The First Touch of Sunlight

by Len Webster

  Phil’s freak-out over exams had distracted Sam for almost three minutes.

  Then his thoughts drifted to where they shouldn’t have.

  To Meredith.

  He would see her today.

  It was the only unit they had together.

  None of his other exams coincided with hers.

  He’d never see her again after the three-hour exam.

  Last week, when they’d had their graduation ceremony, he’d purposely avoided her. Their last names were nowhere near each other, so other students in their English class had separated them. As they called out her name to receive her high school certificate, Sam had smiled proudly at her.

  Because he was proud of her, and she had absolutely no idea that he was.

  She was Meredith Driessen, recipient of the Principal’s Award, the History Award, and the Geography Award.

  But when she’d gotten her certificate for completing year twelve, he’d stood in awe of her. He was just like the rest of the audience, awed by that smile of hers.

  That smile was a natural one.

  She’d been proud of her achievements, too.

  Afterwards, his mother had noticed her from the ceremony and that Sam hadn’t taken a photo with her. His mother had acted before he could stop her. Then he and Meredith had stood together and taken a photo.

  She was as apprehensive about the situation as he was.

  But she had been kind to his mother and her request.

  He had that one photo of her.

  His mother had given him a copy the next day. It had made its way to the bin underneath his desk. But the next day, it was on his bedside table. He knew it was his mother’s doing. Unable to look at it and see her beautiful face, Sam had turned it over and never moved it.

  It had started to collect dust.

  As he walked towards the locker bay, he heard someone’s footsteps, and he lifted his chin to wish them luck on the English exam. His steps faltered once he saw Meredith, staring at a stack of papers, no doubt doing some last-minute studying. She had sighed before she lowered her arm.

  Then their eyes met.

  For a brief moment, he saw hope.

  Relief to see him.

  Their steps seemed in sync as they walked towards each other.

  The girl in front of him was his sunlight.

  But sometimes, even the sun had to set.

  And this was that moment.

  Sam shifted his focus from her to the wall ahead of him just as they passed each other. He heard her small gasp, and she stopped her steps.

  But Sam had continued.

  Farther.

  And farther.

  He had distanced himself from her.

  To let her rise without him.

  For Sam to never witness or experience another sunrise quite like Meredith Driessen ever again.

  chapter thirty-eight

  SAM

  Present

  Being a father had been the best thing to ever happen to him.

  His son, Joshua Michaels, was the greatest achievement he’d ever made. If they were going by technicality, Josh was his half-brother.

  But never, even before his birth, did Sam ever think of him as his brother. Sam had raised him. Provided for him. Educated him. And most importantly, loved him.

  Sam hated thinking about whose DNA helped create his son.

  His father’s.

  Beth had created life with the bastard who had beat the shit out of him.

  When Sam had introduced his then-girlfriend to his father, he noticed the flicker of desire and lust in Bruce’s eyes. He should have known his father would try to seduce her. Beth had said that he had come on too strong one day, and it just happened. Alcohol had played a part, too. She had resisted, tried to say no, but Bruce Michaels had talked her into it. Spoke of lies as he convinced a heavily intoxicated Beth that Sam had neglected her and cheated on her. Mad and drunk were a vicious and dangerous combination and had resulted in her having sex with Bruce. There was no emotional attachment, and Sam saw it in her eyes when she revealed the truth. The moment she confessed that she’d gotten pregnant by Bruce Michaels, Sam was sickened by the conception.

  It disgusted him.

  But now, as he stared at his son holding the dinosaur themed wrapped present, he hated that he ever thought so ill of his chromosomes. Because that was all it was that determined DNA.

  But raising Josh was what made him a real father.

  Being the father he had always deserved.

  After agreeing with Beth to file a restraining order against Sam’s father and deciding to falsify the paternity test results, they’d gone to Josh’s room to find him struggling to tape Margot’s present. It was a Lego sculpture of her.

  In the end, Josh had gotten upset that it wasn’t perfect for his Aunty Margot. They had ended up being almost an hour late to the party as it had been tough getting Josh out of one of his moods.

  Beth had complained that he’d gotten it from Sam, but he just shook his head.

  He knew who his son really got his attitude from.

  And that was Beth.

  Sam had locked his Mercedes once Beth held Josh’s hands. It was a quarter to nine, and he knew that Margot would not be happy. Sam didn’t care. He just wanted to see Meredith. Take her to a quiet spot so he could tell her the truth.

  No more lies.

  They would have no lies or secrets between them.

  He’d finally tell her that Josh was not his son but his half-brother.

  Sam had to hope that Meredith would understand. That Beth had needed support from his horrible father to help raise her child and got none. So Sam stepped up when his father had walked out. And in all honesty, he was afraid his father would hurt Beth and her baby.

  Sam reached for the door handle and glanced at Phil and Margot’s street. There weren’t many cars parked on it. In fact, he didn’t hear loud music. Parties that involved Phil were always a social event. Unless others were even later than he and Beth were, Phil mustn’t have invited as many people as he had said he had.

  “Ready?” Sam asked his son.

  Josh smiled up at him. His mood had shifted when Sam promised that the six-year-old could see Meredith’s dog, Dutch, sometime soon. He’d have to ask his girlfriend first, but he was sure she wouldn’t mind.

  Girlfriend.

  Was Meredith Driessen finally his girlfriend?

  Sam tensed at the thought.

  They’d only been together a week.

  But it felt real and undeniable.

  Tonight, if she could accept the truth and his role in Josh’s life, then he’d ask her.

  Make it official and try for real this time.

  Without the burden of his secrets.

  “I’m ready,” Josh confirmed. Sam twisted the doorknob, pushed the door open, and allowed Josh to enter the townhouse first. Margot had wanted the first house in the row of townhouses. She hated the idea of being sandwiched between two neighbours, divided by only a wall on each side. Of course, Phil had forked over the extra cash to secure it.

  “You okay?” Beth had asked once Josh began to run towards the glass door that led to the backyard.

  “Yeah. Are you?”

  “Yes. We have to do it. It’s the only way to keep Josh away from him,” Beth said. Then she gave him a smile and stepped inside the house. It had taken several years for Margot to accept Beth. After all, she was Meredith’s best friend. But she understood that Phil was very much a part of Sam and Josh’s life. And that meant Beth had to be around. She was Josh’s mother. And Margot, as hard as she tried to fight it, had loved the baby seconds after holding him for the first time.

  Sam reached up and settled his hand on her shoulder. “Once those paternity papers come in, he can’t ever try to claim him. I’l
l make sure of it. I’ll see if I can get an appointment with Gordon Sheridan. Man charges a ridiculous amount, but he’s the state’s best lawyer. With who I work for, he’ll take me on as a client.”

  “Thank you for all of this, Sam,” she said in a small voice. He could still hear her fear. Beth hadn’t wanted to take any legal action against Bruce. She had wanted to keep as far away from him as possible. She didn’t want him to retaliate and try to take Josh away. She had known how violent he was. He’d tried to hurt her after she had revealed her pregnancy.

  “He’s my son, Beth, and you’re his mother. You’re my family, and I can’t let anything or anyone hurt you both,” Sam explained. “Come on. Let’s enjoy tonight, and we’ll talk about all of this tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” she agreed. They gave each other a reassuring nod and made their way to the sliding door that led outside.

  When they had stepped onto the paved alfresco area, his brows knitted at the sombre expressions on the guests’ faces. The mood was almost depressing. No one appeared to be having fun. Everyone seemed uncomfortable and speechless.

  “Sam!” Phil shouted.

  He shifted his focus to his right to see Phil next to Margot’s brother, Cooper. They both had that same sullen expression on their faces. He was confused by it. It was Margot’s birthday. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion.

  “Josh is by Margot,” Beth pointed out. “I’ll go wish her a happy birthday.”

  He nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.” Then he headed over to his best friend and Margot’s older brother. “Hey, Coop. It’s been a long time. Where’s this fiancée of yours that I keep hearing about? Heard you moved to Daylesford to be with her.”

  Cooper’s bleak expression shifted. A smile now plastered on his face, and his brown eyes softened. The guy was head over heels in love. It was that obvious. “Peyton’s with Margot. Listen, have you seen or spoken to Meredith in the last hour?”

  “What?” he said breathlessly. It was how Cooper asked that had him worried. Sam dug his hand into his pocket for his phone and saw that he had missed calls from Meredith and his dad. Sam also had several messages that announced that Meredith had left him voice messages. Then he noticed that he had left his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode, not allowing anyone’s calls to get through. “Shit,” Sam hissed as he unlocked his phone. “Is she okay?”

  “Sam,” Phil said in a careful tone.

  He glanced up from his screen to see that his best friend’s facial expression had hardened.

  Phil took a deep inhale and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bouncing. “Did you know about what Shaun Yeller did to her?”

  “Shaun Yeller?”

  Sam hadn’t heard that name in years.

  Not since his suicide and funeral.

  The South Eastern suburbs’ finest doctor’s son had taken his own life. Left a suicide note to say he was sorry and that was it. They never did find out who his note was intended for.

  “You didn’t know,” Cooper said. “Shit. What has Margot done?”

  Sam winced. “What’s going on?”

  Phil’s phone rang. Sam watched as his best friend’s frown deepened. Then he picked up the call and held the phone against his ear. “Hey, Ed. What’s up?”

  “Sam,” Cooper said, getting his attention.

  “Coop, what is going on?”

  He stepped forward and set a hand on his shoulder. “You know Margot is an atomic bomb when she drinks.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed, remembering the time she’d punched him in the face after Meredith had left Warren Meadows after high school.

  “Are you sure?” Phil asked, still on the phone.

  “She called Meredith selfish for not telling her that …” Cooper paused as his jaw clenched.

  “That? That, Cooper?”

  “That Shaun Yeller had raped Meredith when she was sixteen,” Cooper revealed.

  “Raped?” Sam had barely even gotten the word out. His chest caved in as the anger coursed through him. Then memories of Meredith invaded his thoughts.

  “I let you touch parts of me where hands before you savaged my skin.”

  “I wish someone had saved me when I needed it.”

  When he had asked if she were a virgin, she had said no, as if she were ashamed.

  Shaun Yeller had taken her virginity.

  He had raped her.

  His suicide note was meant for Meredith.

  “Where is she?” Sam demanded. He couldn’t believe that Margot had told the entire party. She’d victimised Meredith, called her selfish for keeping it a secret. “Where is she, Coop?”

  Cooper dropped his hand. “We don’t know.”

  “Sam …” Phil said.

  “What do you mean you don’t know?” The aches in his chest were powerful thumps that made him shake. He was angry because he couldn’t do anything. Shaun Yeller had been dead for eight years. He could never be brought to justice for what he had done to Meredith. He needed to see her. He needed to be with her.

  “Sam,” Phil said once again.

  “WHAT, PHIL?” he yelled and turned to face his best friend.

  Tears welled up in his eyes. Phil wasn’t a crier. The only time Sam had ever seen him cry was when he had held Josh for the first time. He’d teased him and called him a sook.

  “Sam, there’s been an accident.”

  He held his breath. It was as if his body knew before his brain did.

  Tears now ran down Phil’s cheeks. “It’s Meredith …”

  “Is she okay?”

  Phil’s bottom lip trembled. “She’s dead, Sam.”

  chapter thirty-nine

  MEREDITH

  Eight years ago

  The door closed.

  It muffled the sound of the party that had continued downstairs.

  The same party that continued as Shaun Yeller continued to violate her.

  Continued to enter her.

  Again.

  And again.

  He’d ignored her cries.

  He’d fought off her attempts to free herself.

  He had her pinned down as he raped her.

  Took her virginity.

  And left marks on her skin.

  When he had come, he’d leant in close and said, “Thanks for your virginity. The best I’ve ever had.”

  Tears had run down her face and landed on his bed.

  It felt like hours since he’d pulled out of her and returned to his party.

  The layer of shame and disgust that settled on her skin after each touch he’d made wouldn’t leave her.

  Finally, after she was able to stop the ugly tears that ran down, Meredith sat herself up. She caught sight of the blood on his sheets. It was mixed with his semen, and she almost threw up at the sight of it.

  Reaching between her legs, she adjusted her underwear, making sure it covered where he’d assaulted and touched her. Where he had defied her pleas. Where he had defiled her.

  Her breathing heaved as she tried to focus on what to do next and not on what he had done to her.

  The pain between her thighs made it difficult for her to swing her legs over and get off the bed. It wasn’t one fluid motion. It was a struggle, but she had managed to stand on shaky legs.

  She had to remind herself that she had to get out before he came back. Before he could see she wasn’t in the right state of mind and take advantage of her once again. Meredith bent down and picked up her clutch off the floor. Then she pulled out her phone to see that she had a message from Phil.

  Phil: Found Margot. I’m with her. She’s throwing up in the backyard.

  She was okay.

  She was safe.

  Meredith breathed out in relief.

  She should reply, but she couldn’t. Instead, she went into her contacts and
scrolled for his number.

  It had taken two rings before he picked up.

  “Hey, Meredith,” Cooper said with a glee in his voice.

  Meredith controlled her breathing. He would notice any anomalies in her voice if she weren’t careful.

  “Hey, Coop. I’m ready to go home. Do you think you could come pick me up?”

  Cooper sighed. “Did Margot leave you? I told her to keep you safe.”

  She swallowed hard.

  Safe.

  A word that seemed so foreign to her now.

  “She’s with Phil.”

  Could he sense her fear?

  Could he hear that she was trying hard not to cry?

  “All right. Sorry, my sister is a little selfish. I’ll leave right now. Mind waiting twenty minutes for me?” he asked, and she heard the sound of keys jingling from his end.

  “I don’t mind. I’ll be outside.”

  “Great. Won’t be long.”

  There was a long silence as if he were waiting for her to say more.

  “Thank you, Cooper,” she finally said and then hung up.

  Meredith slipped her phone back into her clutch and stared at Shaun’s bed.

  He had assaulted her.

  In that bed.

  On top of those sheets.

  But she had gone willingly into his room.

  It was he said, she said.

  He had a powerful and beloved father in the community.

  He was a Yeller.

  And she was sixteen.

  Meredith clenched her eyes closed and counted the three deep breaths she made. On the last exhale, she moved her feet towards the door. As slowly and unnoticeably as she could, she slipped out of his bedroom and kept her chin down.

  She quickly made her way downstairs and towards the front door. No one had noticed her or noticed where she had just come from. When she wrapped her hand around the door handle, she heard someone shout her name, but she had ignored them.