TAILSPIN

by Jaimie Roberts

  It’s October and the weather is the worst. It’s almost like summer has turned into winter overnight. The wind’s blowing so badly, you can hear it whistle through the apartment. Devon just got home from work, so he’s in the shower. I’m curled up on the sofa, eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Things between Devon and I have gotten stronger since that horrible night over a month ago. Two nights ago, I found a receipt in his pocket when I was doing the wash. It was from a jewellery store. I’m not sure if it’s what I think, but the price of it raised my suspicions. Add in the fact Devon booked us into my favourite restaurant tomorrow night. If it is what I think it is, I’m glad I know. It’s given me time to think about what my answer will be.

  As I think about that, I smile, scooping a big spoonful into my mouth. When the doorbell rings, I get up, casually strolling toward the door. When I answer, I find Pete standing there, looking drenched.

  As soon as he sees me he squints. I know he recognises me, but I’m not sure if he remembers. “Hi. Is Devon home?”

  “He’s in the shower at the moment, but I’ll let you in.” I press the buzzer and watch him walk through. I then walk to the door, opening it, waiting for Pete to emerge from the elevator. When he does, I notice how jittery he is.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, frowning.

  He walks past me and into the apartment. He immediately starts pacing. “Is he finished yet?”

  “He should be out any minute. Can I get you anything?”

  He starts shaking his hand like he’s trying to shoo something away. “I’m fine, thank you.” I know he’s not fine at all, but I keep quiet. When I sit down, he finally acknowledges me. “You’re that girl from before.”

  I smile. “That’s right. I’m Andi.”

  “Andi,” he repeats. His eyes dart around the room, making me feel uncomfortable. I start to wonder whether I should hurry Devon along. “Where have I heard that name before?”

  I smile. “Probably because I’m Devon’s best friend’s sister. His name’s Charlie.”

  “Bellingham,” he quickly says.

  I frown. “That’s right.”

  He suddenly walks up to me, looking at my face. When he sees whatever it is he wants to see, he turns away, as if I’ve scorned him. I’m about to ask him if he’s okay, when he speaks.

  “You look just like her.”

  I watch as he starts pacing again, tapping his fist against his hand as he does. He’s obviously high or in need of a fix. I can’t tell which.

  “Just like whom?”

  He looks visibly upset. “Your mother.”

  Frowning, my eyes train on his pacing form. My heart starts beating at the mention of her. “I don’t understand.” I move closer to him, my eyes trying to keep up with his pacing frame. He mutters something under his breath. “What did you say?”

  “So much blood. I couldn’t do anything.”

  I start panicking. “What do you mean? Whose blood?”

  He finally snaps his head to me before walking toward me. He cups my face in his hands. “I didn’t mean to. I swear, I didn’t mean to.”

  As it all starts sinking in, my eyes pool with tears. “What do you mean, Pete? What are you talking about?”

  His ragged breathing stops. It’s almost like the air has been sucked out of him. “Your mother.”

  “Pete, what are you doing? Get away from her.” He releases me and turns to Devon. My vision blurs, tears falling. “I thought I told you to fucking call before you show up.”

  “I’m sorry, Devon. I just really needed to see you.”

  Finally, I find my voice. “You shot my mother.” I swallow hard, wiping away the tears. Suddenly, I am furious.

  “I didn’t mean to—”

  “Shut up, Pete. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  I ignore Devon, my eyes completely trained on Pete. “You. Shot. My. Mother. You killed my mother.”

  He starts pacing again, tapping his fist against his hand. “I didn’t mean to. So much blood. I couldn’t stop the blood.”

  Stepping back, I throw my hand over my mouth and start shaking my head. “No. Stop! I can’t hear any more! Make it stop. Make it stop!” I cover my ears to block out anything else he might say.

  Devon grabs Pete, pushing him toward the door. “You need to go before you say something else you’ll regret.”

  It’s only when he has the door open that my legs spring into action. “No, he can’t. Devon, he said he killed my mother. We have to take him to the police.”

  Before I can act, he pushes him out. “Get the fuck out of here, Pete.” He slams the door, but doesn’t turn around.

  Seeing him standing there, unmoving, makes me realise something I wish I didn’t. “You knew, didn’t you?” I whisper.

  He turns. “Andi, he’s a drug addict. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s fucking high as a kite.”

  “He killed my mother. You knew about it and did nothing.”

  He doesn’t have to answer. The look of guilt on his face says it all. Stepping back, I gasp, as if it’s only just dawned on me. Devon steps forward, reaching a hand out. I flinch away.

  “Andi, he’s my brother.”

  “And Charlie’s your best friend. And I’m supposed to be the woman you love.”

  “I do love you—”

  “How can you justify this? How long have you known?”

  He looks desperate as he places his hand up in a placating manner. “Listen, Andi. He’s the only family I have left. Please, don’t …”

  “Don’t what? Go to the police and finally get justice for my mum’s death?” I turn away, devastation pulling me from the inside out. I feel sick, my stomach churning at the knowledge that my mother’s killer has been right under my nose. The worst part is Devon already knew.

  “This will kill him.”

  I snap my head around. “And he killed my mum!”

  My head starts spinning. I look at his face, the face of the man I fell in love with. I realise now that it was all a lie.

  “You sat around our dinner table and faced the man whose wife is dead because of your brother.” He starts to speak, but I put my hand up. “No, you don’t get to talk. You get to listen. I’ve been there for you. Charlie, my dad … we’ve all been there for you. We were your family, and you—”

  “He’s my brother, Andi. My family.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t call a person who disappears and only turns up when he needs more money family. He doesn’t see you as family, Devon. He sees you as a cash dispenser.” I turn, sobbing into my hand. “You held hands with us around the dinner table. You sat there listening to the heartache of my father losing his wife and Charlie and I losing a mother, yet you did nothing. You faced us every day with that knowledge. You were even there when I called the police station to find out if they’d gotten anywhere. All the while, you knew who the killer was.”

  Devon moves closer, trying to grab my hand. “Andi, please—”

  I flinch away, fresh tears pooling my eyes. “No. You don’t get to worm your way out of this, Devon. You could have done something, but you chose to pick your killer brother over us. I will never forgive you for this.”

  I step around the sofa and grab my bag. I don’t care that I’m in sweats. I can get my clothes later. I just know I can’t stay here a minute longer.

  “Andi, please, don’t do this to us. Please, you have to understand.”

  I get to the door and turn to him. “All I understand is that you made me fall in love with you. You made us all fall in love with you, and this is how you betray us? How can you look at yourself in the mirror every morning?”

  He shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. “I don’t. I can’t. I… Please, Andi. Don’t leave. We can talk about this. I’ll take him to the police. Anything you want, I’ll do it.”

  Feeling my anger rise, I grip the door handle. I have never felt so betrayed in all my life. “You should have thought about this thre
e years ago when your brother pointed a gun at my mother and shot her in cold blood.”

  I grit my teeth before opening the door and walking through, slamming it behind me. If I stay a minute longer, I’ll end up doing something I may or may not live to regret.

  Clutching my bag, I wait for the lift to come and punch the button for the bottom floor. Once I get there, I run out, tears streaming down my face as I do. The wind is howling and the rain hits my face. It’s freezing, but I can’t feel anything. I’m numb.

  I notice familiar yellow lights in the distance, so I flag the taxi down. When he comes to a halt, I say, “Hammersmith Police Station, please.” Seeing him nod, I get in, wiping my tears away as he drives off.

  “Everything okay, miss?”

  I look up and see a set of eyes watching me from the rearview mirror. “No. But it will be.”

  “You should have fucking let me go around there when I had the chance. I could have killed him and gotten rid of the body. I know people. They would have helped me.”

  Shaking my head, I look at my brother as he stands in my apartment looking out the window, hands clenched.

  It’s been almost six weeks since I left Devon’s apartment. Six weeks since I went to the police station and told them everything I knew. They went over to his apartment. Apparently, he corroborated my story, giving them a couple addresses Pete could be. They didn’t find him until a week later, a needle in his arm and vomit running down his chin. He had overdosed. We couldn’t get our justice.

  As for Devon, he was arrested for perverting the course of justice, but is out on bail, pending trial. I don’t much care what happens to him. As far as I’m concerned, that’s done. Apart from getting my clothes, there is one more thing I need to do before I close that chapter of my life.

  “And where would you be now if you got caught? I need a brother out free and living his life. Not one with his arse in jail for years.”

  “I still can’t believe it all,” Ritchie says, interrupting.

  I shake my head. “Me, either. I can’t believe all that time I was with him and spoke about Mum, he never thought to mention it. He kept telling me his brother was the only family he had—”

  “He had us,” Charlie says, gritting his teeth.

  “I know.” I feel my eyes pool with tears, so I shake myself out of it. I promised that I wouldn’t shed another tear for that man again.

  I hear Charlie inhale sharply as he turns to me. “Right. I’d better go. I have a ton of shit to sort out before we go away.” Getting up, I smile and walk toward my brother, giving him a hug. “Do you want to come with me to Dad’s?”

  I shake my head. “No, I have some stuff to do, too. I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

  I see my brother out and then walk back in. Ritchie looks up to me with a sad expression. He gets up and takes my hand. “Are you okay?”

  I smile. “I’m hanging in there.” I look around the apartment I’ve known for well over a year. “I’m going to miss this place.”

  Ritchie gives me a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

  I squeeze him tightly, closing my eyes. “I’m going to miss you, too. Whenever you and Monique can, will you visit me?”

  He pulls away, nodding. “Of course … just as long as you don’t start wearing baseball caps and talking all that American talk.”

  I laugh. “Okay. I won’t.”

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

  I can’t quite believe it, either. After everything that’s happened, I knew I couldn’t stay in London anymore, so I take up Aaron’s offer to go and work in the US. The money is just as good as what I make here, so I jump at the chance. It means I can still help Dad out with the mortgage payments. He needs it now more than ever with Charlie staying with him. He’s still recuperating and getting help for his PTSD. He and Joanne have been getting on really well. So well, in fact, that when I move over there in two weeks, Charlie’s coming with me and staying for a month.

  “So much has happened in such a short period of time. I can’t quite wrap my head around it all. I know, in my heart of hearts, this is the right thing to do.”

  Dropping his hand, I look around the place again. “I still have a lot of packing to do before moving over to my dad’s tomorrow, but I need to go do something first. Once I’m back, I’ll have little gin and tonic with you. For old times’ sake.”

  Ritchie smiles. “I look forward to it.” He sits down on the sofa. “Let me know when you’re coming home so I can start slicing the lemons.”

  With that, I laugh, grab my keys, my bag, my phone, and an envelope. “Okay, I’ll be sure to do that,” I say as I walk to the door. “See you soon.”

  I hail a cab, rattling off Devon’s address. I sit clutching my bag the whole way. My heart is erratic. A few times, I wonder if I should tell the driver to turn around so I can go home. I won’t, though. I feel this is something I have to do.

  When I get there and walk into the building, one of the guards seems surprised to see me. It has been a while. I nod at him before calling the lift. I’m hoping Devon isn’t in, but I will do this whether he is or not.

  When I get to his door, I take in a deep breath and ring the doorbell. No one answers. For a brief moment, I sigh in relief. A part of me hoped he was out, but another big part wanted to face him, tell him what he did was the worst possible thing he could have ever done.

  Digging into my bag, I take out my key and let myself in. I tentatively look around, but I don’t see anyone. Everything is almost as I left it all those weeks ago.

  I place everything down, go into the bedroom, and start packing my clothes. Again, everything is exactly as I left it. Even my toiletries are still in the master bathroom next to Devon’s stuff. Once I’m done, I walk out into the living room, place the white envelope on the counter next to the landline, and walk back toward my bag.

  “Did you get everything?”

  The sound of his voice makes me jump. I squint, trying to find him in the living room. I see a shadow in the corner. Devon walks out, holding a glass of bourbon in his hand. This time, he’s visibly drunk. I grip my hands tightly, trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest. This was a man I used to love inexplicably. Seeing him, knowing what I know, him looking unkempt, unshaven, and drunker than I think I’ve ever seen him, I start to wonder how I could have ever loved him. Loved that demon inside him.

  “Yes,” I answer, watching him as he sits on the sofa.

  “Is that envelope what I think it is?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  He smiles. “He won.” He doesn’t say his name, but I know he means Aaron. He never liked him simply because he knew he liked me.

  “It’s not about winning or losing, Devon. It never was. If you wouldn’t have kept what you knew a secret, it would have never come to this. I’m not going to the US because of Aaron. I’m going because I need this job.”

  “To pay for your father’s house.”

  I frown. “How do you know about that?”

  He leans forward, rubbing his head in his hands. “I’ve known about it from the beginning. Why do you think you were paid so highly?”

  I feel my anger boiling again at this new information. “You knew and you took advantage of it? You treated me like shit because you knew I had no other choice but to take it?”

  He gets up from the sofa and turns to me. “No. I treated you like shit because I wanted you and felt like a piece of shit for knowing I had this fucking black cloud hanging over my head.”

  “What is it you want from me? Pity? Because you know hell will freeze over before I offer you that.”

  Looking down, he shakes his head. “No. I don’t want your pity. I know I don’t deserve it. But I want the chance to offer you this.” He bends down, picking up a briefcase before placing it on the coffee table. He opens it, revealing it’s full of cash.

  “What is this?”

  He looks up at me. “A chance for you to pay off your father’s debt. A
chance for you to live your life and do what you want to do rather than what everyone else expects of you.”

  Closing my eyes, I feel my blood boil. “One, no one expects anything from me. I do it because of the love I have for my family. And two, I’m not your brother. I don’t want or need a fucking penny from you.” I start to move, but he rushes to stand in front of me, placing his hands out.

  “I’m sorry. I was trying to help.” He sways a little on his feet, rubbing his face again. “I know I’m doing everything wrong. I was just trying to find a way to make it up to you.”

  “Nothing you can do or say will make up for the fact that you knew your brother killed my mum and you did nothing about it!” I try to move around him, but he wraps his arms around me, locking them in place. I scream.

  “Shh, please. I just want to hold you one last time.”

  I start struggling. Suddenly, the air is sucked right out of me. “Devon, let me go.” He moves his head to the crook of my neck, inhaling. Tears pool in my eyes as I struggle, but to no avail. “Devon, please,” I whisper. “Please, let me go.”

  When he doesn’t listen, I get angry—struggling in his arms like my life depends on it. Devon starts moving me toward the sofa. When I realise it, I struggle even more. “Devon, let me go!” I kick his leg, hearing him grunt. We both fall, landing on the sofa. He starts kissing the side of my neck, making a fear like no other crawl up my spine.

  “I need you, Andi. Just one last time. Give this to me,” he whispers breathlessly, his hands all over me.

  Tears pool my eyes again as I shake my head. When he looks up at me, I try imploring him to stop. “No, Devon. Not like this. Please, let me go.”

  He looks at me vacantly. It’s almost as if he’s not Devon anymore—and the thought terrifies me. Bending his head, he starts kissing around my chest. “God, I fucking need you. I’ve missed you so much. Missed what it’s like to feel you beneath me. Missed what it’s like to be inside you.”