Drift

by Anna Brooks

  “And I never went back to surfing after that. I can’t. I will never be the same, and I refuse to allow myself to do the one thing I love because it’s at the very least a deserved punishment. She’s lost her life because of me, so I had to lose something, too.”

  She just listens. And by her doing that, it’s like… she just makes it better. Easier.

  “I know I don’t deserve—”

  She puts a finger to my lips. “You are an amazing man, Carter. You deserve to be happy. God, what happened… that’s terrible.”

  “It is. Fucking paparazzi.”

  “You surfed. People die surfing. She walked across the street. People die walking across the street. Life sucks sometimes, and tragic things happen, but that doesn’t mean you need to blame yourself for the rest of your life. It was an accident. And I bet if she was alive, she’d be telling you the same thing.”

  She’s probably right. Zoe was a free spirit. A lot like me… or the me I used to be. And with Billie, I’m starting to feel like that man again.

  “I can’t believe I’m standing here.”

  “When I saw you at the market, I thought you were a surfer right away. I didn’t notice outside the restaurant the first time we ran into each other, but in the sun, you totally look like a surfer.”

  I rub my hands up and down her arms. “I lived for it. And I miss it.”

  “Why don’t you do it again?”

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “Why?”

  A rush of air exits my lungs. “I’ve told myself I don’t deserve to do the one thing I loved the most for so long that the thought of doing it seems like a betrayal to myself. Like I’d be taking the easy way out or some shit… I don’t know.”

  “Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

  “Promise. I’ll think about it, but honestly, I don’t know how I’d feel if I get up and I’m not able to do the same stuff as I did before. I mean, I know I won’t be able to, but it might make me feel worse. Like, even more like shit.”

  She sighs. “Even if you’re not as good, you don’t have to be the best to enjoy it. You can still love it without living it.”

  Damn, she’s right. And truthfully, the whole surfing thing just fell into my lap because I was naturally good at it. I did it for fun, then it turned into something huge. And the bigger I got, the harder it was to just ride sometimes. There were days when it wasn’t as fun as it used to be, and I hated that part of it.

  “I’m sorry I left a snotty note on your computer. I don’t know what came over me, but when I went to look at the movies, I just typed your name in instead.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Zoe earlier.”

  “Let’s go home.” She tilts her head up.

  “No.” I bend down and press my lips to hers, not only wanting but needing to feel that connection with her. To reassure myself that I haven’t lost her, too. “You wanted to see the ocean, and I… if I’m going to move past everything, I want you to be with me. You shouldn’t have to come here alone. You shouldn’t do anything alone because you have me. I—”

  “I understand,” she interrupts me. “We all have baggage, right? You told me that. And you unloaded mine and carried it for me. Let me do the same for you. I want to be able to take that load off and help you realize you don’t need to have it weighing you down anymore.”

  I shake my head, refusing to let this go any further. “That’s not your part in this, honey. I lift the heavy stuff. You’re so light you float. That’s how this works.”

  “Then this isn’t going to work.”

  I instinctually hold her tighter, thinking she wants to leave.

  “I never thought that I could be happy with a man, Carter. I didn’t even have it on my radar, and then you came along.” She smiles. “And made me see how much I was missing out on. Do you know before my world was tainted, I used to dream of having a wonderful life? And you made me realize I could have that again. With you. Together. But part of that is being half of a whole, not a piece of it.”

  “You’re not just a piece.” I laugh at the double meaning, and she rolls her eyes. “You’re the glue that holds them together. Without you… Billie, without you, I was drowning. I kept getting pulled under, and you came along and then lifted me out of the depths I was dying in. Being with you makes me feel like I’m finally above water again, like I’m the one floating… I’m finally at the one place aside from you that makes me the happiest I can ever be.”

  Chapter 20

  Carter, one month later

  I wrap my arms around her from behind, and she jumps. “Carter, what are you doing here?” she asks without turning around.

  “Stealing you.”

  She spins around and shakes her head. “I’m working. I can’t just lea—”

  “You can. I talked to my mom. It’s fine.”

  “You can’t just talk to your mom so you can get me out of work.”

  “I did.”

  She bites her lip, fighting back a smile.

  “I can’t decide if it’s annoying or kind of cute.”

  “Let’s go with option two.”

  She tosses her hands in the air. “Fine. Where are you taking me?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  Her face lights up, and I can’t resist bending down to kiss her, so I do. “Come on.” I’ve been working on this for a while now, and everything is set up. I just need her.

  “Bye, have fun, you kids,” Sally shouts with a smile from the other side of the kitchen as we walk through. Geoff rests his hand on her shoulder and waves. “Bye, guys. Have fun.”

  “Are you in on this?”

  She shrugs, but she totally is and Billie knows it.

  “I’m mad at you, Mother, but I’ll deal with you later.”

  “Love you, baby.”

  “Love you too, Mom.”

  She follows me and pauses at the curb. “Did Geoff have his hand on my mom?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

  “Geoff is the shit. He wouldn’t hurt her.”

  I squint my eyes. “He’d better not.”

  I click the locks and open the door. “No Jeep?”

  “Not tonight.”

  “Oh, fancy.”

  I help her in the Audi and then take a relaxing breath before I take my seat and drive away.

  Nerves aren’t really a thing for me. Not only in the past, with being a surfer, but also as a bodyguard, you have to stay calm all the time. But right now, my hands are sweating. The back of my neck is on fire, and my left leg, when not engaging the clutch, is shaking.

  “Are you okay?” Her soft voice breaks through the tension floating around in the cab of the car.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay.” She’s not convinced in the slightest, but she leaves it at that.

  When we pull into the parking garage at our apartment, I see the question on her face.

  When I grab her hand and walk us to the elevator, she fights asking what’s going on.

  When I press the button to the top floor, she looks confused.

  But when I open the door to the stairs, she finally smiles.

  And when she steps foot on the roof, the smile goes away, and tears fill her eyes.

  “No crying. Come on.” I pull her to the other side where the view is. Twinkling white lights are draped across the entire length of the building along with flowers covering almost every square inch of the roof.

  “Carter.”

  I stand behind her as we overlook the backyard of House, and the moment I wrap my arms around her, spotlights shine on the stage and music starts playing. She tilts her head back, and I lower mine to look at her beautiful face. “What did you do?”

  “You told me you’ve never been up here to watch a concert, so I thought I’d change that.”

  I wanted to get back the country band she liked, but the song I wanted to be playing right now is from my favorite band, Rea
son to Ruin.

  “Carter, I can’t believe you did this.”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me your birthday was tomorrow.”

  She squints her eyes. “Mom?” she guesses.

  “Yeah.” I felt like such an ass for not knowing, but it just never came up. I doubt she knows mine either, though.

  I hand her a jewelry box. “Happy Birthday, honey.”

  She pulls the ribbon off and slowly opens the long rectangular lid. “Carter.” She pulls out the necklace and laughs as she tries not to cry. “How did you even know about this?”

  “I remember you saying how beautiful you thought they were.”

  “So you were stalking me?”

  “That day? Yeah,” I admit.

  She holds it out. “Put it on me, please?”

  I drape the beads on her chest and loop the clasp in back. She spins around, and I run my finger along the silver that dangles between her breasts. “Beautiful.”

  “Thank you. I love it.”

  “There’s more.” I give her the square box, and she looks frightened. “Carter.”

  “Just open it.”

  She tentatively flips the lid, and slight disappointment crosses her face, but it’s immediately replaced with beauty. “The matching earrings.”

  “She wouldn’t give me half off.”

  She giggles as she takes out the little studs she has in her ears, and I help her with the new ones. “They’re not too heavy?”

  “No, not at all.” She leans up and kisses me. “Thank you. I love them, but I love that you remembered. That means the most.”

  A loud scream comes from the crowd when the band starts the opening notes to one of their most popular songs, “Never Said, Never Again.” We watch them, her in front of me with my arms caging her in. We’re the only ones up here, and I made sure we wouldn’t be interrupted.

  I thought I’d be able to wait, but the rock in my pocket weighs me down. I’ve had it for a month. Once things got settled, I wanted to make sure she was okay before I asked her. I love her too damn much to put pressure on her like that when she’s stressed about getting her mom back in her life after being absent for three years. And starting a new job.

  But she’s ready. And so am I. Truthfully, I’ve been ready since the first time she called me surfer boy.

  I turn her around and hold her left hand out. She stares at my hand as I slide the bubble oval on her finger. “I have one more present for you… although it’s more of a gift for me.”

  “Oh, Lord.”

  “I want to marry you. Get a house. A big one on the ocean. Have babies. Teach those babies how to ride waves and show them how magnificent life is. I want to get old and gray with you by my side and hope that we can look back on our lives and know we lived it. It’ll be a wonderful life, honey, because of you. And if I’m lucky enough, you’ll say yes, and I can spend the rest of the days I have trying to show you the beauty you give me. So will you… marry me?”

  She nods, tears rolling down her cheeks, and throws herself at me. She doesn’t say anything, probably can’t with how hard she’s crying, but the way she squeezes me and gives me every ounce of emotion tells me more than the actual word can say. She’s going to be my wife.

  Billie

  “Bend your knees.” I try to balance myself and fall again, laughing my butt off.

  “I can’t.”

  “You can, come on.”

  Carter puts his hands out and pulls me up. With one foot on a surfboard, he holds it steady for me. “I just wanna watch you. I was not made for this.”

  He tosses his head back, his body glistening in the sun, eight-pack and golden trail shining with water droplets. “You weren’t made for this?”

  “No.”

  “What were you made for?”

  “You,” I answer with a smile.

  He gives me a playful shove. “Go lie in the sun, princess.”

  “Carter.” He raises a brow at my serious tone. “I’m really proud of you for doing this.”

  “Thanks, baby. I’m not gonna be gone long, though. Just gonna catch a wave and be back.”

  “Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here.”

  “Don’t wanna leave you alone.”

  I’ll let him think I believe that’s the reason. This is the first time I’ll see him on a surfboard. We’ve come to the beach a couple of times, and he’s more and more relaxed every time we do. I asked him to teach me to surf just because I thought it would be a good reason for him to get back on a board.

  And I was right.

  “Have fun.”

  He takes a breath, blowing it out between parted lips. “Like riding a bike, right?”

  “Yes. You got this.”

  He nods, then walks deeper into the water. Stopping about ten feet away, he turns around and looks at me. His eyes are soft, but every muscle in his body is hard and tight.

  “You got this, surfer boy!” I blow him a kiss and get a little smile in return. I play with the earrings he got me for my birthday.

  Then he goes out farther, lays on his board, and looks behind him. When a wave gets closer, he paddles with his arms, then jumps up, balancing perfectly and riding along with the water.

  And I can’t look away.

  Even from here, I can see him smiling. He angles the board toward me, and when he gets close, I run closer to him. “That was awesome.” He jumps down and grabs me, then spins me around.

  “Holy shit. I forgot how much I love this. I mean, I didn’t forget, but I forgot, ya know?”

  “Yeah, I know. And you’re amazing.” Which I knew from watching some of the videos he pulled up for me to watch. He truly is amazing. The way his body moves with the water is like a work of art.

  He kisses me, hard and fast. “Be right back. Gonna go ride another.”

  I laugh as he runs into the ocean and look over to my right to see a couple of guys about my age, one with brown hair and the other blond. “Is that Carter Cane?” Blondie asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “I’m Luke,” the brown-haired one says. “And this is my brother, Dante.”

  I smile at them. “I’m Billie, nice to meet you guys.”

  “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “Fiancé.” I still feel weird saying that, but I love it.

  “Sweet.” They stab their boards into the sand, and we all watch him. “That was sick.” Dante whistles as Carter does some sort of twisty move.

  The boys chat among themselves, and after we watch him for a little while, Carter finally comes toward us. As he gets closer, a totally different vibe comes from him. One I’ve never seen before. He looks… lighter.

  “Dude. That was sick,” Luke shouts.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “I grew up watching you, man. Sucked so bad when you walked away. Glad you’re back,” Dante says, sticking his hand out.

  Carter shakes it and nods. “Glad to be back.”

  “Are you gonna compete again?”

  “Nah.” He wraps an arm around me in a clearly possessive hold. “My leg can’t do what it used to.”

  “Well, it was awesome seeing you ride. Catch you later.”

  “Later, guys.”

  He takes my hand and pulls me back into the water, then places the board down and sits.

  “Come on, I want to show you something.”

  “We’re not having sex in the water.”

  He smiles, and a light shines in his eyes that I never realized was missing before. He did a better job than me of hiding the pain and the guilt. When all is said and done, I think that’s why we do so well together, why we both complete the other. We understand each other. It’s why we fell so in love so fast and so hard and will be forever.

  Patting the board in front of him, I straddle it as I sit. His feet touch the bottom of the ocean while mine dangle. He gives us a little push and takes my hands.

  “I’ll teach you my favorite thing to do in
the water. The one thing I miss the absolute most.”

  “What’s that?”

  Bringing his forehead to mine, he looks deep into my eyes, then whispers, “Drift.”

  * * *

  Click here for the next book in the Guarding Her series, Edge.

  It was supposed to be a normal job. Another tour with another superficial singer.

  But the first time I put my hand on her lower back, it was over. Leave it to a five foot nothing, blonde haired, blue eyed pop princess to knock me on my ass.

  I’m not the only one who wants her though. But in the end, I’ll be the only one who gets all of her. Because while everyone else is screaming her name, she’s moaning mine.

  Notes and stuff.

  I have a confession to make. Yet again I went through multiple versions of the final draft. Well, no… not exactly. The original version is this version. But there was one in between.

  Do you ever walk into a room for something, but forget why? You’ll stand there and talk to yourself or pace hoping it comes to you, but after doing that for ten minutes you just give up. (But then the next day someone asks what time it is and that’s when it hits you. You remember the reason you went to the kitchen the day before was to add toothpaste to your shopping list.) That was the feeling I had with this book. And it was bothering me so bad.

  It was due for edits and at the last minute, I asked a dear friend if she had time to take a quick read and give me some suggestions. Thankfully, she did. And after we talked, I ended up going back to first version, which is what you just read (with the exception of some character traits that were changed).

  I should have just stuck with my gut, and in the future, I will. No more of this multiple version/throw out tens of thousands of words crap!

  So that brings me to now! The end of Carter and Billie’s story. I really hope you enjoyed it and that you fell in love with these two and the love they have for each other. They were really a sweet couple to write and I enjoyed them finding their way together.