The Doctor's One Night to Remember

by Charlotte Hawkes

  Except that this thing humming and coursing through her wasn’t hate, not even close. It took her all the way back to that beachside bar, when she’d sat with Leo and they’d argued good-naturedly about whether the honeymoon couple frolicking in the waves had really been in love.

  Even now, she could hear her stepsister asking if that would ever be her, and she could hear herself scoffing, No chance.

  But she didn’t feel like scoffing any more.

  It took everything Isla had to shake her head and get back to her paperwork.

  As if he didn’t matter to her.

  ‘That isn’t necessary,’ she managed.

  ‘On the contrary,’ he gritted out. ‘It’s long overdue.’

  ‘I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it.’

  ‘I went to speak with Dax,’ he shocked her by saying suddenly. ‘Just as you told me that I should.’

  Isla wasn’t sure what hit her hardest, the fact that he’d been to see his brother, or the fact that he’d said it was because she had told him to do so. Was it foolish to believe that she really had that much influence on him?

  As much as her head was screaming at her not to turn back to him, she couldn’t pretend she didn’t want to hear it any longer.

  Swinging around, almost in slow motion, she perched her bottom on the edge of the desk. Her arms dropped straight down each side, surreptitiously clutching the edge of the wood. Gripping it white-knuckle-tight, until she feared her fingernails would be damaged beyond all recognition.

  But what was that compared to the way he’d damaged her heart?

  And whose fault was that? a little voice whispered snidely in her head. She thrust it aside roughly.

  ‘All right. I’m listening.’

  ‘I should have told you what the Captain had advised me. I should have mentioned that appearing to be in a stable relationship with someone like you—an officer, a ship’s doctor—would have enhanced my chances of promotion.’

  ‘Yes,’ she managed. ‘You should have. But you didn’t. Because you wanted it to look convincing, you wanted to make sure everyone was fooled, and what better way to achieve that than by ensuring that even I was fooled?’

  ‘Yes,’ he ground out, and her heart stalled. It faltered.

  And in that moment Isla realised there was a part of herself that had hoped he would say something different. Something more palatable.

  She’d been used. Lesson learned. She sucked in a breath and tried to make herself stand. Her very soul felt as though it was splintering, tearing apart, and if she was going to shatter into pieces then the least she wanted was to do it in private. Where he couldn’t see her.

  But her legs felt like jelly and all she could do was grip the desk tighter.

  ‘Well...’ She had no idea how she managed to sound so crisp. So cool. ‘Thank you for finally being honest, if nothing else.’

  ‘That’s what I initially told myself I was doing, anyway,’ Nikhil continued, taking a step closer to her, making every inch of her skin prickle with awareness. ‘Yet who else knows about us? If I had honestly wanted to do that, then what was the point in us being so discreet?’

  ‘You were playing the game,’ she choked out.

  ‘Only there was no game, not really. What we had felt too precious, too private, too significant to feed to the rumour mill. So maybe I initially told myself that getting into a relationship with you would be excusable if I could pretend to myself that it was a strategic career move, but I’m not sure the truth is that simple.’

  The roaring sound in her ears was almost deafening. She didn’t want to believe him. She didn’t want to hope.

  And yet...hope poured through her.

  Nikhil sounded as though he was rolling the words around his head before he spoke them. Testing them out, seeing how they fitted. As though this wasn’t easy for him. As though this was a truth with which even Nikhil himself was only just coming to terms.

  ‘I don’t have relationships with colleagues.’

  ‘I’m know that.’ She tried not to sound so bitter. Or hurt. ‘You’re too dedicated. Too career-driven to be distracted.’

  ‘I never wanted to be in maritime,’ Nikhil countered unexpectedly, and it wasn’t so much an answer, Isla felt, as a tangent. ‘In fact, it was the last thing I ever wanted to do. My father was a sailor; he worked in the boiler room, and I never wanted to do anything, be anything, remotely like him. For obvious reasons.’

  No, she could understand that. Why would anyone want to follow in the footsteps of a violent, abusive drunkard who had caused so much pain? Mentally and physically.

  ‘Then why join?’ Isla asked, unable to help herself.

  ‘Because there were scant other opportunities where I came from.’ He shrugged. ‘And so I decided that even if I had no other real option but to follow in his footsteps to join the profession, then at least I could make myself into the kind of man, the kind of sailor, that he’d never been. I could be the one thing he could never have even dreamed of—an officer.’

  Which explained why he was dedicated, Isla supposed. Along with the way he had seemed to blame himself for how his father had died. Her mind raced. What had his brother said to him? Whatever it was, it must have been significant to bring Nikhil back here now.

  Back to her.

  ‘You never escaped him though, did you?’ she asked quietly. ‘You say you wanted to make yourself into an officer—something that your father could never have been—and yet you still let him haunt you all these years.’

  ‘I did, but not because of him. More because of Dax.’

  She wanted to speak, to answer, but she found she couldn’t. Her mouth felt too dry, her tongue too thick. Even her body felt too tight in her own skin.

  ‘I could say that I went to meet with him because of you, pyar. And perhaps I did. But I also went to meet with him because I needed to. I’ve needed to for probably twenty years, but I never had the courage before.’

  ‘Before?’ she croaked, as he nodded slowly and took a step closer to her.

  ‘I didn’t have it in me before you, Isla. But you have changed everything. You’ve changed me. And I don’t want to go back to the man I was before you came along.’

  The kick in her chest was ferocious. And savage. And yet it was more breathtaking than brutal.

  He loved her. He might not be able to say the word itself, yet the admission was there in everything he was describing. Still, she needed to hear more.

  To be sure.

  ‘What did he say? Your brother?’

  ‘The day of that demon’s funeral—when I saw the blame and loathing on Dax’s face—my life changed. I thought I really was that monster that I saw whenever I looked in the mirror. But today I met with my brother...’

  He tailed off, shaking his head as though he still couldn’t believe it, and Isla couldn’t hold herself back any more. She closed the remaining space between them, placing her hand on Nikhil’s chest and feeling the pounding of his heart. It slammed into her palm, the beat fusing with the one drumming through her own body.

  Almost as one.

  ‘He didn’t blame you, did he?’ she asked, almost breathless.

  ‘No.’ Nikhil’s eyes shone with a light she didn’t think she’d ever seen before. ‘He blamed himself. He thought he should never have left me alone with that man.’

  ‘He was little more than a kid himself,’ Isla countered softly. ‘Seventeen, I think you said.’

  The corners of Nikhil’s mouth pulled upwards as he reached out one hand to cup her cheek.

  And, God help her, she couldn’t bring herself to pull away.

  ‘I know that, pyar. Do not fear, I do not blame him—at least, not any more. There have been enough recriminations and blame going around for too long. When the only one really to blame for it all has been long gone.’ />
  ‘So, you and Dax have made your peace?’ she asked hesitantly.

  ‘We...are on our way to something like peace,’ corrected Nikhil. ‘Let us start with that, for now.’

  Isla opened her mouth to answer, but the words didn’t come. They were locked in some chaotic mess. As relieved as a part of her was for Nikhil, another part of her was still trying to work out how all that came together to bring him to her door.

  ‘And this is your simple truth?’ she managed after what felt like an eternity, lifting her own hand to cover his.

  Though whether to cup his hand or to remove it, she couldn’t quite be certain.

  ‘No.’ He shook his head, taking a final step to her and lifting his hand until he was cupping her jaw.

  It was all she could do not to melt into it.

  ‘No, the simple truth, pyar, is that I love you.’

  The words walloped through her, leaving her winded. Any response was impossible; too many emotions were swooping and tumbling through her.

  Nikhil loved her.

  Just as she loved him. It was so obvious to her now.

  ‘In fact,’ he continued, as if oblivious, ‘I think I’ve been falling in love with you ever since that first day on the quayside.’

  Isla flushed instinctively. ‘Maybe not that first moment,’ she muttered awkwardly, but then Nikhil caught her upper arms, holding her tight and making her look at him.

  ‘Yes. That first moment.’ He nodded soberly. ‘When you told me to wind your neck in. I think a part of me knew, right there, that you were the one for me.’

  Isla tried to answer. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She loved him. It should be terrifying, but Nikhil was taking all her fears and turning them on their head. And she liked it.

  Maybe too much.

  Because there were still so many other hurdles they hadn’t even begun to overcome. How could she just pretend they didn’t exist? However much she wished that to be the case.

  ‘I want to be with you,’ he told her. ‘I want to share the rest of my life with you. Waking up to you. Going to bed with you. And everything in between.’

  Her heart wanted to soar. She could feel it, pulling frantically at the tethers she’d used to ground it. To suppress it.

  She didn’t know how she found the strength to curl her fingers around his hand and pull it away from her face.

  And then to drop the contact.

  ‘I am pleased for you and your brother.’ Her voice was more clipped than she would have preferred, but that couldn’t be helped.

  It was that or crumble completely.

  ‘More pleased than you can imagine. But I’m confused at what you’re saying. I have a posting as a doctor on a new ship, and you’re getting your own ship to captain.’

  His eyes gleamed but he didn’t speak.

  ‘So I fail to see how the two things are compatible,’ she pressed on. ‘Or is that the point? Now that you are secure in the knowledge that our lives are back on different courses, you realised that you felt safe enough to say the things you were too afraid to acknowledge before?’

  ‘No. But I did realise something else.’

  ‘What’s that?’ Her tongue spoke all by itself. And they both knew he had her where he wanted her. She despaired of herself.

  ‘That was the moment I realised that I should walk away from you. And the moment I realised that I couldn’t. And it had nothing to do with being secure in the knowledge that our lives were on different courses. I told you, it was to do with the fact that I am in love with you.’

  And she wanted to argue. Or, more to the point, she didn’t want to fall for words she’d been so desperate to hear. But she was finding it harder and harder to resist.

  Then something else struck her.

  ‘What do you mean, our lives were on different courses?’

  He smiled. The most genuine, open smile she’d ever seen him give. And the tethers on her heart ripped and failed at that moment.

  ‘I spoke to Head Office this morning.’

  ‘If you changed my job again...’

  ‘I never mentioned your job, Isla.’ He silenced her with a look. ‘I discussed my own career path alone. And I suggested that I might prefer to run one more cruise as First Officer before I take up a post as captain. But this time I want to run it aboard the Star of Hermione.’

  ‘That’s my ship,’ Isla gasped, her head spinning wildly, like a kid’s paper windmill in a beach breeze.

  She fought to cling onto reality. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. She had to be hearing things. Conjuring up the words that part of her so desperately wanted to hear.

  ‘Yes, your ship,’ he echoed, as though reading her doubts.

  And allaying them one by one, as if he really did care. As if he really did love her.

  Her whole world was exploding—going up like the most spectacular New Year’s firework celebration. Almost too perfect to be true.

  She shook her head, trying to think straight.

  ‘You would turn down captaincy of a ship, and move from a flagship vessel like the Cassiopeia, just to be on the same ship as me? Meeting up in the shadows like we did for those two weeks?’

  And God help her if she couldn’t pretend to herself that they hadn’t been two almost perfect weeks.

  ‘You misunderstand.’ Nikhil cut across her thoughts. ‘I don’t want to hide in the shadows any more. I want this above board, if you’ll excuse the pun, and I want us to be a proper couple.’

  ‘A proper couple?’ she echoed in disbelief.

  ‘We would declare our relationship to Head Office and have them allocate us a cabin together. You are mine, just as I am yours. There will never be anybody else for me but you. And I no longer care who knows it.’

  ‘You don’t have to do that, Nikhil...’

  ‘I love you, Isla,’ he cut in. ‘It’s that simple. And maybe one day you’ll be able to tell me that you love me too.’

  ‘I already love you.’ The words tripped off her tongue.

  That easily.

  ‘Isla...’

  And this time it was her who cut him off.

  ‘I love you, Nikhil,’ she repeated, and wasn’t it incredible how each time she said it something feverish, and glorious, filled her from the inside out?

  ‘You are mine,’ she echoed softly. ‘And I am yours.’

  Isla had no idea who moved first; she didn’t particularly care. She only knew that one moment they were standing apart, where an entire continent might have divided them and it wouldn’t have made her feel any more distant from him than she already felt—and the next she was back in his arms, her body moulded to his.

  As if it had always been meant to be there.

  ‘The more people who know it, the better, I think,’ she murmured, moments before tilting her head up and pressing her lips to his.

  ‘The world?’ he muttered against her mouth.

  ‘It’s a start.’

  The most magnificent start she could ever have imagined.

  EPILOGUE

  STANDING AT THE prow of the Star of Hermione, the sun setting behind her, Isla reflected that the past seven months with Nikhil, and two consecutive voyages as a proper couple, had possibly been the best of her life.

  But now she was waiting, her heart once again pounding in her chest, as Nikhil had been summoned to the Captain’s cabin. A part of her celebrated the fact that it could only mean he had already been offered a new captaincy, whilst another part of her was terrified.

  She’d already been unofficially approached about joining the Hestia, the ship she’d been intended to join almost a year ago now, that first day back in Chile. But it was surely too much to hope that Nikhil had been offered captaincy.

  Whichever ship they offered him, he couldn’t turn it down a se
cond time, she knew that, but it would mean the end of their perfect little bubble.

  She turned as she heard the sound of his soft footfall across the deck.

  ‘Which ship?’ she asked without preamble, forcing herself to inject a note of excitement into her tone.

  He eyed her speculatively, but there was no mistaking that hint of shock in his expression that could only mean it was better than either of them had anticipated for him.

  As much as she was proud on his behalf, a little corner of her heart seemed to crumble a little. They had been so happy together on the Hermione. How was their relationship to survive such a move? Not that she didn’t trust him. Unlike Brad, she had no fears that Nikhil would ever betray her; it simply wasn’t who he was. But that distance just made things that much...duller.

  Still, Isla was determined to betray none of those qualms as she forced herself to smile at him.

  ‘Which ship, Nikhil?’ she repeated.

  ‘It is scarcely to be believed,’ he managed, and there was an edge to his tone that was as unsettling as it was unfamiliar.

  Her brain spun. ‘Not the Hestia?’

  ‘Not the Hestia,’ he confirmed.

  ‘Then which?’

  ‘The Cassiopeia.’

  Disbelief swirled around her and, despite the fact that her heart still felt as though it was under arrest, she was incredibly proud of Nikhil.

  Her Nikhil.

  ‘That’s amazing.’ She threw her arms around his neck and embraced him as fiercely as she could. ‘Really, I’m so pleased for you.’

  ‘Well, there is something more.’ He caught her face between his hands, holding her still so that he could talk to her. ‘Dr Turner has been champing at the bit to get you back ever since you left.’

  ‘Sorry?’ She froze, scarcely believing it.

  ‘The Captain asked me if I thought you’d be interested. I told him you probably wouldn’t, but that I’d ask you just in case.’

  ‘You said what?’ she cried, disbelief flooding through her, moments before she realised he was teasing her.

  ‘Nikhil, that isn’t funny.’