Frenzy

by Dawn Brazil

  “You don’t want to sit next to me, Sunshine?” His eyes smolder as he gazes at me. He swats the ground next to him for emphasis. I shake my head and fix my eyes to the fire. What the hell are you doing? Say something.

  “Well,” he says, standing. “If you won’t come to me, I’ll come to you.” He sits beside me and snatches my hand from beneath me. He plants a soft kiss on my palm; I fortify my treacherous heart against his charm. “Isn’t this beautiful?”

  I don’t say anything.

  “You okay?” he asks. I still say nothing. I don’t even look at him, or his view of the sky, which I’m certain looks magical out this far.

  “You know, if you have something to say or ask me, you might as well do it. I don't take too well to the silent treatment.” He drops my hand back to the dirt below.

  “I don't take well to being lied to,” I shoot back. I bite my lip to stop more words from coming. Shut your mouth before he decides you’re not worth saving, my inner voice screams. Wow, she changed positions fast.

  “Lied to you.” He shakes his head and snakes his hand through his hair. “What are you talking about?” I lift my chin and turn away from him. “Liz, what the hell…” He stops talking abruptly and blows out a loud breath. “Oh, you saw that.” I don’t acknowledge anything. “You saw Tiffany kiss me and you’re upset.” He hauls me to my feet and drags me toward the tent I assume Ian and Tiffany share.

  “No!” I shout. “Let me go. Leave me alone.” I pull away from him, but he’s much stronger and bulldozes me with his large body.

  “Please, Sunshine. Just let me explain.”

  I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want him to speak to me. Without thinking, I turn and kick him in the groin. It’s the only place I know I can hurt him enough for him to let me go.

  He yells out in pain and his hands fall away from my shoulders. He plummets to the ground on his knees. “Owww,” he says, holding himself and wincing. “I can’t believe you did that.

  “You wouldn’t listen. I said let me go.”

  “You've ruined any chance of us ever having kids.”

  I laugh. “No. You did that when you kissed her.” I point an angry finger to her tent.

  Brian lies on his back with his knees bent and his feet in the air. Good riddance, he needs the pain.

  “Liz,” he calls after me, but I’m already walking back to the tent. “Let me explain.”

  “No.” Just as I reach the tent, he grabs me, hurls me into the air and tosses me around so that I’m on my back, knocking the wind out of me. I don’t feel any pain, just a jolt of surprise.

  “Two can play that game.” He pins me down so I can’t move. “I'm an athlete; I recover quick. But,” he points a finger at me. “You'd better not ever do that again.”

  “Get off me.”

  “No, not until I can explain what you think you saw.”

  “Don’t insult my intelligence. I know perfectly well what I saw.”

  “No, you think you do. I couldn't—” He shakes his head. “I wouldn't. That’s the last thing you’d ever have to worry about with me. I would never do that. I can imagine how it must have looked, but I promise, she did the kissing and I shoved her away. Obviously, not quick enough, because you didn’t catch that part of it.” He pulls back a bit, easing up on my arms and legs that he’s had wrapped tight beneath him.

  I don’t speak as I contemplate his words. My heart wants to believe him, but my head tells me absolutely not. I lie on the ground with him looking down at me.

  With flared nostrils, he jumps up and pulls me with him. We stand face to face, and he immediately wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear. “What can I do to prove my love to you? To prove to you that I am utterly consumed by you, and you only?” The words tickle my ears and make my belly do somersaults. Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong…

  “Why do you think she kissed you?” Why does it matter? It happened. Why are you asking idiotic questions?

  He shrugs and looks away. “She was caught up in a moment that doesn’t exist anymore. Actually, that never really existed. Don’t let this ruin us. I love you. I promise, this happened the way I said.” My wall of resistance is crumbling. I want to be angry at him, but the fight in me has evaporated. I knew before this moment that I didn’t like or trust her, so I refuse to allow her to win in this situation.

  Brian pulls my chin up, we lock eyes for a brief second before desire consumes us. The kiss starts sweet, slow, and passionate, but increases to mimic the type of kiss we shared in his bedroom a day ago. I want to tell him I believe what he says, so I lift my head and open my eyes.

  Instead of looking into his eyes, I see that Tiffany is standing next to the fire, by her tent. She glowers at us, looking angry enough to shoot fire. How can she be so mad, and he says there’s nothing to it? As if sensing something wrong, Brian follows my gaze to where Tiffany stands. Except, now she’s walking back to her tent with Ian. Brian hunches his shoulders, and whispers, “She said sorry. She didn’t mean to do it.”

  “Wow, there are a lot of things people can do by accident. I didn’t know kissing was one of them.”

  He inhales a deep breath. “Let's go to our tent.”

  I steal one more glance at her before I enter the tent. Like a deer stuck in headlights, she stands wide-eyed, watching me again.

  Chapter 30

  Once inside, Brian ushers me to the sole sleeping bag. “Wait, where are you going to sleep?” He smiles down at me. Oh.

  “We’re two mature young adults. We can sleep in the bag together—it’s big enough for the both of us. I couldn’t let you sleep in that other small bag, in your condition.” He bends and pulls my shoes off and sets them in the corner.

  Why didn’t I bring the better sleeping bag? How could I have been so stupid? You were in a hurry. It’ll be okay. You want to cuddle with him all night, anyway. Yes, cuddle, that’s it.

  I lie back and push myself over as far as I can so we won’t touch. He takes off his boots and places them beside mine.

  Once inside the bag, he immediately reaches for me. He cradles my head against his chest. I hold my breath, hoping he won’t feel my accelerated heartbeat with our closeness.

  After a while, I relax my stiff posture because his breathing has evened out and his eyes remain closed. I let out a deep breath. He laughs out loud.

  “Are you afraid of me?”

  I swallow hard. How can he always tell these things no matter how cleverly I try to conceal them? No matter how much I attempt to decipher him or why he reacts a certain way, I can never quite get it right. “I’m not scared of anything,” I whisper up to him.

  “This is nice,” he announces. “I get to hold you all night.” He draws me closer so there’s no space between our bodies. He runs his hands through my hair and down my back. He glides my sweater up and rubs his hands over my exposed skin. Heat from his hand electrifies every cell of my body. He continues to massage my back, shoulders, and arms.

  Just when I’m about to drift to a peaceful sleep, he proclaims, “I could make love to you right now.” All signs of drowsiness are erased. I’ve never been more alert in my life. Did he just say that?

  “Of course, I won’t do anything, because I know it won’t be right.” He lifts my chin so our eyes meet. “I thought you should know I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I can barely breathe sometimes when you kiss me. Your lips are…” he runs a finger delicately across my bottom lip, “…so soft. I don’t understand how I can love you so much. It seems unreal. Yet, here we are and I know how I feel. I’m going to marry you, Elizabeth. I know this because I can never let you go or see you loving someone else. The thought of that makes me want to hurt someone bad.” He curls his hands into a fist on my back.

  “Okay, calm down.” I laugh at how absurd me being with someone else sounds. “I’m not going anywhere. Us being over should be the least of your concerns. Sometimes I can’t fathom it, either. Sometimes I feel like I’m
stalking you.” I swallow hard, nervous I might not be expressing how I feel correctly. “I thought my feelings would change. I mean, I’d still care about you, but my obsessive attitude about us, I thought that would change… but it hasn’t. I hope it never does. I just control my emotions better than you.”

  “Oh, really.” His voice is playful.

  “Well, some emotions, yes.”

  Neither of us speaks, as we’re unable to pull our eyes apart. He slips a finger across my cheek and down to my lower lip. “Right now, you may be right. My desire is trying to overthrow me. I should leave the tent before I do something we’ll both regret.”

  He lifts himself from the sleeping bag to leave. I grab his arm and pull him back down to me. “No way, buddy. You aren’t leaving me here by myself. You’re going to have to suffer through this. See what I mean? I’m so much better at this.”

  “So, this isn’t bothering you at all?”

  “Nope.” Not entirely true.

  “Not even a little?” His lips tilt up at the corners like he’s making a joke and I don’t get it.

  “Okay. At first, but not anymore.”

  “Um. Let's see how far we can test this.” His voice drops and the vibration rumbles through me in the most delicious manner. He grasps my face with both his hands and tenderly presses his lips to mine. My eyes flutter closed and the kiss lights up my entire body. In movies and literature, kisses like this destroy kingdoms. Marriages are renewed. Children are conceived. Hearts are healed. His kiss could alter the state of the universe. Every kiss we share alters me.

  Once he stops, I’m winded, gasping for air. He smiles triumphantly. I announce, once my breathing is under control, “That was nice, but I won't be throwing away my virtue on a 'nice' kiss.”

  “Nice.” A different smile than what I’m used to spreads across his lips. His right brow lifts. “Okay. Challenge accepted.”

  He shoves my leg up and over the top of his. I gasp but don’t take my eyes from his. He grips the back of my hair and drives our bodies in closer. His lips tease around my mouth with soft pecks. He pulls away for a brief second, only to move his kisses from my mouth to my neck and across my jawline. Our breathing has accelerated and his hands are everywhere. My heart races as my body presses into his growing erection. I’ve never felt anything like the sensation of him pressing into me like this. His mouth is at my ear, and he whispers, “you taste so good… feel so good. I want you so bad.”

  I groan as his words embed themselves into my mind. He runs his tongue across my bottom lip and down to my neck. An intense sensation works its way from my toes to my head, consuming everything. I whisper his name, unable to stop myself.

  “My name from your lips is the sweetest melody,” he whispers. I murmur his name once more. He pushes my back flat against the sleeping bag and hovers above me with a sultry gaze before his lips crash down to mine. His fingers are at my shirt, working to pull it up. Once my shirt is off, we pull his over his head. He drops back to me and our bodies form an impeccable connection.

  His lips move across my skin, trailing so much pleasure in their wake I can hardly believe it’s possible. I arch my body into him, meeting his thrusts. His right hand inches up my thigh, teasing, gentle. With gentle fingers, he traces patterns on my abdomen. His fingers make their way to my chest and he slides his fingers through my bra that clips in the front. Once he’s released the clip, he pushes the bra over and runs a finger across the top of my chest. I moan and push myself into him more. I know I have to stop. If I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to make myself do it, later. “Stop, Brian.”

  But he doesn’t. He continues to move his hips and grind into me. Despite my request, I match his movements. I run my hand across his back and dig my nails into his skin as desire jumbles my lucid thoughts. Our labored breaths collide into the air, and we’re consumed with passion. I want this. I want him. I want all of him now. As the thoughts rake over me, I know I can’t do it. It isn’t the right time.

  “Brian, we can’t do this. Stop.” Brian's hands relax and he pulls away.

  We don’t speak.

  Chapter 31

  “Sorry,” he finally says. “I know it’s hard for you to ask me to stop. It’s hard for me to do it.”

  “We’re going to have to try our best to get through the night. The first thing we should do is stop kissing, though.” I smile up at him and it feels shy and timid on my face.

  “Agreed.” He smiles his sunshine smile that makes me want to do anything but stop kissing him. “And you should definitely cover yourself up… put your shirt back on.” I clip my bra back in place and shove the shirt over my head when he hands it to me.

  “I should probably turn the other way in the bag, too.”

  “Also agreed,” he says. His eyes smolder and I feel lightheaded.

  I position myself on my side. My back is tucked against his front. He wraps his arms around me. “I can't be this close to you and not touch you at all. This is safe, though,” he says with his warm breath blowing on my neck.

  I don’t object or say a word. My eyelids grow heavy within minutes. The last words I hear are Brian explaining again how sorry he is that I saw what Tiffany did.

  I slip into a peaceful sleep. I don’t wake in the middle of the night, or have a nightmare that I can recall once awake. The best I've slept in months, and it’s because Brian held me all night.

  My mind slips to Tiffany. She’s cold and angry all the time. Of course, due to my fainting spell, I haven't been able to have a conversation with her. After I saw her and Brian last night, I’m not sure I even want to talk with her.

  Convincing me to be disposed of isn’t an acceptable reason for her to have come along with us. It doesn’t add up to me.

  I’ve been lying still on the sleeping bag, trying not to wake Brian, who’s still fast asleep next to me. I move his arm from around my waist, careful not to rustle him too much, and gradually unzip the bag. I crawl over him. He folds himself into a fetal position. I zip the bag back to his chin, grab my boots from the corner, and put them on.

  I snatch another granola bar from my bag and take a swig from my canteen. My big appetite isn’t appeased by the meager meal. I pick up everything in the tent and return it to our bags. Once I’m outside in the crisp morning air, I inhale a deep breath.

  I’m determined to make this day go as smoothly as possible. I’m also eager to find out what Tiffany wants and why.

  Before the others wake, I gather our things from around the makeshift camp. Brian and Ian would never toss their food wrappers on the ground—leave the environment as we found it is what we promised when we came out here. So, the debris must be Tiffany’s. Something else to make me dislike her.

  I don my headphones. Just as I’m throwing a granola bar wrapper in a trashcan I created, I turn, and Ian’s practically hunching over my back. I release a loud yelp because I know this is what he wants—to think I’m scared or surprised. Actually, I’m not, but we’ve played this game before.

  His laugh is easy at my expense. I swat him a couple times across the face and torso. He screeches louder than I do. Our laughs are short-lived, however, as Tiffany emerges from their tent. Ian’s face lights up. But she’s not looking at him, she’s staring at me. Her lips are slightly parted, and her eyes are vacant. I can’t tell if this look from her is antagonizing or not. Shaking my head, I turn away from her.

  “I didn’t get a chance to check on you last night. How you feeling?” Ian asks.

  “I’ve been better, but I’m not in any pain right now.”

  “That’s good, because we’re close to the cabin.” He laughs. “This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I mean having a researcher have the chip removed. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone that deserves this more than you.”

  “That’s really nice to say, Ian.”

  “It’s the truth. You never treated me like an outsider with your friends. You make the Chief happy, and that’s not easy with his
pessimistic attitude. When this is all over, I’m going to miss you more than anyone else. Don’t tell Chief, though.”

  “Got it. It’ll be our secret. And I’ll miss you, too. But you can come visit.”

  “I’ll try, but I love Remah. I don’t usually leave unless it’s business. Can you wake Chief? We should be heading out. Not to be rude, but even though you’re not in pain, you look like crap.”

  Ian makes it over to where Tiffany stands, outside their tent. I don’t move. I watch as they embrace. Her arms wrap around him and her eyes slip shut. Just like when I hug Brian. This is the only humane thing I’ve seen her do. It’s enthralling. When they kiss, I attempt to pull myself away. Again, I can’t.

  “Somebody’s nosey,” Brian whispers in my ear from behind.

  “Am not,” I declare. “It's weird seeing Ian with someone. She’s so…” I search my brain for the correct word. “Cold.” Brian wraps me in his arms and rests his chin on my head.

  “I think she’s a little freaked out by you. That’s all. She hasn’t been acting like herself, but she’s cool when you get to know her. And Ian can handle her as well as you handle me.”

  “That’s different, though. You’re not mean.”

  He laughs. “Do you know how hard last night was for me? I wanted you so bad. You’re much stronger than I thought. You have no idea how many cold showers I’ve taken since we met.”

  “I’m not sure if you’re supposed to share that with me.” I turn around, and on my tiptoes I kiss each corner of his mouth. “How long have you been awake?”

  “Not long. It was difficult to sleep.” He winks. “I did a good job, though. What do you think?”

  “You were a perfect gentleman, Mr. Thompson.” I beam up at him. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yes.” He steals a glance at Tiffany and Ian. “Did she speak to you this morning?” He motions in Tiffany’s direction as he starts to dismantle the tent.