An Alpha's Choice

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She finally moved to the side and he walked in, brushing along her skin as he did so. They both sucked in a breath at the contact. He was so on edge that he could barely think. He had to remind himself that wasn’t why he’d come to her place. This wasn’t about him, but about her.

  It had to be.

  “I’d ask how you’re doing, but now that I think about it, it’s a fucking useless question.” He ran a hand through his hair and turned to look at her. She’d closed the front door and stood in front of it, her hands behind her back. Her eyes were so wide that she looked years younger. The gold rim around her eyes though told him that her wolf was far too close to the surface. She’d need a run soon if she wanted to keep sane.

  The delicate balance between human and wolf would never cease to be a sense of struggle for their kind. It was how they lived, but it didn’t make it easy.

  “He died because I’m not connected to the Pack like I should be, Finn. So, no, I’m not doing well or good or anything but completely shitty right now.”

  Finn took a step forward and she held out her arm. “Brynn, let me help.”

  She snorted. “How can you help, Finn? Huh? How can you? You’re someone that I wasn’t supposed to see again. You weren’t supposed to be with me at all. We decided that we weren’t going to do this anymore. And then we went back on that because it’s for the good of our Packs. What good have we done? What good could we have done when my Pack is still dying despite all I’m trying to do for them?”

  He stepped closer and she didn’t move her arm. He kept going until her hand landed on his chest. The contact sent a shock through both of them, but he didn’t move back.

  “Brynn. Let me help.”

  “How?” she asked, her voice cracking. Her eyes widened even more than they already were and she shook her head. “I can’t cry in front of you. I can’t break down. You bring out the worst in me, and I don’t know why.” She gave a watery snort. “No, actually I do know why, but there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?”

  He didn’t understand her cryptic comment, but hell, he didn’t understand most of her moods anyway. All he knew was that she was hurting and her wolf needed to run. That was something he could help with.

  Finn reached up and gently ran his fingers along her wrist. Her fingers tightened on his chest, her claws peeking through her fingers and scraping his skin. He didn’t flinch as she drew blood. The coppery scent filled the air and Brynn let out a whimper.

  She’d been so tightly strung for so long, trying to keep strong for her Pack and having to deal with him when he knew she truly didn’t want to, couldn’t want to, that she was about to break.

  “Run with me.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t, Finn. If I shift now, the wolf will be in control.” She sucked in a breath. “I need to be stronger than this.”

  He reached up with his other hand slowly. She froze but didn’t pull away as he cupped her face. “Let me help. You’re afraid to show a lack of control in front of your Pack. I get it. I’ve been there. But I’m not your Pack. You can break down if you need to, shift and let your wolf roam free. I’ll be there to make sure you’re not going too far. I can’t pull you back from your bonds, but I can get to you. You know I already get to you so I’ll use that to make sure you come back to your Pack. Let me help you, Brynn. Losing a Pack member should never happen. Not with the way we live, but when it does, we all feel the pain of a thousand losses. Let me help.”

  Brynn clenched her jaw, her face defiant. He kept his hold on her cheek and let her claws dig deeper into his chest. The pain helped keep his control locked down tight. He wouldn’t let her hurt herself because she felt inadequate. The world was crashing down around them, and yet all he could do was focus on the woman in front of him.

  He’d think about the implications of that thought later.

  Brynn sucked in a breath then lowered her head. “I…I need to run.” She said this so low that Finn had trouble hearing her, but he didn’t wait long enough for her to change her mind.

  Instead, he backed up a step, her claws leaving small gouges along his skin. “Come on, then. Show me where you want to run. I don’t know your den.” He tilted his head. “I’d offer my den so your Pack won’t see you, but that’s too far away. Plus, I don’t think you’d be as comfortable with so many strangers.”

  Her gaze was on the blood on his chest, and he wanted to curse.

  “You didn’t hurt me, Brynn. I liked it. Now, come on.”

  She shook her head then took a deep breath. “Thank you. I need to get out of my head and then I’ll be back.”

  “I know. Sometimes we need to just let it go. I get it.”

  With that, he reached behind her and opened the front door. She stepped out of the way and followed him to the porch. He could feel the stares of the dominant wolves on him as he and Brynn made their way to one of the forested areas of the den where Brynn wanted to run.

  Brynn let out a curse as soon as they reached the tree line. “I don’t think you should come to the den anymore.”

  He almost tripped over a rock at her words. “Excuse me?” He let the Heir come into his voice, aware that he probably was going to piss her off. Again. “I thought our Packs had a treaty.”

  Brynn blew a raspberry as they kept moving at a brisk pace. “It’s not a Pack versus Pack thing, Finn. Not really. You’re just so fucking dominant that the other wolves don’t know what to do with themselves. It’s one of the reasons Gideon doesn’t go to visit Brie’s family all the time, and why Kade doesn’t stop by for coffee. They’re just too dominant to be around a lot of wolves that can’t help but want to challenge them since they aren’t sure of the ranking of that particular wolf within the Pack. And since it’s two different Packs, it becomes an issue. We’re the only two Packs I know of that have a treaty such as ours with so many of us going from den to den.”

  Finn lifted a lip in a snarl. “I know they want to challenge me and can’t, but the Alphas don’t go to the other dens for safety and as a sign of respect.”

  “That’s part of it, sure, but all dominant wolves need to be aware of how they affect those around them.”

  “You’re talking to me like I’m a pup, Brynn. I know what my presence does. I can’t help how they react to me, but I don’t fight back. I let them stare and try to challenge. I don’t growl or bite. I know I’m on their territory, so I do my best not to let my wolf out. I only come to the den to see you, you know. I don’t even come to the Talons to see Brie.” He hadn’t even realized that was the case until he’d said it.

  Strange.

  Brynn let out a breath then stopped between a small circle of trees where a fallen log acted as a bench. “I know that. But it’s still a lot for them. Especially right now.”

  Finn shook his head. “Then you’ll come to the Redwoods? Because if I can’t come here, you’ll have to come there.”

  “Who says I have to meet you inside a den at all? We can call, text, or just meet outside. No matter the plans, we don’t need to see each other outside that.”

  “You know that’s not the case. Not anymore.” He didn’t know what he was saying or why he was saying it, but he knew it was the truth right then.

  “I can’t deal with this right now. I need to run.” Brynn sucked on her lips and shook her head before stripping off her tank top.

  Finn looked away before he did something stupid like crush his mouth to hers. Wolves were used to nudity. When they shifted, it wasn’t as if their clothes magically fell away. If they didn’t strip down before they shifted to wolf, they’d end up tangled in their clothes. Brynn being naked shouldn’t bother him. He should have been able to see her take off her clothes in front of him and shift to a wolf and be fine with it. They were wolves. That was how things were done. Wolves didn’t let their eyes linger unless they were mates or had privileges that he didn’t have with Brynn. They weren’t as crass as to get off on another wolf doing what they had to in order to shift.


  Yet Finn couldn’t hold back the urge to take her. Instead, he pulled his shirt over his head and undid his jeans. He heard her shuck off her shorts and bend down near the log. He wouldn’t think about her curves or how fucking sexy she was when they were doing this. He had to be stronger than that. He quickly toed off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans before kneeling down.

  “I’ll follow you,” Finn said. “Once we’re wolves, I’ll follow where you want to go. If I sense you need me to, I’ll pull you back, but just let go, Brynn.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  He still didn’t look at her, afraid of his own control. Some dominant wolf he was. Instead of dwelling, he tugged on the bond that centered him to his wolf. The bond ached like a sore limb, pulsating until finally his wolf listened and came forward. He barely remembered a time when the bond between him and his wolf didn’t hurt. It had been different the first couple of times he’d changed as a child. That was before the demon had taken everything from him.

  When wolves were children, the moon goddess spared the pain of shifting. Shifters didn’t turn for the first time until they were two or three. Until they hit puberty, and sometimes for a few years after that, they didn’t feel what the adults felt.

  At least that was the case with most children.

  Since the demon attack, Finn felt every single shift, every single arch of pain that came with transforming from a man to a wolf. Just as he felt it then.

  Though the moon goddess had blessed the original hunter with the power to shift, it wasn’t intended to be a blessing at first. The hunter had killed an animal in the forest for no reason other than joy, so the moon goddess had come to the earthly plane and forced that wolf’s soul into the human’s body. The human was forced to share his body with the soul of a wolf and learn how to control dual natures, as well as shift into the animal it had killed for sport. His cousin Parker was actually a descendent of that first hunter if the stories were true.

  And because shifting wasn’t intended to be a blessing, it hurt. Tendons tore as they gave way for bones to break in half and into pieces, altering their shape so they could make way for the new form of a wolf. If a shifter was made into a wolf after they were adult, they never had a chance to learn how to shift without the aide of no pain. Most threw up the first time, their bodies giving out at the unnatural way their bodies mutilated themselves in order to become their other half.

  Finn’s muscles tore along with the tendons and his face elongated into a muzzle. Fur sprouted along his skin before receding again. Each pore on his skin burned as the fur came through again, this time remaining. His legs turned to his back haunches, his feet turning to paws. His arms bent awkwardly to form his forelegs, strong and able to take the brunt of a jump and fight. While most of the wolves in his family and those in the Brentwoods could partial shift with their claws and fangs, most wolves couldn’t. It was either or. Now his wolf was the chosen form, his body shaking as the transformation completed.

  He threw back his head and howled. He wasn’t in his den so no one answered back, but his wolf needed the freedom. While most of the time his wolf was silent, when he was in this form, he felt more of a connection than he did at any other time.

  He turned at the sound of a whimper turned howl. Brynn was almost done with the change, and he stood over her, making sure she came out the other end okay. It was an odd reaction considering she was so much older than him and had been through countless shifts before his parents had even mated. She wasn’t his, but right then, he knew he acted as if she were.

  By the time she’d finished turning, her body shook, but she stood on four legs and held her head high. She was damn strong to shift as quickly as she had, considering he hadn’t shifted that much faster than her.

  While he was dark all over, she had rusty spots and streaks through her black fur. She wasn’t as large as he was, but her stance held power. He nipped at her neck, surprising them both. That was a form of play, but usually only between lovers and mates.

  She nipped back before darting to the side. She leaned down on her front paws and wiggled her tail in the air. If a wolf could smile, he’d have done so at the look on her face. She’d needed this, needed the connection to her wolf.

  He yipped at her and she took off, running at full speed. He followed, the pads of his paws digging into the loose soil as they darted in and out of the trees. They jumped over fallen logs and large boulders, running as fast as they could. The wind tangled in his fur, and he lowered his head, hunting though not for any particular thing.

  They continued on for almost an hour before Brynn finally stopped at another clearing close to where they’d begun. They’d gone in a large circle, and could have gone a little longer to go back to their clothes. It confused him that she didn’t just keep going, but he stopped with her, shifting back to human as he felt the power of her transformation tug on his wolf.

  The pain of going back to human hurt like a fiery hell, as well. Shifting again so soon took a lot of energy, and he’d have to eat soon to replenish it. Thankfully, both he and Brynn were strong enough to do it. He knew if they’d had to, they’d be able to shift again to head to their clothes, or worse, fight if needed.

  As soon as he was back to his human form, his chest heaving and his sweat-slicked skin tender, he stood on two legs and frowned down at Brynn. He was exhilarated from the run, and his cock was rock hard not only from the adrenaline but also from the very naked, very sexy woman beside him. But he didn’t know why they’d stopped here, and he wanted to know before he figured out what to do with the arousal between them.

  Brynn finished shifting, her skin a blushed pink as she stood on shaky legs. She pushed her hair back from her face and raised her chin. Her eyes were bright but not wolf like they had been before. The run had helped, but he still felt as if he were missing something.

  “Why did we stop here?” he asked. They were both naked, sweaty, and aroused, but he didn’t do anything. Not yet. Not until he knew what she was thinking.

  “I need to tell you something and I need you not to scream at me.”

  He blinked. “Why would I scream? When have you ever known me to scream?”

  She huffed. “Fine. Don’t growl or yell or shout. Sorry, I used the wrong word.”

  An eerie sense settled over his skin and he frowned. “I can’t promise that…but I’ll do my best.”

  She snorted. “I guess that’s all I can ask.” She let out a breath then met his gaze. “The reason I’ve been out of sorts, the reason I want to yell at you and yet want something more at the same time is for a reason.” She paused. “I’m your mate.”

  Deafening silence.

  What.

  How.

  No. That couldn’t be true.

  She was mistaken. That had to be the only answer to this because he didn’t understand her words. She had to be joking. This was just a cruel taunt and a way to push him away because she couldn’t stand him. That’s all he knew. She hated him. Hated being around him. She pushed and growled and wanted nothing to do with him. She’d slapped him when he’d kissed her. She’d denied her attraction to him because he wasn’t worth her time. That was the only explanation. He’d stayed away and not pursued because she wasn’t his. His wolf hadn’t told him. His wolf hadn’t done a fucking thing. He hadn’t wanted to one day meet his mate and yet have feelings for Brynn. He’d done all of that because he hadn’t felt the potential mating.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  All of these thoughts happened in a moment’s time, all at once, crashing into him. He struggled to breathe, to think, to remember that he was the Heir and needed to remain in a form of control.

  His limbs felt numb, his fingers tingling as if they couldn’t quite keep the blood flowing.

  He didn’t say anything, but she continued.

  “Or rather, you’re mine. I can feel the potential bond with you. I’ve been able to feel it since before Gideon and Brie’s mating. My wolf want
s you, craves you. And the woman? She wants you, too. I’ve seen your strength, your compassion. But I know you don’t feel the same. I know you want me because you’re a man and you are attracted to me. But I know. I know that the moon goddess fucked up. Either your wolf doesn’t want me at all and the mating is truly one-sided, or something happened and you can’t feel it.”

  His mouth opened once, twice, but nothing came out.

  Tears slid down her cheeks and she gave him a sad smile. “I know you’re mine down to the very depths of my soul. I know that my wolf wants you with every breath she takes. Yet I know I’ll never have you because you don’t feel the same.”

  “Brynn…” he whispered.

  She shook her head. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I never told you before because I couldn’t be weak. I couldn’t open my soul like this, bleeding out in the open for you to take advantage and see me as nothing but a weak wolf. But it’s killing me, Finn. I’d rather you know now, know my pain, than stand beside you in silence because I was too afraid.”

  He reached out for her, his fingers a breath away. He opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. It didn’t matter though.

  At that moment, the explosion burst near his ears and Brynn screamed. They both flew back as the wards rocked. The fire licked the wards but didn’t come through.

  However, the large tree that had been rooted for over a century on the other side of the wards cracked. The sound was deafening. He crawled in the dirt toward Brynn and brought her close, covering her body with his.

  The tree that had once stood tall, its branches reaching far into the heavens fell on the wolf side of the wards, landing with a thundering crash.

  Someone had bombed the outside of the den, and yet it was the bomb that had fallen just mere moments earlier that made his mind whirl. One word slammed into his mind over and over again.

  Mate.

  Chapter Ten