A Gift of Grace

by Amy Clipston

  Rebecca had said it was God’s will for Jessica and Lindsay to be here. But was it God’s will for Jessica to be so unhappy?

  Jessica bit her lip, contemplating if she were strong enough to run away. She fingered her mother’s wedding ring on the chain around her neck. Sure she was—her mother had done it twenty years ago.

  After packing up some clothes and toiletries in her duffel bag, she pulled on a light jacket and padded down the back stairs and out the back door into the rain.

  Picking up her pace, she sloshed through the mud and trotted down the road toward Jake’s two-family house.

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  Rebecca moved through the knot of people in the kitchen and stood by the counter. A wave of disappointment and regret crashed down on her as she watched her sisters-in-law talk and laugh at the table while polishing off the rest of the cakes and pastries.

  Leaning against the counter, her conversation with Jessica weighed heavily on her heart. She was at a loss as to what to do. Jessica wanted to leave, and Daniel wanted her to go too. It seemed as if there was nothing she could do.

  “Rebecca,” a voice behind her said. “Come.”

  Rebecca followed her mother-in-law through the living room and out the front door to the porch, where they sank onto the swing and faced the pouring rain.

  “What happened?” Elizabeth asked.

  “What makes you think something happened?” Rebecca kept her gaze on the sheets of rain falling on the field.

  “Please, Rebecca.” Her mother-in-law gave a little snort. “I’m more observant than you think. Daniel just came down from upstairs, and he’s hardly spoken. You look as if you’ve just lost your best friend.”

  “Ya, I believe I have.” Rebecca sighed. “I don’t know how everything got to be such a mess.” She blinked back threatening tears. “Abner Chupp was here earlier.”

  Her mother-in-law gasped. “Nee.”

  “Ya, he was.” Rebecca leaned back in the swing. “It was about Jessica. Abner listed all of Jessica’s transgressions, and he said Daniel must get his household in line. Daniel was furious. He told me that I must listen to him, and he said he wants the girls to leave.”

  Elizabeth shook her head and touched Rebecca’s hand. “Oh, Rebecca. What did you say?”

  “I told him I’d been letting him run things for fifteen years, and it was time for me to speak up. I reminded him that this is my family’s house, and I have a say in who lives here. I said the girls would stay.”

  Her mother-in-law grimaced. “How did he respond?”

  Rebecca brushed away a tear. “He’s not speaking to me at all.”

  Elizabeth looped her arm around Rebecca and pulled her close. “I know you feel you’re doing the right thing, but have you really listened?”

  “What do you mean?” Rebecca glanced up at her with surprise.

  Her mother-in-law smiled. “Have you listened to what God has been telling you? Have you really listened—with your heart?”

  Rebecca studied Elizabeth’s wise eyes, contemplating her words. What was Rebecca missing? What was Elizabeth trying to say?

  She pushed the questions away. Elizabeth wasn’t listening to her.

  “There’s more.” Rebecca sat up, wiped her cheeks, and took a deep breath. “Jessica overheard some of the conversation between Daniel and me. I told her she has nothing to worry about, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me. I talked to her earlier on the porch, and she was more upset than ever. Now she really wants to leave. I could see a determination in her eyes that wasn’t there before. She really scared me.”

  Breathing in a trembling breath, Rebecca felt a new rush of tears forming in her eyes. “What am I going to do, Elizabeth? I think I’ve lost Daniel and Jessica. How can I get them to see that I only want what’s best?” She looked over at her mother-in-law and prayed she had the answers.

  “Rebecca,” Elizabeth began, taking her hand, “I love you like a daughter. You’re a wonderful wife to my Daniel. However, you don’t see what’s right before your eyes.”

  “I don’t understand.” Rebecca wiped her eyes.

  “You haven’t heard what I’ve said. I told you to listen, to open your heart to God’s Word. I don’t think you’ve been listening to anyone except your own heart.”

  Rebecca shifted uncomfortably on the swing. “What are you trying to say?”

  Elizabeth stared off across the field, a faraway look gleaming in her eyes. “Remember two years ago when Miriam Lapp broke Timothy’s heart?”

  Rebecca nodded, recalling how a girl from Gordonville left her brother-in-law a week before their nuptials. “Of course. Timothy was heartbroken. Daniel was beside himself over the hurt it caused his brother.”

  “It was so hard for me to keep my opinions to myself, but I could see his relationship with that girl unraveling before he could.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “The signs were there all along, but Timothy chose to ignore them. Miriam dragged her feet accepting his proposal. She didn’t want to rush to set a date, and then she came up with every excuse under the sun when he wanted to discuss building the house on my farm.”

  Elizabeth met Rebecca’s gaze and gave her a soft smile. “Timothy wasn’t listening to God. He had made up his mind that Miriam Lapp would be his bride even though she had her heart set on leaving the community. She left to go to medical school, and he lives in that house all alone now.”

  Rebecca nodded slowly, letting the words soak in. “So, you’re saying I’m not listening to God.”

  Elizabeth sighed. “Jessica is unhappy here. She’s been trying to tell you that since she arrived. Daniel has felt it all along too, but you were so focused on being their mother that you missed what was right before your eyes all along.”

  Tears stung Rebecca’s eyes. “But the girls were the children I could never have. Grace wanted them here.”

  Elizabeth pulled Rebecca into a warm hug. “I know you want them to be the children you’ve always prayed for, but it’s not meant to be. Jessica is not meant to live here.”

  Closing her eyes, Rebecca succumbed to her sobs. She shook her head in disagreement with Elizabeth. She had to be wrong. She just had to!

  With the rain splattering on the hood of her windbreaker, Jessica studied the small, two-family house with Jake’s dark blue Chevrolet pickup truck parked out front.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Jessica shivered. She had run across two mud-soaked fields and then sprinted down Beechdale Road before finding the house.

  “This must be the place,” she whispered. Sucking in a deep breath, she sauntered up the front steps and knocked on the door.

  After a few moments, locks clicked and the door creaked open revealing Jake in tight blue jeans and a dark blue T-shirt. His eyes widened when they met hers.

  “Jessica?” His eyes moved down her body. “You’re soaked to the bone! Get in here. I’ll get you a towel.” He took her arm and tugged her through the door.

  “No, that’s okay. I’m fine.” She stepped back into the doorway. “I was just wondering if I could get a ride somewhere.” She opened her purse and fished out her wallet. “I’ll give you some gas money.”

  “Get a ride?” Jake peeked over her shoulder toward her bag. “Where are you going?”

  “The bus station.” She placed her hand flat against his hard chest and felt her expression soften. “I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

  “Don’t mention it.” He waved off the thought and then gazed at her for a moment. “Now, let me get this straight. You’re blowing off your birthday party, which I assume is still going on, to go to the bus station? Are you meeting someone there? Is your boyfriend coming in for a surprise visit or something?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m going to the bus station to catch a bus.”

  He rubbed his chin. “Does this have something to do with your conversation with Trisha?”

  “Maybe.”
She pulled out a ten and held it out for him to take. “Will you please take me? I’d walk, but it’s raining pretty hard.”

  “Keep your money.” He leaned back against the wall and studied her, his face accusing. “You’re running away.”

  Jessica shoved the bill into her pocket and jammed her hand on her hip. “I’m not running away. I’m sixteen now. I’m old enough to go wherever I please.”

  “Do your aunt and sister know where you’re going?”

  She narrowed her eyes to slits. “They don’t need to know what I do.”

  “Really? So, when they wake up in the morning and can’t find you, you’ll be okay with them worrying themselves sick about you?”

  She sighed, the guilt nipping at her. “If you’re not going to give me a ride, that’s fine. I’ll just walk.” She turned to go, but a strong hand grabbed her bicep and spun her around to face him.

  “You’re not thinking this through,” he said, frowning. “Why are you running away? What could possibly be so bad?”

  “What could be so bad?” Jessica dropped her bag with a thud. “I was forced to quit high school in my sophomore year, leave my friends, and move to a place where I don’t belong and am not welcome.”

  “You don’t belong here?” He shook his head. “Wasn’t I at your birthday party tonight? From what I saw, the house was packed with people eager to sing happy birthday to you.”

  “They were there because Rebecca invited them.”

  “Right.” He nodded with emphasis. “She invited them for you, Jessica. Don’t you get it? Your aunt loves you.”

  “She says she loves me, but her husband doesn’t want me there. I heard them arguing, and he said I had to go. Why would I stay in a place where I’m not wanted?” Jessica shook her head. “You just don’t get it. Virginia is my home. That’s where I need to be.”

  “With the boyfriend who doesn’t call you on your birthday, right?” he asked. “Can’t you see the people who love you are here?”

  Overwhelmed with regret, tears flooded Jessica’s eyes. “But why do I feel like an outsider?”

  “Hey.” Jake’s expression softened. “Come here.”

  Tears spilled from her eyes. He pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face into his shoulder while he rubbed her back. She inhaled the spicy scent of his cologne.

  “It’s okay.” His whisper was soft and soothing in her ear. “You’re just upset because this is your first birthday without your parents. I know how that feels. Just go back home and be with your family. That’s the only thing that will help.”

  “You keep saying that you know how it feels, but you haven’t told me why.” Looking up at him, she wiped her eyes. “How can you possibly understand how I feel?”

  “I told you that I lost my brother,” he said. “He was my twin.”

  Jessica cupped her hand over her mouth in shock. “I’m so sorry.”

  “He died when we were sixteen, and I blamed myself for a long time.” Jake touched her arm. “But I realized it wasn’t my fault that he went out partying that night. I’d warned him about the guys he was hanging out with, but he wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t control what he did, even though I wished I could.”

  “But I argued with my mom that night—just moments before the accident.” Her voice quavered. “I called her on her cell phone and yelled at her. I told her I was upset that she wouldn’t let me invite my boyfriend over. I told her she didn’t treat me like an adult. Then I stomped upstairs in a huff and never said good-bye.” Tears rained down from her eyes while the memories drowned her.

  He rubbed her arm. “I know what you mean. I argued with Jeremy that night too. My last words to him were that he was a loser for partying with those guys. That was the last thing he heard me say.” He frowned. “I know how it feels not to get to say good-bye.”

  “It’s so unfair.” Her voice cracked. “They shouldn’t have died.”

  “You’re right, but there’s nothing you can do.” He continued to caress her arm; the touch was comforting and warm. “I had to just let it go and realize that for some reason it was God’s will.”

  “Why would God want my parents to die?” Jessica sniffed back the tears. “I don’t understand.”

  “I know it doesn’t make sense sometimes.” He shrugged. “I just know that we must trust in Him. You will come out of this a stronger person. There’s a Bible verse that gets me through the rough times when I find myself drowning in grief. It’s Nahum 1:7. It says—‘The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.’ ”

  She shook her head and swiped her hot cheeks with her hands. “You sound like Aunt Rebecca.”

  He gave her a gentle smile. “That’s because she’s right.”

  Jessica glared at him. “I thought you’d understand, but you’re like everyone else in that house.”

  “Jess, give it time, and you’ll feel like you belong.”

  “I’ll never feel like I belong here.” She hefted her bag onto her shoulder. “Are you going to take me to the bus station, or should I walk?”

  “Let me take you home.”

  “Great. Then drive me to Virginia.” She yanked out her wallet again. “I’ll pay for the gas.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “You belong here where there are people who love you. Home is here.”

  She shook her head in disgust. “You’re just as bad as the Kauffmans.”

  “Jessica, I do understand. I understand you more than you’ll admit.” He rested his forearms on her shoulders. “Let me take you home to your aunt Rebecca’s house.”

  “No.” She stepped back from his reach. “I’ll walk.”

  “Don’t be silly.” His eyes pleaded with her. “I’ll drive you.”

  “No. I need time to think.”

  Jake reached for her, but she backed away. He gave her a pained expression, and she swallowed more guilt.

  “I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” he said.

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you then.” She stepped onto the porch. “Thanks again for the phone.”

  “You’re welcome.” He leaned on the doorway. “We’ll take it to the store and get it hooked up tomorrow.”

  “Fine,” she said. “Good night.”

  “Night.” He waved.

  Jessica trotted out into the rain. She hated lying to him, but he’d never understand why she had to leave. It was a long walk to the bus station, but she figured she could make it in forty-five minutes if she jogged.

  The drops pounded harder on her head, and she groaned. She was soaked to the bone. She pondered the conversation with Jake as she splashed through the mud. Jessica wondered if he was right. Maybe she should just go back to Rebecca’s house. Trisha had told her to stick it out until she turned eighteen. However, that felt like a lifetime. And Daniel was so angry with her right now.

  If Jessica had learned one thing after losing her parents it was that life was short and precious. She had to live in the now and not wait for things to get better.

  Jessica picked up her pace and trotted until she lost her breath and then power-walked for a block. When she felt as if she were going to collapse, she leaned against a post and raised her thumb. Even though her parents had warned her never to hitchhike, she knew she couldn’t make it to Lancaster on foot.

  When a minivan slowed, Jessica’s heart skipped a beat. A middle-aged woman asked Jessica where she was headed and offered to take her to the bus station in downtown Lancaster. During the short ride, Jessica and Mrs. Reynolds made small talk about the rainy weather.

  When they reached the bus station, Jessica thanked Mrs. Reynolds for the ride and hurried to the ticket booth.

  “May I help you?” a woman asked.

  “I’d like a ticket to Virginia Beach, Virginia, please.” Jessica yanked her wallet from her purse.

  “Just one?” the woman asked, a keyboard clicking while she typed.

  Jessica nodded and tapped her finger on the counter.

/>   “I have a bus leaving in five minutes,” the woman said.

  “Great.” Jessica paid cash for the ticket, grabbed the paperwork, and rushed over to the bus bay.

  She climbed on and found her seat near the back. She sank down and peeled off her soaked jacket.

  Closing her eyes, she settled in the seat. In approximately fourteen hours (thanks to the long layovers), she’d be at the bus station in Virginia Beach. She could finally learn the truth about Morgan and Brian. She dug through her purse and found the phone from Trisha.

  No calls.

  She fished out her new phone and fingered it. Jake must have spent a lot of money on it. Flipping it open, she stared at the photo of him she’d taken at the party. He was so handsome staring back at her and smiling. He’d seemed upset when she said she was leaving. He was a good friend, and she would miss him.

  Jessica closed her eyes. Her head hurt from all of the questions running through her mind. She felt so lost, so alone. Whom could she trust? Did she belong in Lancaster with Jake or in Virginia with Brian?

  She hoped this trip would help her solve that puzzle. At that moment, all she knew was she was exhausted.

  The bus roared to life and soon pulled out of the bay. She stared out the window at the rain and then closed her eyes. The Bible verse Jake had shared echoed through her mind.

  “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.”

  She concentrated on it, letting the meaning seep through her like the rain that soaked her clothes.

  Within moments, she was asleep.

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  This is the last of it,” Lindsay said, placing a stack of forks on the counter. “I already cleaned up the plates and napkins.”

  “Thank you.” Rebecca wiped off the table. “Have you found your sister?”

  “No.” Lindsay shook her head. “I guess she must’ve gone for a walk or something.” She lowered herself onto a chair and grimaced. “I guess I was too hard on her on the porch.”