“So how long have you been working as a photographer?” I asked her to fill another awkward silence, even though I already knew the answer to this question. We talked about this when we met, and I hadn’t forgotten how passionate she was about photography.
She shifted on her feet, showing a glimpse of unease. She probably thought I’d completely forgot about our conversation.
“Umm, during college, as a freelancer.” She shifted her gaze from me to Melanie. “Anyway, I should start working.”
“That’s right. You can take pictures of Noah and me first.”
Jessica reached for the bag that was next to her on the ground and took her camera. “Sure. Just let me set my camera.”
“Of course. Noah come over here. We’ll stand right there.” She pointed at the path that led to a vineyard with the rose arbors hanging over it.
I stopped to where she wanted me to and let her wind her arm around mine, watching Jessica pick the right objective for the camera and adjust the settings.
“Just a few more seconds…,” Jessica said, concentrating hard on something on her camera screen.
I didn’t mind waiting. In fact, I could stare at her the whole day and wonder how the hell we could meet again like this. Melanie was pressing herself against me, but all I could think about was how I wanted her to be Jessica. If she was next to me, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands to myself. I would run them all over those gorgeous tits and that lush ass.
I shifted on my feet, willing these thoughts away before my boner became even bigger and visible to others.
This whole engagement business had never felt more wrong than now.
“Okay. I’m ready,” Jessica said. “Smile!”
I couldn’t smile. Not when my eyes fell to her plump breasts and my wayward thoughts went to a new fantasy with her.
Fuck. I hoped these pants could hide my gigantic hard-on.
“Don’t move,” Jessica instructed behind the camera. “I’m going to take a couple more shots.”
Melanie leaned her head against my shoulder, snuggling up against me, and I was starting to suffocate. She wasn’t the one I wanted. This was so fucked up.
The day dragged on, and it was getting more difficult to put on a façade and pretend Melanie and I were the lovebirds we wanted the world to believe us to be. Jessica’s presence here reminded me of everything I had lost when I accepted to be chained to the kind of life I despised. She reminded me of how right it felt to be with her, and now—more than ever—I wanted to call this engagement off and do what I wanted for a change.
I didn’t get to see Jessica much because she continued taking shots of our guests and Melanie and I went from one guest to another and tried to strike up a conversation, but each glimpse at her sexy form as she took pictures told me I had to see her again.
I had no idea what the future held, but I knew I couldn’t ignore this feeling that told me not to let her slip through my fingers again.
5
Jessica
* * *
I edited some wedding photos in Lightroom, spending hours tweaking them, but in my mind, I was miles away from my office.
It had been several days since the engagement party, but I couldn’t get Noah out of my head. I even searched for him on the internet and found out that he was the CEO of his father’s company that held a chain of hotels throughout several states. I had a hard time believing he was from that lifestyle. I never imagined him like this.
Seeing him there came as a shock, but my reaction to him was even more shocking. He was even more handsome and muscular, and I wanted those arms to embrace me again and hold me flush against that rock-hard body.
The whole Saturday I had difficulty concentrating on my work when I was painfully aware of him, so close to me, yet so far away.
Melanie was a beautiful girl and a great fit for him, but that didn’t quench this misplaced jealousy that brewed in me whenever I thought about them together. I didn’t have the right to feel this way. Noah lived a different kind of life, and he and I were never meant to be together.
But reasoning didn’t help. Last night, I had another dream about Noah, but this time I was wearing his engagement ring and nothing else as he pounded into me. I woke up aroused and ashamed of myself. He wasn’t mine and he would never be.
The knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. “Yes?”
I was taken aback once more when Noah stepped into my office. My heart rate skyrocketed.
“Noah? I mean, Mr. James? What are you doing here?”
He stopped right in front of my desk, carrying a panty-dropping smile. He was here, and we were all alone. This was not good.
“You can call me Noah, Jessica. There’s no need to be formal.” He cocked his head to the side. “Or is there?”
I could feel a slight blush forming on my cheeks. “I don’t know. You tell me. You’re the one who was acting like you didn’t know me.”
“And you continued it. Look, I’m sorry about that. At that time it didn’t feel right to introduce you to Melanie as my ex-lover.”
I lowered my head and looked at my keyboard, my cheeks blushing uncontrollably. “I understand, and I don’t really mind.”
“Mind if I take a seat?” he asked, pointing at the chair next to him.
“Sure.” I waited for him to sit down. “You still didn’t tell me what you’re doing here.”
“I came for the engagement photos.”
“Oh? I thought Melanie was going to take them.”
“Well, I’m here now. Is that a problem?”
I scratched my neck. “No, not at all.” His eyes were intense, searing into me, and it was too much.
I didn’t know how to act in front of him. Somehow, this didn’t feel right. He was engaged, yet I wanted him badly. It was ironic. I’d been telling Angie there was no way I could meet someone I really liked, but now that I saw Noah again, I didn’t even have a chance with him. It seemed like fate was playing a game with me.
“I finished the photos yesterday,” I said and went to the cabinet behind my desk.
I could feel his eyes on me as I flipped through the folders looking for the right photos, and I grew hot and needy.
“Here they are,” I said and returned to my desk, but he wasn’t looking at them or into my eyes. His eyes were on my breasts, filled with lust. The tension between us was so palpable in the air that I didn’t know what to say or do.
“Thanks,” he said and took the photos, looking at me without blinking. Our hands met briefly, and shivers rushed up my spine. I could swear he felt it too.
“So how have you been?” he asked me without even looking at the photos. He left them on his lap and focused on me. “How have you spent these last few years?”
I tensed, thinking about Maya. I didn’t want him to know about her. I had already accepted that my daughter would be without her real father, but now that I met Noah again, I didn’t know what to make of it. However, he was going to get married, so how could I tell him about our child?
“I’ve been great. I’ve been doing what I love, so time just flew by.”
“When did you move to the area?”
I grew tense again. I was walking a thin line now. “A few years ago. Who would’ve thought we would actually see each other here?”
“Yeah. It’s like a miracle or something. Are you still traveling around the world?”
Uh-oh. What could I say that wouldn’t make him suspicious? “Yes and no. These days I’m more about local weddings than anything else. I guess it comes with age.” I chuckled, hoping it didn’t sound fake to him as it sounded to me.
“And do you have a boyfriend? Or a husband?”
I glanced away from him, getting uncomfortable. “No. I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband.”
For reasons I couldn’t figure out, he looked somewhat relieved.
“I must say that’s surprising. You’re a really beautiful girl.”
My heart skipped a beat.
I willed myself to meet his gaze. “What would Melanie say if she heard you say that?” I asked him before I could think better of it. It just wasn’t fair. He was with Melanie. It didn’t seem right for him to be here and speak like that when it was obvious we weren’t immune to each other.
He clenched his jaw, and a look of dissatisfaction passed over his face. “You have a point. But I’m just being honest with you.” He sighed. “Okay, I’ll be completely honest with you. I didn’t come here because of the engagement photos.”
My pulse accelerated once again. “You didn’t?”
“No. I came here because I didn’t get the chance to speak with you at the photo session.”
My breathing grew uneven, and I could feel my nipples hardening. It was so wrong. Yet it felt right.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you since that Saturday,” he continued. “I knew I shouldn’t, but I had to see you.”
“But what about Melanie?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly revealing how tired he was. “Melanie… You see, our engagement isn’t exactly what it looks like.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m not marrying Melanie out of love.”
“No? Then why are you with her?”
“I never told you, but my father had cancer. At the time I met you, he was in pretty bad shape and doctors didn’t give him much time. He died a year and a half ago.”
“I’m so sorry, Noah.”
“It’s okay. But even then I knew I couldn’t keep going on with my life. I couldn’t keep living my dreams when I had responsibilities. It was my duty to slow down and stop thinking about myself.
“I came to terms with his disease and death, but my life was changed radically. My family wanted me to settle down and focus on my dad’s chain of hotels, and I didn’t have any choice. So I jumped into it and hoped for the best.”
He formed a bitter smile. “It was my father’s last wish that I marry Melanie. I felt like I had to do it for him. I would’ve never dated her otherwise.”
My heart clenched, pain seeping out from his words creating a dull ache in my chest.
“But I’m not happy. Lately, I’ve been questioning everything, even this engagement. And when I saw you at the party, you made me remember my old life. You made me remember who I really was.”
“I did?”
“Yes. I saw you, and I saw more than a gorgeous girl from four years ago. I also saw a missed opportunity.”
My throat turned dry, my chest feeling tight with emotions. “What do you mean?”
“I want to say that I regret not leaving you my contact information. I wanted to, but that morning, when I rushed to catch my flight, I decided against it. Now I can’t help but feel I made a huge mistake that day.”
I looked at my hands clasped together on my lap, feeling speechless. I felt exactly the same way. Over the years, my mind kept creating scenarios in which Noah and I would raise Maya together. We would be madly in love and travel all around the world together. But at the same time, I was aware of the harsh reality. Maybe that weekend in Australia didn’t mean anything to him. Maybe if I saw him again, he wouldn’t even remember me.
However, the reality was even worse than that. We met again, and we felt the same toward each other, but we could never be together. He wasn’t mine.
I finally raised my gaze from my lap and met his. “Noah, you’re engaged. So this conversation is pointless, and I don’t feel comfortable talking this way with you behind your fiancée’s back. So I’m going to ask you to leave.”
He didn’t say anything as he observed me. It felt like he was studying my face, memorizing it, which was a very intimate gesture. I squirmed on my seat, turned on despite knowing how wrong it was. My mind was already playing a fantasy in which he would close the distance between us, take me into his arms, and do all those things he did to me four years ago.
To my dismay, a flicker of old feelings threatened to evolve into much more, along with the desire to be with him, and I cursed myself silently for being so foolish. I was foolish because he was engaged, and there could be nothing to it. I was setting myself up for failure right from the start. I was supposed to be smarter than this.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention at all.” I nodded at him, not able to look him in the eyes. “I’ll leave.” He stood up, and my gaze went down his body before I could stop myself. He was too handsome for his own good.
I stood up too, wanting him out of my office but at the same time, I feared this was the last time I’d see him.
“Thank you for your excellent work.”
“You’re welcome. It was a pleasure.”
“Then I’ll be going.” I nodded once again, a huge lump forming in my throat. If only there was a way to see him again… “It was very nice seeing you again, Jess.”
“It was nice seeing you too, Noah.”
“Goodbye. I wish you all the best.”
As I watched him leave my office, a strange hole got wider in my chest. I should be glad that he was gone. I should forget about him completely and move on.
But it was impossible. Somehow, he managed to get his way back into my heart, and I feared he was there to stay for quite a long time.
6
Jessica
* * *
The next few days, I busied myself so I wouldn’t have to think about Noah. It was hard because each time I saw Maya, I was reminded of him. Maya took after her dad. She had his face, hazel eyes, and dark hair. It was almost as if I was seeing Noah reflected in the form of a little girl, which made it harder for me to get him out of my head.
One afternoon, an immense wave of guilt hit me as I played with Maya. I looked at my daughter who had no father, and even though I’d swore I would make sure she didn’t feel his absence, something told me it would be better for Maya if Noah knew about her. I could easily imagine them playing and spending time together. Just thinking about it brought tears to my eyes.
Pushing these thoughts aside, I started getting ready to go for my lunch break, but then my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Jessica. It’s me. Noah.”
I bit my lip, flutters erupting in my stomach at his deep voice. I missed him so much these days, hoping to see him again, even from a distance. Angie would say I was definitely pathetic, and she would absolutely be right because I never felt this way about anyone the way I felt about Noah.
“Noah? Why… Why are you calling me?”
“I wanted to take you to lunch.” My jaw dropped, and I grasped the phone in my hand harder. What was he doing?
“Why?”
“I need to talk with you about something important. Please, say yes.”
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I shouldn’t accept his invitation. I should keep my distance from him. But my stupid heart was stronger than my reason. That and my overwhelming curiosity.
“Okay.”
“Great!” he replied, overly excited. “I’ll come to pick you up in ten minutes.”
“I’ll be waiting,” I said and ended the call, my heart rate ridiculously fast.
* * *
We went to a nearby restaurant. The waiter took our orders and brought our drinks, but I didn’t have any appetite. I couldn’t when I had Noah in front of me, looking sexy in his black business suit. I noticed several women checking him out from other tables, and I pouted with jealousy. I had absolutely no right to feel like this, but it was stronger than me.
“This place seems nice,” I said, breaking the silence.
“I come here occasionally when I make important business deals. They have a good service.”
“I guess you must be busy.”
“You can say that again. Usually, I spend my lunch breaks working, but I managed to get a break today.”
I sipped my wine, feeling out-of-place. This place exuded luxury, and all the diners were dressed in suits that probably cost more than all the clothes I owned tog
ether. Noah fit here one hundred percent. I’d noticed his Rolex watch and Italian leather shoes. I’d noticed his classy shirt cuffs. He oozed money. My jeans and red tartan shirt were so not right for this place.
“So what do you want to talk about?”
“I want to call my engagement off.”
If I’d been holding my glass in my hand, I surely would’ve dropped it. I was that surprised.
“Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Actually, even before I saw you at the engagement party.” He looked deep in thought as he swirled the wine in his glass.
“I was going through with it because of my father, but I felt so miserable. I don’t want to lie to myself or Melanie anymore. I don’t love her. I never will.”
“But will Melanie be okay with it? Does she love you?”
He shrugged. “I don’t think so. She claims to be in love with me, but I don’t actually feel that. So it will be better for both of us to stop this before we ruin our lives.”
He leaned closer to me, his gaze growing warmer. “There’s another reason I want to end things with Melanie.”
I swallowed hard. “And that is?”
“Because of you, Jess. I can’t deny the attraction I feel toward you. When I saw you at the engagement party, you shook everything up. And then I went to your office, and I knew I couldn’t just let things end before they even began. I knew I had to see you again.”
My heart beat faster, my lips curling into a giant smile. A wave of happiness washed over me, and I felt the need to dance with joy. I’d dreamed of hearing him say these words, and now that I’d heard them… Was it so bad to want him? Was it so bad to give us a chance?
He took me by my hand, and I sucked in a breath. It was a simple touch, yet I felt so many things from it.
“I’ve been thinking about you every single day. Back then, I wondered what could have been between us if I’d left you my number, and now that I’m finally going to break up with Melanie, I want us to try and see where it can lead us.”
Picture Perfect: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance Page 3