Fatal Attraction

by Mia Ford

  I gently put my hand on her arm to silence her before she gets into a full blown rant about whatever it is that’s bothering her. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be stressed out about something other than my problems, you know? I know that’s what I’m paying you for, but I’m not a monster.”

  She lets out a sound that I think is supposed to be a laugh, but it’s much too strangled for that. She can’t seem to pull off breezy while something is clearly going on with her. “I know, I just don’t like worrying about my own stuff when I’m on the clock.” She takes in a deep breath, then drops the bomb shell. “Grant has just messaged me and I think they’re going to announce the partner soon. I might have to get back to the office for it. If you don’t mind…”

  My chest clenches at the mention of another man’s name, which I know is silly since I don’t really have any claim over Katy, but I force myself to get over it before I do something stupid and act like a jealous freak. That’ll put Katy off in a heart beat. Plus, I think I’m more interesting than Grant. I mean, he’s a nice enough guy but I do think I’m much better. I’m more fun, I haven’t got the same stick up my ass, and I’m sure I’m much better for Katy than he is. She needs someone like me. Someone who will bring her out of her lawyer shell, not box her further into it. I don’t see Grant as competition. I have a feeling that he might even have a girlfriend anyway so it’s fine.

  “Do you want me to drive you over there? I mean, I know I can’t do much but I can wait outside for you…” I try to gauge her reaction but her stoic face gives away absolutely nothing. All I can see is sheer terror in her gaze, she’s really freaking out. “We can then celebrate or whatever.”

  I don’t want to say anything about the possibility of her not getting the positon because I don’t want her to consider that while she’s in such a mess. I don’t think she’ll have to worry about it anyway, I feel absolutely certain this is what she deserves. She’s clearly a kick ass lawyer who works hard. I can’t see any reason why she wouldn’t get the position.

  “You would give me a ride?” she asks curiously while looking around the room. “But you really don’t have to. And I’m sure there’s stuff you have to do here…”

  “No of course I’ll take you. I want to take you. I could do with some time away from the office anyway.” I grab my car keys and shake them at her. “Shall we get going now?”

  Her face pales, I can almost see all the color drain from her skin. I can’t keep away from her for even a second longer. I know that we’re technically on ‘work time’ right now but she needs a hug and I’m going to give her one. All I want to do is hold her, embrace her, make her feel a little better about her nerves. As I grab Katy and I press her against my chest I feel my heart swell with pride. It feels really good to be able to do something nice for someone else. Especially Katy.

  “You do know that you’ll be fine, don’t you?” I tell her reassuringly. “You are pretty much guaranteed to get the job. You deserve it more than anyone else the way you work.”

  “Well Grant works hard too,” Katy mutters into my chest. “And he’s my competition.”

  “Urgh, Grant,” I growl with an eye roll. “Fucking Grant, there’s no way that he’s going to beat you. You kick ass. Grant is just… he’s Grant. You’re much better.”

  Katy pulls back to look at me and she laughs lightly. “You’re crazy. Your support is epic, but yeah… you’re crazy. At least I’m not freaking out anymore though, so that’s something.” She pats both my arms and steps back. “I suppose we better get going now, I don’t want to put off the inevitable. I have to face this sooner or later and I’ve been waiting for this for ages.” She sucks in a couple of deep breaths. “Let’s go. If we don’t leave now I might get back to freaking out…”

  I follow her to the elevator, admiring her strength as she goes. This must be terrifying for her, it seems like she’s been working towards it for ages, and now she’s going to face that. I’m glad I can be there with her if she needs me for support. Either way, I’m going to be there for her…

  ***

  I tap the steering wheel of my car impatiently, while glancing towards the law office again. I don’t know what the hell is going on, Katy has been in there for what feels like forever, and the anticipation is killing me. It’s actually tearing me up inside and making me feel all messy. I just want to know what life changing stuff is going on inside those four walls, and the fact that I have absolutely no control over it hurts me. It’s an actual pain in my chest.

  I don’t usually care about what goes on in any other business, but today I do. I really do.

  I grab my cell phone and scroll through the Internet once more, looking at my emails, my social media, random websites that don’t really tell me anything. I’m just trying to distract myself, but it’s not really working. I can’t think about anything but her. God, I wish she was by my side right now…

  The next time I scan my eyes towards the building, I see the shadow of a woman coming out of the building. She’s hunched over, surrounded in sadness, and my heart absolutely bleeds for her. Everything hammers and shudders inside of me as I realize that this is Katy and she must not have gotten the job. The idiots at Harrison and Associates must have chosen Grant over her which is mind blowing. It makes me want to scream with frustration… but I won’t because this isn’t about me. This is about Katy and all I need is to be there for her.

  I leap out of the car and race over to her to throw my arms around her, but before I can make any sort of contact with her, she looks up to me, her eyes swimming with tears and she whispers the words I was least expecting. “I got it.”

  Well, the words aren’t shocking in themselves, they’re exactly what I thought she was going to say when I spent all that time in the car waiting for her, it’s the fact that she really doesn’t seem happy when she’s telling me those words. This is something that she’s been working towards for ages, and now she isn’t happy to get it. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

  “You… you got it?” I ask her curiously. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and guide her back towards the car. “So, that’s awesome, isn’t it? That’s what you’ve wanted, am I right?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispers while shaking her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  I don’t say anything else until she’s safely locked away in the car because it seems to me that she’s having some sort of breakdown. I don’t want to get in the middle of that while we’re out in public for everyone to see. This is something that needs to be dealt with in private so she can really process what’s just happened. She sits in her seat and straps herself in, then I pull the car out onto the road and I drive her away from the office to give her a bit of clearly much needed head space.

  “I don’t know what just happened!” she explodes before I get the chance to speak again. “I can’t believe that, I just freaked.” She twists in her seat to stare at me with wild, panicked eyes. “They announced it, they told me that I’m the one going to be made a partner and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I think I might have just had a panic attack in there, in front of everyone.” I can’t see it, I can’t imagine Katy falling apart like that, she’s such a strong and confident woman. “I couldn’t breathe at all and then I told them that I would think about it.” She clasps her hand to her forehead in shock. “They offered me the job I’ve always wanted and I told them that I would think about it. I don’t think anyone has ever told a law firm that they would need to think about being made partner. Am I crazy? Have I gone insane? I just don’t know anymore.”

  “Okay, breathe,” I command firstly. “I’m sure it isn’t that bad at all. I’m sure you aren’t the first person to need to think about a promotion.” I haven’t ever heard of it, but now isn’t the time to discuss that. “But… why do you think you might be struggling with this decision?” I really need to get into her head and work out her mind set before I attempt to give any advice.

  “I don’t k
now,” she whines while her head rolls to one side. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I do want the job but at the same time I just… I don’t think I’m going to like it as much as I think I might. I think… I’ve told my best friend for years that everything will be better once I’m partner everything will be better. I’ve told myself that I’ll have much more time then and I’ll be able to get my life back… but I really don’t think that’s the case at all. I just don’t know that sticking with being a lawyer is ever going to let me have a life.”

  “You’re… thinking about leaving it all behind?” That would be a shame because she’s amazing at her job, but I understand her point of view. The life of a lawyer is a lonely one.

  “I don’t know because I don’t know what else I can do, you know. Being a lawyer is all I know.”

  I rest one hand on her leg in what I hope is a reassuring gesture. “You just take some time and really think about it. It’s the most important decision that you’ll ever make, so take as long as you need.”

  “I only have until the end of the month which is two weeks away,” she sighs deeply. “But yeah, I’ll think it all through properly. I don’t want to make a choice that I’m going to end up regretting.” She turns to face me with sadness rolling behind her eyes. “But I won’t let it affect my work for you, so you don’t ever need to worry about that.”

  “Some things are more important than work,” I tell her, shocking even myself. “Whatever happens, we’ll make it work. It’s all going to be fine.”

  Chapter Sixteen – Katy

  I stare at the computer screen until my eyes feels fuzzy, just drinking the email in. It’s really great news written in the email, it helps me a lot with Evan’s case because it’ll help me to buy some time for him to sort out his finances, but I can’t get as excited as I once would have. Not when I’ve got this dilemma running through my brain. To be partner or not… I can’t believe it’s even a question. I should be jumping at the chance, I should be over the moon, but it just doesn’t feel like the amazing goal that it once did. I don’t have the same shiny ring to it.

  “Knock, knock,” Grant’s voice rings through my office. “Can I come in?”

  A heaviness overcomes me as I glance up to look at him, my eyelids feel incredibly heavy, but I force a weak smile onto my lips. “Yeah sure, is everything okay, Grant?”

  He doesn’t answer me, he waltzes into my office and takes the seat opposite me. It’s a place that he’s sat a million times before and I’ve always wanted him there, but now I feel uncomfortable, like we’re two different species who don’t understand one another at all. I don’t know what’s changed… maybe it’s because I’m a rule breaker now, someone who sleeps with clients.

  Oh God. Don’t think about that now… not with Grant in the room.

  “What, erm… what’s going on?” I cock my head curiously at him. “All okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ve just come in to check on you. I’ve been a little worried.”

  “You’re worried about me?” I’m taken aback by this remark. I don’t know why, but it feels weird coming from him now. Insincere, maybe, since I know how disappointed he was when the partner announcement was made. He tried to look like he didn’t care, but I could see it written all over his face. I wonder what his angle is now, maybe he wants to check that I’m not going to take the partner job because he wants it for himself. “But why? There isn’t anything to worry about.”

  Grant crosses one leg over the other and he folds his arms across his chest. Then he stares at me like I’ve grown an extra head or something. I feel like I’m a naughty school girl about to get yelled at by the head teacher for acting out in class. In that moment, all the inappropriate memories of Evan and his amazing tongue fills my brain, making me blush brightly.

  “Nothing to worry about? Katy, there is plenty to worry about. You got offered the partner position, which I know you’ve been aiming for forever and you turn it down…”

  “I didn’t turn it down, I just said that I’d think about it,” I jump back in defensively. Something about his words really freak me out. “Nothing is set in stone yet.”

  “Yes, of course.” Grant nods slowly. “I understand that. What I don’t understand is why. Why would you need to think about it? Why isn’t the answer obvious?”

  I purse my lips thoughtfully. Rationally I know he’s right but it just isn’t that simple anymore. “I know, but what about having a social life? What about spending time with friends and family? What about making connections and having relationships? I can’t do any of that working in Harrison and Associates, now or as a partner. I’ve always thought it would get better when I was made partner, but now I’m not so sure. Everyone here works all the time, no one has any time off…”

  “Yeah I get that. But, it’s worth it, isn’t it? We have good money, success, we’re important, and we’ll be able to retire early. Isn’t all of that worth it?”

  I stare at him with wide confused eyes. “But what about your girlfriend? Doesn’t she mind you never being around? You do so many all nighters here that it must put a strain on things.”

  He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and flickers his eyes away from me. I can tell that I’ve hit the nail on the head with that remark. “I suppose so, I mean…” He sighs loudly. “Look, I know that you’re right with that one, we’ve split up actually for that reason, but it is what it is. I just need to find someone who’s a bit more open to my schedule.”

  I sigh loudly as my heart sinks. It probably should be good news that Grant is now single, especially when he’ll be looking for someone who understands his schedule – just like me, since mine is just as busy – but it isn’t. Not now that I’ve met Evan. He’s changed absolutely everything for me. Now I’ve seen real passion and I’ve felt a tiny bit of what a relationship can be like. I don’t want something stilted and confined by lack of time. I don’t want a relationship where we stare at each other, tired and bleary eyed across an office. That isn’t for me at all.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Grant, but that only proves my point. I just don’t know what to do at the moment. I haven’t made any real decisions yet. I need to think about it still… when I get a moment.”

  He reaches out to grab my hand and he gives me an intense look. “You aren’t actually thinking about turning the job down, are you? Because it sounds to me like you don’t even want to be at the company anymore. I don’t know what it’ll be like without you here. I’ll miss you, we all will.”

  His words make my heart flutter wildly, but I don’t feel my decision shift. I still don’t know what to do. Just because Grant wants me here, it doesn’t mean I want to be here anymore. Somehow, I need to find a way to keep up with my law career and have a life as well.

  I do need to figure it out, but right now I need to get out of this office before the walls close around me. “I need to get out of here for a bit, I have to meet with a client,” I say while standing up. “But thanks, Grant. That was a good chat. It means a lot to me.”

  “I just don’t want to lose you,” he tells me intensely. “That’s all.”

  His words leave me all churned up in knots, so as I leave the office I make a desperate phone call to someone who will give me another point of view. I don’t want to get swayed either way, I just need a selection of opinions to help me make up my mind and this person will see my lack of life outside work over everything else. She’s the perfect person to give me the opposite opinion.

  “Hello, Katy? Is everything alright?” Robyn gushes, sounding terribly concerned about me. “It isn’t like you to call me in the middle of the day.”

  “Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, I just need to talk to you about something. Do you have a moment? Are you at work?”

  “Yeah, I am, but I can talk. There’s no one in the store right now so it’s cool.”

  I breathe deeply as I slide into my car and I start telling her my story. “Well, you know how I was working towards being a partn
er? Well, I’ve been offered the job.”

  “Oh, my God, that’s amazing! That’s what you’ve been wanting isn’t it? You must be so happy. Do you want to go out and celebrate? We could go and get drinks, since you’ll have more time.”

  “The thing is,” I jump in rapidly, needing to make her see that she isn’t on the right line at the moment. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I should take it or not.”

  “Oh.” There’s an awkward silence and I totally know why. The last time I spoke to Robyn about it, I was all keen on becoming partner, I told her it was all I’ve ever wanted. I made a big deal about it and now… well now things have changed. I haven’t even seen her to talk about Evan yet, so this new change in me is going to be very strange to Robyn. “I see. So, you didn’t immediately jump in and take it? I thought…”

  “I know,” I reply with a sad shake of my head. “I thought so too. I guess I just think that you might be right. Everything might not change and I might still be just as busy.”

  “Yeah…” she drawls. She definitely thinks that, which makes my heart sink lower. “I don’t think everything will get a lot better if you become partner, but if that’s what you want to do then you shouldn’t let that affect you. It’s your dream, isn’t it?”

  “I thought it was. But now I don’t know.”

  “What has changed? This just seems so out of the blue for you. I mean, I’m going to be honest with you, I think you’d be much better off out of that office but that’s just me. I think life is more for living not working, but that’s why you’re the successful one and I’m not.”