by Unknown
“Eww! Somebody’s an angry drunk! What do you want to know exactly?”
“How’d I get home last night? How many shots did I have and more importantly, why did you let me take so many?”
“Oh, I didn’t know I was selected to be your guardian last night. I’m not in the business of telling grown folks what to do, but for the record, I did mention to you that maybe you should slow down but you slurred something about ‘drowning men in tequila’ and something else about ‘fuck Mike Larza’ and then took another shot. When you went for your second trip to the bathroom and didn’t return, we came in after you. You were passed out on the toilet, so Amber paid your tab, and I drove you home. Feliz followed me and took me back to get my car. You really should find a better hiding place for your spare key, under the flower pot is just too obvious. Anyway, how are you feeling, really? I don’t mean the hangover; I mean personally? What’s up with you?”
“I’m good Ang. I’m just trying to sort some things out in my head and my heart. Here lately I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut. Something is missing, and I don’t know what it is. I know going on a drinking binge isn’t the way to figure it all out but I’m not sure I’m ready to take the steps toward change. My life right now is comfortable; you know? I control when and how things go. What if I start changing things, and everything falls apart?”
“I hear you I, but what if you make changes and things finally start falling into place? What if everything you thought you ever wanted, but were so scared to chase finally came falling right into your lap? How awesome would that be?!”
It was times like these that I was reminded why Angie was my very best friend. She knew me the way no one else had and maybe better than anyone ever would. “You’re so right Ange! I’m going on another date with Josh today. I’m really going to give it a solid effort. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and maybe he’ll be just what I need to help coax me toward making some other changes. We’ll see.” The clock on my nightstand read 11:15. “I guess I’d better get off this phone and get ready for my date. Thanks for bringing me home and for everything else too.”
“You’re welcome. Call me later and let me know how your date goes and eat some bread to coat your stomach before you go. Bye.”
“Bye Mother Hen.” I hung up before she could fire back with something smart.
I’d been struggling to decide what to wear on my date with Josh since he refused to tell me where we were going. I scrolled through my contacts and dialed his number. He picked up on what seemed like the first ring. “Hey beautiful,” he said.
“Hey. I was wondering what we would be doing today? I’m just trying to figure out whether I should dress up or down or what?”
“Hmm,” Josh replied thoughtfully. “I suppose you should dress comfortably and maybe bring a dress for the evening… nothing too fancy. Shoot, depending on how the night goes, you may not even need the dress” The flirtation in his voice grabbed my attention. I would definitely not be opposed to curling up with him again. We didn’t even have to have sex. I just really liked the way it felt when he held me.
“Ok, so I’ll go with a sundress. That should cover all the bases.”
“Sounds good sweetheart. I’ll see you soon,” he replied.
As much as I hated surprises, I had to admit I was a little excited to see what Josh had planned. I tossed the phone on the bed, laid my dress across the bed and hopped in the shower.
Though I thought I’d allowed myself plenty of time to get ready, I was shocked when I reentered the room, and the clock showed it was already noon. We’d planned to meet downtown at 1:30. Why am I always running late for dates with this man? I combed out my hair and braided it into a thick fishtail. Thankfully I looked better than I felt in my cream linen sundress. I clipped on my mother of pearl, Hawaiian orchid-shaped earrings and matching necklace, slid my coral-colored toes into my cream crocheted wedges and laced the straps around each ankle before heading to the vanity. I applied brown liner to my eyes and swiped a faintly gold shimmering shadow on each lid. My summer-glow look was finished off with a few brushes of bronzer on my cheeks and a gold-flecked gloss on my lips. When I surveyed my reflection, I was less than blown away. I guess this is as good as it gets. I trailed downstairs and, heeding Angie’s advice, grabbed half a bagel to gnaw on during my drive. I shoved it between my teeth, grabbed my purse and keys then proceeded out the door.
*****
Josh had asked me to meet him downtown. The streets were packed with tourists and people covered in red, white and blue. It wasn’t until that moment I realized today was the 4th of July. Between stupors and feeling stupid, I’d lost track of my days. It had been several days since I’d gone to bed without the help of alcohol, and I wasn’t too fond of the idea of that. Besides the side effects each day that followed left me feeling more and more drained. Tonight I will get some real sleep without alcohol. I promised myself. The way my body felt, I knew by the time the evening was over, I probably would have very little choice. All this dating nonsense had me feeling out of sorts. Hump and Dump is so much easier. As long as it was on my terms. The fact that Mike left the other night and still hadn’t sent so much as a text of apology or even a cordial “hello” had gotten under my skin. I wasn’t used to men walking away from me without my request, and it was bugging the hell out of me that he had done it. This was a feeling I’d only had twice before in my life and until now I had worked hard to make sure I never felt this way again. A part of me felt like we still had unfinished business, and I was still holding a glimmer of hope that I’d hear from him. It’s only been two days. I reminded myself. I tucked all thoughts of Mike away and redirected my focus to my current situation. Today I was going on a date with Josh, and that was where my focus needed to be. The last thing I wanted to do was snap on Josh because I was agitated with Mike.
From the entrance of the parking deck, I could see Josh standing near the Harry Carey restaurant where we agreed to meet. I dashed across the street in his direction. “Will this do?” I asked as did a slow spin. Josh’s face lit up with a boyish grin that curled into a mouth of mischief as he bit his bottom lip and sucked in a deep breath. He consumed me with his eyes from my braided tresses to my coral-painted toes.
“Yes. That will do quite nicely, but come here. You have something on your face.”
I began wiping my face vigorously. “Where?”
Josh shook his head. “Come here. Let me get it for you.” He grabbed my hand, pulled me in close and kissed me slow and deep. “Yeah, you had something on your mouth, but don’t worry, I got it off for you.” He said as he wiped the shimmering gloss from his lips.
“What, you didn’t like my lip gloss?” I pretended to be offended.
“Oh no, I thought it was delicious. It had just the right mix of your lips and moisture.” I burst out laughing. He still had me pulled in tightly to his frame and looked as though he was contemplating kissing me again, and I was happy to let him. Instead, he locked his fingers in mine and said, “Come on, let’s go. I’ve got a surprise for you.”
I turned to walk into the restaurant. “Ok, let’s go. I’m starved.”
“Erin, wait! This wasn’t where I planned to take you. I bet you’re used to taking the lead on things, huh? Well, not today. Today you have no idea what’s in store, so you’ll have to follow my lead.” Josh looked beyond pleased with the fact that he had me bending to his will. Well, I guess I signed up for this so I may as well go along with it.
“Your chariot awaits.” Josh stretched out his hand in the direction of the black limousine parked across the street.
“Well, this is a nice surprise!” I followed his lead across the street where the driver stood with the back door open. Josh waited as I slid in first then he climbed in beside me.
“We’ll need to put up that dividing window sir.” Josh yelled up to the driver.
“This is a pretty fancy car to go parking in.” I teased.
“Who said we have to park? I sa
y we should see just how much trouble we can get into between here and our destination.” I smirked as I watched Josh make his way across the seat. I laid back as he placed his left leg between my thighs. He’d already removed my lip gloss and apparently with good reason. He kissed me so softly. Slow and gentle. It felt… innocent. Despite his flirty words, Josh clearly wasn’t looking to seduce me or have a quickie in the back of the limo. That would have been a typical man’s fantasy, but this man sincerely just wanted to kiss me. He let his lips linger against mine, and I could feel my pulse quickening. Something so simple felt erotic to me when he did it. I felt a trace of sadness when his lips departed from mine and reluctantly opened my eyes to find him inches away, his gaze fixed on me. “I guess we should get out since the car has stopped.” Damn it! I was completely unaware that the car had stopped. Maybe it was because Josh had me floating blissfully with his kisses. He hadn’t laid a finger on me, but my body was on fire. Squeezing my thighs together, I snuff out the fire brewing below and resist the urge to tell the driver to lap the block a couple more times.
“Ok,” I said with obvious disappointment.
“I promise there will be plenty of time for this later. Right now I want to show you your surprise, and you’re distracting me.” He flashed me a sexy grin. Keep smiling like that and I’ll give you the distraction of your life. Josh reached for my hand and helped me out of the limo. Again his fingers were interlocked with mine. I looked up from smoothing down my sundress to read the letters plastered across the huge building. Museum of Science and Industry.
I hadn’t been there since I was a teenager, and I couldn’t contain my excitement. “Are we going in there?” I could feel the ache in my cheeks from smiling so hard.
“Yes, we are!” Josh’s enthusiasm matched mine. I was completely giddy, and it took everything in me not to skip through the door as he held it open. I scanned the atrium, and there they were, right next to the gift shop like I remembered.
I pulled Josh by the hand and headed toward the fish tank. “I love seahorses!” I squealed. I could have stood there for hours watching them float effortlessly in the water and probably would have if Josh hadn’t been standing there staring at me. “What?” My eyes were still wide with excitement.
“Nothing, I’m just enjoying the view.” He gave my hand a squeeze. I’m sure I should have been flattered or found it endearing that he was watching me, but I felt like he’d caught me being vulnerable and exposed. Heat crept up my neck, turning my face red and melting away my smile.
I shifted my attention to a stand filled with maps of the museum and headed toward it. “Come on. Let’s go see what exhibits they have. I haven’t been here in years.”
Josh gave a hesitant glance but said, “Ok,” as he trailed behind me. I could feel his eyes were still on me, but I didn’t look back. I studied the stand intently, until I felt less like a museum exhibit, and more like a patron. Don’t start acting weird. All the man did was look at you. I admonished silently. He didn’t say a word or ask what the hell was wrong with me. He just slid his hand beneath mine and grabbed hold. “You lead the way—for now, but I do actually have a couple of other surprises for you if you don’t mind.” There was no trace of sarcasm in his voice or on his face. He was genuinely trying to make sure I was comfortable and here I was acting like an ass.
We spent the next few minutes in awkward silence looking at exhibits since I couldn’t seem to come up with anything to say that would explain my nutty behavior. I was still racking my brain when Josh turned to me and asked tentatively, “Did I make you uncomfortable earlier? I didn’t mean to stare. I was just thinking about how much I enjoy seeing you happy and making you smile. I was glad to be the one who put that smile on your face.” He gazed at me in earnest, and I softened some. “I know I’ve said it a dozen times since we met, but I think you’re truly beautiful! The way you lit up when you saw the seahorses. It was a different side of you… A side I want to know better if you’ll let me.” His brown eyes met mine, and I felt a crack in the wall around my heart. I knew he wanted me to trust him, but I wasn’t sure if, or when, I could give him what he was asking for. I barely knew him, but he was already causing emotions to stir up in me, and I could feel my anxiety level rising. The dull ache in my chest hadn’t been there in years, and I’d made a point of keeping it at bay. Now here Josh was awakening the feeling again. Even now as a glaze of tears dampened my eyes, Josh didn’t let go of my hand. I couldn’t believe it because I felt like a complete lunatic. Who the hell bursts into tears because someone wants to make them happy? Despite my mental reproach, every fiber of my being still wanted to break away. I wanted to run out and never come back, but instead I pushed those feelings aside and forced down what felt like an imminent panic attack. I gave Josh’s hand a squeeze and found the words to spark up a lighter conversation.
“So, I heard they have a new exhibit here. I think it’s called Animals Inside Out. Let’s see if we can find it. I love anatomy!” I handed him a brochure, forcing him to take his eyes off me. I retreated back into my thoughts as Josh perused the map. Why the hell am I trying to hide my feelings anyway? Isn’t Josh trying to give me what I want? I was certain that he was, but the walls I’d built were crumbling around me and I hadn’t given the go ahead to start the demolition. He was breaking them down from the outside in and part of me felt defenseless and unprotected. This is gonna be harder than I thought. If I were ever going to come close to having the things I truly wanted, I would have to be willing to take the risk. It’s like Ange said, things could fall apart, or they could fall into place. The breath I’d been absent-mindedly holding stung my lungs and I let out a huff.
“Are you okay?” Again Josh was eyeing me.
This time I didn’t flinch. My face broadened into a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. You think after this next exhibit we could get something to eat? I just remembered. I’m starving! All this excitement made me forget about my appetite.” Josh showed his boyish grin and perked up instantly.
“Sure, I have plans for us around four o’clock anyway.” He gave me a wink. We walked arm-in-arm through the life-sized Animals Inside Out exhibit. It was filled with over one hundred animals from eels to elephants and every one of them was inside out. I was in heaven as I studied the detailed work of each muscle and tendon. The works of art were made of flesh preserved through plastination. At least that’s what the plaque said.
Near the camel exhibit was a couple and their two small children. I couldn’t resist watching as the little ones pointed and asked questions; their eyes lit up with wonder. A glint of sadness flickered in my heart. One day. As if on cue Josh asked, “So, would you like to have a family someday?” It seemed awfully soon to be having this conversation—even if I was just thinking about it, but I humored him. “I just asked because I think you’d make a great mother if you ever decide to have children.” Interesting presumption. I stared at Josh as he stood there with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans as though he had no problem waiting all day if it meant he’d get his answer. Josh seemed perfectly comfortable to have this conversation and seemed quite sure that he already knew so much about me.
“Josh, you barely know me so I’m not sure how you’re so certain I would make a good mother, but to answer your question, yes, I would like to have children someday.”
Josh cocked his head to the side with a reflective eyebrow raise. “That actually didn’t answer my question. I asked if you’d like to have a family someday. For the record, I think you’d make a great mother because you have a thirst for life. I can tell that just from being around you. You’re vibrant and fun, and when you allow it, there are certain things that make your eyes light up with the same wonder and enthusiasm of a child. You have a heart for children—the pediatric thing kinda gave that away. You’re a nurturing person, but you won’t let anyone nurture you. I asked if you wanted a family because the kid part seems like a no-brainer, but the fact that you seem so hesitant to let people get c
lose to you made me ask if you want a family or would children be enough. I’m not trying to jump the gun or anything. I’m just trying to get to know you if you’ll let me.” Damn! He does know me! I shifted my gaze, and he stepped in front of me to follow it. I turned again and there he was. I refused to crack a smile. I willed. Apparently my face didn’t get the memo because it cracked my tight mouth into an amused grin.
Josh let out a relieved sigh. “Finally, there’s a smile! Let’s lighten the mood a bit. How ‘bout a bite to eat?” He walked away and left me standing there—thinking. Either this man is a stalker, or he’s one of the most observant people I’ve ever met.
I followed Josh to a blocked off section of the museum called Newton’s Prism. It was giant beams of light that illuminated the room with every color of the rainbow. I stepped hesitantly into the room. “Are we supposed to be in here? It looks closed.”
“Yes, we’re supposed to be here and yes, it’s closed. I wanted us to have some privacy.” He smiled at me warmly. As I continued to scan the room, I discovered a small table with a picnic basket and two place settings. The entire scene was breathtaking. I watched as hues of indigo and red danced against the walls. It was iridescent and for some odd reason the whole presentation moved me to tears. I tried damn hard to hold it together and not become a blubbering idiot, but the knot in my throat tightened and slowly moved upward, until it forced the tears that peaked in my eyes to roll down my cheeks. I was, in a word, overwhelmed. This was by far the sweetest, most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for me. Ever. I shuddered to think of the way I’d treated him all day and the whole time he’d been waiting to share this with me. It’s official. I. Am. An asshole. I embraced the fact for a moment because I genuinely felt like one, even as I stood there with tears running down my face. I knew it was who I had allowed myself to become so, yeah, I owned it. You’re so damned busy being guarded that you can’t even recognize when someone is trying genuinely to be nice to you. I pursed my lips together tightly and shook my head. I’m sure he thought I was crazy as he stood by and waited for me to say something. “It’s beautiful,” was all I could manage.