Wishing for a Cowboy

by James, Victoria

  She flashed him a smile. “For good.”

  …

  Janie grimaced as she looked down at the mud on her boots. She was going to have to leave them on the back porch. She was a mess after the morning with the horses in Aiden’s barn. She was dirty and wet and cold from the steady drizzle, and dreaming of a long, hot shower. When Aiden hadn’t come back to the barn and the car was still in the driveway after a while, she figured she might as well go in when she finished. Then she’d have to talk to Aiden after his guest left. She knew this was it and she and Will would be headed back to Chicago in a few days. A part of her wished he’d ask them to stay, to make this their permanent home.

  Just a few weeks ago, the idea that this could be her life would have seemed impossible. All her dreams were coming true, but they were even better than she could have ever imagined. She and Aiden… That had been the last thing she’d expected. It was complicated, but maybe it was life that was complicated.

  But even more than all that was the incredible bond forming between Aiden and Will. She saw the shift in Will after the conversation they’d had on the porch. There was more of an openness there now. Will needed Aiden so badly. She was beginning to think that Aiden might need the two of them just as much.

  For the first time in her adult life, she wasn’t stressed over being the only person responsible for Will. There had been nights when she literally stared at the ceiling, wondering how she was going to pay bills. Or nights she was angry with herself for not making more money in order to provide more for Will. She hadn’t even entertained the idea of romantic relationships because there wasn’t time to go out and find someone, let alone date them. She’d never randomly come across anyone that made her want to have the time, either.

  She was comforted by the sight of the back door light on as she reached the steps. It was home. Aiden’s home really felt like home now.

  She hoped she could quickly bypass whatever room Aiden’s guest was in to take a shower and make herself presentable.

  She pulled off her boots and left them on the outdoor rug, then opened the back door and walked smack into her greatest fear. Will and Aiden were smiling…at Maxi.

  They were the family in a new picture frame.

  Maxi with her perfect everything and Aiden and Will, so handsome standing beside her. Yes, she had wanted Maxi to be a mother to Will and to have Will’s dad in her life. But that was before. Before Maxi had hurt all of them. Before Janie had fallen in love with Aiden.

  She tried to take a deep breath, but her chest felt as though it was being weighed down by cement, making it impossible to move forward for a few throbbing seconds. But she would. Because she always did. She wasn’t about to go down in front of anyone and especially not in front of Will. He needed her to be his constant.

  She tried her best at a normal reaction. “Hi! What a surprise!”

  Her lovely sister flung her perfect blonde waves over her shoulder and then scrunched up her nose. “God, Janie, I was going to give you a hug, but you’re covered in horse crap.”

  “That’s what happens on a ranch, Max,” Aiden said, his eyes on Janie like she was standing there in a ball gown and diamond tiara.

  Janie was actually glad for the mud she had on her face, though, because it would hide the stain of mortification on her cheeks. She tore her gaze from Aiden’s. She had never questioned who she was or what her self-worth was. She had never regretted the choices she’d made. She’d never felt pulled toward makeup and hair and fashion. Her goals were to give Will the best life possible, to pay the bills, to become a veterinarian. She hadn’t ever wanted more or needed more.

  Until now.

  In this moment, despite Aiden rushing to her defense, she’d give anything to look like her sister. Her long, blonde, shiny, highlighted hair looked as though she just came out of the salon—a stark contrast to the droopy ponytail Janie was sporting. Her sister’s face was flawless with perfectly applied makeup. Her dark skinny jeans hugged her long legs, and her V-neck fitted shirt clung to her slender body. If anyone had to guess, it was Janie who’d given birth, not Maxi.

  And as if it weren’t bad enough…just seeing Aiden with her reminded Janie of who he’d been with—not her. Maxi and Aiden had been with each other. They’d slept together. Repeatedly. They’d created a child together who was standing with them now. Because they were a family. They didn’t need Janie in there for it to be complete.

  Of all the people in the room, Janie was the outsider. Maybe that’s what hurt her the most—the visible truth in front of her. Yes, Janie had given Will her everything, but at the end of the day, she hadn’t been the one to give him life. And just like that, the little family she thought she had was ripped apart.

  Janie slapped on the smile that had served her for the past twenty-some years. “I’m going to head into the shower. Great to see you, Maxi. This is the best surprise ever. Aiden and Will must be thrilled,” she said, shooting a glance toward their general direction, not wanting to make eye contact with Aiden because she knew she’d give it all away. All her feelings for him, all her insecurities. All the memories she had of their intimacy…which was nothing compared to what he’d shared with her sister.

  Logically, she knew Aiden didn’t still feel that way about Maxi. He’d even told her as much. But that didn’t make it any easier to get what they used to be out of her head.

  She walked out of the room, away from the two people she loved most in the world, with her head held high for their sake. She didn’t want them to feel sorry for her. She didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her. Morris met her in the hallway, his expression grim as he followed, like he knew exactly what was going on.

  She walked to the laundry room, their voices trailing behind her, making their separation even more obvious. After gathering a fresh set of clothes, she and Morris headed to the bathroom, and she locked the door. She turned the shower on, and while the water warmed up she slowly took off her filthy clothes, careful not to make a mess, and paused when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Tears filled her eyes, and she held in the sob that she didn’t even know was coming.

  Who was this woman staring back at her?

  Not a woman Aiden could actually want. She tugged at the elastic holding what remained of her ponytail and, for the first time in her life, stared at her reflection critically. She had never given much care to the woman in the mirror because she knew the woman on the inside, and she had worked so hard on building up that woman, on making that woman strong, that she hadn’t given the reflection much importance.

  Maybe this was good. Maybe this was all meant to be. She didn’t want a life where she had to put so much effort into her appearance just to hold on to a man like Aiden. She wasn’t her sister, and she never would be. She didn’t want to be.

  She washed her hands and placed her glasses on the edge of the counter. Janie with the glasses. Janie with the jeans and rumpled clothes. This was who she was.

  She stepped into the shower and let the hot water pour over her. She lathered her hair, scrubbing extra hard, trying to release some of her frustration. When had her life become so complicated? Were she and Will going to go back to Chicago and Maxi stay here? Aiden and Janie were supposed to be making plans about what to do next, not deal with Maxi showing up. Will had enough to deal with.

  The water from the shower mingled with the tears running down her face. No one was here to witness it except Morris, so she let herself keep crying. By the time she walked out of the bathroom, she’d have herself composed.

  She sobbed at the image of the three of them in the living room and rested her head on the shower wall, letting the water run over her. She hated herself for being jealous. But they all looked like the perfect, happy family…without her.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Janie! Wait up! Where are you going?” Aiden yelled, running after her.

 
He had no idea she was planning on leaving. After her shower, she’d just walked out of the house. He needed to talk to her, though. Now. He knew this wasn’t good.

  Janie stopped beside her car. “I’m going to Lainey’s. She hasn’t been feeling well, so Hope and Sarah texted, asking if I wanted to go over there with them and surprise her with a girls’ night in. I thought that was perfect, since the three of you have a lot to discuss. You can have some privacy. Will told me he wanted some alone time with Maxi, too, and that’s fair. He hasn’t seen her in years.”

  Dread pooled in his stomach at her overly chipper voice and lack of eye contact. “No, I have nothing to discuss with Maxi. I already told her exactly what I thought of how she handled everything, and I don’t know what she’s doing here. Hell, Janie, she’s the last person in the world I want to be in a room with.” He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

  “Well, consider yourself lucky, I guess, because she wants nothing to do with me.”

  Rage shot through him at Maxi’s treatment of Janie. “I don’t know what her angle is, but as soon as she gets what she really came for, I’m sure she won’t be here for long. You and Will only have a few days left. We need to talk about what happens after that.”

  Janie looked away, still avoiding eye contact, and that gutted him. She had shown up at his bar with more courage than he’d ever seen, she’d taken on a baby when she was still a kid, she’d told him she’d hurt him if he ever hurt Will…and here she was, completely different than the woman he’d come to know and love these last severalweeks. Because of her sister.

  “Then let’s talk right now,” she said. “No one’s here. But I only have a minute.”

  He took a step closer to her, trying to keep his voice soft, trying to make this as easy as possible. “I spoke with Will about coming back here to spend the summer.”

  She took a step back, bumping into her car. “That’s a great plan. I have my life, and you have yours. Thank you for not taking Will away from me completely.”

  She was killing him. “You were never just his aunt. You were—are—his mother, even if not his biological one. You were the one who protected him, raised him, listened to him, held him. You’re his mother. No one will ever dispute that.”

  “Right.” She fumbled inside her purse and pulled out her keys. “I should really get going. I need to pick up ice cream on the way because Lainey’s really craving it and Sarah and—”

  “Janie, wait.” He touched her wrist, gently holding it, needing her to feel their undeniable connection. “We can’t leave things like this.”

  “No, it’s fine. You’ve got this all figured out. I’ll go back with Will; you stay here. I’ll bring him back in the summer. Until then—” Her lips trembled, and she pressed them together, then pulled away from him and got into the car, closing the door.

  He stood there, feeling like his entire world was falling apart in front of him. Janie didn’t turn, didn’t glance away as she pulled out of the driveway. When he couldn’t see her car anymore, he turned back to his house.

  Maxi’s presence here meant trouble for all of them. Maxi had hurt Will and Janie, and he had, too, unintentionally. But there was no way in hell he’d hurt either of them again. He just needed to figure out how to keep them safe.

  …

  Janie finished her second glass of wine and huddled farther into the couch at Lainey’s house, trying to act normal and happy. Being included in their group made her feel like she finally had the friends she’d always wanted. Lainey, Hope, and Sarah were the most genuine and likeable people she’d ever been around, and she loved their banter. But being here, when they were all joyful, and having to fake that her world wasn’t falling apart was getting harder and harder.

  Her sister was here. Janie and Will were leaving. She didn’t want to. She wanted to continue this life they’d started here.

  “Okay, if I eat any more dairy, I’ll be spending the night in the bathroom,” Lainey said with a laugh as she placed the nearly empty container of ice cream on the coffee table. “But I am happy that at least I have one food group that appeals to me.”

  When Janie had first arrived, Tyler had answered the door, and he was charming and sweet and had led her into the living room, where the other women were already seated. As promised, Janie contributed to the pile of ice cream, and they had all eaten their fair share. But Janie had been focused on how much Tyler reminded her of the man who’d just unintentionally broken her heart. Except Tyler was all smiles.

  “That’s why I brought you coconut ice cream,” Hope said, rolling her eyes.

  “No offense, Hope, but that just wasn’t going to cut it tonight. I do appreciate the effort, though,” Lainey said, reaching across the couch and giving her best friend a hug.

  Hope laughed. “I tried. So, we need to discuss baby shower details.”

  Lainey’s eyes grew wide. “What? No! Way too early. I haven’t even gotten out of the first trimester. And I know everyone says to wait to tell people, but I just couldn’t wait to tell you guys. How about we talk about it in a couple months?”

  Sarah nodded. “Sure. We can’t wait to plan. I think the guys are still in shock that Tyler is going to be a dad. Dean was over the other night, and he and Cade were talking all hush-hush. It was pretty funny.”

  Janie laughed along with them this time. She was happy to have something else to think about…and with the fact that she seemed to be fooling everyone tonight. Lainey, despite dealing with morning sickness that lasted all day, just radiated bliss. Their home had been recently renovated and was on a sprawling ranch that Tyler shared with his dad. They were living the dream.

  “How are you doing, Janie?” Sarah asked, turning to her.

  Janie felt her face heating as everyone focused on her. Maybe she hadn’t been so great at hiding her feelings. She opened her mouth, about to say that everything was great, and then decided that maybe in order to build real relationships, she needed to be real. Maybe she needed a group of women to confide in. She’d never had that before. She’d always been on her own when it came to solving problems. “Uh, good…well, not so good, I guess. My sister showed up today, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. And we’re supposed to be leaving for Chicago in a few days.”

  Hope leaned forward and placed her coconut ice cream on the ground. “How long is she staying?”

  Janie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to look calm. Maxi hadn’t seemed like she was in any hurry to leave. “I’m not sure…but I guess it doesn’t matter? Will and I have to get back home anyway.”

  Except it felt like they were leaving home instead.

  The room went silent, and a flurry of glances was exchanged. They all looked about as thrilled as she felt. “What did Aiden say about all this?” Lainey asked gently.

  Janie took a deep breath and reached for a pillow to tuck in front of her. “He invited Will to come back for the summer.”

  Hope gasped. “What? He’s just going to let you guys walk away?”

  Everyone was staring at her with the same expression of horror. Janie ran her hands through her hair. “Well, he doesn’t want to take Will away from me. He wants what’s best for him. I have to get back to work; I have to finish school. So coming for the summer makes sense.”

  Judging by the silence in the room, no one agreed with her.

  “And what do you want?” Sarah asked.

  Janie took a deep breath. She hadn’t said this to anyone out loud, not even herself. “I want to stay here. If things weren’t so complicated, I’d want Aiden to ask me to stay here and…continue this relationship we’ve started.”

  “Yeah…what is he thinking? I may need to open another ice cream,” Lainey whispered, standing. “I need chocolate.”

  Hope shoved the coconut ice cream container at her. “As your best friend and naturopathic doctor who has b
een treating you for dairy intolerance, this is your only option.”

  Lainey frowned but snatched it before sitting back down. “That’s cold, Hope.”

  “Of course it is—it’s ice cream,” Hope quipped, then turned back to Janie. “Okay, you’ve got to tell him how you feel.”

  “Or are you worried that he doesn’t want the same thing?” Sarah asked softly, reaching out to place her arm around her shoulder.

  Janie shut her eyes, and acid burned inside her stomach. “Maybe,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

  “What about Will? Having the two of you together might be the best thing for him, too,” Sarah said.

  Janie covered her face with her hands for a moment. Her heart was breaking just thinking about how confused he must be right now. “I don’t know. He’s Aiden’s son, too, and if Aiden really wanted us here, he would have fought for us to stay, right? I can’t help but think that now Maxi is here and the three of them are talking…”

  “You’ll always be the one who raised him,” Lainey said. “That won’t stop. The faith he has in you, the relationship he has with you, can’t just be erased because Maxi is here. There will always be room for you if you allow that, I think.”

  Everyone was nodding in agreement. It sounded right. It was comforting. It was ideal. But they didn’t know her sister. They didn’t know their history. Maybe all of this was just bringing up old wounds she’d thought had healed.

  “Aiden and Maxi will always have Will in common. But it’s more than that…Maxi has always gotten whatever she’s wanted. Whoever she’s wanted. And I never once doubted Aiden’s feelings for me…until I saw her standing there with him. I know my sister…” she said, her voice trailing off.

  Everyone was already shaking their heads. “No way. I know Aiden. I saw the way he looks at you,” Hope said, leaning forward.

  “I agree. Trust him, Janie. Don’t push him away, either. Trust Aiden.”

  Janie stared at her new friends, happy that she’d come here tonight, that she’d confided in them. “I’d like to believe that. But right now, I think I just need to get through the next few days and move on with my life, even if that means moving away from Wishing River.”