by Unknown
I watched as Feliz began to stir beneath the down comforter on the sofa bed. As I glanced in each bedroom at Amber and Angie, I saw they were starting to toss about too. I turned on the coffee brewer to sweeten the deal in hopes of coaxing them further. Bagels, cream cheese and fruit don’t have the same seductive quality as eggs, bacon and sausage. Even still, I knew coffee would do the trick. As the coffee percolated, I set the food out on the table. Feliz staggered over first.
“Good morning Sally Sunshine!” She grumbled as she held her head. “Why the hell are you up making breakfast? Usually you are the hardest one to wake!” Again I was getting an inquisitive look that was graduating into one of suspicion.
“I’m just excited! We’re in Miami and the weather is great! I’d love to go to the beach today. I just want to put my feet into the ocean water and maybe lay out for a little while. After all, what’s a vacation without a tan? That’s how you prove you’ve been somewhere!” I hoped I was laying it on thick enough for Feliz to stop sniffing around me and to get her back on board with amping up the vacation. If I play my cards right, maybe I can get her to be the lead cheerleader for these escapades.
Amber and Angie stumbled in a few minutes later and by that time Feliz was pumped and gnawing on a bagel. “Let’s go ladies! Day two of the birthday extravaganza is in effect!” That’s right. Reel ‘em in. Feliz was nothing if not a good “hype man.” Her energy was infectious and something about the passionate way she spoke always made people want to get involved. By the time I left to jump in the shower, the girls were clambering on about fun in the sun and wearing bathing suits in the winter. I quickly threw on my Versace bikini beneath a strapless black maxi dress. Even though I won’t have it on long, I still want to wow ‘em before I shock the shit out of them. I chuckled to myself. It almost felt sinister to spring it on them this way but what the hell. I studied my silhouette in the mirror. I’d been feeling pretty confident about my body lately, the running had all my parts sleekly perked and pulled into their rightful places. Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. I assured myself as I ran my hands from my waist down over my hips. I threw a hotel towel in my tote bag and slid my matching Versace shades atop my head
When I walked into the living room fully dressed and ready to go, I was met with three blank stares. “Were you planning to go by yourself,” Angie asked sarcastically as she took a sip of her coffee. “I mean, is it okay if we finish breakfast first, or should I make a ‘to go’ plate or what? What’s the rush?” Angie already knew where we were going, but I hadn’t managed to fill her in on the skydiving part. This isn’t something I can just spring on them. I affirmed as I sat down to the table. I grabbed a bagel and fixed my eyes on it as covered it in cream cheese. “Have you guys ever thought about going skydiving?” I didn’t dare look up. I knew my eyes would give it away. Instead, I waited breathlessly for someone to respond. I could see peripherally that they were all exchanging glances.
Feliz spoke first. “Yeah, I’ve wanted to do it for a while but Mario is a chicken shit!” We all chuckled.
“I would do it too! A friend of mine did it and she told me how awesome it was! She said it was the closest any human could ever come to flying. She also said it brought her much closer to God!” Again we cracked up. Feeling more comfortable, I glanced up at the ladies and was shocked to find them all brimming with excitement. Even Amber seemed on board. She must have seen the look of surprise on my face because she spoke up. “Yes Erin, I would do it too. I may not be the most exciting person all the time, but I have a little bit of a daredevil in me! I also like rock climbing, Bungee jumping and back in the day I actually used to ride a motorcycle, but that was in my early twenties and before I met Todd.” Amber looked almost wistful as she talked about her past.
I was stunned. “Who are you and what have you done with my friend? I feel like I’m just meeting you for the first time today! How come you never told us any of this?”
“I knew,” Feliz said nonchalantly as she sipped her coffee.
“Me too,” Angie said taking a bite of her bagel.
I looked from one lady to the other in disbelief. “Wait a minute! Both of you knew all of this already? How did I manage to miss it? When did this conversation happen?” How could I have never heard about any of this before? I’d known Amber since before she’d had her first child, Shelby. How has none of this come up in nearly nine years?!
Amber gave me a sideward glance. “Honestly, you never really asked me much about my past or my personal interests. I think you just assumed that my family was my life, and that was all there was to me. I was a person before I became a wife and mother. I just shifted my focus for a while. The kids are getting older now and I think it’s time that I reintroduce myself to me!” Amber laughed. “It’s fine Erin.” She smiled reassuringly. “You’ve had a lot of your own stuff going on for a long time. You’ve spent a lot of the time I’ve known you being guarded and very controlled. Maybe you never asked me much about my past because you were afraid I might ask you about yours. I don’t know anything about who you were before I met you, but I feel like I’m getting the chance to know you now. You’ve grown and changed a lot over the past few months.” Amber reached across the table with an extended hand and said, “Erin Porter, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Amber James.” I couldn’t help but smile as I reached out to grip my friend’s hand and gave it a shake. Any resistance I had against the urge to cry faded as Amber made her way around the table and gave me a lingering hug. I felt more connected to her at that moment than I had in all the years I’d known her. Starting today, I will make a truly concerted effort to get to know the women who I also call my friends. I felt like I was really ready to do that going forward. I had taken the time to face, forgive and release the hurt from my past and there was no shame left in my heart. I was ok with letting them know who I was and what I’d been through and I wasn’t afraid of them hurting me or using it against me.
“I’m sorry if you ever felt like I shut you out or like I didn’t care who you were as a person. That was never my intent. I love you and you are one of the few people I consider family.” I said, my face still pressed against Amber’s shoulder. Before I could finish, Feliz ran over, wrapped her arms around the both of us and shouted, “Aww! It’s nice to meet you Erin Porter. I’m Feliz Santiago!” Right on cue Angela came over next, joined the group hug and said, “And I’m Angela Stephens!” Our muffled laughs came from the center of the circle.
I pulled back from the group and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I truly do love all of you ladies. You are incredible women and you have been an integral part of my life. Thank you for standing by me, pushing me, admonishing me and loving me through all of my craziness. It means more to me than you could ever know or I could ever say.”
“We love you too,” Amber, Angie and Feliz chimed in unison.
“Alright, enough of this mushiness! Let’s get dressed and soak up some of this Miami sunshine!” Angie pushed Amber and Feliz in the direction of their suitcase. “Erin, is it safe to assume that you wanted to go skydiving today?”
“Yep! If you ladies are game, I’ve already booked it!” I made a beeline for the bedroom before they could reply to my statement. I grabbed a pair of jeans, a thin, long-sleeved cotton shirt, socks and sneakers and stuffed them in my bag. Instead of leaving my hair long and loose, I pulled it back into a ponytail and twisted it into a bun. I’m not trying to get slapped in the face by a loose ponytail as I plummet to the ground.
An hour later we pulled into the gravel parking area at the edge of the sandy Miami Beach. “It looks like people wear next to nothing on the beaches around here! I see nothing but string bikinis, dental floss thongs and wait!!! Is that woman topless?!” I tried not to stare as Amber’s eyes grew wide, Feliz squinted to focus and Angela waited to see what would happen as the two made the discovery.
“Girl forget that! That dude over there is BOTTOMLESS,” Feliz exclaimed. “Oh hell no! What kind of beach is this?
Is that how they roll in Miami?!”
She had already turned on her heels, was headed back to the car and Amber was right behind her when I yelled, “Wait!” They turned and looked at me with expressions that screamed “What could you possibly say to explain this?” “Yes, it’s a ‘clothing optional’ beach. You guys know I have this whole list of things I want to experience welllll… Taking my clothes off at a nude beach was one of them.”
“Ok, but why are we here? I didn’t express an interest in taking off my clothes at the beach,” Feliz retorted.
“I know but I thought even if you don’t participate, you all could be here for moral support,” I pleaded.
“OH!! Ok. Yeah girl, go ahead, strip. I’ll wait right here for you. You need me to hold your clothes or something?” Feliz was dead serious and though a part of me wanted to burst out laughing, I knew I didn’t dare if I had any hope of her joining me. Before I could even introduce the idea, Feliz read Angie’s expression. “Angie, are you in on this?! You gonna get naked out here too?” She folded her arms across her chest and waited for Angie to reply.
“I haven’t decided yet.” Angie said dismissing Feliz’s stoney stare. “I mean, we’re already here, and we won’t be seeing any of these people again. Plus, from what I can see walking around out here I don’t have anything to be ashamed of so I’m actually seriously considering it!” Angela scanned the beach again and fixed her gaze on an older couple in the distance holding hands and walking along the beach. They were both stark naked and seemed to be quite content with all of their perfect imperfections. That actually seemed to seal the deal for Angela. She stepped out of her cover-up and reached behind her back to untie her swim top.
“So you’re really gonna do this with me?” I turned to Angie then quickly averted my gaze since she was now topless. I couldn’t contain myself and before I knew it I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a squeeze. “Oh my God, thank you!!”
“Erin, now isn’t really a hugging moment. Maybe later, mmmk?” Angie gripped my arms and pulled them away from her.
“Sorry.” I said as I felt my cheeks turn crimson. I didn’t stay embarrassed long because I could see the mischief brewing on Amber’s face.
“What the hell! I’m in!!” She pulled her dress up over her head and pulled her tankini top off.
I was the next one to drop my dress and pull off my halter-tie’s bikini top. There we stood, topless with our arms covering our boobs and staring at Feliz. She looked back at each of us, chewing the corner of her bottom lip thoughtfully.
“Come on Feliz when are we ever going to get to do something like this again?!” Amber implored.
“Hopefully never,” Feliz replied dryly as she pulled off her dress. She untied her bikini strings and let her top drop in the sand. With one arm, she covered her breasts and extended the other to grab Amber’s free hand. Angie and I did the same as we all took off running to the water’s edge. We stood there for a moment before I took a deep breath, pulled down my bottoms and stepped out of them. Each of my friends subsequently did the same—making careful efforts to look directly out into the ocean and not at each other. Hell, there’s some things you can never un-see! Once we were all completely naked, I reached for Angela’s hand on one side and Amber’s on the other. We were completely exposed.
“You ladies ready to do this,” I asked.
“Girl we are standing here on the beach naked! Jumping into the ocean is the easy part,” Angie exclaimed. Hand-in-hand the four of us ran into the water.
Although the sun had been warm over our bodies while we stood on the beach, it hadn’t done a thing to warm up the temperature of the water! It was frigid and as quickly as we had lept into the ocean waves, the four of us came darting out. We gave no more thought to the fact that we were naked. We grabbed our bathing suit bottoms and ran—arms and other parts flailing—back to the spot where we’d dropped our clothes.
“Well, I guess we can scratch that one off the list,” Angie said to me between chattering teeth.
“Yep,” I stammered. Our hands trembled as we attempted to put on our clothes. We laughed uncontrollably together as we ran up the beach back to the car.
“That was craziness!” Amber was rubbing her hands over her goose-pimpled arms in the back seat. “I would do it again in a heartbeat though, and I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else but you crazy heifers!!” We all laughed some more as Angela followed the GPS directions toward Skydive Miami.
“On to our next adventure! Erin, your self-exploration project, is proving to be a blast for the rest of us! You keep this up and we may never want you to come back to work,” Angie said playfully.
“Whatever Ange! I believe Rhianna says it best!” I cranked up the radio as Rhianna belted out Shut Up and Drive. Angie flipped me the bird and I fell out laughing.
******
We approached the desk at Skydive Miami and I told them we were scheduled to tandem skydive. The receptionist instructed us to follow her down a short hallway into a room where we rummaged through a rack and found jumpsuits in our sizes. We pulled them on over our clothes before returning to the lobby to wait to watch an instructional video and demonstration.
I couldn’t stop my leg from shaking as I sat there waiting. “I can’t believe we’re really doing this!”
“You’re not getting cold feet are you,” Angela asked glancing down at my shimmying limb in partial annoyance.
“Nope! I’m actually getting excited! I want them to hurry up and show us what to do so we can get on that plane!”
“Oh. In that case, stop shaking your damned leg! That shit is making me nervous!” Angie reached over and gripped my trembling knee. I slowly halted its movement and politely placed her hand back in her own lap.
Angie and I were still eying one another with testy gazes when our attention was snapped in the direction of eight insanely gorgeous jumpers who immerged from the back of the facility. They beckoned for us and another group of three to follow them toward the back of the building.
“Why does this feel like the beginning of a really cheesy porn?” I muttered to Feliz as we walked down the hall.
She nodded her head in agreement. “Well, if I have to have a strange man pressed up against my ass I’m glad it’s going to be one of them.” She’d said it loud enough for everyone to hear and everyone—including the instructors and the other three customers—erupted in laughter.
We watched a safety video, signed a waiver and were shown a few symbols the guides would use in the air. After everyone asked all their questions, the instructors checked each of our parachutes and harnesses before assisting us with putting them on, checking our straps and rigs. Strapped and secure we all headed out to the landing strip and boarded the plane. No sooner than we clicked our seatbelts, the plane ascended. Just as they’d told us, once the plane reached 13,000 feet, the instructors began to move about and began strapping themselves to their designated passengers. The first three people, their pro-jumpers and their cameramen lined up at the plane door.
I turned to Amber, Feliz and Angie. “Well, this is it! No turning back now! I love the shit out of you guys for doing this with me! I’ll see you on the ground!!” I hugged them one at a time and took my place in line behind the last remaining jumper from the previous group. I raised my arms as my jumper clamped a strap around my chest and gave one final look over in the girls’ direction.
“We are so proud of you,” Angie yelled over the plane’s engine. “See you on the ground!!”
With that, I crossed my arms over my chest and focused on the jumper’s fingers as they counted down. Three… Two… One… I closed my eyes and felt my stomach drop as we began to freefall. Tucking my legs behind me, I spread my arms out at my sides into a Y-shape. It seemed like minutes passed before he pulled the first chute and I felt our bodies jerk a bit as our momentum slowed and the small chute filled with air. Open your eyes! You’re missing it! I willed myself to part my lids and found my pro-jumper pointed
in the direction of the camera man. I mustered up the courage to give him a wave and he snapped a picture. Again we jerked as the second chute was released. The speed of the drop slowed again and I closed my eyes briefly and felt myself freefall. This is what love is like. It’s exciting and scary. It makes you vulnerable, but you take the risk and you leap anyway! When I opened my eyes, I saw the target mark approaching. I pressed my knees and legs together and bent them inward toward my stomach as I tucked my head deep into my chest. The jump instructor guided our bodies through the tuck and roll as we landed and the chutes collapsed around us.
I undid my straps and looked skyward as my friends descended toward me. When it was all said and done the four of us were windblown, screaming and laughing as we made our way to the van that would take us back to the skydive site.
“That was the most exhilarating moment of my entire life! While I was up there, I had an epiphany! Isn’t that weird?” my choice of words caused me to pause mid-statement. Epiphany. Suddenly my thoughts were on everything that I had waiting at home. There was no doubt in my mind that everything that happened this weekend had forever changed me and for the first time I was completely clear on what it was that I wanted. I had made my decision and was ready to make it known when I got back home to Chicago.