by Layla Silver
Josh collapsed onto a makeshift chair, the weight of the realization threatening to pull him to the floor. Just like every time he got a little too emotional, his Bear had taken control, and this time he’d destroyed something. Of course, she didn’t want to see him again. Though he wouldn’t ever hurt her, Bear or not, she didn’t know that.
If she didn't want to see him again, there wasn’t much he could do about it. He couldn’t force her to do anything. But after everything, he believed he at least deserved an explanation; he needed her to tell him, straight to his face, that she couldn’t be with him because he was a Bear. Then, knowing for sure, he could try to move on. He couldn't let go of the woman he believed to be his mate, not again, with anything less.
He tried her number again, but this time it only rang twice before it went to voicemail.
If she wouldn't pick up, he'd have to visit her in person.
***
Josh knocked on her door, trying not to sound too urgent. He didn’t want Angie to suspect it was him and refuse to answer it, but he'd been there for a few minutes without a response, and he was starting to get nervous. He knocked again. Angie’s car was out front, so he knew she was home, just not coming to the door. Did she know it was him? Did she just not want to answer?
He was about to knock again when the neighbor’s door opened, and an older woman came out of the house. Josh offered her an embarrassed smile, but she just glared at him for a few moments before locking the door behind her and scurrying to her car.
Josh almost laughed at the irony of his situation. Never once had he thought about begging for a woman to talk to him or give him another chance before Angie, and yet he'd had dozens of girls do exactly that to him. He'd always thought of them as pathetic and clingy. Was this how each of them had felt?
The chill in the air mimicked the cold that wrapped around his heart.
Josh leaned on the door, taking deep breaths to steady himself. Maybe it was for the best if he gave up now. He'd tried. Even though it hurt like hell, like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and he knew it was hiding behind that door, he couldn’t force her to explain why they shouldn't see each other again, couldn’t force her to talk to him at all. If she really didn’t feel the same as him, then there was nothing he could do. Nothing but wait and hope she changed her mind.
Despair welled inside him, and he turned to walk down the steps. The door creaked open behind him.
Josh turned and looked up at the now open door. Angie stood there, her inky black hair a mess of unbrushed tangles. Her makeup was old like she hadn’t washed it off the night before.
He stared up at her, surprised that she’d bothered opening the door at all after ignoring him for so long. Was the Angie standing before him even real, or just his desperate imagination?
"Angie ..." he whispered, taking a hesitant step toward her. She flinched but didn’t try to close the door on him.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, voice low. She tensed as Josh moved even closer.
"I don't understand. After the other day, I thought …" Josh faltered but quickly found his voice again. "Is this because I'm a shifter? Because I went Bear on you the other day, during—is that why you don't want to see me anymore?"
"No, that's not—"
A shrieking cry sounded from somewhere inside. Angie's eyes widened, a hand rising to cover her mouth as she glanced behind her, then back to him.
Josh sucked in a breath. That sounded like a ...
Angie tried to close the door, but Josh grabbed it before she could slam it shut. He looked over her shoulder to see a little girl in a light blue onesie decorated with a pattern of bears. She had milky skin, just like Angie's, and short dark brown hair that wrapped around her ears. She rubbed her eyes, her face sleepy.
"Mumma?" she whined, running to Angie's leg and clinging. Angie’s shoulders fell, and she looked away from Josh.
Chapter 8 - Angie
Emma clung to her leg, sniffling, and Angie put a hand on her daughter's head, running her fingers through her hair in a weak attempt to calm her. She couldn't meet Josh's eyes, even though she could feel his stare burning into her, demanding an explanation. Why had he come, even after she’d made it perfectly clear she didn’t want anything to do with him? Why couldn't he just accept that she hadn't wanted to see him again? This was exactly what she wanted to avoid; she hadn’t wanted to feel obligated to provide an explanation for anything, especially not for Emma. He wasn't supposed to see her ...
She lifted the little girl into her arms, rocking her against her chest, trying to ease her bubbling cries. Emma grabbed at her hair, and Angie used that as an excuse not to look at Josh, even when he started talking.
"You're ... you're married?" Josh said. The words sounded like they’d been difficult to get out.
Despite herself, Angie snorted. "Me, married? Please." She smoothed a hand over Emma's tangled hair, trying to distract herself, to do anything but look at Josh. Her eyes felt wet and heavy, just like her daughter’s, and her face burned. "I'm a single mother. That's why I can't be in a relationship with you or with anyone."
"Angie, that—"
"Please, just leave us alone. Leave me alone."
And she slammed the door in his face, locking it behind her before Josh had the chance to argue with her, before he started wondering where Emma’s father was, before she started crying in front of him. She pressed her back to the door and let her tears fall, listening for the sound of Josh descending the front steps. She hoped, more than anything, that he wouldn't try knocking again. He didn't.
It wasn’t for a while that she heard him leave. Angie’s tears streaked her cheeks, but she hadn’t yet made a sound, not until Josh was gone, and the realization that he’d left made her chest quiver and ache like her heart had been torn out. She shouldn’t have opened that door. She should have known better. After how many times he’d called her, of course, he would have shown up. All of this could have been avoided.
Emma sniffled in Angie's arms, and the sound of their crying melded together for a few of the loneliest minutes of Angie’s life. After a little while of holding her daughter tight, comforting Emma as a means to comfort herself, Angie tried to pull herself together, wiped the wetness from her cheeks, and moved into the kitchen. She had to be strong for her daughter, even if she couldn’t be strong for herself.
"Mumma, hungry," Emma said. She was always hungry once she woke from one of her naps, but her nap might have lasted longer if Angie hadn’t answered the door.
"What would you like to eat, sweetheart?" she said, clearing her throat to hide the rawness in her voice.
She put Emma into her high chair, and the little girl stared up at her, wide-eyed and puffy-faced. When she saw her, every day, it was a reminder that Josh wasn't in her life. He was someone she could never have so long as she valued her sanity. Angie could never trust him, just like she couldn’t trust any other man. Their history didn’t change a thing between them; in fact, it probably made things worse because she doubted herself, scrutinized each feeling. Her emotions, her attraction to Josh, the longing and loneliness all got in the way of pure logic: like other men, he wasn’t trustworthy, especially not with his history as a womanizer.
It was possible she was overreacting a little. Ever since they’d met again, he hadn’t done anything to make her think he might be the same as he had been all those years ago. But with all her other experiences with men, with how her father had abandoned her mother, she wasn’t sure it was worth the risk. Men only used women. And they always walked away from responsibilities. From their children.
But the way he'd looked at her when he saw Emma made Angie's heart ache. Even more than when she’d decided to throw Josh out of her house after sleeping together the other day. He'd seemed distraught and surprised like he wasn't even sure what to think.
"Chicken ... chicken, please mum," Emma said.
Angie kissed Emma’s forehead and pulled out some leftover chic
ken breast from last night's dinner. Even though Emma was only one and a half, she learned fast. When Josh had been at the door, she almost expected Emma to recognize, somehow, that he was her father. Thankfully that nightmare hadn't happened. Josh finding out about Emma was bad enough, but she could only imagine how much worse things could have been had he found out that she was his daughter.
She piled some of the chicken onto a plate, shredding it with her fork to make it easier for Emma to eat, and then put it in the microwave. The little one was quite the carnivore, a trait that she probably picked up from her father, the Bear shifter. It hadn’t made feeding Emma any cheaper, that was certain.
When Emma was only a few months old, Angie’s mother had given Emma her first bear stuffy, now known as Beary. Ever since, the little girl’s love of bears had only grown. Now she had dozens of bear toys and multiple onesies with cartoon bears printed on the fabric.
The microwave beeped, and Angie grabbed the food, putting it in front of Emma. Her pout disappeared for a moment, and she reached for the chicken bits with her fingers, but Angie stopped her.
"Use your fork, please, Emma," Angie said. For some reason, the look on her daughter's face, her dissatisfied frown, caused more tears to well in Angie's eyes. She really didn't have the energy to deal with another tantrum right now, not after having to tell Josh to leave her alone, when she really wanted him to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, to explain why she was struggling to accept his presence at all.
It wouldn't be okay. But Angie would manage, as always.
Thankfully, Emma didn't argue and grabbed her plastic fork to jab the shredded chicken and funnel it into her mouth. Satisfied, Angie slumped into the chair next to her, propping her head up with her elbows.
So, of all the things for Josh to worry about, he'd been afraid that him being a Bear shifter would scare her away. Maybe a normal woman would have run for the hills, but Angie wasn't really normal. Well, she was normal enough to be wary of him because of his history, but that bothered her a lot more than him being able to turn into a Bear. Sure, she’d been surprised when he’d told her at first, and more than a little skeptical. But she’d always been into supernatural things, and it hadn’t taken him long to convince her. She’d easily accepted that particular part of him. A Bear shifter could protect his family from danger, but a womanizer just left someone like Angie worrying whether he'd stay true to her and their daughter. She couldn't risk raising her daughter in that kind of environment, couldn’t risk leaving her heart and mind in a constant state of worry.
Not when she’d seen her mother that way for so long.
Angie’s swollen eyes brimmed with tears again, but this time she shielded her face from Emma, who was happily eating her lunch. Her daughter didn't need to see her like this. She had tried so hard to stay strong, to raise Emma as best as she could, to not show weakness.
Even if Angie didn't want to risk raising Emma with a playboy for a father, had she been in the right to keep the whole truth from Josh? There was no doubt that Emma was his. If she were in his situation, wouldn't she want to know? Maybe it was wrong to keep the truth from him.
And after Josh's visit the other day, Angie struggled to say he was completely the same as he'd been when they first met. The way he made her feel during those short few hours in her bed and then falling asleep together ... it'd almost felt as if she were loved. Their night over two years ago had been amazing, but never so intensely emotional. Old Josh wouldn't have been like that at all. Yet, she wasn't sure. A few interactions and some time in bed didn't mean much. He could have gotten better at lying and manipulating women in the two years since she’d last been with him and could have been working to break her resolve during those moments they’d been together. Her father and the way he had treated her mother had taught Angie that men did that all the time.
Her vision blurred, and she closed her eyes to let the tears flow. Salty liquid soaked her fingers, but she didn't try to wipe it away, just sobbed into her hands. Her chest ached, and her whole body shook, the pain almost like she'd been stabbed or her heart had split in two. Why did it have to be like this?
"Mumma?" Emma said.
Angie quickly wiped her face and looked up. "Need something, kiddo?"
"Mumma needs hug?"
Tears brimmed her eyes again, but she smiled anyway and stood to wrap her arms around Emma. "Oh, mum's fine, sweetheart. Just tired." She kissed her hair. "Thank you."
Maybe she should have told Josh she was married, that her husband was traveling and that sleeping with him had been a moment of weakness. Maybe then he'd actually leave her alone. Before seeing Emma, she was certain that he would keep bothering her until she gave him some satisfactory answer, and maybe she would have had the chance to change her mind. But now that he’d seen Emma, he wouldn’t come around again. Why would he? It was over between them.
But she still had to finish the admin work for him, so she couldn't avoid him for long.
The thought of doing any work right now made her even more exhausted, but it needed to be done. She needed to pay them back for fixing her car, for Josh’s generosity. It wasn’t even clear to her if he’d done that out of pure kindness, or if he’d done it to make her vulnerable to him. Maybe she had slept with him because she’d given in to that nagging desire for him, but that didn’t make her any less wary of his intentions. What if he came around again today not because he cared about her, but because he expected to get more time in bed with her until she was done working on the shop paperwork?
That could explain why the wage was so much better than her other job. She bit her lip, feeling stupid for even thinking he cared. Of course, that was possible, knowing how men were and how Josh had been before.
Thankfully, Angie hadn’t quit her other online job, just put it on hold until she was done working for the shop. If the position at the shop was permanent, she might have quit her online work in a heartbeat. But even if they offered her the job full-time, she didn’t think she could take it simply because Josh worked there. She couldn't put herself through that. Her heart wouldn't be able to take it, especially if she was right about him.
Shuffling outside the front door caught her attention. The hair on Angie's arm stood on end for a moment before the doorbell rang. Emma looked up from her food at the sound, looking like she was about to start crying again. Angie kissed Emma’s forehead until she giggled, then she got up and headed for the door.
Had Josh changed his mind about staying away?
No, probably not. The text messages and calls had stopped, and she was almost certain she'd heard him drive away in his truck. So who else could it be?
She wiped her face again. It'd still be puffy and obvious that she'd been crying, but that didn't really matter. At this point, it might as well be normal.
Angie opened the door to find an older, tall man in a cheap blue suit. His face was peppered with patches of facial hair that had started growing back quicker than the rest of his hair.
It was TK.
She instinctively looked past him and scanned the parking lot. There was no one with him, at least as far as she could tell.
The man smiled at her, a toothy, sarcastic look that didn't make him any more attractive. “Had a rough day, dear? Tears don’t suit you.”
Angie’s annoyance surged. "What do you want? I told you I have no money," she said.
"Tsk, Angie, dear, you're so impolite." He looked to the side, then spun around to admire Angie's lawn of dying grass. "An adorable place you've got here. I would hate to see you lose it."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I have nothing!"
TK frowned. "You're not trying hard enough. I've waited long enough, I think. Your time is running out," he said.
Angie crossed her arms. "Don't talk to me about not trying hard. I'm working three jobs just to stay afloat. There's no extra to give to a bloodthirsty shark like you."
"Oh, Angie ..." TK leaned in and ran a hand down her ar
m. Angie flinched away. "There's always something more you could do for me ..."
"You're disgusting. Get out of my sight!" She pushed his hand away, her flesh feeling cold and lifeless where he'd touched her.
For a fleeting moment, she pictured Josh mauling the bastard. Maybe he’d do it, and this asshole would be gone from her life for good. She could ask Josh to do it as payback for messing with her head. But as quickly as the thought came, Angie pushed it away. She wouldn’t fall to that level.
TK's smile disappeared. "Next time I see you, you'll regret refusing my offer."
"There's nothing you can do to make me regret that."
She slammed the door shut, secured the bolt, and stomped into the kitchen. Emma was still eating her chicken, but she was almost done, and her puffy face had paled back to its normal color.
"Ready for playtime? Mum's gotta get some work done," she said.
Emma giggled. "Play with Beary?"
"Mhm. Beary is waiting for you to finish your lunch."
The little girl quickly finished up, and Angie took her dishes, washing them before scooping Emma from her high chair and carrying her into the living room. Beary was her absolute favorite, partially because her grandma had given it to her, partially because it’d been one of her very first toys. It was the largest bear in Emma’s growing collection of eight. When she was younger, she had refused to go anywhere without it. Although she was much better about it now, it was difficult to separate the two while in the house. But it was a good distraction most of the time when Angie needed to work with Emma around.
Part of the living room was partitioned with a baby gate to keep Emma safe. There wasn't much to get injuries from in their little apartment, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Angie placed Emma on her feet in the pen, and she saw her daughter run towards her bear, giggling loudly. Angie watched her for a few minutes, her daughter's happiness uplifting her spirits. So long as Emma was fine, Angie would be fine, too.