Never With You (The Never Series Book 6)

by Anie Michaels

  One would think, after a night of incredible sex—mind-blowing sex—one would be less tense. And I had been, in the moment. Being with Talia, feeling her tight heat all around me, hearing her soft moans and loud cries, it had been the best medicine. It left me sated and loose. Even happy, I’d say.

  But everything felt different in the morning.

  Not her, not lying next to her, not hearing her breathe next to me, or feeling her warmth. No. That all felt right. I was the one in the wrong. I shouldn’t have ever texted her. Shouldn’t have taken her hand. Shouldn’t have kissed her. Shouldn’t have brought her back to my house, taken off her clothes, and sunk into her when I knew nothing could happen between us. Nothing more, anyway. I kept telling myself the day before that if she were willing, being with her once would be enough, that touching and tasting her once would be all right.

  It was too right.

  And I was too messed up about it.

  I wanted her, that much I could admit, but she deserved better than a man still trying to get his life together after a divorce.

  Taking a deep breath, I turned the water off and grabbed a towel. After drying off I wrapped the towel around my waist and steeled myself for what was waiting for me in my bed. The image of a warm, naked, sleepy Talia flashed into my mind and I knew I was in trouble.

  I opened the door as quietly as I could, but was surprised to see Talia sitting up in bed, dressed, with her back to me. She heard me and turned to look over her shoulder at me, her eyes dropping to the towel at my waist. It was still quite dark, but I could see the blush come over her cheeks.

  “Hey,” I said quietly. “You’re awake.”

  “Yeah,” she said, standing up and running her hands down her hoodie and pants then smoothing her hand over her hair, which looked untamed and sexy. “I better go home before my family realizes I’m not there. They might worry.”

  “Right, of course.” I tried to ignore the fact that her leaving made me twitchy.

  There we stood, on opposite sides of the bed, just looking at each other. There was so much more than a bed between us.

  “Good luck, you know, with the house and the renovations. I’m sure it’ll look beautiful when it’s done.”

  Was she talking to me about home improvement? My mouth dropped open and then closed promptly. I had things to say to her, but I didn’t have the words. When she moved to leave, it forced me to open my mouth and let the words just land where they fell.

  “Listen, about last night…” I cringed at my own word choice, but pressed on regardless. “I don’t have one-night stands. I don’t just sleep with women and then say goodbye and never see them again.”

  “It’s okay, Briggs.”

  “No, it’s not okay, that’s not what this was.”

  “But it’s okay if it is.”

  “I don’t want it to be.”

  Those words shut her up. Her mouth snapped closed and she took a step back, as though my words had literally pushed her back.

  “I have nothing to offer you in the way of a relationship or a future, but I care about you and would like to see you while you’re here.” I let out a ragged breath and pushed my hand through my hair, gripping it and tugging, frustration warring through my veins. “I know that sounds terrible, but I’m trying to be honest here. I don’t want you to think I used you. Shit. Maybe I did. I don’t know. All I do know is that once wasn’t enough, but I can’t promise any more than just this tiny piece of myself.” I looked back up toward her, hating myself but hoping she didn’t.

  “I don’t think either of us is in a good place for a relationship,” she said after a few silent moments.

  “I agree.”

  “But I wouldn’t be opposed to spending time with you while I’m here.”

  A sigh of relief flowed out of me. A little time with her, well, it was something.

  “Okay,” I breathed. “We’re laying the floors today, so my morning is full. But will you meet me on the beach around four?”

  “Sure,” she said on a breath, seemingly just as relieved to have the awkward part of our conversation over. She moved toward the door to leave, but before she got there I snagged her around the waist and pulled her against me.

  “Wear your red bikini, yeah?”

  The blush that covered her face made her freckles stand out more.

  “Okay.”

  I didn’t bother asking before I leaned down and kissed her. She didn’t seem to mind, though. As her lips parted and she opened for me, I knew I was right; once wasn’t going to be enough, and I wasn’t good enough for her.

  “I better go,” she said, her voice raspy after she pulled away from my lips.

  “Let me walk you.”

  “That’s okay. I could use a little time to think on my own.”

  I didn’t like the idea of her walking alone outside, but there really wasn’t anything I could do about it.

  “The beach is probably empty right now. Good time for a short walk. Get my thoughts straight before I go back to the madhouse.”

  My arm tightened around her, wanting her close even though I knew I had to let her go. The fact that she was still willingly wrapped in my embrace and smiling up at me went a long way to convince me that she wasn’t needing alone time because she was worried she was making a bad decision, and I could understand wanting a few minutes alone to get yourself in order.

  “All right. Remember, four o’clock.”

  “I’ll be there.” She slid up to her tiptoes and kissed me again, then left my room.

  I stood still, listening to her footsteps down the stairs and then a few moments later the front door opened and closed, and I was alone again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Talia

  In the few hours that had passed since the night before on the beach, a lot had happened. Not only had a lot happened between Briggs and me, less importantly, it had gotten really cold. I’m not sure what I expected at five in the morning on the Oregon coast, but it was definitely not warm enough for a contemplative stroll on the beach in just yoga pants and a hoodie.

  I’d needed a minute to myself. A minute to process everything I was feeling and everything he’d said.

  I’d also wanted to think about all the ways he’d worshipped my body the night before without having to worry if my mom could read the explicit thoughts on my face.

  Being with Briggs had been incredible. More than incredible. Enlightening. Briggs had coaxed my body into doing things it had never done before, and I knew part of that was skill—he obviously knew what he was doing. But the other part of it, I knew, was chemistry. My body reacted to his. To him. And while that made me all kinds of happy and excited, it was also incredibly depressing. If I found this with Briggs, this amazing reaction of my body to his, something I’d never had with Chris, with someone I’d considered spending my whole life with, I dreaded the day I’d have to say goodbye to him. And I knew it would be soon. Whatever I had with Briggs was, for all intents and purposes, over before it even started. It had to be.

  I hurried up the path to my rental, looking forward to slipping quietly into the house and up the stairs into my bed, hoping to catch another hour or two of sleep, but all those thoughts came to a halt when I came upon Angela sitting on the porch swing.

  “Angela, hey,” I said, stopping on the stairs, shocked to find her there.

  She looked at me, surprise clearly written across her face, but it slowly morphed to a contemplative look, and then, eventually, her eyes went wide with recognition.

  “Where have you been?” she whispered loudly.

  My shoulders slumped with the weight of being caught and I walked up the stairs toward her. She flung the large fleece blanket that was draped over her lap, clearing a spot for me to sit next to her on the swing. I sat, the motion sending the swing back, and she tossed the blanket over my legs.

  “Spill, woman,” she said, an excited smile on her face.

  “I was at Briggs’s house.”

&nb
sp; “I knew it!” Her excitement at being right was apparent. It was also loud.

  “Shhhh!” I urged. “The last thing I need is for my parents to know I snuck out of the house last night to meet a man.”

  “Tell me everything,” she whispered excitedly.

  This surprised me. Angela and I hadn’t really had a meaningful conversation in a while. She was busy with babies, I was busy trying to get my life together, and so conversations had been few and far between. So, when she sat there asking me to talk to her, it struck me as sad that it was an unusual request. I wanted to talk to her, wanted to be close to her, so I figured a conversation on the porch of our rental house at five in the morning was as good a time as any to do it.

  “He texted me last night and asked me to meet him on the beach. So, I did.” The story was not as exciting as she was hoping it would be.

  “Talia, stop it. Tell me everything.”

  “I don’t know. It’s complicated, I guess. But not, really. It’s so irritatingly, complicatingly simple.”

  “What is?”

  “Briggs. Us. Him. Everything.”

  “Right,” she said, nodding, as though she understood.

  “We had sex. Amazing sex. Then this morning he tells me he’s not in a good place for a relationship—which is fine because neither am I—but tells me he wants us to see each other while I’m here.”

  “So, like, friends with benefits?”

  “We’re not friends, though. This isn’t, like, a booty call.”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know,” I whined.

  “How was the sex?” she asked, her voice low and quiet, making it sound as if she was scandalized just by asking.

  “Hands down, the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  “Really?”

  “Absolutely. No question.”

  “So, there’ll be more?”

  “There better be.”

  “But just while you’re here?”

  “Apparently.” We were both quiet for a moment, but then I added, “But that’s good. He’s still dealing with his ex, and I’m still trying to figure myself out. Can’t find yourself if you’re always with someone else.” I uttered the words like a mantra. And it was. Something I’d been telling myself since Chris left and I realized I’d never developed as a person.

  Angela’s face pulled back like she’d tasted something sour. “What do you mean, find yourself?”

  “You know, find myself. Figure out who I am all by myself. Be single for a while and just, I don’t know, be.”

  “You don’t feel like you know yourself?”

  I shrugged. “I guess not. All I know for sure is that as soon as Chris was gone I felt empty. And not because I missed him, or missed us, I just felt like I didn’t know what I was supposed to do next. There wasn’t anything to do. Life had changed so dramatically, but then again, it hadn’t changed at all. Chris was gone, but nothing had really changed. Isn’t that weird? I mean, you’re with someone for what seems like forever, but once he’s gone, shouldn’t it be different? Should there be a gaping hole?”

  “I’d assume so,” she said softly.

  “Me too.” I brought the blanket all the way up to my shoulders, covering as much of myself as I could, trying to block the wind. “He was gone and I was alone and while I was pissed he’d cheated, I was more upset that he hadn’t taken a piece of me with him.”

  “Is that so bad? It would have been worse if he’d taken a piece of you.”

  “It might have hurt more, but it would have meant he had a piece of me to begin with. As it was, I’d never given him a part of me to hold on to.” I looked up at her. “How sad is that?”

  She didn’t answer me and I assumed it was because it was sad, but she didn’t want to say that to my face. After a moment, she finally spoke.

  “Well, to be honest, I’m not sure which is worse: never giving up a piece of yourself, or giving so much of yourself up that there’s nothing left.” There was a definite tone of sadness to her voice, as though she were speaking from experience. “I mean, there are days I don’t even remember who I was a year ago. Isn’t that sad? Don’t get me wrong,” she hurried to say, looking at me like she was worried I was judging her. “I love the babies and I love being a mom, it’s just, well, no one ever explained that once you become a mother, it almost feels like everything you were before simply falls away.”

  We both sat in silence for a while, the chair swinging gently back and forth, the sky becoming a pretty shade of light blue.

  “I remember who you were a year ago,” I said softly. “You were out-to-here pregnant,” I said, making a wide circle in front of me with my arms. “You were happy and gorgeous and waiting very impatiently to meet your babies. You were excited about being a mom and terribly in love with my brother. You were somewhat of a shopaholic, definitely a shoe connoisseur, and an expert on ’80s chick flicks.”

  She laughed, which made me feel as though I’d said something right, made her feel a little bit better. “Ugh,” she groaned between chuckles. “My feet grew an entire size with my pregnancy. All my best shoes don’t even fit anymore.”

  “Sounds like we need to go shoe shopping,” I said, giving her a nudge with my shoulder.

  “Yeah.” She sighed.

  “No, seriously,” I said excitedly, inspiration hitting me. “Let’s leave the babies here with Dad and Brody, and you, my mom, and I will go shopping. There’re outlet malls about thirty minutes from here.”

  “Outlets?” she asked, eyes wide.

  “We could stop for coffee first.”

  “Coffee?”

  I knew I had her with coffee.

  We both turned our heads toward the sliding glass door when we heard it open. My mother stepped outside and I started to panic.

  “Did we wake you?” I asked, feeling guilty for being too loud.

  “Sorry,” Angela said, almost interrupting me. “I woke Talia up early this morning for a walk. We were just sitting here watching the sky change color and talking.”

  My eyes snapped to Angela, but she didn’t give even one little indication of her lie. It never occurred to me that Angela would lie to my mother so I wouldn’t have to explain that I’d slept with the man next door. Granted, I was an adult and could sleep with whomever I chose, but I didn’t need to broadcast my sex life to my mother. I’d never felt more grateful or close to Angela than I did just then. In fact, I was going to buy her a pair of shoes.

  “Oh, don’t be silly. You didn’t wake me up. Your father sawing logs did.”

  “We were talking about taking a girls’ day. You know, coffee and shopping. No husbands or babies. Sound like a good idea?” I asked my mom, wanting to direct all train of thought away from why we were all up so early.

  “Oh, that sounds fabulous. A girls’ day!” Mom clapped her hands and then went inside, talking to herself about making breakfast and curling her hair.

  “Thank you,” I said softly, looking over at Angela.

  She shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Your mom wouldn’t care. In fact, I think your mom would be pretty excited if she knew you’d let the neighbor in your pants.”

  “Oh my gosh,” I cried, dropping my head into my hands. “You’re right and it’s so terrifying.” I laughed, shaking my head.

  “It’s pretty funny, though.” Her laughter trailed off with a sigh. “You know, your mom just wants you to be happy. She worries about you.”

  “She worries about you too,” I replied.

  “I know.”

  “We all do. You don’t have to do it all on your own, you know. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Just try not to treat us all like idiots when you do.” I narrowed my eyes at her, but kept the smile on my face.

  “I know I can be a little overbearing.” She took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I’m sorry. I think I’ve been a little overwhelmed. It’s no excuse, but it’s all I’ve got.”

  “Aw, I still love ya,” I said, tryi
ng to ease the tension.

  Shopping had been exactly what the proverbial doctor ordered. An hour away from the responsibilities of babies and Angela was the fun, carefree woman I’d befriended so long ago. Granted, she still texted Brody every thirty minutes to check up on them, but I could tell she wasn’t obsessing over it. And more importantly, she was enjoying herself. Coffee and shopping extended into lunch and cocktails, and neither me, my mother, nor Angela complained one bit.

  “I’m pretty sure this means we have to stay home with the kids tomorrow so Brody and your father can go fishing in the morning.”

  “I can’t even care,” Angela said happily, taking a sip of her pink concoction. “I’ve had the best day. Thank you both.” She gave us genuine and meaningful smiles. “I’ll be happy to be on baby duty tomorrow.”

  “Me too,” I readily agreed, clinking my glass against hers.

  “What shall we do next?” Mom asked, taking a bite of her salad.

  “Oh, um,” I started, suddenly blushing. “I have plans this afternoon with Briggs.”

  “You do?” Mom asked, surprise clear in her voice. “What kind of plans?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. He asked me to meet him at the beach at four.”

  “You guys sure have been spending a lot of time on the beach,” Angela said with a smirk.

  I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “She’s right,” Mom added. “What’s going on there?”

  “Nothing. Nothing important, anyway. He’s a good guy.” I shrugged again. “It’s no big deal.”

  “No big deal? He’s gorgeous and single. It’s most definitely a big deal.” Leave it to my mother to surprise me. Angela and I let out loud laughs at her words.

  “You think he’s gorgeous?” I asked through my laughter.

  My mother glared at me over the rim of her martini glass. “Talia, that man is sex on a stick.”

  That time, Angela and I couldn’t contain our laughter. It peeled out of us, loud and contagious, as my mother started laughing with us as well.

  “I’ll make sure to pass along that little tidbit,” I managed to say a few moments later, wiping tears from my face.