by Ruby Rowe
Once he’s gone, I shake my head at Carrie.
“You’re impossible. How far will you go to embarrass me?”
“Elliott’s the one embarrassed.” She waves her hand toward the door before pulling a patio chair closer to the hot tub.
“I really meant it when I said not to come.”
“No, you didn’t. You thought it was what you should say.”
“I’ll admit that I’m glad you’re here, but you can’t talk to Elliott.”
“I’ve been waiting years for this chance, and I’m going to do it while you get out of this hot tub and into some clothes. We’re going shopping and to lunch.”
I wade over to her on the other side of the hot tub.
“I was going shopping today anyway, so that’s perfect, but seriously, I can take care of myself when it comes to Elliott.”
“That’s not what it sounded like last night when you texted me. Where’s the other hottie?”
“He’s watching his little niece all weekend at her house.”
Carrie’s blue eyes widen. “Shit, are you going to be alone with Elliott?”
“It appears so.”
“Then I want to get to know him. I won’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know.”
“You promise?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe I’m allowing this, but OK. I’ll go get ready. Be nice, Carrie. Losing my sister affected him more than I could’ve imagined. I’m not the only one who’s been in pain all these years.”
“Shit, it’s already happening.”
“What’s that?” I get out and grab my towel.
“You’re feeling something for him.”
Squinting from the sun, I stare at her. “I never stopped.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Elliott
I’d planned on going for a run in the park, so I walk to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle while Sailor talks to Carrie. The chick steam-rolled her way into my place, determined to ensure her friend was safe, so I’m guessing she heard from Sailor recently.
While screwing the lid on my bottle, I hear the door open to the terrace. Sailor steps into the kitchen and leans against the doorframe.
Her shiny dark hair is up and sexy, and I wish I could have a look at what’s beneath the towel wrapped around her petite body.
“My friend’s still outside, and if you don’t mind, she’d like to chat with you while I get ready. We’re going out for a while.” Sailor averts her gaze to the wall.
“Carrie’s been my best friend since I started college, so she knows a little about our history and wants to get to know you.”
“It’s not a problem.”
She looks back at me. “I apologize in advance.”
“I live with Jake–the detective. I’m used to interrogations.” I smirk at her, and she smiles back, relaxing a little.
“Um, are you going to be around later today, like tonight even?” she asks.
“Yep.”
“I thought you’d be with Nicole.”
“Nicole and I aren’t talking right now.”
“Oh, OK.”
“Go out with me tonight. Let’s do something fun.”
“You don’t strike me as someone who engages in fun.”
“Damn, how uptight do you think I am?”
She giggles. “I guess that sounded rude, but you’re … you know, broody.”
“Broody?”
“Yes, and many other adjectives like sullen, somber, pensive, earnest—”
“OK, I get it, but I can have fun. I even dance.” Grinning at her, I feel my cheeks warm. Why the hell did I say that?
“Oh, this I have to see.”
“Is that a yes then?”
“I’ll let Carrie decide.” She winks at me, and damn, it makes me feel things I shouldn’t.
“I better bring my A game then.”
“Good luck.”
Sailor pads past me and out of the kitchen. I walk back to the terrace and find her friend admiring the view from a patio chair.
“Hi. You wanted to talk?”
“If you’re down for it. If not, I’ll be taking Sailor with me for good.”
I chuckle. “I’m not holding her prisoner.”
“I know this will come as a shock, but I’m actually quiet and reserved, much like Sailor. I’m only abrasive when I feel protective, and right now, I feel it big time.”
Sighing, I take a seat across from her.
“OK, what can I say to ease your mind?”
“I love Sailor like a sister, so I want to know your intentions.”
“I don’t expect her to forgive me for the past, but I’m hoping to regain her trust. I don’t know what she told you, but hurting Sailor was never my intention.”
“But you did, and to a depth I can’t even express. I’ve tried to help her get over you for years, and I can already see that you’re fucking up my hard work.”
“I can’t say I’m sorry if she’s not over me, and not to be disrespectful, but you don’t know both sides of the story, so I feel you have no place to judge.”
“Maybe, but what I do know is Sailor shouldn’t have to feel another ounce of pain in her lifetime. I don’t care if you become her friend again, or even more than her friend, as long as you’re good to her. Same goes for your other roomie, Jake. Either of you break her heart, and you’ll have me to answer to.”
“No one will keep me away from Sailor again.”
“You say that like someone prevented you from talking to her all these years.”
I glance away. “All you need to know is that I will be in her life until she tells me not to be, and even then, I wouldn’t give up without a fight.”
“Well, good luck. You’re going to need it.”
***
I’m on the couch when Sailor comes through the door, carrying several shopping bags.
“Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be back down,” she says.
“Do you need help?”
“I’ve got it.”
As I wait for her to return, I notice how my pulse has quickened. I seldom experience excitement or adrenaline rushes outside the ER, but I’m finding I feel that whenever I’m near Sailor. It’s getting stronger each time, and maybe that’s because my feelings for her have come out of hibernation.
I hear her walking down the steps before she strolls into the living room. Instead of sitting by me on the couch, she chooses to sit in a chair next to it.
“Did you have a good time with Carrie?”
“Yes. She’s heading back to Boston.”
“What’s the verdict? Or, should I ask … what’s her verdict?”
A flush of pink creeps up Sailor’s neck to her cheeks.
“To my surprise, she approved of me going out with you.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I think so. I mean, I know it’s what I want, but every time I spend time with you it makes my life more complicated.”
“Then don’t think about it. Just do it.”
“There are consequences to our actions. By not considering those consequences, I could pay a price for it later.”
Blowing out a breath, I grip the back of my neck.
“Did I really fuck up your life that bad?”
“I guess I seem like the uptight one now.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t want to answer your question. Look, you’re not all to blame. We made immature, rash decisions because we were kids. I see that now that I’m getting to know you and Jake as adults. We’re not those teenagers anymore.
“But, I waited for you, thinking that if you came back for me, it would make what I went through with Rebecca’s death, and the shit I dealt with afterward, worth it.”
I don’t reply as I consider telling her why I haven’t spoken to her in all these years, but it would only cause her more pain.
Coming over and sitting next to me, Sailor takes hold of my hand.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this after all the years I was angry at you, but I’m sorry I made you feel so guilty about the past. While spending time with Carrie today, I realized it’s not doing us any good to keep discussing how much you hurt me by not reaching out. We can’t move forward if I can’t forgive you for the past.”
“I agree.”
Looking down at our hands, she rubs her fingers over my knuckles. “I’ve never wanted to admit it, but even though I was young and immature when I made those bad decisions, I was smart enough to know your heart belonged to my sister. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to think differently.”
She clenches her eyes shut, and I’ve quickly discovered that the past brings forth tears in Sailor in seconds. I feel one touch my hand she’s holding, and it fucking hurts.
I cup her cheek, and my fingers slip into her hair behind her ear.
“Sailor, I told you back then that I loved you.”
“You did … once while you were drunk. Then, you left and never came back. After a few years passed, it was kind of hard to believe you ever cared at all.”
She’s right. Even if I had a good reason for never seeing her again, she doesn’t know that. How could I expect her not to be bitter?
“I’ll tell you what I would say to myself back then, even before Rebecca died. If only I could be with Sailor. She’s sweet, funny, thoughtful and happier. I wanted you to be the one I could be with, but I’d already dated your sister for years, and you were too young.”
Lifting her head, she stares at me with her dark eyes. The irises, shining from tears, appear painted on from a brush dipped in liquid black ink.
Drawn on them are years of pain, and I wish her tears could wash them away. Instead, they’re only a reminder of how much I hurt her.
“I’m still struggling to understand why you didn’t want to contact me all those years, so my trust is going to be harder for you to gain, but I forgive you, Elliott. I forgive you, and I want us to be friends.”
Friends… I clear my throat after the sting from hearing that word starts to close it off. The thought of her loving Jake and only being my friend incites panic and anger.
I hardly know the adult version of Sailor, so you’d think it wouldn’t irritate me. I should be happy for Jake if she chooses him, but I fucking hate even the thought of it.
“Say something,” she murmurs.
“Tell me I can kiss you.”
Lowering her head, she shakes it.
“No … at least, not yet.”
I exhale the overwhelming relief. There’s something more between us than friendship, and she knows it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sailor
“I’m glad we’re walking. It’s nice out this evening,” I say to Elliott as we stroll down the sidewalk not far from the condo. Resting his hand at the small of my back, he points toward the door of the Mermaid Oyster Bar.
“We’re here. I hope you still like seafood.”
“I do.” The place is busy, so we take two available stools at the bar. I’m careful while crossing my legs so my thin bohemian dress doesn’t ride up too far. The burgundy patterned mini is embellished with pink, white and blue shapes, and I paired it with suede ankle boots.
“What would you like to drink?” Elliott asks before his eyes can’t help but steal a glimpse of my thighs.
“What are you drinking?”
“Beer.”
“I’ll have the same. Are you ordering oysters?”
“Yep. I bet you want them, too?” He displays a grin, and somehow, he still knows I’m not eating damn oysters.
“Like hell I want them. I think I’ll have the lobster roll.”
We order dinner after the waiter brings us our beers, so as I sip on mine, I look around the restaurant.
“You’re thinking … a lot,” he says.
“How do you remember so much about me?”
“I paid attention. We did eat together often while I dated Rebecca.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Do you remember a lot about me?”
“I do.”
“Then what’s the difference?”
“I’m … never mind.”
“No, say it.”
“Since I believed you didn’t think of me for a decade, I’m surprised you remember my likes and dislikes, but you said you did think of me, so that’s why I said never mind.”
Looking straight ahead, he takes a lengthy drink of his beer.
“It’s going to take time, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but we have time.”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether you continue to fall for Jake. If that’s the case, then I feel like I have little time to right the past.”
“You make it sound like you want more than a friendship with me.”
Turning his head, he gazes into my eyes.
“I do, and since you like to think so much, what do you think about that?”
Stalling, I take another drink of my beer.
“I’m thinking the same thing I was last night. What I want and what’s best for me are two different things.”
“If you choose Jake only because you think he’s what’s best for you, it will never work. Trust me; I’ve been trying to force that with women for years.”
“It’s too soon to know what will happen between Jake and me.”
Our food arrives, and I’m relieved. Our conversations this weekend have been too serious. He’s persistent and willful, whereas the young Elliott was a pushover. I have to admit, the confident, determined Elliott is a turn-on.
“A doctor, huh? I thought you were going to law school.”
“I was. Then, I wised up. My father was a judge, and look how he behaved when he wasn’t wearing his robe. I didn’t want a career even remotely close to his.”
“Would you say you did it to spite him?”
“A little, but when I couldn’t save Rebecca, I decided right then I’d spend the rest of my life saving others.”
I slide my hand over his leg. “That’s noble and selfless.”
“I call it redemption. If I’d been smart enough not to drive that night, she might still be alive.”
“You don’t know that. If we hadn’t left the party, she might’ve gone for a swim in the ocean and drowned. Rebecca often went swimming when she was upset. It was dark, and she was drunk. There are too many unknowns, so you can’t blame yourself. Maybe it was her time to go.”
“I still should’ve tried harder to save her. Now, I’m trained to do that.”
“Look, I know these heavy conversations are necessary, but you promised me fun tonight, and you’re being a lousy date.” Giggling, I squeeze his knee and kiss his cheek. “Let’s eat before your oysters get warm.”
He chuckles. “I did promise fun, so I’m taking you to a comedy show.”
***
“Maybe I’ll get my own place in the Village,” I say as we walk inside the condo. “The area’s growing on me.”
“I was surprised at first by how much I liked it here. So, did I manage to provide you with some fun?” He turns on the tall lamp next to the couch before facing me.
“Well, the comedian did.” I wink at him. “I’m kidding. The company was great, too. But, I’m a little disappointed.”
He wrinkles his forehead. “About what?”
“You told me you could dance, and I thought I was going to get the chance to see it.”
After gazing at me several seconds, he walks over to the entertainment center and pops his cell phone into the deck on a Bluetooth speaker system.
“I could give you a better laugh than the comedian if I showed you my club-dancing skills, but I’d prefer to maintain some level of coolness in your eyes. Only Maddie gets to see my tragic dance moves.”
My eyes grow round. “You spend time with Madeline?”
“On occasion. Jake watches her here sometimes.”
“O
h, right. I love her already. She’s the sweetest girl, and she’s bright, too.”
“Maddie is smart. I’ve been teaching her medical terms, and it’s hilarious when she repeats the long words back to me.”
“That reminds me of when she said her mom had incarceritis. That situation is sad.”
“Yeah, it sucks, but I’ve learned parents do stupid shit. I see it in the ER every day.”
Turning back to his phone, he pushes buttons, and I hear slow music begin to play.
“Jazz … I like it.”
“I almost took you to Blue Note, the jazz club nearby, but I didn’t know if you’d enjoy it. Can I take you there sometime?”
“If you dance with me now.”
“That was my plan.” Elliott stalks toward me with an air of confidence, along with the same conviction he’s held since the day after we came face to face. He was determined to apologize that morning, and he hasn’t stopped trying to make peace with me since.
It’s an odd experience to feel a strong bond to someone you’re getting to know. Elliott’s different than the young man I once knew, but in some ways, he’s the same.
He holds out his hand for me to take, his proper form almost causing me to snicker. We were taught dance and etiquette as children, and I see he hasn’t forgotten it.
Once my hand’s inside his and my other one’s on his shoulder, he gradually brings me in closer, behaving like the gentleman he was taught to be.
We move our feet, turning to the soothing music, and although his towering height is intimidating, I begin to settle against his warm body.
He relaxes, too, pulling me even closer to him, and all at once, he’s as familiar as my voice. His clean scent over dusty memories... Elliott feels like home.
He’s the teenage boy on the beaches of Southampton, flicking water on my skin and smiling down at me devilishly as I sunbathe on a towel in the sand.
He’s the protective guy at Upper East Side dinner parties, telling boys who wish to dance with me to back the hell off. Elliott’s the broken kid who’d show up in tears at my front door with a busted lip after his dad had too much to drink.
The memories flood my mind, the good and bad, and I discover the reason I’ve refused to go back to the places where I was raised. It’s because once Elliott left them, they were no longer home. I had no choice but to leave them, too.