He looks away, gathering his courage and pride. I lean back, giving him space in every sense of the word. I try to put two and two together, but can’t. My head is spinning.
“The doctors say the cancer is back,” he says, clearing his throat. “I haven’t told Ellie and I’m not going to.”
“But Bill—”
He shakes his head adamantly. “She’s happy. She’s got the store now and things going her way,” he sighs. “I’m tired. I don’t want to go through all that nonsense again. And I don’t want her thinking she should’ve pushed me to do it or feeling guilty about it in any way. I don’t want her over here, wasting her time, doting on me like I know she would.”
“Isn’t that her choice?”
“No,” he barks. “It’s mine.” He gives me a look, one that makes me back down. “I asked the doctor if the medicine would work and he said probably not. It’s stage four and I’m old and that’s that.”
“I’m really sorry,” I say, feeling like a complete idiot. I should have something better to say, but I wasn’t expecting this. Not by a long shot. “Can I do anything to help you?”
“I just …” He clears his throat again. “I need to know Ellie will be okay. That’s all that matters, and it’s the one thing I can’t guarantee.”
He forces a swallow, trying to drown the emotion that’s thick in his gruff voice. We don’t look at one another because I’m not sure which of us would break first.
I know what he’s asking me and I can’t imagine the balls it takes to ask this of anyone, much less of me. The guy that walked out on her once.
“I sit here day after day with no one to talk to,” he says quietly. “I’ve let everything go. My friends stopped coming by. Hell, I don’t even go after my mail anymore. They bring it to the porch like I’m some kind of invalid.” Tears dot the old bad-ass’s eyes and it causes mine to water. “I just sit here and wonder what will happen to her when I’m gone. Because she’s …” He chokes back a sob.
It’s me now that’s reaching across the table and placing my hand over his. It shakes beneath mine, the skin loose and cool against my own.
“She’s hard-headed as hell,” he laughs nervously. “She’s stubborn just like me. When she’s difficult, I just focus on that heart of hers and the eyes that remind me so much of Gloria.”
“She’s a lot like her mama,” I say, withdrawing my hand. “But it’s the parts of you in her that make her who she is.”
He grins, wiping his hand down his face. “I know she’s irritated with you and I know I’ve just dumped a load of shit on your lap. That’s probably not right of me to jump into this with you just walking in the door.”
“I’m honored you’d think enough of me to have this conversation.”
“You’re the only one I’d have it with.”
“That means the world to me, sir,” I nearly whisper.
“I was hoping you’d come back. Even after all these years, I still had my hopes pinned on you.”
“I had mine pinned on her,” I grin.
He searches my eyes, as if he’s trying to find the thread of dishonesty. Finally, he takes a long drink from a plastic cup.
“Mr. Pagan—Bill,” I correct myself, “I know it might seem out of left field …” I look him dead in the eyes. “You have my word that Ellie will always have someone watching out for her.”
“You mean that?”
“I wouldn’t have given you my word if I didn’t.”
The relief that leaves his body is evident. His shoulders drop and I think for a moment he might slide out of his chair.
“You have no idea what that means to me, Ford.” He takes another drink, this time the cup shaking just a bit. “You love her, don’t ya?”
“With every ounce of my being. As a matter of fact,” I say, squirming a little in my chair, “I was wondering if I can manage to convince her at some point to marry me. How you feel about that?”
His eyes light up. “Are you thinking that way?”
“I’ve thought that way since the first time I saw her. I should’ve done it years ago, but ‘young and dumb,’ as you say. Would that be okay with you? I mean, I have to get a plan together or else she’ll say no for the hell of it,” I laugh.
With pride as wide as the Grand Canyon, he laughs. “That sounds about right.” He extends his hand and I take it in mine. “If it comes to that, you have my blessing. And I hope to God it does.”
We shake hands, but exchange something far deeper than a simple handshake at his kitchen table.
Bill clears his throat. “Been fishing lately?”
I settle back in my seat and find a story to distract him from his life for just a little while.
Twenty-One
Ellie
“Ellie! There’s a delivery guy here to see you!”
Violet’s words ring through Halcyon, startling me as I daze off in space. It’s not something I do regularly; most times I’m completely focused on the task at hand. Most times, I guess, I’m not coming off of a few days with Ford.
The last few days have been incredible and not just for the sex, although that’s been the reason I’ve been late to work every day since our first official date night. He’s been sweet, considerate—everything I could want him to be.
If it were anyone else, it would be trying too hard. But it’s Ford. With his disarming smile and authenticity surrounding him like a shield, there’s no way to take it any other way than he wants me to be happy.
The words that come out of my mouth and the things I do don’t match up. I tell him I can’t see him the next day because I know I shouldn’t. But when he sends a text for lunch, my fingers just type out three little letters. When he shows up at the store when I’m ready to walk out, I get in his car. I know I’m getting in far too deep too fast and it’ll probably bite me in the ass, but for right now, I’m wearing waders and hoping for the best.
Turning the corner, I start laughing. “Is that for me?”
“Are you Ellie Pagan?”
“I am.”
“Then these are for you.”
Giggling, I take the items from him. There are two fishing poles—one long and one short—and a tackle box that’s heavy. “Thank you.”
He laughs too. “Honey, if you’re into fishing and it doesn’t work out with whoever sent these, you know where I work.”
“I’ll remember that,” I say, nodding as he waves and exits the building.
“He sent you fishing stuff?” Violet asks. “That’s … unique.”
My cheeks ache from smiling. “That’s Ford,” I say simply. “He’s thorough.”
“I can tell,” she snorts. “You’ve been smiling like that for a while now. And for the record, it’s been fun to watch.”
“Thanks, Vi.”
“You’re welcome. Now put your survival gear in the back and help me move this shelving unit.”
“Be right back.” I stroll to the back and put the gifts against the wall. But, before I go help Violet, I whip out my phone. He answers on the second ring. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, pretty girl,” he says, his voice kissed with the same easy joy I feel in my gut. “How are you doing today?”
“I just got a delivery.”
“You did, huh?”
“I did. It looks like someone wants to take me for some fun in the great outdoors.”
“I like the way you phrased that,” he laughs.
“I like it too. Maybe we can make that happen.”
A flurry of papers being moved trickles through the phone and I hear another man’s voice.
“If you need to go, that’s fine,” I offer.
“Yeah, I do. My father is here to go over some family stuff,” he sighs. “Can I call you in a little bit?”
“Sure. Have fun!”
“Not until it’s in the great outdoors,” he teases. “Talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
With a final glance at the gifts in the corner, I skip out
of the room to help Violet.
Twenty-Two
Ford
The Farm is lit up like it only is when everyone is home. It’s really not about the lights, it’s like there’s a glow, an excitement, when all of us are in the same place at once.
I park my truck next to Barrett’s SUV. Before I can climb out, I get a text.
Ellie: Have fun with your family tonight. I will just cuddle with my new fishing lures.
Me: You can come if you want. I’ll come get you right now. Just say the word.
Ellie: I’m good. Thanks. ;) Me and the lures will watch some trash television.
Me: Text me if you change your mind.
Ellie: I will. But I won’t.
Me: I’d rather be in the outdoors with you.
Ellie: Me too. The lures are smelly. Now go do your family stuff.
Me: Grr … Bye.
Ellie: Bye. <3
As I get out of the truck, I see Troy standing next Barrett’s SUV in a navy blue suit. My buddy from the military, now Barrett’s personal security guy, grins when he sees me.
“Long time no see!” He pulls me in for a quick hug. “How are you, Ford?”
“I’m good, man. How are you? How’s my brother treating you?”
“Things are good,” he says. “We’re all getting adjusted to the new routine of the Governor’s mansion.” His laugh permeates the warm evening air. “Can you believe I’m working in the Governor’s mansion?”
I shrug. “I don’t know why the hell not?”
“I owe you, Ford,” he says, all laughter gone from his voice. “Without you and your family, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.”
“I told you things work out.”
“Yeah, but not like this. You took my life and turned it on a dime. I just … Every day I wake up and put on a suit and think, ‘What the fuck?’” he laughs. “It’s unreal.”
I head to the steps. “Just be thankful Graham didn’t find you before Barrett or this conversation would be much, much different.”
Troy laughs, his voice trailing behind me as I step inside the Farm. It almost feels like Christmas walking in and hearing everyone’s voices. We used to do this a lot. Now it’s harder to do with everyone striking out on their own, living in different places, having their own commitments.
“Hey, Ford!” My mother wipes her hands on a towel and greets me with a kiss on both cheeks. “How are you, handsome?”
“Good. Man, it’s loud in here,” I laugh, holding an arm out for Huxley. He wraps his arms around my side. “How are you, Hux?”
“I’m good,” he grins up at me. “Did you see Lincoln’s baby?”
Tugging his Arrows hat over his eyes, I laugh. “I did. He’s cute, huh?”
“Yeah.” Huxley takes off across the room, plopping in a giant beanbag my mom bought him and picks up an electronic of some sort.
Surveying the room as I head to the kitchen, I see everyone but Camilla.
“Hey!” Barrett greets me. “Shit, Ford. I think you get bigger every time I see you.”
“That’s what she said,” Lincoln cracks.
“And some things never change,” Alison laughs, joining us. She gives me a quick hug. “How are you?”
“Good. How about you? Getting the feel of Atlanta?”
Her eye shine as she blows out an exaggerated breath. “It’s a lot to take in. And now with him considering …” She looks at Barrett and makes a face. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s okay,” he says, pulling her to his side with a smile. “Talks are getting more serious about the Presidential thing.”
“Are you going to do it?”
He looks at Alison. “We’ve been talking about it. It’s definitely not a question you can just answer, you know? Speaking of which, I’d like to talk to you about it later, if you don’t mind?”
“Sure.”
“Hey, son.” Dad’s hand rests on my shoulder. “Good to see you.”
“Hi, Dad.” I turn to see him cradling Ryan in his other arm. He’s cuddled against my father in a bright blue blanket looking as peaceful as can be. It’s a sight I’m not used to—my brusque father, the head of our family’s empire, holding a baby.
“What?” he asks.
“It’s just a little …”
“Weird seeing you with a baby,” Barrett finishes for me. “Lincoln’s baby at that.” He chuckles. “It’s still hard to imagine our baby brother with a baby of his own.”
“My junk works just fine,” Lincoln imparts, joining our little circle. “The two of you better get on it and prove your manhood.”
“I think I’ll leave this conversation,” Alison blushes, peeling herself away from Barrett.
“Why? You don’t want to have my baby?” Barrett teases her. “That’s not what you said—”
“Barrett! Please,” she sighs, her eyes wide, imploring him to hush. Her reaction makes us all laugh.
“Behave,” our father warns his eldest.
Lincoln reaches for Ryan.
“He’s perfectly fine, Linc,” Dad says.
“Yeah, but I want to hold him.”
Dad makes a face, but lets Ryan go. “One of you is going to have more kids just so I can hold one of them.”
They continue to banter back and forth, joking and teasing, but I excuse myself. Waving at Sienna and Danielle in the kitchen, I head to the back porch.
A light breeze twirls the ferns hanging around the porch, the swing creaks on its chain as it moves easily back and forth. Besides the chaos of the house at my back, it’s absolutely serene.
This is why this is my favorite place on the planet. A place where I can tune out the world, ignore the anarchy of whatever is going on in life, and just think.
My heart is heavy as I sit in the swing and try to separate all I’m feeling. Hearing my family talk about having babies, seeing my father hold Ryan, feeling all the love in the house is an amazing feeling. It’s like all the pieces are fitting together just like they should. All of them except mine.
Just a few weeks ago, I was content with being a bachelor. A booty call here and there was enough to keep me satisfied. Maybe I felt the fissure in my life, the crack that was unfulfilled, but I never knew how deep it ran until I saw Ellie again.
When we’re together, I’m hopeful things will work out between us. Even if she tries to push me away, it just feels so organic, so right, that I’m sure it will end the way it should.
But what if it doesn’t? What if she means it when she tells me she wants things to slow down?
It’s funny—all I can see as my life now are moments with her. What becomes of that vision if she chooses not to take part?
“You okay?” Graham steps onto the porch and leans against the rail. He looks out over the lawn.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He turns to face me. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Well, I want to talk to you both about something.” Barrett comes around the corner and stands next to Graham.
“Go ahead,” Graham sighs. “Come marching in here and take over. This isn’t the fucking Governor’s mansion, you know. I’m in control here.”
“You wish,” Barrett laughs. “I was mentioning earlier to you, Ford, about maybe running for the Presidency.”
Graham takes a step back. “So this is a real consideration?”
Barrett shrugs. “Maybe. I’m not sure if I want to go that far or not, to be honest.”
“What’s Alison say?” I ask.
“She says she’ll support whatever I want to do,” he smiles. “But I don’t know. It’s asking so much of everyone … including you guys.”
“How does it affect us?” I ask.
“Well, you’ll be subjected to scrutiny everywhere you turn, for one. For two, I’d want you to be a part of whatever we do. Especially after Nolan’s betrayal, I trust no one.”
Graham scowls. “I get that. But you know Washington is the land of the lea
st trustworthy people in the universe, right?”
“I do,” Barrett laughs. “I’m just asking you guys to think about it and let me know what you think.”
“Okay.” I look at Graham. “Your turn.”
“I got a call this afternoon that I needed to go down to the impound and pick up my car.”
“What?” Barrett asks, his brows raised to the sky. “What happened?”
“I obviously confirm my car is where it’s supposed to be and Mallory’s is too. So I make a call downtown and it’s Camilla’s car.”
Barrett and I exchange a look.
“Our little sister has been running around Davis Avenue. Or her car has, anyway.”
“What the fuck is she doing down there?” I ask. “There’s nothing but trouble on Davis.”
“Is she home?” Barrett asks. “She’s not here tonight.”
“She’s not here because she doesn’t want to see me,” Graham says. “She told Mom she was sick, but it’s all to avoid me.”
I scoot over in the swing to make room for Barrett. “Did she offer any reasonable explanation as to why she, or her car, was out there?”
“She essentially told me she’s a grown woman and I should mind my own business,” Graham smirks. “I pointed out that grown women don’t typically need to ask their brother for an allowance.”
“Bet that went over well,” Lincoln laughs, joining us outside. “Swink, Swink, Swink. She’s a good girl gone bad. I kind of like it.”
“I always thought it would be Sienna,” I note.
“You thought what would be me?” Sienna climbs the stairs from the side of the house, the ends of her hair now dyed a bright purple. “And don’t even say you thought I’d be the first to have a kid because that shit isn’t even funny.” We all laugh as she punches Lincoln in the arm.
“I was saying I thought you’d be the bad egg of the family.” I give her a smile. “But look at you, all Miss Goodie Two Shoes.”
“Want your ass kicked, Ford?”
“You think you can do it?”
The Landry Family Series: Part Two Page 12