handful of times.”
Sydney was curious about the city and asked me lots of questions and Anthony and I answered them for her. She asked if we ever brought anything neat back and instantly Anthony burst out laughing.
“Oh yes, sunshine. Colin brought back something cool. A few times, isn’t that right, Col?”
I smiled and shook my head at him. I knew he was referring to my tattoos. I have a few tattoos and three of them I got while in Macau. I explained to Sydney that Anthony was referring to my tattoo on the center of my chest, the one on my side, and the one on my bicep. The one on the center of my chest is a couple of Chinese characters, and the one on my bicep and side, are dragons. They’re no secret to Sydney though, because she’s seen them. She knows Anthony, Matt and I have tattoos on our shoulder blades of a BDSM emblem.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you what the symbols mean,” Sydney said.
“It means rising dragon.”
“Does that have a special meaning for you?”
“Sort of. During my first trip to Macau, I got the dragon tattoo on my arm. Dragons have dual meanings in different regions of the world. In China, they represent good. In the west, they tend to mean darker more ominous things. Power, unpredictability, ferocity. In the east and west, there are a few things that a dragon tattoo represents in both cultures; potential. So after my first meeting with Cheng’s team, potential, struck a chord with me.”
“While we were walking back to our hotel, we saw a little store front where some guy who had to be a million years old was tattooing a customer, just out on the sidewalk in front of the store. Of course, we stopped to watch and I dared Colin to let this guy tattoo him.”
Anthony and I shared a laugh again as I remembered being bold enough to accept his dare but being scared to death to let this ancient man take a needle to my arm. It ended up pretty fucking neat and I’ve never regretted it.
“Anthony, Mitch and I were invited back by Cheng’s team a few months later. I saw this as potential for a contract. I had an opportunity in front of me and what I did with it was all on me. And Anthony and Mitch. But the potential and opportunity was there. I just had to do something with it.”
“So, again on our way back to the hotel we’d pass that same tattoo storefront and would always stop to watch. Again, I dared Colin to get something else.”
“And again, I sat proudly in that uncomfortable metal chair and let him tattoo the rising dragon in Chinese characters on my chest. The next time we went back, I got another dragon tattoo on my side.”
“That’s actually a really neat story, Colin. Rising potential. Very neat for business.”
I smiled knowing that Sydney thought that it was crafty and hearing her say my name. I promised them that I wouldn’t come back with more tattoos though. My smile faded as we pulled up along the curb to the drop off section.
Sydney had hopped out of the back seat and hugged me on the curb while Anthony pulled my bag out of the back of my Range Rover.
“Baby, listen to Anthony while I’m gone. He’ll take care of you.” I almost let it slip out of my mouth that I loved her while I hugged her. I did love her but I couldn’t let that surface. She needed Anthony, and he needed her.
“Yes, Sir. Have a good time in Macau.”
She was always thinking of others and her thoughtfulness made me smile. I opened up the passenger door and made sure she got situated. I did
n’t want her to stand in the cold. I bent to kiss her good bye and then gently closed the door. It’s going to be a few lonely nights without Sydney in my arms.
“Got everything, Col?” Anthony asked as he approached with my bag.
“Yep, all ready.” I glanced back at Sydney and waved. I knew very well when I come back, things could be different. “I’ll miss her while I’m gone.”
“I know you don’t have a ton of faith in me right now, but I promise you that I will take care of her.”
“And she’ll take care of you.” I playfully punched him in the arm, waved to Sydney again, and walked towards the airport terminal with a smile on my face.
Chapter 10
Saturday, November 23rd
Anthony
I got back into the warmth of Colin’s Range Rover to my waiting sunshine. She smiled warmly at me and I was suddenly aware of the ache in my stomach. Probably dinner and stress. We drove back to Colin’s and talked about tomorrow. Matt and Gina were coming over to watch the 49ers game, and then tomorrow night, they were doing a rope scene at Irons. I told Sydney if she was feeling up to it we’d go watch.
When Sydney and I got back to Colin’s, I immediately took the responsibility of setting the house alarm and locking up. Colin always did this, but I didn’t want to forget later. I will admit I was worried I messed up what Sydney and I had built when I left last night. It was stupid of me. We were going to go take a bath, but I needed to make sure Colin and Matt knew we were home and all was well. I fucked up last night and need to convince them that Sydney is still in good hands. I sent them both the same text.
AG: Sunshine and I are home and getting ready for a bath.
When I got to the bathroom, she was kneeling on the rug with her head tilted downward. I frowned. I hated seeing her head tilted downward. I know many Doms prefer or even require it, but not me, and not Colin. I knelt down in front of her and tilted her chin up so she’d look at me. Fuck, those blue eyes are gorgeous. I could get lost in them. Easily.
“Sunshine, I don’t want you to look downward when you kneel.”
Her expression told me that she had questions and she searched my eyes for the answers.
“Sir, Colin said that most Doms want it that way. Shouldn’t I practice it like that?”
I had to be careful how I answered. While I didn’t want to lead her on I also didn’t want her to think that I didn’t want her. This was going to be tricky.
“I’m not like most Doms, Sydney. I like to see your gorgeous eyes and sweet face. I can tell by looking in your eyes how you’re doing. I need to see those eyes.” I touched her cheek and let my thumb stroke her delicate skin. “Sydney, why do you think Colin has been so adamant about you looking at us?”
She smiled and I could tell she was thinking. Sydney helped me get undressed and we sat in the tub together to relax and reconnect. She and I needed to talk, but a big part of me was apprehensive to have that conversation. I pulled her to lean against my chest and I made lazy circles on her upper arms. It didn’t take long before my body was embarrassing me. I didn’t care though and I wasn’t going to hide it. She started to giggle when she felt my erection. I missed the sound of her laughter last night.
“What are you laughing at, Miss Burke?” I reached around and tweaked her hard nipple. “I think you’re about in the same position as I am in.” She only giggled more and when I tried to tickle her lightly she turned her body closer into me. I really liked that.
I found myself taking hold of her cheeks softly and pulled our faces closer so I could kiss her. She immediately opened to me and my tongue took advantage and began searching for hers. Before I knew it, the bubbles were gone and the water was cooling. She was flushed from our making out and when I pulled us apart, I could see her pupils were dilated.
After we dried off, we sat by the fireplace in the sitting area of her room. Our room. There we continued with our evening talk. I had missed this last night on account of me being a dick.
I had on pajama pants but Sydney was naked. I leaned against the chair and held her on my lap under a blanket. Sydney needs a lot of positive physical contact, which was fine by me. I love holding her. Especially skin to skin.
“Sunshine, I want to talk to you about last night.”
“Okay,” she said and sounded so serious.
“Why were you afraid that Evan would strike you?”
She looked down and began cuddling closer to me. She was nervous and tense.
“Sweetheart, I’m not angry. I’m just trying to understand, honey.”
“I was being slow. My mind was wandering and I wasn’t paying close attention. It was my fault. I didn’t hear him give his instructions the first time, and then I caught my foot under the rug.”
I hugged her against me and set my chin on her shoulder. Sydney had so much kinky potential lurking below the surface but she was never given a chance to let any of it shine. Howard was an asshole.
“Howard wasn’t very patient with you, sweetheart. You’ve grown to expect that. I can tell you that Evan wasn’t going to strike you. Evan isn’t like that. Besides, even if he were, there would have been no way his hand would have made it down to strike you. Colin and I would have gotten there quicker.”
I wanted to find out if she was upset about me having joined their scene. It was just something I needed to hear.
“Sunshine, were you disappointed when I joined your scene with Evan?”
“No! Not at all! Anthony...Sir, I was so happy.” She paused while she pondered sharing what was on her mind. “I was thinking of you when I wasn’t paying close attention to Evan.”
I couldn’t prevent the ear-to-ear smile that appeared on my face. Sydney just confirmed what Colin and Matt have been trying to get me to believe. I was relieved and found myself drifting off in thoughts. Mine.
“Sir?”
“Yes, sunshine?”
“Did I make you angry?”
“No, sweetheart. Not at all. Happy, actually. You made me very happy, Sydney.”
“I didn’t do anything though.”
I could only smile. She has no idea what she does to me. Maybe once I figure out how to put it into words, I’ll tell her.
She and I snuggled into bed a little before 10:00. Starting tomorrow, we would keep our communication up with Colin. I knew it was hard for him to be away especially after last night and so close to Sydney’s appointment with Chris. I would take good care of her though. After all, she could be mine. I had a lot of thinking to do. Even though Colin and Matt have been encouraging my feelings for Sydney, I knew Colin connected with Sydney too, and I know he loves her. Sydney’s sweet voice brought me from my thoughts as she lay in my arms.
“Can I ask you something, Sir?”
“Anything.”
“Last weekend when Gina and I were shopping, she told me that you never played outside of Irons.”
“That’s true. I keep it all at the club, sunshine.”
She was quiet for a few moments and twirled her fingers around in my chest hair. My chest has been aching more frequently over the past day or so and was acting up now. I flattened her hand against my chest and kept my hand on top of hers because the pressure of her hand relieves the pain in my chest.
“But, Sir, you played here with me and Colin.”
I could hear the confusion in her voice. I didn’t know how to express what I felt for her, and I had to take my time and think about this. I never saw my mom and Bruce act sweet and caring towards one another, and I sure as hell never heard sweet words of love. I needed to work on expressing myself to her. She deserved that, but I just wasn’t ready yet.
“That’s true too.” I turned my head and kissed her cheek. “Sleep well, sunshine.”
“Night, Sir.” She squeezed me and then whispered, “I’m glad you came back.”
Fuck, so was I.
Sydney woke up around 1:30 in the morning from a nightmare. This one was a rough one. She couldn’t quite calm down d
espite me holding her tightly in my arms. I hope this doctor can help her reduce the number of them. I realize she’ll never be completely rid of them. But it’s way too frequent right now. It’s nearly every fucking night and she ends up feeling guilty about waking Colin or I up.
I held her on my lap and rubbed gentle, consistent strokes on her tummy trying to relax her. Colin is so much better at actually getting her to talk though.
“Sydney, talk to me. Tell me about your dream. I need to know.”
She was quiet but shaking her head. I kissed her forehead and pulled it gently to rest on my shoulder.
“I want to know, Sydney.”
“It was stupid. They just seem so real to me.”
I took a deep breath and tried to comfort her.
“I know, sunshine. I used to get bad dreams a lot, and they always seemed real to me too. I would often have nightmares often about getting my scar. Each time they were a little different but the end result was always the same. I always woke up from getting the scar in my dream and would wake up sweating. My hand would move over to my side and I’d feel it. Then I’d turn on the lights to see if I was bleeding. I never was, of course. But they were that real to me.”
I looked down at her and saw she was looking up at me, eager to listen to what I had to say. She twirled her fingers in my chest hair and made me feel calm. She has a way of breaking down my barriers. I never told anyone about those nightmares aside from my dad, and that was because he woke up to the noises of my nightmares. He put me in counseling shortly after I moved in with him.
I wasn’t going to allow Sydney’s nightmares to control her anymore. She needed to air it out. I was going to push her some tonight. The sooner she got this shit out of her system, the better.
“Tell me, sunshine. I want to help you, but in order for me to help, you have to let me in and tell me.”
“He was holding me face down on the floor of my apartment. He was angry with me for not getting him off, or something like that. My poor performance again. He was getting ready to burn me with a cigarette. He had it close to my skin and when it touched me, I woke up.”