The Playboy

by Alice Ward

  The service was small. Only a handful of people showed up. Some were Claire’s work friends and others knew her back in high school. There were a few neighbors and a few of Paisley’s school teachers. None of them said a word to me, but they all offered Paisley their sympathies. A couple of Paisley’s friends came with their parents. They were all so young. Most of them cried without knowing why, but Paisley sat stone-faced through it all.

  As we drove to the cemetery, Paisley sat silently in the passenger seat. Since I picked her up from the police station, I’d been trying to make her talk. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, but I kept trying. I brought up her mom a few times. It never worked. I tried to talk about her art. She wasn’t interested. I asked if she wanted to go back to camp. She didn’t answer. When I offered to take her swimming, she just looked at me like she smelled something bad.

  I didn’t know much about being a father, and I was sure I was failing miserably. Nothing I said or did made her open up to me. She was constantly silent, constantly on edge. She never looked comfortable or happy. She barely ate. She didn’t watch T.V. I kept telling myself it would take time, but I was afraid she would never let me in. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to help enough, that she would never get over her mother’s death.

  Paisley threw a handful of dirt over Claire’s casket at the gravesite. She stared down at the hole. I watched her, waiting for the tears to fall. When they didn’t, my concern only grew. There was no one at the cemetery except she and I. If she was ever going to succumb to tears, that would have been the time. But she didn’t. She just threw the dirt and walked back to the car without a word. I glanced down at the hole, silently apologizing to Claire for everything that happened between us all those years ago. Suddenly, our problems seemed petty and pointless. I’d spent so long hating her, but now that she was gone, I could barely remember why. I promised her I would figure out how to help Paisley, no matter how long it took.

  Paisley and I climbed in the car and drove back home. She stared out the window and I glanced over at her too often. Finally, I knew I had to say something. I knew I had to try.

  “Paisley,” I said. “Look, I know how much this sucks. There’s nothing I can say to make things okay again. I wish there was, but there just isn’t. But I’m here for you, okay? You can talk to me. About your mom. About how you’re feeling. About anything.”

  I waited. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, but her face never left the window. I looked over, wondering if she had finally started to cry. Her eyes were as dry as ever. I sighed and turned back to face the road. I didn’t try to make her talk again for the rest of the day.

  When we pulled up to the house, I saw a black Jaguar sitting in the driveway. I frowned and parked on the street. Glancing around, I saw a familiar face emerging from the shadows of my porch. He walked down the porch steps, fixing his suit coat as he moved. Seeing him was like a punch to the gut. Paisley and I got out of the car and walked up to him. His eyes moved slowly from me to Paisley and then back again.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. The look on my face must have said it all because he took a step back and cleared his throat nervously.

  “Hi, it’s good to see you,” he said. He glanced at Paisley pointedly.

  “Paisley,” I said. “This is Ray. Ray, Paisley.”

  “Hello,” he said sweetly. He smiled at her kindly. I had to fight the urge to step between them. “It’s nice to meet you, Paisley.”

  “Why don’t you go inside and get changed,” I told my daughter. “I need to talk to Ray, but I’ll be inside soon.”

  Paisley looked curiously at Ray as she passed, but she didn’t speak. I watched her until she was safely inside the house before I turned on Ray. After such an emotional day, I didn’t have the patience or strength to hide my anger. I glared at him, my face flushed.

  “I’ll ask you one more time,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  “Why are you so dressed up?” Ray asked, eyeing my apparel. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit before.”

  “Claire’s funeral was today,” I said simply.

  “Claire?” Ray asked. His face fell, and I scoffed. He never liked Claire. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “I’m sure you are,” I said without feeling.

  “I am,” Ray insisted. “Whatever you may think of me, it’s always a tragedy when a child loses a parent. How is she doing?”

  “She’s fine,” I said quickly. Ray looked at my face and knew I was lying. It was written in every line of his face as he scrutinized me, the way only a father can.

  “I guess that’s why you aren’t on your bike, huh?” he asked. “That’s probably for the best. Paisley’s too young to ride.”

  “I still have the bike,” I said simply. I fell silent and waited for him to speak. I was ready for him to get to the point so he could leave. I cleared my throat and raised my eyebrows, silently asking him again why he was there.

  “Listen,” he said. “I’m here to talk to you about something important.”

  “What’s that?” I asked. I crossed my arms over my chest protectively. Whatever my father had to say, I knew it couldn’t be good.

  “The company is failing,” he said simply. I had to admit, I was surprised to hear that. “We aren’t destitute or anything. Far from it. But, our profits aren’t what they need to be. Things are changing in the market, and we’re floundering in the face of our competitors.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I lied. “But I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

  “Our team decided the best way to turn things around is to bring in a fresh face,” he explained. “Someone who can be the face of the company and change our brand. We’re hoping you would consider being that person.”

  I blinked. My arms fell to my sides, and I smiled weakly. My smile quickly turned to a laugh as I watched my father’s face. He stared back at me impassively. I laughed, but I wasn’t amused.

  “You’re kidding,” I said. “Surely, this is a joke.”

  “No,” he shook his head. “Sean, it isn’t. I don’t think there is anyone better for us than you. You’ll bring in the right kind of customers. The motorcycle community would love you. You’re exactly what we need.”

  “Me?” I asked. I laughed again. “I’m a mechanic.”

  “You’re more than that, and you know it,” he argued. “With your history… You have the right look, Sean.”

  “You mean I fit the image of a rebel biker,” I corrected. “The no good, low life.”

  “That’s not what I said,” Ray said.

  “No, but it is what you meant.” I felt my anger growing by the second.

  “Sean, this isn’t an insult,” Ray insisted. “It’s a job offer. If anything, it’s a compliment.”

  “And what about me?” I snapped. “What do I get out of this?”

  “Money.” Ray’s answer was simple and to the point. He didn’t bullshit or pretend to be any more noble than he was. He didn’t pretend he was here for anything other than business. I respected him more for it. If he’d tried to roll out some line about wanting to be my dad again, I might have thrown a punch. Instead, he added, “We’ll pay you well. More than well. You’ll also have stocks in the company. If things turn around, you could easily make millions. Maybe even more.”

  As my father spoke, I clenched my hands into fists. I held my arms tightly to my sides so I wouldn’t be tempted to do something I might regret. His words felt like knives flying at my head. All I wanted was for him to stop talking. I wanted to forget everything he said and pretend like I never saw him.

  “You need to leave,” I said. Without waiting for him to respond, I stepped around him and walked up the porch steps to my front door.

  “Sean,” he said. I didn’t turn around. “Will you at least consider it?”

  “No,” I said. My hand was almost to the doorknob when I heard him exhale sharply. I could picture the defeated look on his face.
It was almost enough to make me turn around.

  “I know you weren’t expecting this,” he said. “I know you have a lot going on right now, but this could be the best thing for you. Think of what this money could mean for Paisley. It would take care of everything. College. Her wedding. Everything. If you won’t do it for me or for the company, then do it for your daughter. What kind of life do you think you can give her working as a mechanic? She deserves more than that. You know she does. With this job, you can give her more. Just think about it.”

  With that, Ray walked across the lawn and climbed behind the wheel of his Jaguar. I stayed on the porch, my hand poised on the doorknob, until I was sure he was gone. Once I could no longer hear his engine, I sighed and dropped my hand. I turned around and faced the street. The car was gone, but it still felt like my father was standing right there. I could still see his eyes boring into mine as he offered me that job.

  We hadn’t spoken in years, my father and I. The last thing I expected was for him to show up on my doorstep the day of Claire’s funeral, let alone to offer me a job. That company was his life, and it always had been. I couldn’t imagine he would want me anywhere near it. After years of silence, who the hell did he think he was? In that moment, I knew I could never accept his job offer. No amount of money could make me go crawling back to that man.

  My decision was made as I turned back around. I moved toward the door again, but something caught my eye. Paisley was standing in the living room window peering outside. Our eyes met, and she turned to walk away. My father’s words echoed in my mind. “She deserves more than that. You know she does. With this job, you can give her more.” I watched her go, my decision no longer set in stone.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Tara

  “So, basically, it’s a shit show right now,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I’m just hoping Ray can convince Sean to work with us. Otherwise, I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “Are the numbers really that bad?” Niki asked. She looked at me sympathetically and took a sip of her iced tea.

  “Worse,” I nodded. “I had no idea until Ray showed us the numbers at that meeting.”

  “Why didn’t he tell you sooner?” Niki asked.

  “He didn’t want to worry anyone until the time came,” I said. “Just saying it makes it all seem so ridiculous, but I respect Ray, you know? I understand his thought process. Even if I don’t agree with it.”

  “I don’t know how you could agree with it,” Niki said. She shook her head and sat back in her chair. It had been almost a month since Niki and I were able to meet up for lunch. I’d missed her so much, but now that we were together, all I could think about was getting back to work.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “The longer you work for that company, the less I understand it,” Niki explained. “Working for a corporation like that? Being the right hand to Ray Yates himself? It’s not you, Tara.”

  “It’s not?” I asked with a laugh. “So, what? Was I just supposed to let my business degree go to waste?”

  “Of course not,” Niki said. “But we spent our entire childhood complaining about businesses like that, remember?”

  “We aren’t kids anymore,” I told her. “I had to grow up eventually.”

  “We all do,” Niki agreed. “But we don’t have to sell out in the process.”

  “I’m not selling out,” I argued. The great thing about my friendship with Niki was that we could tell each other anything. No matter how much we disagreed or how quickly we pissed each other off, we always kept talking. When you know someone your entire life, you stay bonded forever. Through anything.

  As I nibbled at my food, I tried to focus on lunch, but my mind kept drifting back to work. I wondered how Ray’s conversation with Sean went. I hoped Ray convinced Sean, and I secretly wished that Sean would be the breaking point for Zach. Nothing would make work better quite like getting rid of Zach for good.

  “What are you thinking about over there?” Niki asked, pulling me back to reality. “Still work?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m sorry, Nik. I can’t help it.”

  “I know you can’t,” she sighed. “I don’t blame you for it. I just wish you would lighten up sometimes.”

  “Me? Lighten up?” I scoffed. “Keep dreaming.”

  “I’m serious, Tara,” she said. “When was the last time you had any real fun?”

  “I have fun,” I argued.

  “Oh?” Niki challenged. “Tell me, then. When?”

  I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Slowly, my lips pressed together, and I shook my head in embarrassment. Niki was right. I knew she was, but I didn’t want to admit it.

  “Exactly,” Niki said.

  “It’s not that simple,” I said quickly. “I’m really busy.”

  “I know you are,” Niki nodded. “And it’s great. Really, it is. Despite my hatred for corporate America, I do admire your work ethic. Your drive is what makes you so wonderful. I just worry that you’ll disappear into your job for too long and by the time you reemerge…”

  “What?” I pressed.

  “You won’t be you anymore,” she finished. Her eyes were focused on mine with an intensity I knew all too well.

  “You know, this was supposed to be a relaxing lunch,” I reminded her. “Why are you being so serious? We haven’t seen each other in ages.”

  “Which is precisely why I need to be this serious,” Niki explained. “If I don’t kick your ass from time to time, you’ll totally fall apart.”

  “I highly doubt that.” I rolled my eyes playfully at her. “You worry too much.”

  “I do,” she admitted. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t warranted.”

  “Fair enough,” I said. “Now, enough about me. Tell me about your new guy.”

  “What guy?” she asked with a frown.

  “The one you told me about,” I said. “The musician or magician or something.”

  “Oh,” Niki laughed. “Him. Yeah, he is no longer.”

  “Already?” I asked.

  “Already.” She nodded and took a bite of her chicken. “Not for me.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “The same stuff.” Niki shrugged. “We went out a few times. Slept together. He revealed himself to be a toad. You know how it goes.”

  “Unfortunately, I don’t,” I reminded her.

  “No dates?” she asked. She already knew the answer, but it was nice of her to pretend otherwise.

  “Like I have the time for that,” I said, trying to keep my tone casual. The truth was, it bothered me more than I let on. As much as I loved my job, my personal life was suffering too much. I hadn’t been on a date in months. Niki was right. If I wasn’t careful, my job would soon overshadow every aspect of my life.

  “What about Ray’s son?” Niki asked suddenly, her eyes alive with excitement.

  “Zach?” I asked with a shudder.

  “No, not him,” Niki said. She leaned forward in her chair. I could feel the energy pouring off her. “The other one. The one in the picture.”

  “Sean?” I asked. “What about him?”

  “Well, if he’s as attractive as you said…”

  “I didn’t say he was attractive,” I interjected. “I just said he fit the brand we’re trying to create.”

  “I’m not the board,” Niki said. “You don’t have to whip out the party line for me. You can just say he’s hot.”

  “He’s not.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Niki laughed. “I can see it in your eyes.”

  “I haven’t even met him,” I reminded her.

  “But when you do…” she let her sentence trail off into nothingness. With a sly grin, she took another sip of her tea and allowed me to change the subject, but my mind stayed focused on Sean for the rest of my lunch break.

  ***

  When I made it back to the office, I decided to stop in and talk to Ray. I couldn’t wait any longer to find out ho
w things went with Sean. Niki’s words echoed in my ears, but I forced them away. I told myself I was only interested in Sean for the sake of the business. He was just Ray’s son and, hopefully, the new face of Ray Yates’ Motorcycles.

  “Hey, Ray,” I said. “Got a minute?”

  “Come in,” he said, waving me inside. I walked over to the chair in front of his desk and sat down. He already knew why I was there. “I talked to him.”

  “You did?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter. “And? How did it go?”

  “Not well,” Ray admitted. “It was a disaster.”

  My heart sank, but I nodded. I didn’t want to let my disappointment show.

  “That’s okay,” I said. “Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think.”

  “It was worse,” he said with an unamused laughed. “It was a good idea, Tara, but I think it’s time to move on. We should start looking elsewhere.”

  “Sure,” I said. “I can handle that.”

  “Thank you.” He smiled gratefully. I could tell he was worried I wouldn’t drop the issue. “Jennifer has some headshots for you to look at.”

  “I’ll grab them from her,” I told him. I stood up and walked over to the door. Before I stepped into the hallway, I turned around and added, “Ray, for what it’s worth… I’m really sorry things didn’t go well with Sean. And not just for the company’s sake.”

  “Me too,” Ray said sadly.

  I left the office and hurried down the hall toward Jennifer’s desk. She already had the headshots ready for me. She was on the phone with a customer, but she handed me the folder over her shoulder and smiled. I mouthed a quick “thank you” and took the folder back to my office.