His thumb grazed my wrist, and a moan almost slipped through my lips. He smiled. “Say something.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t want to move my hand from his, but anything more than this was dangerous. Loving Melanie or not, he was still engaged to her, and I was afraid that if I let him touch me more I would do something I would regret.
“I want that too, Noah. It’s just that I’m afraid. I’m afraid because you’re still with her, and the story with you and your family sounds complicated. You shouldn’t stay with someone you don’t love, but I’m not sure how Melanie would react.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll talk to her and explain everything. She’ll have to agree that calling off our engagement is for the best.”
“I know, but still… Until things are settled between you both, I can’t have my hopes up. The truth is that our weekend in Australia meant for me a lot, and seeing you now…”
“I know. That’s why I’m going to talk with her today and settle everything. Trust me.”
“You will?”
“Absolutely.”
I returned his smile, melting under his soft gaze. The giddy excitement in me got stronger and stronger, and I wanted to burst with laughter. Maybe we could make things work out between us. Maybe this was our second chance.
“I trust you.”
The smile he gave me was so beautiful that I wished I had a camera with me to capture it. We spent the rest of the lunch chatting about our hobbies or the latest news, and I couldn’t believe how quickly time passed with him. Suddenly, it was four years ago, and we were two carefree people meeting each other on that beach. I was falling for him more, and no matter how much it was killing me not being able to kiss him, I had to be patient.
We got out of the restaurant walking close to each other, mere inches separating us. His hand occasionally brushed mine, and I burned with longing.
“Look, I’m opening a new hotel in a few days, and I would like you to be at the event and take photos. I know you’re doing mostly weddings and engagements, and this might not be your cup of tea, but I would like nothing more than to see you there. What do you say?”
We stopped at the intersection. I didn’t want to go, wishing we could stay together longer.
I cast him a smile. “I’ll be there.”
An expression of huge joy spread across his face. “Thank you.”
Before any of us could think better of it, he pulled me into a hug and I returned it, leaning my head against his shoulder. Oh man, his scent was amazing. His strong arms around me… How easy it was to forget about everything and just feel.
And when he let go of me and stepped back, I felt a slice of loneliness. What was he doing to me?
“Then it’s a deal.” He winked at me. “See you, Jess.”
“See you,” I replied and turned to leave, aware of his gaze raking my body.
When was I going to see him again?
7
Noah
* * *
I couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica and the lunch we’d had together. Just like four years ago, it was so easy to talk to her and the time flew by because we shared the same interests. I could never talk with Melanie about the things I loved. She never understood, always wearing a bored expression on her face whenever the conversation went into that direction.
Our relationship was dull at best, promising an even worse future. But Jessica reminded me of my true self. I wasn’t cut out for putting up with bullshit my whole life. My father wouldn’t want me to live that way.
Jessica was all I ever looked for in a woman. She was beautiful, smart, and adventurous. She made me laugh. I was sure that if I was with her, I would never get bored.
When my last meeting finished, I decided to leave work early and go to talk to my mother, Sylvia, first. I was more than sure about my decision to leave Melanie, and I knew she wasn’t going to like it. Hell, she would probably start a huge argument.
My mother liked Melanie a lot and wanted this engagement the most. It figured. After dad died, she fell into depression and didn’t want to come out of her bedroom for days. She rarely smiled the first few months after his death, making an effort to get out of the house that had become her refuge only for my sake. But when I told her I started dating Melanie and planned to propose to her soon, I received the first real smile in months. It only reinforced my decision to make Melanie my wife, suppressing all my regrets.
She insisted on helping Melanie with the wedding preparations, having already chosen the names for our kids, her enthusiasm highlighting my lack of interest. Everything was going too fast for me, but I went with the flow, since she finally had something that could help her get her mind off the fact that her husband was gone.
She was so focused on the wedding and her future grandchildren that she didn’t even notice I was feeling like shit. I worked my butt off just so I wouldn’t have to think about the mess I was getting myself into, being a blind fool.
But no more. She had to understand that Melanie and I weren’t meant for each other and give up on her unreasonable expectations.
Having arrived at our family manor, I found my mother reading the book next to the pool.
“Hey, Mom,” I told her and leaned in to kiss her cheek.
“Hello, sweetheart.” She planted a kiss on my cheek and smiled at me.
Sylvia James was a beautiful woman, looking much younger than her age. She didn’t need makeup; however, she chose to wear it all the time, dressing in fashionable clothes. Even now, at home, she wore full makeup.
“How are you?” I asked her and sat down on the deck chair next to hers.
“Oh, you know. Alone as always. Trying to kill some time with a good book.” She raised the book she was reading for me to see. “How about you? How’s work?”
“It’s good. I had a series of meetings about the purchase of a new hotel, and they went well. If it continues this way, we’ll be able to buy it by the end of this month.”
“That’s good to hear. You’ve always had a knack for those things. I don’t doubt everything will be fine.”
“Thanks, Mom. Look, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“I figured as much. You wouldn’t leave your work earlier if that wasn’t the case.”
I chuckled. “You noticed?”
“You bet. I know very well how often you work overtime.”
I tilted my head to the side, amused. “How do you know that?”
“I have my sources.” She winked at me. “So?”
I made a long sigh. Her smile would be wiped off the moment I said the next words, and I didn’t like it at all. “I plan to call the engagement off.”
Her eyes widened. “What?” She placed the book on her chair and leaned toward me. “Are you serious, Noah?”
“Yes.”
“No. You can’t be serious. Please, tell me this is just a joke.”
“No, Mom. It’s not a joke. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I finally made the decision. I can’t be with Melanie.”
“But why?!”
I glanced to the side, hurt by the disapproval and incredulity on her face. “Because I don’t love her. And you know that.”
She frowned. “I know that? No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. You just pretended you didn’t see that I didn’t feel anything for her. You were so hung up on the wedding that you never stopped to think about how I really felt.”
She pressed her hand across her heart. “Now, that’s not fair, Noah. That’s not fair at all. I always wanted what’s best for you.”
“This wedding is not the best for me.”
“How can you say that? Melanie’s such a lovely girl. Her family and ours are long-time friends. You promised your father you would marry her! And now you’re saying you’re going against our family and your father’s wish?”
I closed my eyes, my chest aching with guilt. I wanted to be happy, but my promise to dad bound me to
this stupid engagement with Melanie. However, I couldn’t keep that promise. It wouldn’t be good for anyone.
“I know, and believe me, that is the main reason why I proposed to Melanie in the first place. Because I made a promise to Dad. But I can’t do it. I’m not happy.”
“You’re not happy,” she repeated, looking completely disappointed in me. “You won’t be happy if you call the engagement off. I told you that falling in love takes time. I’m sure you’ll grow to love Mel—”
“It’s not going to happen, Mom!” I snapped, standing up to my feet. I was too anxious, not able to continue sitting any longer. “I tried. I really tried, but I don’t love her. I never will. And I want to end it before it becomes worse. We’ll both be miserable if we marry each other.”
I started pacing up and down. “I don’t want a life behind a desk in an office, but I have to do it because of my family. I’m already sacrificing too much. I forgot what it feels like being myself. I want to travel. I want to be free. I want to be with someone I love.”
She stood up and stopped in front of me. “That’s nonsense, Noah. You aren’t a teenager anymore. You had all the freedom in the world, spending the money your father earned, but it was time to grow up. You can’t be carefree and irresponsible forever.”
“Oh, so living my life is being irresponsible?”
“This is real life, Noah.” She motioned with her hand around us. “Working hard to provide for the lifestyle you want. You don’t get to just travel and do nothing else. Your father didn’t build his empire just so you could let it all go to waste.”
“I wouldn’t let it go to waste—”
“Then what would you do? This family needs you. You promised to continue your father’s legacy. And you made a promise to marry Melanie. This was the best choice for everybody, including yourself.”
I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated that she wasn’t getting me at all. “You don’t understand.”
“No. It’s you who doesn’t understand. You wouldn’t only be hurting me or yourself by calling this engagement off. You’d hurt Melanie too, and I don’t want to see that girl hurt. Don’t you see how much she cares for you?”
“Frankly? No. I don’t see it at all. I don’t think you know Melanie as well as you think you do.”
“On the contrary, Noah. I know that girl very well. Ever since you two were kids playing in the back garden. I can’t let you break her heart.”
She took a step toward me and cupped my cheek. “I’m sure you’ll come to your senses soon. You’ll see that Melanie and you are right for each other.”
I just stood in my place, feeling impotent. I didn’t know how I’d strike a balance between my duty and my wants. My mom had already suffered enough, and I didn’t want to make her unhappy. I couldn’t be fully happy if my mom wasn’t happy.
But I couldn’t stay with Melanie. That was out of the question. So I had to find a way to convince my mother that it would be absurd to marry Melanie. I had to show her I couldn’t be happy if I was with someone I didn’t love.
I left her place and headed for Melanie’s apartment. I put the radio on, and one of my favorite White Stripes songs started playing. I remembered Jessica saying she was into indie rock, too and had a pretty decent vinyl collection back at her place.
I smiled at the thought of listening to Jack White’s wailing guitar riffs with Jess. Maybe one day we could go see live shows together.
I then realized that I never went to a concert with Melanie. She thought concerts were too loud and crowded. She said she didn’t like standing next to obnoxious, sweaty people. I could never convince her to go there with me, which was probably for the best since she’d only ruin my evening and make me regret bringing her there in the first place.
But it was okay. All of that would end. All of that pretending and pretense. Even if my mother never forgave me, I had to end things with Melanie. Because I would never forgive myself if I stayed with her and lost Jessica.
There was no way I would allow that.
8
Noah
* * *
I reached Melanie’s place by evening, thinking about how to put what I wanted to say into words. Melanie and I rarely fought, but when we did, she always refused to listen and tried to turn the fight into her favor, and to make it worse, I let her do that each time. I gave in and let her have her way for the sake of keeping my sanity.
How the hell could I ever think I could endure that my whole life? It was beyond me.
“Noah?” Melanie said with a confused smile when she opened the door, not looking quite pleased to see me, and confusion clouded my thoughts. “What are you doing here?”
I dismissed the unusual feeling I got and cast her a half-smile. “Hey, Melanie. I have to talk to you. Can I come in?”
She frowned at my serious expression. “Did something bad happen?”
I raised my eyebrow at her, wondering why she was still keeping me at her doorstep. “Not really, but are we going to stand here the whole day?”
She smiled at me briefly, but it didn’t sit well with me. “Of course not. Come in.”
I entered her apartment and passed by her, going to her living room.
“Don’t I get a kiss?” She chuckled, but it seemed forced. “You just barged in and you didn’t even give me a kiss. What’s with that?”
I didn’t turn to look at her, stopping next to the floor-to-ceiling windows. Her place had a great view of the city, surrounded by impressive skyscrapers with the sun reflecting off their windows. Just standing here and looking at the mesmerizing view, I realized how tired I felt.
“No,” I replied finally and turned around to face her. She was wearing black leggings and a tight shirt with a low neckline that revealed her ample breasts, but she didn’t turn me on at all. Honestly, I didn’t even want to touch her anymore. “I’m not going to kiss you.”
She paled, reaching for the back of the chair to support herself. “Noah? What’s going on? Why are you acting like this? You’re scaring me.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled deeply. Here goes nothing.
“I came here because I want to call off the engagement.”
She gasped, gaping at me. “Whoa. What? I can’t believe this. You want to call our engagement off?”
“Yes.”
“But… But why?” she asked in a rising voice, glaring at me.
“Okay, here goes. I need to be honest with you, Melanie. I don’t think I’m in love with you. I never really was. I’m sorry for not telling you before, but it’s better to end this sooner than later. I can’t stay with you.”
“You don’t love me? You never did?” She burst into a short laugh that held no traces of humor. “And you’re telling it to me just like that? Out of the blue?”
“I know, and for that, I’m really sorry. But there wasn’t really any other way to say it.”
“No, no, no, no.” She shook her head and closed the distance between us, visibly trembling. “You can’t be serious. How can you just come to my place and tell me you don’t love me? How do you think I’d feel? I can’t accept this!”
I placed my hand on her shoulder to calm her down, but she smacked my hand away. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed at me.
“Melanie, I’m really sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry when you’re not! If you don’t love me, why the fuck did you propose to me in the first place?”
“It was because of my father.”
She clamped her hand over her mouth. “What?”
I tightened my jaw. “I did that because of my father. It was his last wish. So to make good on the promise I made him, I started dating you hoping to love you enough to marry. But that never really happened, and I’m sorry about that.”
“You’re sorry about that,” she mocked me, “I can’t believe this. After all this time…You never even loved me? You were lying to me!”
“I didn’t exactly lie to you. I tried to make a
go of this, but I realize we’re just too different.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she grabbed my elbows. “Please, don’t do this. Please, reconsider.”
I recoiled. “What?”
“Yes, please reconsider. You may think you don’t want to marry me, but you’ll be making a mistake if you call off our engagement.” Now she was sounding just like my mother.
“I can’t figure out if you’re joking or not, Melanie. I just told you that I don’t love you, and you still want to get married?”
“But I love you!” she screamed. “I can’t let you do this.”
I pried her hands off me and stepped back, frowning. “You don’t love me.”
“Of course, I do! How can you say that?”
“I don’t feel that love, Melanie. It feels more like you’re into our marriage because you want the perks that come with it.”
She flinched as if I had slapped her, and I instantly regretted my harsh words. Maybe I was wrong about her and she did care about me.
“How dare you?” she hissed.
I wanted to reach for her, but she moved away and marched over to the other side of the room.
“How dare you come to my apartment and insult me like this? After everything? I thought I meant something to you, but I see now that you don’t even respect me. You never did.”
“That’s not true. I respect you a lot, which is one of the reasons why I can’t keep lying to you. We’ll both be unhappy if we get married. Look, I didn’t come here with the intention to insult you. I just wanted to end things between us before we made a big mistake.”
She glared at me with tears rolling down her cheeks. “No. I refuse to let you do this. As if the pain you’re causing me isn’t enough, you’re also going against your father’s last wish. It’s outrageous.” She wiped her tears off and pointed at her front door. “Leave, Noah. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
I grimaced, observing her with incredulity. “I can’t just leave, Melanie. We need to sort things out. You can’t just refuse to—”
Picture Perfect: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance Page 4