Physis (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #4)

by Michelle Irwin

  We found Angel lingering near the car.

  “Are you two finished with your nookie then?” she teased.

  “Something like that,” I muttered before forcing a smile as I recognised that it was just my irritation making me react negatively to what was pretty harmless teasing. “Let’s go.”

  After a dinner that wasn’t a complete disaster, even if it wasn’t a total success, Beau went to drop Angel off. The biggest downfall of the evening had been when I’d knocked Mum on her arse when shoving back my chair to escape after her hand had accidentally brushed my shoulder. She hadn’t made a fuss as she picked herself up off the ground with Dad’s help, but I was still worried I’d hurt her.

  A little over half an hour after we left the restaurant, we pulled up in front of a cream-coloured brick house that was almost as big as our family home. The front garden was filled to near bursting with bright-coloured flowers that gave it the air of a well-loved home. I couldn’t image how much Beau must have been paying for it.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said.

  “Why don’t you come in for a while, Pheebs?” Angel asked.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend more time peopling, but one look at her wide, puppy-dog eyes and I couldn’t find it in me to say no. Especially when Beau wore a similar expression. “Sure, just let me call my parents so they don’t worry.”

  I walked away from the pair to call home in private. Mum took the news fairly well, even if she was surprised.

  “When do you think we can expect you home?” she asked, knowing I didn’t have a key. I hadn’t carried one since coming home from the States—hadn’t been anywhere that I might need a key.

  “Well, umm, I was thinking that maybe I might stay here, if Beau doesn’t mind.” I hadn’t asked him yet, but it seemed the easiest thing to do given the circumstances. “That way no one has to wait up for me.”

  “If you’re sure . . .” She trailed off.

  “I think I am. But I’ll call if something changes. If that’s okay?”

  “Of course it’s okay, baby. Whenever you need us, we’ll be there.”

  “Thanks, Mum.”

  “All good?” Angel asked when I moved back to join them.

  “Yeah. Uh, Beau, do—do you think it’d be okay if I stayed the night?” I didn’t think it would be an issue, but I wanted to double-check before Mum and Dad went to bed. “That way no one has to wait up for me at home.”

  “I’d really like that,” he said as he offered me his hand.

  We all headed into the house and they gave me the grand tour. Inside it was a little smaller than Mum and Dad’s, but not by much. I understood why Angel had said there would be plenty of room if I wanted to move in too.

  Before long we were settled into a game of cards. It was exactly the end I needed to the first day where I could truly say I felt like me again.

  Eventually, Beau went for a shower, and Angel and I curled on the couch watching a romantic comedy.

  “This is just like it used to be,” she murmured as she flattened my hair out of the way of her view after I’d moved when she’d laughed at something on the screen.

  I didn’t have it in my heart to tell her my wiggling and constant adjustment was because of the way her breath against the back of my neck was a reminder of darker things.

  Halfway through the movie, Beau emerged from his room. He stood at the end of the couch and stared at us. Almost as one, Angel and I turned to meet his soft gaze.

  “Will y’all let me join in?”

  I lifted my feet, unwilling to shift my position with Angel—as uncomfortable as it was for the triggers it itched, there was also comfort in it. With a laugh against my neck, Angel curled her legs up to open up the seat on the end of the couch for him.

  Beau slid in underneath my legs and I rested them back down on his lap. He met my eye and gave me a smile that told me he was as happy as he could be. It proved that despite all the shit he had to put up with from me, he wanted to be with me more than his words ever would express.

  When he knew I was okay with it, he trailed his fingers over my ankle. With Angel’s breath on my neck and his gentle touch, my mind went back to the places I’d never thought would be sparked again. Despite the stirrings through my belly and between my legs, I wasn’t ready to try for more. It was nice knowing I wasn’t completely destroyed in that regard—although God only knew how I would react attempting the actual act.

  Angel fell asleep near the end of the movie. When the film ended, I took care not to wake her as I untangled myself from her arms and climbed off the couch.

  Without a word, Beau slipped his hands under her body and lifted her up into his arms before carrying her down to her bedroom. I tried to dislodge the lump in my throat as I watched the tender way he held her while he carried her. I’d sworn to shove the jealousy I’d felt over them aside, but it was hard whenever either of them showed genuine affection for the other.

  He came back to the living room and offered me his hand. When I took it, he drew me close. His grinning lips skimmed mine and I wondered what he wanted.

  “I’m not here to have sex with you tonight,” I murmured against his mouth.

  “What?” His word blew across my lips.

  I drew back. “I’m not ready for that. I don’t know when or if I will be.”

  With a frustrated sigh, he dropped his hold. “Yeah, I got it, darlin’.”

  He stalked off to the kitchen and turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness. My unadjusted eyes weren’t nearly ready, and I didn’t know the layout of the house enough to trust myself to move.

  A moment later, the hallway light flicked on, leaving Beau silhouetted by the glow behind him. He spun back to me. “Are ya comin’?”

  With my heart in my throat, I shook my head.

  His shoulders sagged and he stalked back to my side. “What is it?”

  “You’re mad.”

  He reached for me. “I ain’t mad.”

  I stepped away from him. “Don’t lie to me.”

  His jaw clenched together. “I’m frustrated, darlin’, but I ain’t mad.”

  “Frustrated because I won’t—”

  He cut me off. “’Cause ya won’t believe me. I ain’t gonna lay a single finger on ya that ya don’t want. I know why that’s hard for you to accept, but that don’t make it easier for me to ignore the sting each time ya make it all about sex.”

  “That I make it all about that?”

  “Yeah.” His expression suggested it was an obvious conclusion.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes. He was being ridiculous.

  His stance loosened as the set of his eyes softened. “Darlin’, when, in the entire time I’ve been here in Australia, have I ever asked you for anythin’ more’n you’ve been willin’ to give?”

  I wanted to have a string of examples at the ready and roll them all out as reasons he definitely had pushed things, but I couldn’t think of a single one. Every time the issue had been raised, it had been by me. And each time, he’d given me the same response. The issue of him pushing for sex was all in my own head—like so many other things.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured at the floor.

  He gave another frustrated growl, but when I looked up at him, I could see his grin even in the dark. The reason for the noise was clear at once.

  “I’m sorry for saying sorry,” I added, with a smile teasing my lips.

  He shook his head and laughed.

  “I don’t wanna fight about this, plus we’ve got a big day tomorrow. Let’s just get to bed.” He threw the words over his shoulder as he headed down the lit hallway.

  He led me to his bed and my heart thumped heavily against my ribs. Panic overtook me and the house wasn’t helping. It was different. The room was different. Everything was unfamiliar. Thankfully, the fear mostly disappeared after I was settled in to sleep and Beau laid his arm over my side like he did in my room. I closed my eyes and tried to hold on t
o the good things from the day. Even I had to admit, there were a few.

  WHEN I jolted awake—terrified because I didn’t recognise my surroundings—it took me a moment to place the sound that had yanked me from sleep.

  My mobile phone was ringing from the living room, and it wasn’t stopping.

  Ripping myself from Beau’s arms, I raced to find my bag and my phone. My legs wobbled and my fingers shook from the sudden waking. When the ringing stopped, the silence only lasted for half a second before it started again. Before I could find my way around the unfamiliar layout, the area flooded with light and I screamed.

  “What’s up?” Angel came skidding down the hallway.

  Beau appeared beside me, obviously coming from wherever the hell the light switch was.

  “I’m trying to find my phone. I never get calls anymore, and whoever it is, they’re fucking persistent.”

  By the time I finished speaking to Angel, Beau had found my bag and handed it to me. I dug my phone out from the bottom and after a quick confirmation that it was home calling, pressed the Answer prompt and lifted the phone to my ear.

  “Pheebs.” Brock’s voice sounded terrified. For a second, I wondered whether maybe Mum and Dad had neglected to tell him I wasn’t coming home and he’d panicked when I wasn’t in my room. The peace from that thought only lasted as long as it took for him to squeeze out two more words. “It’s Mum.”

  I sank to the floor, not trusting my already shaky legs to hold me up. “What?”

  “She’s going to the hospital. Dad told me to call you because he’s going that way too.”

  Angel and Beau both kneeled beside me, matching expressions on their faces. The wide eyes and clear concern only served to make my heart beat harder and faster until it seemed impossible to contain it in my chest.

  “Wh-what happened?” The words had no volume. The events of the night ran through my head and I couldn’t help wondering if my reaction—and Mum’s subsequent fall—was the cause of her trip. I was trying not to panic, but in my head the words spun around that if something happened to my newest sister, it would be my fault.

  “I don’t know.” He broke down in tears. “But there was so much blood. And she was screaming something about the baby.”

  “Brockie, listen . . .”

  His sobbing grew louder.

  “Brockie, you have to breathe for me, kiddo. Can you do that?”

  His sobs slowed and his breaths shuddered down the line.

  “Who’s awake there?”

  “Everyone.”

  I was trying to think logically, but it was difficult when my mind ran on an endless loop of blame. “Okay, round them all up and put them in the living room. Put a movie on.”

  “What one?”

  “I don’t give a shit what one,” I snapped. “Just put something on to stop them panicking. And break out the chocolates that are in Mum’s study.”

  “They’re for clients.”

  “And emergencies. I think this qualifies. Don’t let them go crazy, but a chocolate each might be enough to calm the panic for a moment.” Chocolate would do jack shit for my racing pulse, but I wasn’t a kid anymore either.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m coming home. I’m going to bring Beau and Angel with me too, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I hung up the phone and checked the time. It was a little after two in the morning.

  “Get dressed,” I snapped at both Beau and Angel. It was unfair of me, I hadn’t even told them what was happening—not that I even really knew—but I had things I needed to arrange first. My guilt was sending my mind into overdrive though. The reason Dad would’ve told Brock to contact me was because he’d want someone older to be at home with the kids, but if Mum was in the hospital, there was no way I was going to hang around at home and leave Dad to stress about her alone.

  I searched through my contacts and dialled the first person I could think of to help.

  “Hello?” Luke, Uncle Flynn’s partner, answered the phone with a voice so full of sleep and concern it almost made it impossible to talk.

  “Luke, it’s Phoebe. I need to speak to Uncle Flynn. Now!”

  I didn’t get an argument. Instead, a few seconds later, Uncle Flynn’s voice issued a sleepy greeting before asking, “Pheebs, what is it?”

  “It’s Mum. I don’t know what’s happening, but she’s on her way to the hospital. I’m heading home now, and I need you to meet me there.”

  “Heading home? Where are you?”

  “I’m at Beau’s, but that’s not what’s important. I need your help. Please?”

  “Of course. Give me twenty.”

  “Thank you.”

  Angel and Beau had both changed in record time and had obviously heard the bulk of my call because neither of them asked any questions before we raced for Beau’s car.

  Once we were on the road for the short trip to my house, Angel leant forward from the back seat and rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll be okay.”

  I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that she was right.

  I BANGED ON the door to my house a good ten times before Brock answered it.

  “Why didn’t you just come in?”

  “I don’t have my keys,” I said as I pushed past him before turning back to ask him, “How is everyone?”

  “Nikki’s gone back to sleep, Parker’s on the edge himself, but Beth won’t stop crying.”

  I raced to the living room where Beth was beside herself. Her face was pink and her eyes puffy from the tears.

  “Come here, sis,” I said as I fell to my knees and put my arms out. She rushed toward me but stopped short.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t hurt me, baby girl. Not when I’m the one asking for a hug. If you need my arms wrapped around you, then I’m giving you all the permission you need. Okay?”

  She nodded and ducked into my hold. As she did, she twisted her head so she could bury her face against my neck. I glanced up as I wrapped my arms around her back. Angel had taken a seat between Nikki’s sleeping form and Parker’s yawning one. She wrapped one arm around Parker, guiding him to curl up on her lap. Now that Beth’s sobbing had quietened, I didn’t think it would be long before Parker dropped off to sleep too.

  “Uncle Flynn is going to be here soon,” I said to Brock.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because as soon as he’s here and I know you guys are okay, I’m going to get Beau to drive me to the hospital. If something’s happening with Mum, Dad will need someone there with him.”

  He paled. “You don’t think Mum will—”

  “She’ll be okay.” The words twisted around my tongue like the uncertain lie they were. I had no way of knowing it for sure. I didn’t even know what had happened yet.

  “How do you know?”

  “She’s a fighter. She’s not going to disappear on us.”

  “I’m scared,” Brock said.

  “Come here.” I called him closer with a nod. He crossed the room and hugged me too, squeezing Beth between us. Although I’d initiated the contact, there came a point where I couldn’t bear it any longer. Whenever I blinked, I wasn’t being held by my siblings, it was something more sinister pinning me in place.

  “I think that’s enough,” Beau said. “Phoebe might need to do a few other things before she heads to the hospital.”

  Brock drew away almost instantly. Beth took a little more encouragement, but after a while moved to squeeze in behind Parker and cuddle up to Angel’s side.

  I ran into my room and changed into some new clothes. I would’ve preferred to have a shower, but I didn’t have the time. When I was in there, alone, I pulled my phone out of my bag and made the call I’d been avoiding in front of watchful eyes.

  Dad answered sooner than I thought he would, and it was clear he had me on speakerphone. “Brock got a hold of you then?”

  “What’s happening?”

 
“We don’t know yet, but your mum’s positive it’s the same thing that happened with you.”

  With me? Did he mean the baby had kidney problems? It was the last thing they needed after the stress they’d been through over the last year.

  “She thinks the placenta might have detached.”

  “W-what does that mean?” I knew the words enough to guess what the meaning of them was, but I wanted to know what it meant for Mum. And whether it was my fault.

  “We’re best off waiting for definite answers before we start worrying about that.”

  “Could she lose the baby?” Could I have another death on my hands?

  There was silence in response.

  “Dad?” My voice was small as I silently pleaded with him to dismiss my question as ridiculous. I needed to know I wasn’t going to be responsible for the death of another baby.

  “Maybe.” His voice broke as he said the word.

  “I’m coming to the hospital. Where’s she being taken?” I assumed it would be RBH—the same one all of us kids had been born at, but with the emergency, it might have been different.

  “Gold Coast.”

  I had no real idea how to get there, but I didn’t want to stress Dad out by asking for directions. He had enough to worry about. “Is there anything you guys need?”

  “I don’t know what’s happening yet, but if you can throw together a change of clothes for each of us, at least that’ll help. I think Mum’s clothes are going to be ruined, and I’m still in my boxers.”

  The situation wasn’t funny, but I still gave a mirthless laugh as I pictured Dad running from the house in such a hurry he forgot to put a pair of pants on over the boxers he slept in.

  “Beau and I will be there as soon as we can,” I reassured him. “She’ll be okay. They both will.” Again the words left with no conviction because I couldn’t have faith in them.

  I grabbed my old schoolbag from the bottom of my closet and flew down the hallway to Mum and Dad’s room. When I stepped through the door, I stopped cold. When Brock had said there’d been blood, I’d assumed Mum had some spotting or a light bleed—enough to cause concern but nothing too bad.

  Instead, I walked into something that looked like a crime scene. The sheets on Mum’s side of the bed had a deep crimson stain. The sight was too much—and far too familiar. The hold I had on reality snapped and I clutched at my stomach as I sank to my knees.