by Drew Sera
As Sydney and I were walking into the restaurant, Colin had sent me a text.
CE: Anth, take good care of fragile kitten. It’s only been a few days from her scene. Don’t let her scene with anyone and steer clear of Paul.
His text made me smirk. I wanted to bust his balls and respond with “no shit.” But he was too far away and it wouldn’t be right to mess with him where Sydney was concerned. He already was on edge about being away.
AG: Don’t worry. I’ll have her locked at my side.
Once inside, I glanced around for Matt and Gina. Off to the side, I saw him stand and wave at us. Sydney sat across from Gina and they began their chit chatting. Tonight felt different than any other night for some reason. I think it was because it was the first time that I’ve really been out with Sydney on my own without Colin. We had just finished eating and the girls went off to the restroom while Matt and I waited for the bill.
I kept my eye on the hallway where the bathroom was. My chest started aching again. Fuck, what the hell was going on with me? I even tried picking something off the menu that I thought was healthier. I almost opened my mouth to say something to him about it, but quickly closed it.
“So how does it feel without Colin around?” Matt asked me as he signed the bill.
“It’s not weird being alone with her but it’s a little weird being in Colin’s without him.”
“There’s always your place, Mr. Penthouse.”
“My place blows. You were there. What the fuck kind of place is that for her? There’s nothing remotely comforting there.”
“You’re there. You’re what she wants.” I looked up at him and he continued. “She’d live in a box with you, Anthony.”
Over Matt’s shoulder I could see the girls making their way back to us and I stood. When they reached the table I pulled Sydney against me and held her for a moment. Fuck, I could get used to this. As much as I knew I could get used to, I also knew that lurking close to the surface was my need to dominate and play rougher, and I wasn’t one hundred percent certain she could handle that.
I put my hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the door with Matt and Gina behind us. There was some sort of energy I could feel sizzling between Sydney and I. When I touched her back, she looked up at me with eyes that held a spark. My cock was getting hard and my heart rate picked up.
I opened the passenger door for her and as she started to get in, I got a whiff of the vanilla stuff she wears. Fuck me. Smelling that stuff flipped a switch inside me and I internally struggled with my feelings as I walked around the car to the driver’s side. I tried to push the feelings down rather than act on them. Sydney was doing something to me and I don’t even think she was aware of it.
Once I got in the car I chanced a glance at her as she was tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. My eyes roamed from her sweet face down to her tiny bare neck. So fragile. I couldn’t help it anymore and gave in.
I reached over and took hold of her chin with my hand and turned her to face me. She smiled and her gorgeous blues locked onto mine. It was like she could see into the depths of my dark soul and the thought made me feel vulnerable. I closed my eyes and took her lips with mine. At first I was slow and gentle but as our kiss deepened I felt my self-control slip from my hands. She met me move for move and showed no signs of nervousness or apprehension.
Finally I got myself under control and winked at her. Whenever I wink at her, I’m rewarded with her sweet, soft smile. It made me feel good knowing that I made her smile. I held her hand as we drove to Irons and parked by Matt’s Mercedes SUV.
When we got inside, I flipped my phone over to vibrate mode while Sydney checked her coat. I knew Matt was off with Gina getting ready for their scene so I led Sydney towards the bar and we sat down at one end close to Will and a sub that he was talking to. He nodded in my direction in greeting and I returned the nod. He smiled at Sydney and then said something to the girl he was with and headed over towards us.
“Graves, good seeing you.” He gave my back a firm slap and then looked over at Sydney while forcing down a smile. “You keep bringing this girl in here and she makes me smile. Soon my tough guy reputation will be gone.”
I laughed and told him we came to watch Matt’s rope scene. Will nodded and then took a seat next to me, which was mostly out of Sydney’s hearing due to the background noise.
“She doing okay, after the scene Friday?”
I nodded but didn’t look over at him. Really, I thought Sydney was doing fine. I was the one who had the air knocked out of me since then. I sensed Will was going to say something else but I wanted to prevent it. I didn’t need another intervention of feelings. I took Sydney by the hand and told Will we were going for a walk and would catch up with him later.
I took her by the elbow and led her over to what had become our spot. Sydney and I sipped on some Cokes while I stroked her arm and talked to Blake. Unfortunately, Evan made his way over to say hi.
“How long is Colin in Macau?” Evan asked me. I let him know that Colin would be back before Thanksgiving. I hoped it was going well. I knew Colin was meeting today with Cheng and getting to check out the new facility. This was great for his business and he’s worked so hard to build up his company. I was proud of him for pounding the pavement and being persistent with Cheng for over a year. He’s built an incredible company and the success hasn’t changed him. He’s still the same guy I met at Irons in my early twenties.
Sydney and I made our way down to the dungeon as it neared time for Matt’s scene. I spotted an empty stone bench near Matt’s room and we made our way over to it. I sat down and pulled Sydney to sit on my lap since it was so crowded. Blake came down to watch as well and leaned on the stone column behind me to watch. Matt’s scenes always drew a large crowd. He had mentored a lot of people and was well respected. I even noticed Paul was down here to watch, though he wasn’t very close. Anyone who knew that Matt was doing a public scene always showed up to watch. Matt was very much into education and felt the more people he educated, the less chance of something similar happening to someone else like what Gina went through.
As the scene started, I took hold of Sydney’s hand and reminded her to tell me if she’s uncomfortable. Colin and I were still working out triggers with her and while I didn’t think Matt’s scene would have anything in it that would set her off, I just didn’t know for sure.
The only light Matt had in the room were candles. He had Gina bound to a spider web contraption with neon orange rope. His rope work is getting much better. I taught a class a few months back about rope patterns and ideas. Even though I love rope, I don’t think it would be something Sydney would be able to handle. She’s been hurt so much and being bound wouldn’t help her. She reacted just fine though to Gina being wrapped up in rope; but maybe because she knew Matt wouldn’t hurt her. Matt would give his life for Gina and I’m pretty sure Sydney knew it.
During the scene, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and it startled me. When I jumped, Sydney jumped and looked at me.
“Easy, sunshine. Just my phone,” I whispered.
No sooner than the vibrating ended, it started again. It was as if the person was just calling and hanging up and then re-dialing. What the hell? Sydney was enjoying the scene, and even though it was over and the crowd was dispersing, I wanted Sydney to see the aftercare. It was important, and Colin and I make sure when we are watching scenes we stay put so she can see the care. Because the bond Gina and Matt share was so strong, their aftercare was always amazing to see. I’ve never seen two people so much into the other one. The room could be on fire and neither of them would notice. When my phone started vibrating again I took Sydney by the hand and we headed back upstairs. Once we were on the main floor I pulled my phone out and saw seven missed calls within thirty minutes and a handful of texts. Every single one from Colin. I frowned as I started to read them and my heart began to pound.
CE: Anth call me as soon as you see this!
CE: Don’t let Sydney out of your sight.
CE: Don’t let Sydney play with anyone and don’t let anyone try to negotiate a scene with her. Especially Paul!
Well fuck. All of that seemed a little extreme for so many things I knew to be common sense. Maybe he was just stressed and worried being so far away. My stint Friday night hadn’t helped. There was also a voice mail, so I listened to that next.
“Anth, I know you guys were going to Irons. Listen, I need you to call me the second you get this. It’s urgent.”
No “bye” or “talk to you later” he was just gone. Obviously I was concerned and glanced around to find someone I could have sit with Sydney. I saw Blake and flagged him down while I sent Colin a text.
AG: Got your texts and msg. I’ll call you in a minute. Gotta get someone to sit with Sydney.
His response came immediately, which meant that he was waiting with phone in hand to hear from me.
CE: Don’t let her stay with anyone but Blake or Matt!
Blake sat down across from Sydney and I knew that he could tell something was up.
“Can you sit with Sydney for a few minutes? I have to step outside for a call.”
“Of course.”
I took Sydney’s face in my hands, kissed her and told her to stay with Blake. I started dialing Colin as soon as I got outside. He answered on the first ring.
“Anth, fuck. Where’s Sydney?” Colin asked quickly. I turned my head to look at Sydney with Blake.
“She’s sitting with Blake. We were down in the dungeon watching Matt’s scene. That’s why I didn’t get your call. What the fuck is going on?”
I heard him blow air out and the sound vibrated over the phone. “Are you sitting down?”
“No, what the fuck, Col? Tell me what’s wrong.”
“As I was getting dressed again this morning I found Sydney’s journal buried in my bag. She put it there obviously wanting me to read it. I took it with me and read some a little bit ago between meetings. I know I said I wouldn’t read that one, but she must have wanted me to read something. Maybe something that she was too shy to voice.” He paused for a moment and I could tell that he was sipping on something. “Anthony, she could have cared less that she scened with Evan. She wanted it to be us. It’s in black and white. Her handwriting. The night before Evan came to the house to talk about the scene, she wrote about how nervous she was and how she almost told you that she didn’t want to scene with him. Then the night Evan was there, she wrote about how she could hardly breathe while Evan was at the house. It wasn’t because she was scared. She wanted to be able to tell us she wanted to scene with you and I. She wrote about how when I left the room with Evan you got on the floor to cuddle her and how happy she was in your arms.” He paused again and suddenly I found myself sitting down without even knowing that I had moved to sit down. “Anth, are you listening?”
“Yeah.” I pulled myself together and took a deep breath before he continued.
“The night of the scene, as I walked her over to Evan, she asked me if I had read her notebook. I thought she meant her assignment journal, not her personal notebook. She had been trying to tell me all week and I was too fucking blind. That’s why she had the reactions she did when Evan would come around. She didn’t want him and was too nervous to tell us. She’s so used to not having a voice, Anth. She put in her notebook though that she felt she wasn’t even worth you or I considering as our sub.”
Sydney wanted Colin and I. I found myself rubbing the sore spot on my chest while I thought about this and exactly what it meant.
“Anth? Are you there?”
“Yes, just thinking. This is what was urgent?”
“Yeah, man. You guys are in Irons. I didn’t want to risk the slim chance that you’d let her scene with someone. Other than you. Anth, she wants you. One more thing, stay away from Paul.”
“Like I’d give him the time of day anyhow.”
“Anth, you’re what she wants. There are pages in this book about how safe you make her feel and how you care for her and protect her. All those pictures you’ve been drawing for her and leaving with the M&M’s, she’s got them all taped in the notebook. Anth,”
I pulled the phone away from my ear hoping to not hear him tell me that she loves me. I couldn’t handle that right now and had to be calm. I brought the phone back to my ear.
“Colin,” I started but he cut me off.
“Anth, don’t you fucking dare say anything that will piss me off. I’m too far away for you and I to argue about this.”
He was right. He and I didn’t need to be at odds right now. His distance with Sydney was rough enough without having to worry about me pushing her away.
“Anth, I know you’re still working some shit out. I get it and that’s fine. I understand this is new to you and she’s knocked the wind out of you. But you’re going to have to come to terms with your feelings for her. I know they exist and are in you. You’ve admitted it. You’ve got to come around soon, Anth. She can only take so much. She’s been trying to tell us how she feels.”
I thought back to earlier in the week. There had been signs all week right in front of us that Sydney didn’t care to scene with Evan. She was worried and full of questions all week. Colin and I should have known. I wish I were fucking better at this stuff. Of course, Colin didn’t see it either. I closed my eyes when I remembered knocking her notebook off the dresser. Prior to that, she had never kept her notebook away from the nightstand. She deliberately set it next to my watch so I’d see it. I didn’t even think twice about it. How blind can I be? Which led me to re-think how on earth could I take care of her properly? A young woman like Sydney needed a Dom who was always on his toes and didn’t miss things like this. I told Colin about how Sydney had been giving me signs all week, but that I was too thick to grasp them.
“I know what you’re doing, Anth, and you better fucking stop. I didn’t catch it either.” He paused for what seemed like forever while tons of things raced through my mind. “What are you thinking, Anth?”
“I know what you’re saying and you’re right. I’m still working on it. But Sydney feels something for you too.”
“I had to talk to you after I read that stuff. I didn’t want you to let her play with anyone else. Not when she wants you. Remember, this is new to her too.”
“I wasn’t going to let her play with anyone. I’ve become too caught up in her. I could barely keep my eyes open during that scene Friday. I couldn’t stand to see Evan standing in front of her shoving his dick in her mouth. Took every ounce of control I had to push him out of my mind.”
“I know, Anth. I stood there and watched you and Sydney.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then he had to go into a meeting. I hung up with him and sat outside for a few minutes. I needed to get my head under control. Colin was right; I need to snap out of it. She’s scened once and other scenes will follow. Some Dom will grab her up in a second.
I took a deep breath and felt my chest ache. Maybe I’m coming down with a chest cold. I needed to get looked at and would call Matt tomorrow so I can get some medicine to nip this.
When I went back inside I sat down next to Sydney. Blake looked concerned but I told him everything was fine. He began making his rounds of the club and I pulled Sydney closer to me.
“Sunshine, Colin called while we were in the dungeon.”
I searched her eyes and watched her face go from calm to worried. She does care about him too. Well fuck, I thought and my mind began running wild with “what ifs.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine. He was telling me he found someone’s purple notebook in his bag.” Her face paled and she looked down. I moved quicker than I had intended and put my hand on top of hers and tilted her chin up so she’d look at me.
“Don’t, sunshine. You’re not in trouble. But I have to know something. Why didn’t you tell Colin and I that you’d rather scene with us?”
“Um,
it’s complicated.”
“Un-complicate it.”
“Um, I knew that I didn’t have a chance. Girls like me, don’t get Doms like you or Colin. You guys have so much going for you. You’re in charge of your lives and can treat a sub right and pay attention to her. You’ve made me feel more cherished than I have in my whole life. And I knew there was no use in telling you guys because neither of you were looking for a sub. I’m looking for a Dom that will be good to me and that I connect with. So scening with Evan gave me some much needed practice at how it’s going to be when I have to go out there in the world again on my own and try to navigate those waters.”
I couldn’t believe what this girl was telling me. She lacks self-esteem and desperately needs to be cared for. She needs to be taken care of and for caring hands to touch her. I can do that. Colin can do that. Yet she thought so little of herself to even voice her feelings before tonight.
“Sydney,” I started and then struggled to find the words. I sucked at expressing myself. She looked at me expectantly. I felt as though she could see down to my soul. I knew it was a dark place and I shut my eyes thinking I could keep her from seeing the darkness, or dragging her into the dark. I leaned in and took her lips passionately. Mine.
When I pulled away from her lips, I looked in her eyes and saw everything I’ve been missing in my life. I knew several things needed to happen. I needed to take this girl out on a date and I needed to have my chest looked at because the aching was becoming unbearable. If I was going to care for her as my sub, I needed to make sure that physically I was okay.
“Sydney, when was the last time you were out on a date?”
“I haven’t really been on one.” She shook her head as if reprimanding herself and quickly added, “Sir.”