A Gift of Grace

by Amy Clipston

  “Of course I think it’s okay.” She took Lindsay’s hands and stood. “Let’s go down the hall to the sewing room.”

  Early Friday morning, Rebecca stood by Elizabeth while they kneaded dough for sugar cookies. Her sisters-in-law and Lindsay were out back in the play area with the children.

  “How are things going with the girls?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Better,” Rebecca said with a smile.

  Elizabeth studied her. “You look happy. Things must be going really well.”

  “Lindsay wants to come to service on Sunday.” Rebecca rolled out the dough.

  “Really?” Elizabeth’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Ya.” Rebecca began to cut out the cookies. “We’ve been making a dress for her. We work together in the sewing room every night.”

  “Wunderbar.” Elizabeth looped her arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. “How is Jessica doing?”

  Rebecca’s smile faded. “She stays in her room alone most evenings. She doesn’t participate in our devotions at all.”

  “She’s not adjusting well.” Elizabeth shook her head.

  “She’ll be okay,” Rebecca said while placing the cookies on the sheet. “We just need to give her time and give her guidance. Like we read in 2 Peter 3:15: ‘Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation.’”

  “Are you sure?”

  Rebecca stopped placing the cookies on the pan and met her mother-in-law’s frown. “What do you mean?”

  “Are you sure that Jessica will adjust to our ways?”

  Rebecca considered the question and a chill of doubt washed over her. “She has to adjust. There’s no other way.”

  Elizabeth rolled out her dough. “Just be sure you’re listening,” she said without looking up.

  “What do you mean?” Rebecca asked.

  “Be sure you’re listening.” Elizabeth began to cut out the cookies.

  “Listening to whom—Jessica?” Rebecca studied Elizabeth, trying to understand what she meant. “She’s a child. How can she possibly know what she wants? She’s a lost soul now that her parents are gone. Her mother wanted her with me.”

  Elizabeth finished cutting out the cookies and loaded them on the pan. Then she faced Rebecca and gave a knowing smile. “Just open your heart and make sure you’re listening. That’s all I meant.”

  “But this is what Grace wanted.” She took a deep breath. “This is God’s will. These girls are the children I could never have.”

  Elizabeth took Rebecca’s hands in hers. “Just open your heart and listen.” She squeezed her hands and let go. “Let’s get these cookies in the oven.”

  Rebecca slipped the cookie sheets into the oven while contemplating Elizabeth’s advice.

  Wasn’t she listening to the girls? And Daniel?

  Wasn’t she listening to God?

  A chill slithered through her veins despite the heat emanating from the row of ovens.

  The door from the parking lot opened, revealing Sarah schlepping in while hugging her arms to her stomach. She groaned as she crossed to the nearest chair and sank onto it.

  “Sarah Rose.” Elizabeth rushed over to her, grabbing a cold glass of water on the way. “You look awful.”

  “I feel awful.” Sarah took the glass and gulped. “I woke up sick, and I can’t seem to shake it.” After placing the glass on the counter, she swiped her hand across her forehead. “I’m burning up and my stomach is churning. Is this normal?”

  “Ya, unfortunately.” Elizabeth rubbed Sarah’s back. “I was sick with all of my pregnancies, but it will get better after the first trimester.”

  Sarah glanced over at Rebecca. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help bake this morning.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “Don’t worry.” She touched Sarah’s shoulder. “You look a little green. You should take it easy. Maybe go home and lie down for a bit.”

  “Nee.” Sarah shook her head. “I’d go crazy at home alone.” She turned to Elizabeth. “Mamm, was Dat different while you were pregnant?”

  “How do you mean?” Elizabeth pulled up a chair and held Sarah’s hands.

  “Peter’s been acting different lately. He’s been really quiet. He hardly talks to me anymore.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know if he loves me anymore, Mamm.” Covering her face, she sobbed.

  “Oh, Sarah Rose.” Elizabeth pulled her youngest child close and rubbed her back as she cried. “Of course he loves you. Your hormones are just getting the best of you.”

  Rebecca smiled and hugged her chest. She knew Sarah would make a wonderful mother. Rebecca just hoped she could too.

  Later that afternoon, Lindsay pulled a sheet of Dutch almond cookies from the oven. She inhaled the sweet aroma as she scooped the cookies onto the cooling rack.

  A smile overtook her lips while she contemplated how much she enjoyed learning the recipes. Mom would be so proud!

  “What have you got there?” Elizabeth asked as she examined the cookies lining the rack.

  “I thought I’d try a new recipe. The bakery was quiet, and the ovens weren’t on.” Lindsay placed the rack in the sink. “I hope it’s okay.”

  “Of course it’s fine.” Elizabeth smiled. “The cookies are perfect.” She looped an arm around Lindsay’s shoulder. “You’re a wonderful addition to our bakery. I’m so glad you’re working with us.”

  “Thank you.” Lindsay felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment at the compliment. “I enjoy learning these new recipes. My mom and I used to bake together.” She sighed. “I really miss her.”

  “I’m sure you do.” Elizabeth rubbed her shoulders. “I knew Grace when she was young.”

  Lindsay’s eyes widened with surprise. “You did?”

  “Ya.” The older woman’s smile looked a little sad. “She was a lovely girl. You and your sister resemble her. She wanted more than the community could offer her.”

  Lindsay nodded as she turned off the oven. “I know.”

  “Rebecca mentioned that you want to come to our service.”

  Lindsay bit her lip. Was Elizabeth going to say she wasn’t welcome? “Would that be okay?”

  Elizabeth laughed. “Of course it is. We’d love to have you worship with us.” She rubbed Lindsay’s arm again. “You’re always welcome.”

  Lindsay smiled. “Thanks.”

  Elizabeth snatched her recipe book from the far counter. “Would you like to learn how to make walnut kisses?”

  “Sure!” Lindsay grabbed a mixing bowl from the counter.

  Saturday night, Lindsay stood before Rebecca clad in a purple dress with a black apron and white prayer Kapp.

  Rebecca cupped her hand over her mouth while tears stung her eyes.

  “What do you think?” Lindsay asked, twisting her hips back and forth while running her hands over her the apron. “Do I look ridiculous? Does it look like a Halloween costume instead of normal Plain dress?”

  “You look beautiful. The dress is perfect.” Rebecca wiped her eyes. “In fact, you look like your mother only with red hair.”

  “You think so?” Her niece fingered the ties to the prayer Kapp. “I always thought Jessica looked just like Mom, and I looked more like the Bedford side.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “I definitely see Grace in you.”

  Lindsay grinned. “Cool.” Her smile faded. “So, can I still go with you and Daniel tomorrow? And can I wear this?”

  “Ya.” Rebecca nodded and cleared her throat, hoping to stop the threatening lump. “You most certainly can.” Her thoughts moved to Jessica’s accusation that Rebecca was influencing and trying to convert her. She didn’t want to upset Jessica by encouraging Lindsay to dress Plain.

  “But how will Jessica feel about this?” Rebecca asked.

  Lindsay shrugged. “I really don’t know what she thinks.”

  She began to remove the straight pins from the apron. “You didn’t tell her that you were making a dress to wear to service?”

  �
��No, I didn’t tell her. I told her a few weeks ago that I enjoy our devotional time together, and she really didn’t understand it.”

  “Well, you must do what feels right for you,” Rebecca said. “Do whatever you feel in your heart.”

  “This definitely feels right,” Lindsay said with a smile.

  “Gut.” Rebecca finished removing the pins and then hugged her niece. “I look forward to having you at service with me tomorrow.”

  “Me too.” Lindsay held on to Rebecca as if for dear life.

  Once the dress was removed, Lindsay pulled on her night-gown, and they walked arm in arm to Lindsay’s room.

  “I’ll wake you up early tomorrow,” Rebecca said.

  Lindsay hugged her again. “Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome.” Rebecca gently closed the door and then tapped on Jessica’s door.

  She waited a few moments for a response and then opened it slowly. She spotted Jessica fast asleep sprawled across the bed in her plaid pajama pants and a short-sleeved gray shirt. Rebecca tiptoed across the room and covered her niece with the quilt.

  She kissed Jessica’s head, snuffed the kerosene lantern, and then quietly left.

  When Rebecca entered her room, she found Daniel pulling on his nightclothes. He gave her a confused expression when their eyes met. “Where have you been, mei Fraa?” he asked.

  “Lindsay and I were in the sewing room finishing up a project,” she said while she crawled into the bed.

  “What project?” He climbed into the bed beside her.

  “She wanted a Plain dress, so we made one together.” She snuggled down under the quilt and snuffed the lantern on her side of the bed. A faint light crept in past the edges of the window shades.

  “Why would she want that?” He gave her a concerned expression.

  “She wants to come to service with us tomorrow and she wants to dress appropriately.” When his eyebrows careened to his hairline with confusion, she pressed a finger to his lips before he spoke in response. “Please listen to me before you pass judgment, Daniel. Lindsay is very interested in our faith and wants to learn more. She constantly asks me questions about our beliefs. She enjoys our nightly devotions.”

  “Our faith is not a passing fad for her to try, like their rock music and their Internet,” he said, frowning.

  “She knows that, and she respects it.” Rebecca took his hands in hers. “I believe she is opening her heart and mind to our faith, and she truly wants to know more about it. Daniel, please give her a chance. She feels that learning more about the Faith will bring her closer to Grace.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. Her mother left the Faith, and I believe she will do the same in time.” He shook his head.

  Rebecca sighed while disappointment washed over her. She wondered what it was going to take to get Daniel to understand. “It’s a way for her to connect to her mother’s past and connect to me. I’m the only family she has left.”

  “She can go with us, but don’t expect her to join the Faith. She’ll leave just as her mother did. I don’t want to see you hurt again, the way Grace hurt you.” He kissed her. “Good night.”

  Good night,” she muttered. She bit her lip to stop the angry words that formed in her mind. She wanted to tell her husband to stop being so cynical and stop judging the girls. But she knew it wouldn’t do any good. Arguing with Daniel never went well.

  Closing her eyes, Rebecca prayed for guidance and faith as she did every night. She hoped that God was listening and heard her words.

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  Jessica rolled over and yawned. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced at her watch and gasped when she found it was after eleven in the morning.

  She’d planned to rise early in order to complete her chores and spend the rest of the day relaxing while Daniel, Rebecca, and Lindsay went to service and then visiting. She wasn’t thrilled when her sister told her that she was going to service, but Jessica didn’t get upset with Lindsay. She assumed Lindsay would be bored out of her mind and not go to another one.

  Instead of getting up early to get her chores done, Jessica had lost part of the day by sleeping in. She’d have to hurry if she wanted to salvage the rest of the day.

  Leaping from the bed, she snatched her jeans and a T-shirt from the floor and yanked them on. She gathered her hair up into a ponytail and then ran down the stairs. Jessica fixed herself a few pieces of bread slathered with jam and ate them quickly. She headed outside.

  She groaned when she spotted the forest of weeds tangled in both the vegetable and flower gardens. She scanned the rows of vegetables mixed in with the bright, healthy green weeds and frowned. This task would certainly take a good part of the day.

  “Standing here staring at it won’t get it done,” she muttered, eyeing the offending vegetation. She padded to the barn, grabbed a large bucket and then returned to the vegetable garden. After dropping the bucket onto the ground, she grabbed a trash can from the side of the house and yanked it to the garden.

  Squatting, she began ripping the weeds from the ground. She made her way through the vegetables, filling up the bucket with weeds and emptying it into the trash can as she weaved through the peas, onions, carrots, string beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes. The weeds seemed to take forever to dissipate.

  Her arms, legs, and back ached, and perspiration trickled from every pore in her body. Sinking back onto her bottom, Jessica wiped her brow and closed her eyes. She needed to get out of her sweat-soaked clothes. She bit her lip and scanned the area. She was more than halfway done with the vegetables but still had the flowers to complete. She’d get changed and then return to the task of weeding.

  She trotted into the house and up the back steps to her room. After shedding her jeans and T-shirt, Jessica slipped into her most comfortable jean shorts. She pulled a tank top from her dresser and shook her head. It was hot outside. Really humid and hot. That tank top would still cover too much skin.

  Biting her bottom lip, Jessica pulled out her hot pink string bikini top. She knew wearing a skimpy top wouldn’t win her any brownie points with Daniel, but maybe finishing the weeding would. He’d been so quiet with her lately that she could nearly cut the tension between them with a knife. He wasn’t rude, but he’d been cold. Their conversations in the van on the way to and from work seemed strained. The only bright spot in her days lately was chatting with Jake. She could at least be herself around him.

  Jessica hoped Trisha would call soon and report that she’d won custody of her and Lindsay. However, when they’d spoken a few weeks ago, Trisha hadn’t made any headway finding a lawyer who would take the case. Jessica wondered if she was even trying very hard.

  In the meantime, Jessica had to make the best of it. She hoped that by doing extra chores today she’d earn enough favor around the house that Daniel would smile and chat with her once in a while. She’d do her best to get the weeding completed quickly and then she could change into something more suitable before Daniel, Rebecca, and her sister returned.

  She pulled on the bikini top, twirled her thick ponytail up into a bun secured with a few clips, stuffed her iPod into her pocket, and jogged down the back stairs and out to the garden.

  She fished her iPod from her pocket, stuck the ear buds in her ears, and crouched down. While she continued weeding, she lost herself in the comforts of her favorite rock songs.

  Even when Jessica thought she’d collapse from the pain and the grief of losing her parents, the songs seemed to give her the comfort she needed to make it through another lonely day in Lancaster County. The music dulled the constant pang of regret that pulsed through her all day and all night long.

  Whenever she closed her eyes, Jessica could see the two police officers standing in the doorway of her home in Virginia Beach. She could hear the one officer saying the words “Your parents died in a car accident tonight. They were hit head-on by a drunk driver.”

  Even though nearly two months had passed since the ac
cident, the pain was still sharp in her heart, and the guilt still haunted her.

  Jessica sucked in a breath while emptying the bucket full of weeds into the large trash can. She’d wished so many times that she could relive that night.

  Maybe her parents would still be alive if Jessica hadn’t sulked in her room before they’d left for their dinner date. If she had talked to her mom instead of stomping off in a huff, she could’ve delayed the time that they’d left, and then the drunk may never have passed them on the road at all.

  She shook her head while moving to the peppers. It was silly to play the “what if” game, but Jessica couldn’t help but blame herself.

  The last conversation she’d had with her mother was an angry one. She’d been furious that her mother wouldn’t let her invite Brian over. Jessica knew she wasn’t allowed to have him over when her parents weren’t home, but she’d pushed the issue anyway, insisting she was trustworthy enough to have a boy in the house. But Jessica was too proud to let it go. She’d called her mother’s phone and argued with her just moments before the accident.

  Had the angry words she and her mother exchanged distracted her father’s driving?

  Jessica pushed the torturous thought away. She couldn’t face the reality of her regrets. Not now when she was already so miserable being stuck in this household.

  Her thoughts moved to Brian and Morgan as she dumped another bucket of weeds into the trash can. She hadn’t spoken to them in a few days. They both had finished school for the year and started their summer jobs. Jessica wished she were working at the oceanfront with them. She longed to spend the summer at the beach, working by day and walking barefoot through the hot sand with her friends at night. On their days off, her friends would caravan down to the Outer Banks, driving out on the beach for a daylong picnic in the sweltering sun.

  It was unfair that her friends were having all that fun without her. She wondered what she had done to deserve the fate of living and working here. When would Trisha save her from this nightmare?

  She was so caught up in her thoughts of home that at first Jessica didn’t hear the horse clip-clopping up the dirt drive. When she glanced over, she spotted the buggy rolling toward the barn. Jessica dumped another bucket of weeds and then wiped the palms of her hands on her shorts. She frowned at the dirt trapped under her long fingernails.