Blazing Fear

by Leisl Leighton

  ‘What?’ he asked her, his fingers tightening a little on her arms in a loving squeeze.

  ‘Nothing. I’m just so glad you’re here.’ She blinked rapidly, her eyes prickling hotly.

  His laughing smile faded a little as he looked into her face. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I was just about to ask you that.’

  He grimaced. ‘It appears this nonsense with the man claiming to be Carter’s dad is more serious than I first thought.’ He swore. ‘He’s contacted you, hasn’t he? Is that why the police were here? What’s he been saying?’

  ‘Nothing. I haven’t heard anything from him.’

  ‘Are you sure? I thought maybe he’d found out where you were and had come up here making demands.’

  ‘No. Nothing like that.’

  ‘Then what is it? Why were the police here?’

  She waved her hand. ‘It’s something else and nothing you need to worry about right now. Let me introduce you to …’ She turned to Flynn, wondering for a moment how to introduce the man who’d come to mean so much to her. But he took the worry of that out of her hands, stepping forward and extending his hand.

  ‘I’m Flynn Findlay. It’s lovely to finally meet you. Prita always talks so fondly about you.’

  ‘It’s nice to meet you.’ Diarmuid gave Flynn a firm handshake then slung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in tight. ‘Thanks for looking after my girl and grandson so well.’

  ‘It’s a pleasure. We all love Doctor Prita and Carter.’

  Prita did her best to hide the frisson of pleasure that slid through her when he said the word ‘love’ and her name in such close proximity—even though she knew he meant it in a general sense and nothing more—but she could do nothing about the heat that stole into her cheeks when Flynn’s gaze settled on her as her papa said, ‘Of course you do. They’re special people.’

  ‘Yes. Very special.’

  The way he said that, oh god, it was a caress, inside and out and she wished, wished, he meant it in the way she wanted him to, even though it was madness. She wasn’t free to be with him and he sure as hell didn’t want to be with her in a way other than what they had. Madness to think otherwise. To wish otherwise. To read anything into his words, his looks, his tone, other than what she knew to be real, to be true. They were sating an itch. A need for close human contact. That was all. It was all he wanted. All she wanted.

  Why did that suddenly sound like such a lie?

  Damn Nat and Barb for double teaming her and putting all those thoughts in her head!

  ‘… don’t you think, Prita?’

  Prita jerked her attention back to the conversation at the sound of her name. ‘What? Sorry, I was wool-gathering.’

  ‘Of course. You’ve got a lot going on at the moment.’ Barb smiled at her softly, knowingly. Damn, had the woman read what was going on in her head just then? She had an uncanny ability to know what was going on in a person’s mind. ‘I was just saying that you should take your dad inside and get him settled in and put the kettle on. I’ve got some ginger slice all ready to take out of the oven in a few minutes, so I’ll go back and bring some down and then you can have a good catch up.’

  ‘Sounds perfect to me,’ Diarmuid said. ‘I could do with a lovely cuppa. That swill they serve on the plane is enough to shrivel a man’s nose hairs.’

  Barb laughed and waving goodbye, headed back up to the main buildings.

  Flynn reached out and touched her arm. ‘I’ll go down and get Carter. I could bring him back in about fifteen minutes. Give you a chance to catch up with your papa.’

  ‘Yes. Please.’ She gripped his hand, so thankful he knew what she needed.

  She led Diarmuid to the cottage and took him to one of the two bedrooms upstairs. ‘Carter has taken this one and the other can be yours. Sorry about the size but I had to use the two larger ones downstairs for my new office and waiting room. Although, you can have the main bedroom downstairs if you prefer and I’ll move up here.’

  ‘It’s fine, aingeal. This is lovely.’

  He slung his bag on the bed and then she took him back downstairs, pointing out the bathroom and toilet on her way to the kitchen. As she filled the kettle up with water, he sat at the kitchen table. ‘So, that Flynn seems a capable fellow.’

  She stilled then turned the tap off and put the kettle on the stove. ‘He is. CoalCliff wouldn’t be what it is without him.’ She turned to face him and crossed her arms. ‘But you’re not here to talk about Flynn. Tell me about what’s going on with this inheritance for Carter.’

  Diarmuid folded his hands on the table in front of him and looked up at her. ‘First, I’d like to know why the police were down here. Barb said there’d been some trouble and putting two and two together after your house burned down, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that trouble is aimed at you, my aingeal. What’s going on?’

  Prita was about to argue it was nothing when she realised it was talk about this or Flynn and she’d far rather talk about the person who was coming after her. So, while the kettle warmed on the stove behind her, she told him about the trouble she’d had since moving here, the threatening calls leading to her house being burned down. She left out the dead animals and the fact she’d run into whoever it was in her house when he set the fire, but the rest was enough to have Diarmuid Brennan’s eyes turning to fire, his nose to whiten as he puffed breaths in and out.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say something?’

  ‘There was nothing you could do, Papa, and I didn’t want you worried.’

  He stood and began to pace. ‘You didn’t want me worried? But that’s my job. I’m always going to worry about you, aingeal. No matter what you say. I worried about you when I sent you back to be cared for by your mother’s family. I drove Ameera insane with my constant need for updates and photos, especially when you refused to talk to me those first few years.’

  He’d been worried? He’d called and asked for updates and photos? She’d never known. She’d always thought he’d been too deep in his own grief and then full of the determination to live the ‘life full forward’ that he and her mother always strove to live, to give her a second thought. It had taken her years to forgive him for that.

  ‘I knew it. I should have come earlier to take care of things for you. I’ve been such a lousy father.’

  ‘Papa,’ she said sharply, letting go of her grip on him. ‘I don’t need you to take care of things for me. I’m an adult, fully capable of taking care of things for myself. Something I’ve been doing well before becoming an adult.’ Hurt washed over his face and she swore at herself. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to make that sound like I blamed you for anything.’

  ‘But you do.’

  She sighed. ‘I did, once, but I got over that long ago.’ At least, she’d thought she had. Maybe the echoes of it were still there, but she didn’t truly feel that way. Especially since Carter had come into her life. She understood now in a way she hadn’t before just how difficult being a parent was. How much there was to juggle. She reached for his hands. ‘What I meant to say is that you just being here is enough. I don’t want you here so you can take my burdens from me. But sharing them, that’s something else.’

  He looked baffled for a moment then smiled. ‘You’re just like your aunt. She was always on about balance to your mum and me. It’s one of the reasons I sent you to her.’

  ‘What?’ Prita blinked at him. ‘How would you know that about Taaii Ameera? I thought you never had anything to do with her?’

  ‘What? No. That’s not true. Your mother always kept in touch with her younger sister.’

  ‘But … but, Mama always went on about how horrible her family was to you both, how they’d shunned her when she broke off her engagement to run off with you.’ And she’d resented them all because of that. Hated them and their religion and their culture because they’d made her mama so sad.

  ‘She didn’t mean Ameera. And she was hurt, but she alway
s missed her family and her heritage. A part of her wanted to share more of it with you, but then she died and I thought it was what she would have wanted—for me to send you to them so they could give you what she hadn’t been able to. And they were so thrilled to have you. Were so sorry for how they’d treated our Amra.’

  Prita gaped at him. ‘But, they didn’t want me.’

  ‘Of course they did. Ameera begged me to send you.’

  ‘What? But … but I was an outsider. I wasn’t one of them. And I didn’t want to be one of them. They’d made Mama so sad.’

  ‘Oh, aingeal, I’m so sorry.’ He reached for her, pulling her in, stroking her hair as he held her against his chest. ‘I had no idea you’d read things like that.’

  ‘Why do you think I behaved so badly the moment I got there?’ she asked, the words muffled against his chest.

  ‘Puberty. The fact you’d lost your mama. And the fact you took after her and me both with that wild side and tendency to act on instinct rather than think things through. Although, I rather thought your aunt might have had some influence on you when you decided to be a doctor.’

  She pulled away, stunned at how they’d both read things so wrong. ‘I did that to show them they were wrong about me. I overheard Taaii Jasmina saying that I would never amount to anything with my wild ways, just like my mother.’

  ‘Jasmina was always jealous of your mother. And I can’t believe you went into medicine for that reason. I thought you wanted it for yourself.’

  ‘Not at first, but then, when I started, I realised I did. I wanted it so bad, it didn’t matter why I was there.’

  He stroked her hair off her face. ‘I’m glad. I’d hate to think of you doing something out of spite. That’s not what your mother and I ever wanted for you. We wanted you to have what I never had, what she had left behind—a family and a place you felt you belonged. I’m so sorry you thought otherwise.’

  ‘But I did have what you and Mum had. I travelled. I had adventures. I did what I loved and was free.’

  He frowned at her. ‘You think that’s what your mother and I were after? Adventure and freedom?’

  ‘Yes. That’s what our life was when she was alive.’

  He shook his head, shock and sadness reflected in every part of his being. ‘No, aingeal. That’s not what we wanted. Not what we had. It was family. Belonging. That’s all we ever wanted. All we ever strived for—for you, for us.’ He looked around him, his gaze roving around the kitchen, where everything spoke of home and family. ‘I thought that’s why you came here.’

  She stared at him. Oh god. Oh god. She’d been such an idiot! She’d spent all these years fighting their wishes and needs, fighting against being tied down, striving for a sense of freedom that was as false as her mistaken belief about the relationship with her Taaii Ameera, who had only ever wanted what her mother wanted for her.

  Nat was right. She didn’t want to be free. She wanted love. She wanted family. She wanted to belong. And she wanted all of that with Flynn. Because she loved him. She’d always loved him.

  The realisation hit her like a wave, swelling over her and then onto her, pushing her down then tossing her up, and up and around and around then she was free and falling. It should have been terrifying and yet, it was exhilarating. Because she wasn’t flying high, flying away, she was falling towards something.

  Flynn and a life here, at CoalCliff, with him and Carter and Aaron and the whole mad Findlay-Stratton-CoalCliff mob.

  God, think of what Carter and Aaron would get up to as brothers. She laughed, dizzy with euphoria that the thought of them as brothers brought.

  ‘Prita. What is it?’ Diarmuid came towards her. ‘You don’t look right. Do you need to sit down?’

  Sit down? Why would she want to do that when she felt like dancing? Flying? For the first time she realised why there was always dancing at the end of the Bollywood movies her aunty so loved. She’d always thought it stupid, but now, she realised, it was just as it should be. What else would you want to do when you were filled with this much happiness? She gripped her father’s outstretched arms and laughed. ‘I’m fine, Papa. I’m more than fine.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ He eyed her askance, pulling her towards the kitchen chairs. ‘This has been too much for you, hasn’t it? The threats. Losing your house. Now worrying about what this man claiming to be Carter’s dad is going to do. But I promise you, I won’t let him take that boy from us.’

  ‘I know.’ And she did. It was worrying—of course it was worrying—but she’d fought too long and too hard to get them to where they were now and no mysterious father popping up, no arsonist who seemed to be coming after her for some unknown reason, no bullying misogynists from the local town, were going to stop her from getting what she wanted—a happy life with her son, with the man she loved and the family he brought with him, and the chance to build a GP practice that fulfilled her need to help others, especially women, lead happy, healthy lives.

  Diarmuid frowned a little at her. ‘You do? You’re not having a little panic?’

  She snorted. ‘No. This isn’t panic. It’s certainty.’

  He stopped pulling her towards the kitchen chairs and looked at her askance. ‘But you don’t know yet what he is saying. What he is coming after.’

  ‘Does it matter? Even if it’s true that he’s Carter’s father, that he wants to be involved in his life, he doesn’t get to automatically have what he wants. He has to prove it. And while he’s doing that, we get a chance to prove our case. I’m the guardian Samantha chose to look after her little boy, body, mind and spirit. She didn’t even put the father down on the birth certificate, so it’s obvious she didn’t want him involved in Carter’s life for some reason. A court can’t overlook that. They also can’t overlook what Carter wants—and he wants us. And while we might not be his blood kin, we are family. We have looked after him, loved him, have created a stable environment for him and he’s thrived. I’m his mother. That’s what he calls me and that’s what I am. And I will fight the fight of my life to prove to anyone who questions the relevance of that just how wrong they are. I am not giving up without a fight and neither are you and if there’s anything I learned from you and Mum when we were all together, when the Brennans put their minds to something, nothing can stand against them.’

  Diarmuid’s face broke into the biggest grin, a grin she remembered seeing so often before their family had been broken apart by her mother’s death and life had been more. She wanted that more. She deserved that more. And nobody was going to take it away from her.

  Her papa pulled her into a hug, then pulled away to grip her face, kissing her forehead just like he’d done when she was little. ‘That’s my aingeal,’ he said, dimples digging deep rivets into his face. The dimples she’d inherited from him. ‘You’ve got the fighting spirit of your mother, you know that?’

  No. She hadn’t known that, but now she did, it seemed right. Like her mother was here with her and always had been. ‘Thanks, Papa.’

  ‘No. Thank you. I came here so worried about you, thinking all this was going to make you fall apart. But you are a rock, just like your mother. She kept me steady all those years and I thought maybe, you were more like me than you were like her, especially given some of the choices you’ve made. But now I see you are just like she was, and I couldn’t be prouder.’

  ‘Papa,’ she said, eyes hot with tears as he pulled her into a hug. She gripped him tightly, wanting to show him how much his words meant to her.

  Finally, she pulled back and kissed his cheek. Her heart was so full and there was so much more to say and discuss, but the only words that came out of her mouth were, ‘I’ve got to call Chandra.’

  ‘Why? What’s he got to do with this?’

  ‘Everything. Nothing. Everything.’ She laughed at his expression. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not making sense. It’s just that what you said, it suddenly gave me an epiphany about you and Mum and the life you had together and the false impressio
n I’ve had of that all these years and how that impression has held me back so much and made me make some really stupid choices. Like Chandra. I should never have married him.’

  ‘Finally!’ Diarmuid clapped his hands together then waved them when he noticed her stunned expression. ‘Not that I’ve got anything against the boy, he is a lovely bloke, but I never understood why you knowingly married a gay man. I didn’t want to say anything, although it was hard when his boyfriend moved in with you, and you spent even more time away in those dangerous places and he didn’t go with you. But your aunt thought it best to just let you deal with it your way.’

  ‘You knew? She knew?’

  He gave her a look that made her chuckle. Of course he did. She was stupid to think he wouldn’t have seen what Chandra’s family were so oblivious to. But that her Taaii Ameera had known! It was … she shook her head. She’d been so wrong. So horribly wrong. She had some amend-making to do, obviously. But it would have to wait until after she’d dealt with everything else going on in her life at the moment.

  ‘So what did I say that made you have your epiphany?’

  ‘What? Oh. Nothing and everything. I’ve been so muddle headed, thinking I needed to be one way when all I was doing was fighting myself.’ She slapped her palm against her forehead. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’

  ‘We all do stupid things not to face reality. Or to make reality fit how we think it should be.’

  ‘Yes. Yes.’ She gripped his arms and shook them up and down. ‘That’s it exactly.’ She let go and spun around, almost losing her balance, but he caught her, laughing with her. ‘I’ve got to go and tell Flynn.’

  ‘Tell me what?’

  She spun around and looked into the eyes of the man she knew she loved with every part of her being and realised suddenly she couldn’t tell him a thing.