The Lady Captain

by Caylen McQueen

  “Only a few times,” Nico admitted. His thumb brushed her cheek, on which there was a large, fetching freckle. “I still remember the very first time I saw you. My heart stopped. It was as if time stood still.”

  “I really had that effect on you?”

  “Well... yeah. You're beautiful, Celia.” He brought his face to hers, lightly kissing her forehead. “You're so beautiful.”

  “I wish you would have approached me sooner,” Celia told him. “If I had a secret admirer, I would have wanted to know.”

  “I couldn't get to you. I was... trapped.” As he whispered the words, Nico felt a chill on his spine. Something about those words must have resonated with him.

  “Will you...” Celia caught her lower lip between her teeth. The question was on the tip of her tongue, but she struggled to ask it.

  “Will I what, sweetheart?”

  “Will you... kiss me?”

  Nico thought he saw her blushing as his lips descended on hers. He kissed her softly at first, and then more passionately. When he felt her tongue sliding out, lapping his lips, Nico moaned.

  Kissing Celia was the most incredible feeling in the world.

  Or so he thought—until he realized he was kissing a dog. It wasn't even a cute dog, it was a brown, skinny, scraggly mutt with a missing eye and terrible breath. As the memory of his delightful dream dissipated, Nico felt the familiar sting of his cut finger, and a sinking realization dawned on him. He really was trapped.

  When he heard Vee laughing at him, Nico sat up with a groan. The mangy dog sprang on top of him, laid his paws on Nico's chest, and tried to lap his face again.

  “It looks like my dog can't get enough of you!” Vee teased him. “Tell me... did you enjoy kissing Seelo as much as Seelo enjoyed kissing you?”

  “Seelo?” The dog perked up when Nico repeated his name. Seelo practically pinned him down and licked his lips more vigorously. “Why is your dog so obsessed with me? And can you please get him off of me?”

  Vee showed the prince her empty plate. Remnants of roast beef were speckled across its surface. “I smeared a bit of gravy on your face. You were murmuring in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a romantic dream, so I thought I'd make it better for you.”

  “Gee. Thanks.” When the dog's voracious tongue left a trail of slobber on his cheek, Nico winced. Then he looked down at his missing finger. He couldn't see it, not while his hand was bound by a bloody cloth, but he knew it was gone. He could feel that it was gone. It was the strangest sensation in the world. “My hand aches like the devil.”

  “Aww. Does the poor prince have a boo boo?” Vee snorted mockingly. “I've known men who've lost appendages. You can handle a lost finger, Your Highness. Stop being a baby.”

  “I'm not being a baby! This is the first time I've mentioned it! Am I not allowed to complain once?” Nico glanced around the tiny room, where boxes were stacked all around him. “Where am I, by the way?”

  “You're on an Eversio airship.” Vee took out a small dagger and used its tip to dislodge a pesky piece of roast beef from her teeth. “More specifically, you're in the cargo room of an Eversio airship. Exciting, isn't it?”

  “Why a cargo room?” Nico asked. “Is this supposed to be my prison?”

  “It is!” Vee pocketed her dagger and flashed a false smile. “You catch on quickly, Prince. Well done!”

  When Seelo started licking his own nether regions, Nico slid backwards and prayed the dog wouldn't lick him again. He would have risen from the ground, but his ankles were tightly bound. “Where are we going?”

  “Bordeaux. Didn't we tell you that already?” Vee impatiently rolled her eyes. “Our leader wanted to kill you, but Tommy and I decided against it. Instead, we're taking you far, far away from the capital, where no one will ever think to find you. Believe me, no one will expect to find the prince in Bordeaux, of all places.”

  “I've heard of Bordeaux. I hear it's a bit... unsavory.”

  “That's putting it mildly, hon.” Vee chuckled at the prince's tepid description of the dirty, debauched den of degenerates. “Simply put, Bordeaux is a shit hole. It's the soiled anus of the world. It's a hovel.”

  “If it's so bad, why are we going there?”

  “Because I love Bordeaux!” Vee declared. “I love the depravity and the danger. It's probably my favorite place in the world.”

  “Al...right.” Nico couldn't decide if she was being sarcastic or not. She certainly sounded serious.

  “The last time I was there, I cut off a pickpocket's hand while it was still in my pocket,” Vee proudly told him. “Ah... good times.”

  “I can't wait.” Unlike Vee, Nico's sarcasm was obvious.

  Seelo suddenly turned his attention from his crotch to Nico. When the dog attempted to lick him again, Nico covered his face and whimpered.

  “Seelo!” his pink-haired master called to him. “Seelo... behave.”

  Seelo abandoned his pursuit of Nico's gravy-stained cheeks and returned to Vee's side. She scratched the mutt's matted hair and slipped him a treat from her pocket.

  “We're going to be flying around for quite awhile, Prince, so I'd advise you to get comfortable. Well... as comfortable as you can get when you're tied up and crammed into a tiny space. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”

  Nico didn't respond. His situation was as bad as it could get, and nothing could possibly make it better. No one in the palace would even think to rescue him, not while there was an impostor in his place.

  “No? Well then... are you hungry?” Vee asked. “If you are, I could bring you some food. It won't be cuisine, and it won't be roast beef, but I can try to rustle up something.”

  Nico slowly shook his head.

  “Come on! Don't be such a stubborn ass!” the woman grumbled at him. “I'll go find you something to eat, and I'll be back in a moment.”

  To Nico's relief, Seelo followed her out. When they were gone, he leaned forward and tried to untie his feet. The knots were so intricate, he spent a few minutes untying one of them. Before he got to the second knot, Vee returned.

  “Untying your feet, were you?” His captor clicked her tongue at him. “You naughty boy! Look, I don't even care if you untie them, because it's not like you're getting out of this room. And even if you did get out, how the hell do you plan to escape from an airship?”

  Nico shrugged. He hadn't really thought of anything beyond freeing his ankles, which were pressed together and incredibly uncomfortable.

  “I brought food.” Vee practically shoved the plate in his face. “It's not the best quality, but its free. And it's what the common crewmen eat, so I don't want to hear you bitching about it!”

  Nico's face was pinched with disgust as he stared at the “food” on his plate. The loaf of bread was small, dry, and partly moldy. The carrots on his plate looked like they had already been chewed. There was a slice of unidentifiable meat. It looked like shoe leather and it was covered in something green. He assumed it was rotten.

  “This is disgusting.”

  “Nuh uh uh!” Vee lightly kicked him. “I told you not to complain!”

  “But the bread has mold on it!” Nico exclaimed, which earned him another kick from his captor. “And... what in the world is this?” He pointed at the green part of the meat.

  “Just cut off the moldy bits and work around it,” Vee advised him. “If you're hungry enough, it'll probably be delicious.”

  But Nico wasn't hungry in the least. In fact, after he saw the disgusting meal, his appetite had vanished completely.

  “Eat it,” Vee commanded.

  Nico shook his head in protest. “I, uh... I'm really not hungry, though.”

  “Eat it!” This time, Vee's command was accompanied by a threat: “Eat it, you ungrateful shit, or I swear to god, I'll shove your face in the food. I'll make you eat it.”

  When Seelo suddenly pilfered the meat from his plate, Nico could have kissed him. And he might have kissed him, if n
ot for the fact that the mutt's face had recently been buried in the foulest of places.

  It was one less thing he would have to eat—or so he assumed, until Vee ripped the half-eaten meat from her dog's dripping jaws and returned it to Nico's plate.

  Even before she yelled “eat!” again, Nico's stomach turned. His body tensed. He wanted to cry.

  As the rancid meat passed through his lips and entered his mouth, he never stopped groaning.

  Eight

  Not long after Julian went down for a nap, there was an extremely loud knock on his door. Prior to being rudely awakened, he was having an amazingly pleasant dream, the kind from which he hated to wake. In the dream, Julian was lying in the arms of a voluptuous beauty, whose warm, round body had him feeling nice and cozy. When he realized it wasn't real, a multitude of colorful curses erupted from Julian's lips.

  “Captain Featherstone!” A thunderous voice bellowed behind the door. “Captain Featherstone, sir, there's something I must ask!”

  Julian sluggishly scraped himself to his feet and staggered to the door. “Ah, Jolly,” he greeted his visitor with obvious apathy. “Why, may I ask, are you bothering me?”

  Jolly was an ironic nickname for Julian's first mate. In reality, he was far from jolly. He rarely smiled, and his expression was perpetually stony. He was well over six feet tall, with tan, weathered skin and a missing front tooth. The strangest thing about him was his bright green eye patch. Julian swore it changed sides every now and then.

  “There's an urgent matter that requires your attention, Captain. If you'd follow me to the deck, I can explain along the way.”

  A yawning Julian resentfully agreed. “Oh, alright...” He followed his lumbering first mate through the door and into the hallway. “But this better be very damned important!”

  “Urgent means urgent, sir. I don't use the word lightly.”

  “Are you being sassy with me, Jolly?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Riiight.” Julian crossed his arms as he climbed the stairs. With folded arms and pouting lips, he looked impressively petulant. “So... are you going to explain why you woke me up, or do I have to guess?”

  “Are you being sassy with me, Captain?”

  “Indeed I am! Now tell me, why am I here?”

  When they reached the deck, Jolly handed him a spyglass and pointed in the direction of the stern. As soon as Julian raised the spyglass, he saw it. There was a large black airship drifting behind them.

  “They've been tailing us for almost an hour, sir,” Jolly explained. “We even tried to turn, to shake them off, but they stayed with us. It could be a coincidence, but...” The first mate failed to complete his thought. Whatever the captain's opinion was, it was more important than his.

  “Hmm.” A sickening thought crossed Julian's mind. What if it was the spurned husband from Baltmoor? What if Kaleb had an airship? What if he was that determined to chase him down? “Who do you think they are? Do you have any idea?”

  “A little while ago, one of the sailors spotted a small blue flag on their ship... or so he claimed. I haven't seen it myself.”

  “And what would be the significance of a small blue flag?” Julian asked.

  “It might be a Baltmoor Militia airship, but it doesn't make sense that they'd be following us.” Jolly suddenly screamed, “We ain't done nothing wrong!”

  “Not recently, anyway!” Julian added. “So, Jolly, what do you propose? Wait! Don't answer that. I already know what we should do, and your input couldn't possibly sway me! We should attack them first. Capture their ship!” The captain's lips were parted by a wild, insidious grin. Suddenly, he was happy to be awake. Stealing an airship was even better than his dreams of buxom whores.

  “Are you sure about that, Captain? If the airship belongs to the Baltmoor Militia, that could get us into trouble with the law. They work for the emperor.”

  “Don't be ridiculous!” Julian's grin expanded as he swatted Jolly's back. “I have the empress' favor right now. I'm untouchable. Honestly, Jolly, I don't give a damn if it's a militia airship or not! I'm not missing this opportunity! If they want to harass us, they'll get what's coming to them. And this ship will be a lovely addition to my collection!”

  “If you say so.” Jolly expelled a weary sigh. Every time the captain had an idea, his first mate was the one who got stuck with the hard jobs. “What should I tell the men, Captain?”

  “Tell them we're attacking a hostile target. We need to cripple the airship, but don't kill it! She's too beautiful to damage. Disable the ship as gently as possible, so repairs can be easily made.”

  “Yes, sir!”

  “When the ship's on the ground, board it, and take out anyone who resists us!” Julian commanded.

  “Yes, sir!” When Julian's instructions ended, Jolly bowed and fled. Julian knew he was lucky to have such a skilled, loyal first mate. In a pinch, Jolly could perform miracles.

  Julian held the spyglass to his eye as he watched the action unfold. His airship made a sudden turn, which must have caught their target off guard, because they didn't have time to change course. Within seconds, they were facing the black airship's exposed flank, at which time Julian's ship unleashed a barrage of cannon fire. When one of the enemy's masts was hit, Julian grimaced. He hated to damage such a beautiful aircraft. In fact, it pained him greatly.

  The black ship tried to descend, to get away. Julian's airship followed them down and fired again. The enemy never counterattacked; they weren't even given a chance. Captain Featherstone's ship stayed out of range and stayed on the offensive.

  When it was clear they were going to win, Julian felt inspired to dance. His feet shuffled across the deck as he waltzed with his invisible partner. When the enemy ship went down in flames, he stopped dancing, held his hat to his heart, and bowed.

  They followed the black airship to the ground, where they would invade, loot and steal it. Julian remained on the deck, watching through the spyglass. Jolly boarded the fallen airship with a few dozen of Julian's men—only the most skilled fighters were allowed to join him.

  In a few minutes, it would all be over.

  Meanwhile, Letitia Jordan, the newly-anointed captain of the Baltmoor Aerial Militia, was in a state of panic. Her small crew barely managed to suppress the flames before the airship was boarded by the enemy. Her hands trembled as she drew her rapier and pistol. Though she had trained extensively, she never fought a real battle before, let alone killed anyone.

  “Drop your weapons!” screamed the man who led the invaders. He was a huge, bearded beast of a man with an odd green eye patch. As soon as Lettie saw him, she assumed she was looking at the enemy captain. “We're not here to kill you, but if you attack us, we will use force!”

  Lettie was shocked to see some of her soldiers dropping to their knees and forfeiting their weapons. She never told them to surrender! They were almost certainly going to lose, but she refused to go down like a coward. With her rapier in hand, she lunged at one of the attackers, who dodged with ease. Her chosen opponent wielded a long, curved, ferocious-looking saber, which made her narrow rapier look like a joke. As soon as his weapon clobbered hers, Lettie lost her grip. To her great embarrassment, her rapier not only left her hand, it skidded across the deck.

  Lettie still had her pistol, so she raised it and took aim. The man was huge, so he should have been an easy target. He would have been an easy target, but for some reason, she couldn't pull the trigger. During that unfortunate moment of hesitation, Lettie was grabbed from behind.

  “Well done, Jared!” The rogue with the green eye patch was praising the man who held her. Lettie tried to buck and squirm, but the young man's grip was tight, and he was stronger than he looked. When he wrenched the gun from her hand, she knew it was over. It was her first big mission, and she failed. The day after her father gave her an airship, she lost it.

  She was a failure.

  “Believe it or not, that girl's the captain,” Jolly told Jared.


  “This girl? Really?” Jared sounded impressed. She kept trying to twist out of his arms, so he tightened his grip on her.

  “Treat her gently, Jared. You know how the captain feels about women. He wouldn't want you to hurt her.”

  “I think...” Jared began. When Lettie's flailing fist collided with his stomach, he was momentarily breathless. “I think I'm the one in danger of being hurt!”

  “Here. Lemme have her.” Jolly stepped forward, claiming Lettie from the red-haired youth who held her. When the huge man tossed her over his shoulder, she screamed. He carried her with ease, as if she was weightless.

  Before returning to Julian, Jolly barked some final orders. “Arrest the ones who surrendered. If anyone resists, disarm them, and arrest them too. If it can be avoided, no one dies.” As the first mate commanded his men, Lettie tried to kick him, so he gave her a little shake. “The engineers should remain on this airship. I want it repaired by tomorrow.”

  With Lettie in tow, Jolly left the black airship and returned to his captain. When they were standing in front of Julian, Jolly dropped her to her feet. Despite his earlier advice to Jared, he wasn't gentle in the slightest. In fact, she felt a stabbing pain in her ankle as soon as she touched the ground.

  “Oooh. Be good to her, Jolly. I think I saw a flicker of pain on her face,” Julian said with a frown. Turning his attention to Lettie, he said, “Hello there, my lady. It's lovely to meet you. I heard a strange bit of information that I'll need to confirm. Were you really the captain of that fine, fine vessel?”

  “I was.” Despite her growing shame, Lettie proudly raised her chin. “I'm Letitia Rose Jordan, captain of the Baltmoor Aerial Militia.”

  “Interesting!” Julian exclaimed. His eyes scanned the length of her body, sizing her up. His ravenous gaze devoured her feminine form. “I'm Captain Featherstone. Or Baron Featherstone. Or even Julian Lucas Featherstone, if you'd rather. Hell, you could even call me plain old Featherstone and I wouldn't object... but I don't know why you'd do that when you've got so many fantastic options!”