The Play

by Karina Halle

  I grumble to myself, thinking about what Lucy will say. Then again, Candace would gladly take over my position. She has probably been lying in wait for this kind of opportunity. “Shit, if they let me take my entire vacation, there’s a chance I won’t have a job when I come back. I would be so easily replaced.”

  He purses his lips, frowning as he studies me. “You’ll only be replaced if you let it happen.”

  And how hard will I fight when I return? I hate my job. I hated being shown what I could really do with my life and then having it snatched away. I hated that I wasn’t taken seriously, that I was told who I could be and it was nowhere near who I wanted to be.

  Fuck. If I came back here and my job was hanging by a thread…it’s hard to say how far I’d be willing to go to keep it stitched together.

  “We’ll only have maybe three weeks together,” I tell him.

  He blinks slowly in agreement. “But they would be a good three weeks.”

  Good? That would be the understatement of the year. Three more weeks of continuing to have the best sex of my life with a larger than life man I’ve become utterly, desperately obsessed with? They could be the best three weeks of my entire life.

  I exhale, trying to expel the tightness in my chest. “But what about you? What about rugby? Won’t I get in the way?”

  “No, love, you could never get in the way. If anything, it might get in the way of you. In having you all to myself, day in and day out, with nowhere to go but the bedroom. Or, you know, anywhere else.”

  “I just don’t want to mess up your life, even if it’s only for a few weeks,” I say feebly.

  He twists his broad frame in the seat and puts his hand on my cheek, turning my attention to him. Thankfully the traffic is at a standstill.

  “I want you,” he says with a gruff tenderness. “I want more of you. And I don’t care how I get it.”

  I search his eyes, greener now than they have ever been. They’re bright and burning, and I know he wants me. I can feel it in my bones, and the thrill is like a million bombs going off at once. How did this even happen? I’m absolutely spellbound by him.

  I clear my throat, but even so my words are quiet. “You have me.”

  His mouth twitches up, eyes squinting. “Not yet.”

  We drive the rest of the way in silence, but unlike the silence of before, which was pure melancholy as my brain and heart wrestled each other with the idea of saying goodbye, this silence is humming with energy. Possibility. And fear.

  When I drop him off at his apartment, the fear is so great that it’s got a chokehold on me. I’m glued to the car seat. He grabs Emily from the backseat, setting the crate on the curb, then comes around to me, opening the door.

  “Come on,” he says. “Give me a hug.”

  “What?”

  He reaches in and pulls me out of the car so I’m pressed up against him, and I’m suddenly hit with this goddamn wave of terror, the fear that I might not see him again.

  He wraps his arms around me, holding me in a vise of muscle, warmth, and his wonderful scent, and kisses the top of my forehead. “Just in case this is it.”

  I shake my head into him. No, no. This can’t be it. Not anymore.

  “I’ll have to talk to my mom too,” I mumble into him, my fingers clawing at his t-shirt. “I don’t like the idea of leaving her for three weeks.”

  “I know,” he says.

  I raise my head and stare up at him. “If my brothers promise to come by and check on her more often, I think it will be okay. But I don’t think I can talk to my boss until the morning. If she says yes, I’ll have to be ready to go right away. You said the flight is at three o’clock?”

  “That it is.”

  I’m blinking back tears. “I’m going to plead my case. I’m going to do what I can.”

  “I know you will,” he says. “I have faith in you.”

  “So then, this isn’t it,” I tell him. “This can’t be it.”

  He closes his eyes and leans in to plant a terribly soft kiss on my lips. It makes me want to weep. My hands grab him tighter. Something inside me is shaking my foundation.

  “Go home,” he whispers. “Do what you can. And I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “And what if you don’t.”

  He smiles sadly. “Then at least I had hope.”

  Fuck.

  I don’t know how I manage to break apart from him but I do. I can barely drive back to my apartment. I’m an emotional wreck, a zombie, yet I’ve never needed to think more clearly in my whole entire life.

  I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do and what I should do, but I don’t think they are the same thing. What I really need to do is discuss it with my mother—even if my work does let me take my three weeks’ vacation completely last minute, she’s the reason I’d have trouble going.

  But before I can even bring it up with her, I have to know my plan.

  I immediately text Steph and Nicola. When you guys get back, can you get dropped off at my place? This is an emergency. I need to talk to you.

  I ponder leaving it at that, but I’m not sure it will be enough so I add, Lachlan asked me to go to Scotland with him. Tomorrow.

  They both text immediately with a lot of questions and say they’ll have the guys drop them off.

  I pour myself a glass of water from the sink and drink it down in five long gulps. Then I take a half empty bottle of red wine out of the cupboard and have a few swigs straight from the bottle. After all the wine over the weekend, I’m still not tired of it. More than that, I need it. I am flipping the fuck out.

  When Nicola and Steph buzz me and I let them up, I haven’t really come up with any decision. I’ve been pacing with a mind so overwhelmed that I can’t figure out anything.

  “Kayla,” Steph says as they come inside. “What the hell happened on the ride over here?”

  I stop pacing and look at them, flapping my hands like an anxious bird. “Okay. Okay. Well. He missed his flight. The traffic.”

  “I know, we were just stuck in it,” Nicola says. “He seriously missed his flight?”

  “Yes. He was able to book the next one going out, but it doesn’t leave until tomorrow. And then…and then suddenly he looked at me…”

  He looked at me, and it was something I hadn’t seen before in him: hope. I could feel it in my marrow, and I knew, I knew, that something had changed for us.

  “And?” Steph coaxes, sitting on the couch and folding her legs underneath her.

  “And then he asked if I would go to Scotland with him. He said he’d buy me a seat on the plane.”

  “So you said yes?” Nicola asks.

  I shake my head. “No. Yes. Maybe? I mean…I don’t know if I can? What if work won’t let me? I’m supposed to stroll into my office tomorrow and ask if I can leave right then and not return for three weeks. And then there’s my mom. I can’t leave her for that long.”

  Steph studies me. “Right. All valid. So you’re not going?”

  I sigh and flop down on the couch, legs spread out, all my strength drained. “I don’t know. He booked me a seat anyway.”

  “Oh my god,” Nicola says softly. “He did that?”

  I swallow and nod.

  “I told you he was sweet on you,” she says rather smugly.

  I’m too frazzled to roll my eyes. “I wasn’t expecting it.”

  “But did you want it?” asks Steph. “When he asked you, what was your first thought?”

  I blow a strand of hair off my face, wishing all my nerves didn’t feel so wound up. “I thought…please let him be serious. Please don’t let this be a cruel joke.”

  “Well, Kayla,” she says, staring at me with knowing eyes. “You have to go.”

  “But I can’t just go. It’s not that easy.”

  “Okay, let’s ignore your work and mom situation at the moment. And by the way, your mom will be totally fine. I’ll even go check on her if your brothers don’t get their act together.” I give her a
grateful smile. “So ignore all that. Is there anything else that would prevent you from going? And I don’t mean externally, like being afraid of jetlag or hating Scottish food or anything like that. I mean inside. Your compass.”

  I scrape my teeth over my lip. “I don’t know him,” I say softly. “I met him three weeks ago. I’ve only been intimate with him for one week. You don’t just go off with someone you don’t know to another country. On a whim.”

  “Why the fuck not?” Steph asks, giving me a strange look. “You think he’s going to murder you and leave you in a dumpster somewhere?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  My mouth opens but nothing comes out. I have to shrug. “I guess. I mean…can you trust someone you’ve just met?”

  “You can do whatever you want,” she says. “Do you trust him?”

  I take in a deep breath and look over at Nicola who is watching me curiously. “With my heart?”

  Steph tilts her head at me. “Is that what you’re worried about? That you’re going to go there, fall in love, and have to leave him?”

  Ouch. One question and my chest feels like a hollowed out tree. “Well, I’m fucking worried about it now!” I tell her, sitting up. I exhale loudly and rub my hands over my face. “I’m worried…I’m worried about that, yeah. I fucking am. But I’m also worried that I’ll be disappointed. That I’ll get to know him and he won’t be the person I think he is.”

  “And who do you think he is?”

  I give them a soft smile. “I think he’s everything.”

  Steph nods and gets up off the couch, heading into the kitchen.

  Nicola bites her lip, smiling. “No one has ever been your everything, Kayla. You know you have to go. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t. You don’t want to live with regrets, believe me.”

  Steph comes back with the bottle of wine I was chugging out of earlier and three wine glasses. “We should all be wined out at this point, but I don’t care.” She pours the rest of the wine into the glasses, really nothing more than a splash, and hands one to me.

  “We can’t really celebrate anything yet,” I remind her, even though I’m raising my glass anyway.

  “We’re celebrating your decision. It’s rare to get a chance like this. You’re taking it, regardless of what the outcome is, and that’s something.” She and Nicola clink their glasses against mine. “Last time we toasted to fucking. This time we’re toasting to…well, more of that. But we’re toasting to you, Kayla. Follow your heart.”

  “Cheesy,” I mumble before taking a sip of wine. Cheesy but appropriate. “Do you really mean you’ll check in on my mom?” I ask her.

  She puts her hand on my shoulder for a moment, looking me in the eye. “I promise I will.”

  “I still don’t know how she’ll feel about it,” I admit.

  “She’ll be happy if you’re happy. That’s all moms ever want for us. Well, most of the time. I’m sure my mom wants me to also have a baby soon.”

  I look at her in surprise. “She’s starting on you already? You just got married.”

  Steph smiles and looks away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, well. I can’t say I disagree with her. We’ve already started trying.”

  I glance at Nicola to see if she knows this, but she looks just as surprised as I feel.

  “Really?” Nicola squeaks. “That’s amazing. Oh, I’m so happy for you.”

  I scrunch up my nose. “Really, Steph? You’re joining the mom club with Nicola?”

  “It’s not so bad,” Nicola chides me. “You might change your mind one day.”

  I glare at her. “You know how much I hate it when people say that.”

  She shoots me an evil grin. “Oh, I know. That’s why I like to say it.”

  “As I said,” Steph goes on. “We’re trying. Nothing exciting to report except lots of sex, and I know you’re all tired of hearing about that. But what’s exciting is this. You, Kayla. You better start packing.”

  It feels like a million bolts of lightning strike me at once. Packing? To go follow Lachlan to Scotland. To live with him for three weeks. To see him play rugby, to watch him with Lionel, to help out with the rescues, to be in another country. To have endless sex for weeks. The prospect is so exciting, so frightening, I feel like I might shatter all across my living room.

  “Come on.” Steph slaps me on the shoulder. “We’ll help while we wait for Linden to pick us up.”

  My room is a mess, and packing for an impromptu trip across the pond is extremely overwhelming. Is the weather the same as in San Francisco? Is the city casual or upscale? Should I bring any of my vibrators (the answer is yes)?

  Luckily Steph and Nicola are here to keep me organized and on track, and every few minutes I feel like jumping up and down for joy. I’m doing this. I’m actually doing this—the wildest, craziest thing I have ever done. And even though the future is uncertain and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I have this feeling that it’s going to happen. That feeling is what scares me the most. Because shit. I know, I know if I go with Lachlan, I will fall head over heels in love with him. I’m already halfway there.

  When Linden shows up at my door, it’s time for them to go, and I’m pretty much fully packed. Our goodbyes are kind of sad because I won’t be seeing them for three weeks.

  “Say hi to my aunt and uncle,” Linden says, pulling me into a hug that actually feels genuine for once.

  “Do you think he’ll be introducing me to the parents?” I ask.

  Linden smiles dryly. “Kayla, if he’s invited you to Edinburgh with him, then he’s serious. So, yes. You’ll meet his parents and everyone else—his brother Brigs too, I’m sure. Damn. I’m really fucking jealous.” He looks at Steph. “Want to go to Scotland?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m quite happy staying here. But you can live vicariously through Kayla.”

  He grimaces. “I’m not too sure about that if she’s going to be shagging my cousin the entire time.”

  “You know me,” I say with a shrug, and hug Steph and Nicola, saying my goodbyes. Nicola gets all teary-eyed and I have to smack her upside the head and tell her to stop that. Steph is a bit more subdued, more overjoyed for me than anything else.

  Once they leave, I pick up my phone with shaking hands and call my mom.

  “Hey sweetheart,” she says to me. “How was your trip to Napa? Did you have any good wine?”

  “All the wine was good,” I tell her, leaning against the kitchen counter. For some reason my legs are shaking, and not in the way they were when Lachlan and I first had sex here. God, that was good fucking sex.

  “And the hotel?” my mother asks, and I have to shake my head to get those sex thoughts out of my head. “Tell me about the hotel. I remember your father and I used to go to Napa all the time when he first came over from Iceland. We would always stay at the same place right in town. So pretty.”

  I inhale deeply. Talking about my father isn’t making this easy on me. “The hotel was very nice. Had its own vineyard. We’ll go one day. A mother-daughter trip.”

  “That would be very lovely. If I’m feeling better, of course.”

  Ugh. It’s like I have one foot in Scotland already and I’m reminded of why my other foot needs to be here.

  “Kayla?” she asks, and I realize I’ve been silent.

  “Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Listen, Mom. Something happened…and I need to talk to you about it. I need your advice.”

  “Oh? What is it?”

  “Uh, well. You know Lachlan?”

  “Yes, of course. How is he?”

  “Good…good. Yeah, he’s good. But he’s leaving for Scotland tomorrow. Well actually, he was supposed to leave today but he missed his flight because of the traffic.”

  “Oh no.”

  “And, well, when he called the airline to book for tomorrow, he kind of booked me a seat on his flight.”

  There’s a long pause. “What?”

  “He
wants me to go with him.”

  “And what did you say?” she asks anxiously.

  “Well, obviously I told him I’d have to think about it. I’ve got work and I don’t know if they’ll let me take a vacation at the last minute. And then there’s you.”

  “Me?”

  “I don’t feel good about leaving you, Mom.”

  “Oh, good heavens. Kayla. Be serious.”

  “I am serious. I know you’re not doing well and—“

  “I’m fine.” She cuts me off and her voice sounds stronger than ever. “Don’t you worry about me. You can’t just turn down something amazing because you’re worried about your mother. That’s just nutty talk.”

  “I know…but—”

  “No. No buts. Do you want to go to Scotland? Do you?”

  My nerves buzz with energy. “Yes,” I say thickly.

  “Then go. Go into work and get your vacation, and if they don’t let you, then figure out the soonest you can go. I’ve met Lachlan. You shouldn’t let him get away.”

  “Okay.”

  “Kayla,” she says seriously. “Don’t second guess yourself. This is your track. Get on it and go there. Be with him. You never know what love will bring you.”

  But I don’t love him, I want to say. But I don’t say it. Because I know I will. It’s inevitable and I have to stop fighting it.

  “Okay. Are you sure you’ll be fine? What if something happens to you?”

  She laughs. “Nothing will happen to me. I promise. Please, Kayla. I just want to see you happy, and he makes you happy. Your father would want the same, I know he would. Take a chance and be with him.”

  I lick my lips. I tell my mother I will see her as soon as I get back, that I’ll call her as soon as I get to Edinburgh, whenever that is. Then I phone Toshio and Paul, making both of them agree to see her while I’m gone. I don’t have to remind Steph. I know she’s good for it.

  So I guess this is it.

  This is it.

  ***

  I barely sleep all night. I’m tossing and turning, holding onto my pillow and imagining I’m holding onto Lachlan. I cycle through a million feelings like I would cycle through dreams, and when my alarm goes off in the morning, I feel like the real dream is just beginning.