Under Her Skin

by Michelle Love

  Rachelle barrels, if you can call what a tiny, five foot two woman doing barreling, out of the ladies’ room. Once her red-rimmed eyes catch mine, she turns on her heel and goes right back inside.

  I stop outside the door. It’s been two weeks since she tossed me out of her apartment. Two weeks since I’ve seen her face. Two weeks since I’ve tasted her sweet kiss.

  A woman walks out and I take her by the arm. “How many others are in there?” I ask in desperation.

  “Only one,” she says as she looks me over. “I think she works here.”

  “Good, thanks.” I let her go and run my hands over my white starched button up shirt and my black slacks.

  To the left I crick my neck and place my hands on my waist. Then I repeat the process to my right and open the frosted glass door. My angel stands at the first sink and she has tears running over her pink cheeks.

  My heart breaks into a million pieces and I hold my arms out. “Baby!”

  Soapy water is thrown into my eyes and I’m blinded.

  Rachelle

  “Why would you bring another woman here, Blake?” I scream at him.

  He wipes the soapy water out of his now red dimmed eyes. At least his now look like he’s been crying just like mine do. One hand he throws out and grabs my wrist.

  “To see how you would react and you did a lot more than I thought you would do, Rachelle.” He tugs at me to move into his arms, but I hold my ground.

  “That was cruel. You know it is and I just can’t believe you would do that to me,” I shriek at him.

  His hand on my wrist is sending heat through me and I shake him off. He looks wounded as he looks at his hand. “Baby, please stop this.”

  I turn to walk out of the ladies’ restroom and his hand lands on my shoulder, spinning me back to him. My hand flies out and lands on his tight stomach. My insides turn to mush in an instant.

  Though I’m furious at him my damn body falls into his. His arm runs around my shoulder, pulling me tighter to him. His soft lips touch the top of my head and I start to quake inside.

  With a little groan, I run my hand over his pecs and abs and my knees go weak. “Blake, I…” I stop my mouth from saying what it wants to.

  “What do you want, Rachelle? I’ll give you anything you want.” His hands roam all over my back and through my ponytail.

  Sweet kisses he pecks on top of my head and then I look up and he peepers my face with them. “You,” I say and he picks me up and walks forward until my back is against the frosted glass of the door.

  He presses into me as he moves his lips to cover mine and I’m lost. I can’t struggle any longer. I need him. I need him to take me this way. I guess I always will.

  My breasts mash against his hard pecs as his tongue swirls over mine. I cup the back of his head to make him kiss me harder. My other hand pulls at the buttons on his shirt. I have to have my hand on his silky, soft skin which flows over the rock hard muscles he’s hiding under the shirt.

  I melt as my palm touches the first pec. My stomach tightens and I moan with how wonderful it feels. His hands fidget with his pants and I can feel his hard cock as he pulls it out and presses it to me.

  He pushes my pants down in the front and moves my panties to the side and I wrap my legs around him. His massive hard on slides into me achingly slow and it takes my breath away as it does.

  My lips quiver and I pull my mouth from his. Our foreheads touch and our eyes meet as he moves into and out of me slowly. His mouth moves as he says, “I love you, Rachelle.”

  Tears fall over my cheeks and I want to return his words, but I can’t make myself do it. He’s too dangerous to me. Look what he has me doing in the restroom of where I work!

  “Harder,” I whisper.

  “As you wish,” he says then pulls back and pounds into me. Over and over he pounds into me until I can take no more and shatter around him.

  “Blake,” I breathe out his name as I find the orgasm that’s waited for him to bring it on.

  “Rachelle,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “Baby, I love you.”

  He stiffens and groans as he releases his hot juices into me. My body shakes as it knows he has to let me go and it doesn’t want that at all. My feet hit the floor when he releases me.

  With a step back he fixes his clothes as I fix mine and we walk to the sink to wash our hands. He fixes my ponytail which was knocked askew as he pressed me to the door.

  “When do you get off?” he asks as he runs his hands through my hair, combing it down to straighten the little rogue hairs.

  “Ten, why?” I ask as I dry my hands.

  “Why?” His blue, brown eyes dance as he smiles at me in the mirror. “Because I want to spend the night with you, duh! I can pick you up and take you to my hotel room. It’s a sweet set up and there’s room service for breakfast in the morning. They make fantastic crepes. I’m sure yours are much better, but theirs are pretty great.”

  I turn and stare up at him with my mouth slightly open. “Blake, this.” I gesture around the ladies’ room. “What happened doesn’t mean we’re back together.”

  Now his jaw drops and his hands grip my wrists. “Damn it, Rachelle. You’re treating me like a piece of shit. I didn’t fuck you in the God Damned Ladies’ room. I made love to your stubborn ass. You can’t just brush me off like some hard dick that had to have a taste of your sweet pussy. That’s a horrible way to treat someone who loves your crazy ass!”

  “Crazy? So you still think I’m crazy?” I say with a control I don’t exactly feel. “Did Peyton tell you I’ve been talking to someone, because if she did I may have to strangle her?”

  “Talking to someone?” Confusion fills his handsome face. “Who? Who the hell are you talking to? And why would you? You can talk to me anytime you want to.”

  Oh! He doesn’t know I’ve been talking to a therapist!

  “Don’t worry about it, Blake. Now let me go. I have work to get back to. I’m surprised they haven’t sent someone looking for me yet.” I struggle to make him let me go and he finally does.

  I look at my wrists to find them red where he held them so tightly. I hold them up so he can see what he did to me. “Look, control freak!”

  “Oh my God. Baby, I’m so sorry,” he says as he wraps me in his arms.

  He smells so fucking good that I have to stop inhaling in order to keep my wits about me. “Let me go, please.”

  Reluctantly he releases me. His hand takes my chin, and he makes me look at him. “I will be outside at ten when you get off. We need to talk. I’m not about to let you go. So whoever you’re talking to, let them know you have a man who’s not afraid to fight for what he wants. And I mean that both physically and mentally, baby.”

  Letting my chin go, he tweaks my nose and turns, walking out of the ladies’ room and leaving me with my mouth agape.

  He’d actually fight for me!

  Blake

  The parking lot is dark as I parked near the back. I’m afraid if Rachelle sees me out here she won’t come out and I need her to talk to me. A crack of light I see as a door at the back opens and someone peeks out then turns back and Rachelle looks out then comes walking out.

  I let her get to her car and then I follow her from a safe distance behind. The plan was to go to her apartment and wait for her, but then I thought she might not go back there, thinking I’d be waiting for her.

  And the answer is, yes. I know I’m being a complete stalker!

  But my intentions are good. I’m not going to hurt her or make her do anything she doesn’t want to. Except talk to me. I am going to attempt to get her to talk to me.

  She pulls into the parking spot in front of her apartment and I know I have to park and move fast to get her to let me inside. I park and lock the doors manually so she doesn’t hear the beep and turn around and spot me.

  In silence, I jog up behind her as she unlocks the door and as the door opens I place my hand on the small of her back. She jerks around and punches me in
the stomach then kicks me in the shin.

  “Ow!” I yell.

  “Oh, God! Blake, I’m sorry. I thought you were a killer or a crazy person!”

  Her hands run over my head as I bed over and try to catch my breath. She knocked the wind out of me, the little thing.

  “I can’t believe how quick and strong you are,” I manage to get out.

  She pulls at me to go inside and I stumble in and drop to the sofa. I rub the place on my shin she kicked me and she pushes up my pants leg, revealing a blueish mark.

  Turning from me, she goes to the kitchen. “I’m really sorry. I’ll get an ice pack for that. You shouldn’t have snuck up on me though.”

  “I didn’t know if you would let me in and we need to talk, you and I. Whoever else you feel you can talk to, whoever he is, may be after more than you realize.”

  Rachelle comes back and takes my shoes off then turns me around to lie on the sofa. She runs to her bedroom, coming back out with a pillow and props it behind my head. She sits down and pulls my legs over her lap and places the ice pack on my bruised shin.

  “There’s no guy that I’m talking to, Blake. The truth is Peyton has this friend, a woman, she’s a therapist and I’ve talked to her a little. Not a whole lot as I’m not really comfortable with her yet.” She picks up the ice pack and runs her hand over the bruise.

  “Your hand feels a lot better than the ice pack, if you really want to make it feel better,” I say with a grin.

  With a smile she keeps running her hand over it. “I really am sorry I hurt you.”

  “In which way?” I ask. “Because you’ve hurt me both ways now. Physically and mentally.”

  “But how?” she asks and her brows furrow so I know she really doesn’t get it. “How could I mentally hurt such a perfect man? You could have anyone you want. So if I feel like I’m not enough for you, what’s stopping you from moving on to the next girl?”

  “I don’t want the next girl, I want you.” I look deep into her blue eyes and my heart hurts for how she thinks so little of herself. “You are the perfect girl for me, Rachelle.”

  She shakes her head and looks away. “I’m not a perfect anything. See, that’s part of the thing about you I can’t take. It seems to me you’re putting me up on a pedestal. I will fall off that and you will see me for what I am, a flawed person.”

  “We’re all flawed, baby. Every last one of us have flaws. I’m not putting you up on a pedestal. I only want you to see the value in yourself. It seems to me you’re always seeing the value in others, but never yourself.” I lean up to run my hand over her shoulder but the look she gives me makes me change my mind and I lean back.

  “Blake, you’re perfect. Your face is perfect. Your body is perfect. You’re the perfect height and your voice is perfectly deep and wonderful. You smell great all the time. I mean all the time. Even after making love and sweating, you smell magnificent. I wreak like an old sneaker the dog chewed on then was left out in the rain then drug through some cat poop.”

  “Wow!” I just look at her with my eyes wide. “I mean, wow! Rachelle, come on. You know that’s not true. You smell great all the time. It’s me who stinks to high Heavens after I sweat.”

  She shakes her head. “And what about how you wake up and your hair looks perfect? Mine’s everywhere, and yours looks fantastic. You could literally climb out of bed, throw on anything and walk out the door. Woman would still throw themselves at your feet.”

  “I think it’s adorable how your hair is when you wake up. It’s a little here and there and floats around your sweet, little face like a dark halo.” I run my foot over her thigh and she sighs.

  “You’re perfectly sweet too, Blake. I don’t know why you would even want to pursue this with me. I’m distant and moody. I don’t deserve you. And to be honest, you make me feel even more inadequate than I do most of the time.” Her brow furrows as she looks at my leg and runs her soft hand over it. “That’s why I prefer to be alone. That way I don’t have to compare myself to anyone all the time.”

  “I don’t know why you would anyway.” I lean up and run my hand over her shoulder. She looks at my hand and looks away. “You are you, I am me. We shouldn’t compare ourselves anyway.”

  “Easy for you to say, Mr. Perfect,” she says with a scowl.

  “Tell you what,” I lean back and say. “I’ll get fat and cut my hair off and eat a lot of greasy foods so I can get bad skin. Then will you give me a shot?”

  She laughs. “You better not do that, but it’s a sweet thing to say.”

  “On another note, have you found out what kind of grades you made on your finals?” I ask and see a little smile run over her face.

  She nods and looks at me. “I made high scores on every one of them. And in my baking class, my teacher put my recipe for ‘Tara’misu in a contest and it won first place. I received a trophy which she’s displaying in her classroom and a check for five hundred dollars.”

  “Wow! Mom would be so proud. I mean to say, I bet Mom’s so proud! She’d absolutely love that if she were still around.” I look up and smile. “Isn’t she fantastic, Mom?”

  Rachelle smacks my thigh and giggles. “Does she ever talk back, Blake?”

  “Sometimes, in my dreams,” I say with a grin.

  “Her and Dad both tell me things in my dreams on occasion. For instance, they told me you’re the one for me, Rachelle.”

  She shakes her head and smiles. “Don’t even talk like that, Blake. People will think you’re crazy.”

  “Let, ‘em!” I say with a laugh. “What the hell do I care what anyone thinks? You’re really the only person in this world whose opinion of me matters. I mean that too.”

  Her blue eyes twinkle as she looks at me. “Are you being serious?”

  “I am. Rachelle, I see you like a bright star in a dark night sky. You see, I was lonely but didn’t realize it until I laid eyes on you. I thought I was perfectly happy doing what it was I was doing. Playing video games all night, working out most of the day and chilling.”

  She laughs. “Damn it, Blake. That sounds awesome. No worries at all.”

  “I thought so. I won that money and quit college. I thought what do I need an education for? I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime. I said to myself, ‘take it easy’ and so I did.” As I pull my legs off her lap, I sit up next to her and run my arm around the back of the sofa behind her, careful not to touch her.

  “And you liked it, right?” she asks as she fidgets with the hem of her black shirt.

  “I did. It was enough until I saw you. Until I touched you. Until I loved you.” I wait and let my words sink in.

  She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Blake, why do you continue to let me know you love me when I’ve never returned the sentiment?”

  I touch the tip of her little nose. “Because I want you to know how I feel. And I can wait for you to tell me the words. I do long to hear them come out of those rosy, red lips, but I can wait until you know you mean them.”

  She takes in a deep breath and lets out a long sigh. “See, you’re perfect and here I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. The intense way I want you has me afraid. I can’t really handle it. My body has never overruled my mind before. I kinda hate it.”

  “So tell me what your mind is telling you to do,” I say and let my hand touch her opposite shoulder. Heat fills me with just the touch and I see her look at my hand and a shudder runs through her.

  “My mind is telling me that you will hurt me. My mind is saying that I could fall so hard in love with you that it would change who I am.” Her face goes pink as she’s embarrassed she let me know that much.

  “Change is inevitable. We all change, baby. Why do you think you need to fight it?” I press my hand to her shoulder a little, and the heat that’s running through me starts to make my pulse go faster.

  “I’m okay with life the way it is now. Can I be really honest with you?” She turns and looks at me.

  “I ho
pe so. It’s all I want from you.”

  “Why can’t we just be friends with awesome benefits? Every once in a while you come to me and make me feel special and wonderful then you go on about your life as if I’m not your entire world. And I can do the same.” She smiles and I die a little inside.

  My head shakes and I groan with the information she wants me for sex and nothing else. “How can you even lie to yourself and say all we have is great sex? I mean really, Rachelle. Has anything we’ve done felt cheap to you? Has any way I’ve touched you felt like that’s all I want?”

  “No. As a matter of fact I feel you want it all. The whole thing. The life, the love, the happiness. The crazy part of that is you think that’s something I’m able to give you. I’m not.” She drops her head.

  “So, you can’t give me your heart? That’s what you’re telling me. The thing I want is your heart and you can’t give it to me.” My mind spins in a horrible circle as I try to process what she’s said.

  “Blake, I don’t feel I have it to give.” Her voice goes sad and weak, terribly weak. “I don’t think I have a whole heart to give anyone. See, you’re right about me having issues. The way my mother left me, took a piece of my heart, my soul. I’m not a whole person and may never be. I can pretend for a little while I have it in me to be someone’s true love, but the reality is I don’t.”

  “She took so much from you,” I say in a whisper. “You're magnificent and she took the ability for you to see that in yourself away when she dumped you like an animal unworthy of her love. I could kill her and never feel bad about it.”

  “Don’t say that, please.” She wraps her arms around herself. “She’s a weak person and not capable of love herself. I can’t fault her. I can’t blame her. It’s just what life had in store for me. When I was sixteen she came to Christmas, and I asked her who my father was.”

  “So you know who your father is? We should find him,” I say.

  “No, she said she didn’t know who he was. She was drunk most of the time and slept with random men. Many she didn’t even know their names. She said she never wanted to pin me on anyone anyway. It was her burden to bear and hers alone. She found me too much of a burden and had to leave me at that children’s home.”