Steam and Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “You think I care what a little piece of paper says? You killed my son, you little bitch. You killed him, and yet you get to walk away free and open your little shop like you don’t care. You weren’t good enough for Jason, and you turned him into a freak with your trollop ways.”

  Sierra closed her eyes, trying to find the strength not to yell back, not to do anything but hang up and call her lawyer. Marsha and Todd couldn’t hurt her anymore. They couldn’t take anything else from her that she hadn’t already lost because of one careless action.

  “You need to leave me alone, Marsha. Jason is gone, and we can’t bring it back. But I didn’t kill him.” If she kept saying that, maybe she’d believe it.

  “You killed my son!” Marsha screamed into the phone, and Sierra couldn’t hang up.

  She deserved some of the taint on her. The scars on her body hadn’t been enough.

  The familiar echo of thoughts she’d thought she destroyed went on a loop in her.

  Murderer.

  Killer.

  Slut.

  Freak.

  Tainted.

  Whore.

  All the words Marsha had used over and over again when they’d lost their son would never be banished from Sierra’s memory no matter how hard she tried to scrub them clean.

  She’d always be dirty.

  Scarred.

  “Sierra, this is Todd.”

  She held back a sob at Jason’s father’s words. The man never yelled, never showed any other emotion except clear indifference.

  “Yes, Todd?” God, why was she subjecting herself to his? Why was she allowing this man and woman to ruin her life again?

  She didn’t deserve it. She tried to tell herself…but it didn’t ring true.

  “Marsha made the unfortunate decision of allowing her emotions to rule her call today; however, none of what she said was false. You are the one who laid false claims on the memory of our son. You were the one who led him down the dark path of the sickness that is Dominance and submission. I realize now you’re truly mentally ill and need a man to tell you what to do to live. In order to do that, you ruined our boy. You made him believe he had to hit you, and in doing that, you hurt him. That would have been cruel enough, but then you killed him that night.”

  Sierra’s body shook, the familiar refrain slamming into like a lethal blow. It didn’t matter that she didn’t believe Todd’s words. The fact that the man and his wife believed them beyond any degree of doubt made it matter.

  “We are not done, Sierra. We will never be done until we have justice.”

  He hung up then, and Sierra stared down at her phone, her body going numb. She’d thought she’d been so safe, so free. She’d tried to find a place to call her own, a man to do the same.

  Yet it would never be enough.

  Damn it. She wasn’t this person. She wasn’t weak or something to be spat on because people didn’t understand. What they thought was evil and tainted they fought against.

  After she wiped her face with a scarf she had in her drawer, she called her lawyer, ready to fight. Or at least put on a brave face when she lied to herself.

  A woman answered the phone, and Sierra cleared her throat, holding back the tears that would take over if she didn’t find the way to be stronger than the person others had made.

  “I need to speak to Mr. Trust,” Sierra said, surprised that her voice was so clear. Flat maybe, but not shaky.

  “He’s in a meeting at the moment. May I take a message?”

  “Tell him it’s Sierra Elder, and I need to talk to him immediately.”

  “Oh, Ms. Elder, Mr. Trust told me you might be calling. He said to put you through right away. Please hold.”

  Well, it seemed that Rodney was expecting her call. What could she make of that? Clearly. something was going on that meant Jason and her past were far from over.

  “Sierra, damn it. I was going to call you after I got more information, but from this call, I guess I was too late?”

  Rodney was a middle-aged man who’d never been married because he’d married his job long ago. He might have put on a little weight around the middle, but other than that, he still looked like he was her age. He’d been on her side from the beginning, her only friend when everything had gone to hell.

  If she had been ready for a lover when they’d first met, she knew they’d have found each other in bed. By the time she was ready, though, they’d passed into the stage where they needed each other more as friends than a causal fling.

  The man worked like a dog and had protected her when no one else would.

  Now it seemed he’d have to do it again.

  “Marsha and Todd called me,” she whispered. She didn’t need to be as strong for Rodney…much like she didn’t need to be around Austin.

  She’d deal with that thought later.

  “Damn it. You have the restraining order in place.”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. They didn’t call from their number, and I didn’t record it. What can I do? I don’t care anymore, Rodney. I just want to move on.”

  He let out a breath, and Sierra wanted to throw the phone. “They’re not going to make that easy, honey.”

  “What are they doing now?”

  “They’ve tried criminal suits out the ass, and that hasn’t worked. They don’t have a leg to stand on. Now they’re going through the civil courts and trying to find a way to make you pay. If they can’t get you in jail, they’re going after everything else you have.”

  “Eden,” she breathed.

  “Eden. Damn it. I’m sorry. I’m working on what I can, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stop this one from going to court. If they base it on emotional damage to themselves rather than what happened to Jason and get a sympathetic judge, they could find a way in.”

  Her stomach revolted, but she held down her lunch. God, her lunch? It seemed like ages ago that she’d sat with Austin and seen his face and those gorgeous blue eyes.

  “What are we going to do?”

  “I’m going to try to find a way to fix this, Sierra.”

  “And if you can’t?”

  “Just because they might get it to court—honestly, they don’t have a legal leg to stand on—doesn’t mean they’ll win.”

  “They lost their son, Rodney.”

  “You lost him too,” he snapped back. “You lost so much more.” He let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m working on it and will keep you posted. Live your life, Sierra. Try to find a way to make it. Okay?”

  “I’ll try.” They said their goodbyes then hung up.

  It seemed the past would never leave her. It would always lurk in the corner like a shadow. She looked down at her books and shook her head. She wouldn’t be able to think tonight. They would have to be put off until tomorrow.

  She would just go home, take a bath, drink a glass of wine, and try to forget it for a moment. Wait, no, she couldn’t do that. Austin was expecting her at his place.

  “Sierra?”

  Speak of the devil.

  She looked up at Austin and lost it. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she let out sob. He was on her in an instant.

  “Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” He picked her up like she was nothing and held her to his chest before sitting down in her chair. It creaked, and she prayed it didn’t break under their combined weight.

  He soothed her while she cried, kissing her softly and running his hands down her side.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered when she was done.

  “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I…” She would she realized. She’d tell him everything. He’d seen her scars, yet he’d never asked her about it. He’d trusted that she’d tell him eventually and now that time had come.

  “I don’t want to talk about it here. Let’s go to your place, and then we can talk.”

  He searched her face then nodded. “I don’t want you driving though, okay? I’ll have Maya and Jake take your car home whe
n they get done, if that’s okay. We’ll get your stuff and then head to my place.”

  She nodded, feeling drained. “I’ll tell you, Austin. I’ll tell you everything.”

  He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Okay, then. Let’s get you home.”

  Home.

  She liked the sound of that.

  She just prayed that when she told Austin her story he wouldn’t ask her to leave.

  The world might have shattered around her before, but if Austin sent her away, she knew she’d find only a broken piece of herself left behind.

  Chapter 13

  Austin let the wheat taste of his beer slide down his throat as he watched Sierra out on his deck while he leaned against the opening of the sliding glass doors. She stood at the railing, her hair free and blowing in the wind. The sun was just setting, and the orange and pinks in the sky reminded Austin of why he loved his home and his city.

  He was surrounded by nature even though he could drive two minutes and find civilization.

  Right then he wanted to clutch Sierra to his side and protect her from the world. Something had scared her today. Something so bad she’d easily given in to his orders and control. She hadn’t batted an eyelash when he took her car keys away and drove her to her place. He’d packed up her things while she told him what she wanted. He hadn’t wanted her to lift a finger.

  The fact that she let him spoke volumes.

  They ordered Chinese and had it delivered, though both of them only picked at their food. He didn’t want to pressure her to tell him what had spooked her since lunch, but if she didn’t start talking soon, he just might do it.

  He dominated in the bedroom, not in everyday life, but when she looked so lost, so broken, he’d do what he had to in order to keep her safe.

  Sierra Elder had come to mean more to him than he’d thought possible in such a short amount of time.

  To hell with it.

  He set his beer down on the outside table then went to her. When he pressed his front to her back, caging her in, she leaned into him. She tilted her head up, and he took her mouth in an easy kiss.

  “What happened after lunch, baby?”

  She turned in his arms then wrapped hers around his waist. He didn’t hesitate and hugged her close, resting his cheek on her head.

  “I don’t know how to start.”

  He pulled back then tugged on her hand, picked up his beer and led her to the living room. He sat down on the couch and pulled her into his lap.

  “Start with right after lunch. Who bothered you?”

  She blinked at him then snorted. “Oh, well, before I go into what the, shall we say, bad part, someone did come in after lunch and bothered me.”

  Austin narrowed his eyes. “Who?” he growled.

  “Now don’t freak out because I handled this part on my own. I just thought you should know.”

  “Who?”

  “Shannon.”

  “That fucking bitch. What did she say to you?” Hell. He’d call the cops and get a restraining order at this point. He could take it just fine, but no one was allowed to bother Sierra. No one.

  “She did her whole song and dance about how you’re hers and all that crap. It didn’t bother me other than it happened in my place of business. I handled it, Austin. I honestly think she’s just bored and will go away once she finds something new. She just needs something—or someone in this case—to do. Don’t worry about it.”

  He rubbed her cheek with his thumb, pissed that his past was coming out to bother his present. “I don’t have that many exes, but it seems one I do have is trying to fuck it all up.”

  “Trying, but not doing it. It’s fine. She’ll get bored when she gets ignored, and we’ll move on. On that note, do you have any other exes I should hear about?”

  Austin blushed a bit. “Uh, not really. I haven’t heard from any of them. I think Maggie is in town, but it’s been years since I’ve seen her. Most of them are married, I think. I mean married now. Not that they were married when we were together. You know what I mean.”

  Sierra kissed his bearded cheek. “I get it.” She let out a breath, and Austin tensed. “Now, about my ex.”

  “Jason?”

  She nodded. “Jason. Damn it. Okay, so you know about my past with him a bit in terms of our relationship, and you’ve seen my scars.”

  She closed her eyes, and Austin held still. If he moved or breathed loudly, she might stop speaking, and he knew she needed to get this out.

  Not only for him, but for herself as well.

  “They’re connected.”

  “Did he do this to you?” he ground out.

  Sierra’s eyes opened, and she shook her head. “Not in the way you think. We were in an accident. And it was my fault. I killed him.”

  Austin’s heart stopped.

  “You what?” He shook his head. “Just tell me it all. Tell me about what happened and why you think you killed him. Then tell me how that relates to how I found you in your office today.”

  “He had an old Harley he loved,” she said then licked her lips.

  “Riding,” he muttered. “Oh damn.”

  “Yeah. Damn.”

  Her gaze met his, and he had to suck in a breath. The strength he saw there made him want to hold her close and never let her go. She might feel she was weak, but she was wrong. He’d do whatever was in his power to make sure she understood.

  “We rode everywhere,” she started again. “We were young, in love, carefree. You know how that goes.”

  Not exactly, but the burning knot of something he’d rather not delve too deeply into started to tighten. “How old were you again?”

  She gave him a sad smile. “Nineteen.” When his eyes widened, she snorted. “Yeah. I know. Nineteen and in love. We were both in college going for business degrees. He was going to work for his father, and I was going to open my own boutique, and we’d have babies and ride into the sunset. Damn, those dreams were so big for teenagers, but I thought it could happen. I truly thought we could take over our part of the world and live happily ever after.”

  Jason had been the center of her life back then. Sierra was a full nine years younger than he, something Jason never really thought about, but she’d been in love and lived in a way Austin would never understand.

  Now that she was in his life, though, Austin was just starting to comprehend that kind of feeling, that kind of need, but this wasn’t the time to dwell on it, not when she was in the past with the man she’d loved before him.

  “We worked well together. At least I thought we did.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My in-laws, well, those people I thought of as my in-laws since Jason and I were only engaged and not actually married, hated me.”

  He cupped her face. “How could anyone hate you?” The irony that he’d tried to hate her before he even met her didn’t escape him, but that had been his own prejudice.

  She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t good enough for their precious baby boy. They had money. Lots of it. I didn’t. I came from the middle class. My parents worked their asses off to get me money for college, and I worked on the side to pay for room and board as well. CU is expensive.”

  Austin nodded. He knew that, though he’d never gone to college. All of his siblings who’d gone to school went there. He’d taken business classes at UCD, the offshoot of CU, so he could be ready for Montgomery Ink, but that was it. He’d never felt like he needed more, and honestly, he still didn’t.

  “My parents were older when they had me and died about five years ago. Well, my dad did from a heart attack and my mother three months later with a brain aneurysm. So now I’m all alone, but I’ve moved off track.”

  Austin cupped her face. So much loss in such a short time. “I’m sorry, baby. So fucking sorry.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned into him. “I’m okay now. I know they’re together, and I had started to move on, but now I’m really off my story.” She took a deep breath. “
So Jason. Him. We rode together on the weekends when I wasn’t working. He didn’t have to work since his parents took care of him. I hated it a bit at the time since he could go off and do what he wanted and I had to work my ass off serving tables, but it really didn’t bother me too much. Money didn’t matter to me other than to save it. Jason was always a little spoiled, I get that now, but he couldn’t help it. Not with the kind of parents he had.” Her mouth twisted into a wry smile.

  “They hated me. God, how Marsha and Todd hated me. Still hate me. Not only did they think I wasn’t good enough for him, but right before he died, they found out about the D/s part of our relationship.”

  “Shit,” he mumbled. He could only guess how they’d reacted. A lot of people didn’t understand the lifestyle. He wasn’t out in the open with it unless he trusted people because he didn’t want it to hurt his family and business.

  “Yeah. Shit. They called me a whore and said I was abusing him. They said that I was some sick pervert that needed to be hit so I must have tainted their poor son and forced him to flog me. They even went to the cops and said I made Jason choke and cut me.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “I was never into breath or blood play. I’m still not, but they went to the cops with the most taboo things they could find on the Internet and tried to get me out of Jason’s life.”

  “Fucking bastards.” To take something so precious between a Dom and sub and turn it out into the public like that? Fuck, he didn’t know what he’d do, but it wouldn’t be pretty.

  “Pretty much. The cops couldn’t do anything, thankfully. Jason and I were open and honest with them, and we got lucky in the fact that one of the cops was also a Dom. He took care of us and kept an eye out just in case Marsha and Todd tried a different tactic.”

  “Thank God for him then.”

  “I know, right? So, the bad part.” She shook her head as if trying to clear the cobwebs. “We took a day off to ride up to the edge of Pike’s Peak. We didn’t like to ride all the way up because that’s freaking dangerous and cold, but we liked the drive through the Springs and such.”

  “I get it.” If he kept her talking, she’d eventually get to the bad part and then to why she’d freaked out when he saw her in her office. Jesus, even with what she’d told him, it was enough to make anyone have a breakdown.