by Unknown
Chapter Twenty-One
I was still trying to recover from my trip to Miami. A week had gone by and I hadn’t done a thing. I hadn’t been running, I’d cancelled my therapy session for the week and had barely touched my paintings. Today is the day I overcome this exhaustion. I willed myself to get out of bed. I’d been thinking about the Tree of Life I saw at Disney World since I left there and though my mind had been dying to paint it, my body was uncooperative. Sluggishly I stepped into the guestroom and flopped down on the stool. I stared at the blank canvas for a minute before searching the nightstand drawer for my brown, white and black paints. I unscrewed the lid from the jar of brown paint and instantly the smell caused my stomach to roil.
I ran into the guest bathroom and heaved in the toilet. My body jerked violently as my stomach pushed up bile and acid. What the hell? On shaky legs I ambled over to the sink, cupped my hands beneath the faucet and leaned down to swirl the cool water in my mouth and splashed some on my face. As I walked from the bathroom, I grabbed my phone to call the hospital to see if I could swing by for a quick check up, when I noticed the date on the screen. I ran into my bedroom and looked at my wall calendar and counted back the days. This CANNOT be possible!! I pulled up the app on my phone that told me monthly when to expect my period. Since I was thirteen it had been as regular as rain and now I was standing there stunned as I stared at the date. How did I not notice I missed a cycle? Wait, I missed a cycle. Oh my God! This can’t be happening. I cannot be pregnant!! Immediately I thought back to October. I’d had encounters with both Mike and Josh just days apart and—thought it was highly irregular for me—I’d neglected to use protection. I can’t believe this!!! Bright white spots began to cover my field of vision and my face tingled as the blood rushed from my cheeks. I grabbed ahold of the corner of the bed and sat down gingerly. Once I was sure I wouldn’t pass out, I snatched up my coat and keys and went flying down the stairs, out the door and to the car. I peeled rubber out of the driveway and plowed toward the nearest drug store. Oh my God! I’m actually going to buy a pregnancy test. OH! MY! GOD!! It had been more that fifteen years since I’d had to do this and the urge to panic was quickly returning the more I thought about it. I grabbed the two tests that promised the earliest, most accurate results and texted Angie to meet me at my house. I had never wanted a drink so bad in my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to have one, not until I knew for sure.
I paced the floor and chewed off my nails one by one while I waited for Angie to arrive. Ten minutes and hundreds of steps later, the doorbell rang. “What’s going on,” a look of trepidation was engrained in Angie’s face. I didn’t have the words to tell her so I just thrust the plastic drug store bag into her chest. Angie glared at me with confusion then slowly peeked down into the bag. I didn’t breathe. I couldn’t. I just waited for her to say something that would crack the wall of panic around me.
Angie looked up from the bag with a stunned expression. “Erin, are these yours? Do you think you might be… pregnant?!” I watched her expression change as though she was putting things together in her mind. “That would explain your sudden illness in Miami.” She raised her brows at the possibility.
“I don’t know Ange. I guess it’s possible.” I wasn’t ready to tell her about the other part, but I needed a friend at the moment and that meant spilling the beans. I could barely meet her gaze as I said, “Not only do I not know if I’m pregnant. If I am, I’m not sure whose it is!” I waited for Angie to speak, but her look said she was waiting for my explanation. “See, the thing is, as you know, I was in a committed relationship with Josh when things just kind of happened with Mike. It was all in a short period of time so this test is the least of my worries!!”
“Holy shit Erin!! Wait, you slept with both of them during the same timeframe? Hon, I don’t even know what to say. I’m not judging, though.” She assured. “I guess we should start at the test first and figure out the rest later.” Angela slowly handed me back the plastic bag with a look that was both skeptical and hopeful. I wasn’t sure what she was hoping for. Hell, I wasn’t sure what I was hoping for either. I listened to the echo of my feet against the wooden floor in the short hallway. My steps were slow, but my heart was racing as I walked into the powder room and closed the door behind me.
Five Minutes later I took tentative steps out into the hall. Angie had moved right outside the door and was leaning against the wall opposite the doorway. I didn’t say a word, I just handed Angie the tests and went and sat on the couch to wait for her reaction. I had hoped after all of this I would finally be able to have a drink but that wouldn’t be happening now. I attempted to bite my nails, but there weren’t any left, so I waited until I heard Angie’s steps coming down the hall. I waited for her mom-styled tongue lashing. I waited to hear that I’d been stupid and irresponsible, but when she rounded the corner, Angie’s face was spread into a broad smile. “Congratulations Mommy! We’re having a baby!!!” I inhaled deeply and held it for a moment while I let the truth sink in. I’m going to have a baby.
Initially, I thought I was obligated to be upset. As an adult, I had been irresponsible. I hadn’t protected myself and now this was all a result of my negligence. I knew that was the response that was expected and I had genuinely expected to have it, but in my heart none of that was there. All I felt was happiness. I’m more than capable of taking care of a child and this is what I’ve wanted, but been too afraid to really pursue. The old Erin had the expectation of being a wife first, but after all I had been through, right then, at that moment, I accepted that life was anything but perfect. I embraced the idea that not knowing what would come next or how it would happen was what brought authenticity to my days. For as long as I could remember, I’d wanted to be perfect. I’d tried to be the perfect daughter, sister and surgeon, but today I was sure that I wanted every perfect imperfection. I wanted every crack, chip and blemish of my days because they gave my life character. Because of the calamity I’d faced over the years, I was a designer original and that fact alone made me a masterpiece.
I’d sat there in my thoughts so long I nearly forgot Angie was still standing there. “You okay?” She asked tenderly as she came and sat beside me on the sofa.
“I’m great Ange. I’m so great!!” Tears brimmed against my lids and I let them flow as Angie wrapped her arms around me. I let out a sigh that felt like the release of years of hurt, fear and frustration as I pulled away from Angie and wiped my dampened cheeks. “Honestly I really am ok. At first I went straight into panic mode, but the more I think about it and let it sink in, I’m ready for this phase of my life.”
“Ok, so when and how are you going to tell Josh? What do you think he’ll say? What could this mean for the two of you going forward?” Angela’s wheels were already turning.
“Yeaaaah, about that,” I started. “I’m not one hundred percent sure he’s the one I need to be talking to first.” I flashed Angie a look of uncertainty.
“Wait, I know you’re not saying you think it could be Mike’s baby! You guys only slept together in Vegas right?”
“That would be the most recent of our encounters. We slept together months ago. It was before Josh and I officially got together. What happened in Vegas was more of a rekindling, but that’s not important. Josh and I were sleeping together regularly for months. On more than one occasion we didn’t use protection and I haven’t been late until now. But I slept with Mike for two days and now I’m pregnant? I know it could belong to either one of them, but I honestly think it may be Mike’s baby, not Josh’s.”
Angela looked at Erin with raised brows. “You do make a valid point. So what are you going to do? Will you tell them both now or will you wait until you’re further along? Erin, I swear you get yourself into the craziest predicaments!”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do about the guys at the moment. Mike is out of town and won’t be back for a couple of weeks. Josh and I were just getting on the path toward becoming friends. I don�
�t know how this news would affect that. Especially when he finds out that it could potentially be Mike’s baby. I know both of them deserve and need to know sooner rather than later, but I’m not ready to cross that bridge yet. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it!”
Angie placed her hand on my shoulder. “Just know I’m here if you need me and Amber and Feliz have your back too! I’m gonna be an auntie! I’m excited! I can’t wait to go shopping!” She beamed. “Now I don’t have to worry about getting Empty Nest Syndrome! I can just come and get your lil’ peanut whenever I get the urge!”
“Ok, first of all, we will not be calling my baby ‘lil’ peanut’ and second… Thanks!” I reached up and gave Angie’s hand a squeeze as a warm smile spread across my face. “I’m sure I’ll need all the aunties onboard. At least now I know why I’ve been so exhausted and sick the past week and a half!”
“That’s right,” Angie exclaimed. “I had forgotten about your nausea episodes in Florida!” Right then I knew she was lying.
“Whatever Angie, I see you suspected this all along, huh? You didn’t want to fill me in on your little inkling?”
Angie smirked and gave a resigned eye-roll. “I knew if I said anything you’d deny it and come up with a dozen other diagnoses for your ‘condition’ and you know I don’t have the patience for that!” She chuckled. “So how long are we keeping this a secret? I mean, we should at least tell Amber and Feliz, right? Listen to me talking like we’re having a baby together!” She laughed and so did I.
“Let’s call them over now. Ooooh and tell Feliz to stop on the way and get some Takis and red vines!” I shrieked, and to my surprise my mouth actually began to water. That is a damned shame. I’m already having ridiculous cravings. This has got to be a mental thing. I told myself right then that I wouldn’t go too far with the eating and cravings.
Angie just shook her head and dialed Feliz’s number. “And so it begins.”
*****
Forty-five minutes later when both Feliz and Amber had arrived, I sat them both down on the sofa and made my announcement. “I kind of suspected one of you was pregnant when you put in an order for red vines and Takis. I thought it was Angie!?” Feliz nudged Angie with her elbow. Angie answered with an exaggerated eye roll.
“Wait,” Amber burst in with concern. “You’re pregnant and last week we were drinking and skydiving and partying! Oh my gosh!”
“Amber,” I breathed. “I’m really gonna need you to tap into your inner badass for this one ok? I had a few tequila shots and yes, I jumped out of a plane but sweetheart, I’m still pregnant! In fact, I’m a week more pregnant now than I was then so you can relax.” I knew it sounded condescending, but I honestly couldn’t deal with Amber fussing over me for an entire nine months. One of us won’t make it full term. Finding out Amber hadn’t always been so straight-laced had been a blessing in disguise and I planned to take full advantage of her ability to vag-up if necessary.
The look on Amber’s face said she was only a little wounded. “I was just showing concern for you Erin!” She brushed off my comments with a wave of her hand. “Anyway, when are you going to tell Josh? I’m sure he’ll be thrilled!!” Damn! I didn’t think this all the way through before I called them over. Angie knew the whole story so it was a no-brainer to tell her first, but now I would have to fill Feliz and Amber in on everything that happened with me and Mike and how it had ended my relationship with Josh. Oh well, time to spill it. I sucked in a breath and blurted everything out all at once. “It turns out I wasn’t crazy. Mike actually was in Vegas. We met to clear the air and ended up sleeping together… a couple of times. When I got back I was going to tell Josh it was over but he found out that I cheated and that’s why we broke up. Josh and I were sleeping together for months and I didn’t get pregnant but here I am a month after sleeping with Mike and I’m knocked up so I’m not sure if this is Josh’s baby or Mike’s.”
Amber and Feliz sat there like statues. Unblinking. Not breathing. Just… stunned. Finally, Feliz recovered. “Whaaaat?!! How did all this happen and you never said a word.” Of course, her eyes shot straight toward Angie. “You knew?!”
Angie let out a huff. “Yes, I knew, but it wasn’t my place to tell you. You know I don’t believe in talking about my friends behind their backs, so if any of you tell me something. That is where it stops. Anyway, we all know now so let’s get back to the business of celebrating Erin’s good news. There’s plenty of time to talk about the men. I want to get back to the baby! We’re gonna be aunties!!” Angie squealed as she looked from Feliz to Amber. Their expressions softened into huge smiles. None of us had siblings so we had all adopted one another’s children as our nieces and nephews.
At that moment, it really hit me. I’m joining the mommy club. I looked over at Angie and saw she was fighting back her tears. Only the two of us knew just how much this moment really meant to me. I blinked hard and fast to stop my tears before they came and returned my attention to Feliz and Amber. “Listen, I apologize for not telling you. Things began and ended so quickly with Mike and I only recently started talking to him more frequently. We haven’t slept together since Vegas, but he’s helping me put together my showcase.” They both nodded their understanding. “Josh and I are friends and our relationship is amicable. Either of them would be a great dad, but today I want to celebrate the fact that I’m going to be a mother!” Instinctively my hand drifted down from my chest to my stomach. I can’t believe that right now, at this moment, there is a life growing inside me. I closed my eyes and said an internal prayer of thanks for being given a second chance at such a gift.
It was the feel of arms enfolding me that caused me to open my eyes. Amber, Feliz and Angie encircled me and their voices blended in a mix of congratulations and words of encouragement. I had never felt more loved than I did at that moment. This was my family and soon, there would be a new member to multiply the love ten times over.
Feliz broke away from the group and sat back down on the couch. “So I guess you need to make a doctor’s appointment with your O.B.” I saw both her medical and mother mind working. “Maybe you could narrow it down some if you found out how far along you are? I’m sure you don’t want to risk doing the DNA test via amniocentesis, right?”
“I’m not sure if knowing how far along I am would give me any insight and no, I don’t plan to do DNA testing before birth. To me it won’t matter as much who the father is because I will be the mother regardless. I can definitely wait to find out whether it will be Josh or Mike who I’m connected to for life.” I still wasn’t ready to focus on how and when I’d tell the guys. I wasn’t looking forward to doing it or seeing their reactions.
Angie flopped down beside Feliz on the couch. “Well, I just need to know how far we are from twenty weeks so I’ll know if I need to be shopping for a niece or a nephew.”
Amber had perked up completely. “I miss having a little baby. They’re so small and sweet. I can’t wait!”
“Yeah, having a little one around again will be good for all of us! I’m really happy for you too Erin,” Feliz said. “I hate to cut out on this celebration but my shift starts in four hours. I need to try to get some sleep before then.”
“Since when do you work nights?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Since I agreed to take Carol’s shift for her this weekend, so she could be in her sister’s wedding. Business has slowed down some for Mario at the auto shop so the extra shifts help to bridge the gap. Anyway, I’ll see you all later. Congrats again,” Feliz said with a wave and headed out the door.
“I’d better be going too,” Amber said as she made her way to the door and Angie was right behind her.
“I’m gonna head out with them, hon. Call me tomorrow.”
“Thanks for coming over. I really appreciate and needed the support!” I told them as they walked down the porch steps. They turned and gave me a wave as they got in their cars and drove away. I stepped back inside and plunked my body down onto the
couch and turned on the T.V. My lids drooped closed and it wasn’t long before Jimmy Fallon was watching me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The smell of fresh paint was fragrant in the room, but I was armed with a paper face-mask and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. When I’d sat down three hours ago to begin my project, the odor had nearly overwhelmed me, but the longer I stayed, the less I could smell the strong aroma of the paint. Even though I knew they might dry out faster, I’d popped open all my jars of paint at once hoping the scent would dissipate faster and it had worked. I was making what had turned out to be a beautiful painting of a wooden elephant. Finally. I thought as I studied the painting. For days, I’d wanted to put my Disney images on canvas and I was pretty pleased with how the piece was shaping up. I had managed to cast just enough light and shadow to give definition and life to the wooden sculpture I’d seen. Even though it was a small canvas, the elephant was still majestic and strong. I was still contemplating how I could further enhance the picture when my phone chimed.
I slid down from the stool and leaped over to the guest bed where I had haphazardly thrown my phone. I collapsed back against the mattress and clicked on the illuminated message flashing atop the screen.
Hey Erin! It’s Josh! I haven’t spoken to you since before your trip, so I’m just checking on you. I hope you had an amazing time and are doing ok. How was the race and Florida? I hope to hear from you soon. Josh
I realized that the universe was presenting me with an opportunity to be truthful with Josh so I took it. Thus far, I hadn’t contacted him or Mike on purpose. I still hadn’t sorted out how or when I was going to break the news to them, but now the opportunity was smacking me in the face. I may as well go ahead and get it over with. I’m sure after telling Josh, telling Mike will be no sweat. After all, the circumstances for Josh were much more uncomfortable than for Mike. I sent Josh my response before I lost my nerve: