Grandmother's Namesake

by Cathy Bryant

  Distracting herself from William’s gaze by fiddling with the edge of her sleeve, Susanna softly responded, “Oh, mostly catching up on the news while we worked, for it has been a long time between visits.”

  “By the way Maddie had spoken of you so often, I had thought the two of you had been regularly together,” said William, with a quizzical look. “As I have not been around enough to observe Maddie’s usual visitors, I thought I had simply missed seeing you whenever you were here.”

  Having no desire to reveal the reason for her absence, of late, Susanna shifted uncomfortably. She hoped he would not notice her lack of a response. William quickly detected the nervous way in which she was toying with her frock and thought it best not to inquire further.

  Changing the subject, he asked, “In my short acquaintance with her, I have found Maddie to be a most gracious and kind lady. I wonder at her living here alone. Has she no family?”

  Relieved to talk of something else, Susanna responded, “Maddie has been a widow for some time. She had a great love for her husband Christopher; however, they were never blessed with any children of their own.”

  “That explains her relationship with you and your family. She speaks of you all as though you were kin,” smiled William, taking note of Susanna’s expression. He was beginning to sense that, as he had suspected upon making her acquaintance, she was concealing a terrible pain. “She had told me of Christopher, but I dared not inquire whether there had been any children since she had never mentioned any. There are, at times, difficulties between parents and their children. If that had been the case with Maddie, I did not wish to cause her any discomfort by inquiring about it.”

  As Susanna did not respond right away, William perceived that she was preoccupied. He then sat quietly and waited for her to speak.

  While William was speaking of how often Maddie had made mention of her, Susanna had begun to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for having stayed away for so long. How could I have been so selfish? Losing Grandmother was as great a loss for Maddie as it was for me.

  The movement of William shifting in his chair transported Susanna’s mind back to the present. What was it that William said? Oh, yes. It was about Maddie and why he hadn’t asked her whether she had ever had any children. “Mr. Gage, had Maddie ever been blessed with children, I cannot imagine any difficulties arising between them. She would have been a wonderful mother.”

  “Indeed,” he replied wistfully. The thought of his own mother and their relationship saddened him. If only she were more like Maddie. Glancing over at Susanna, once again, he said with a smile, “Do call me William. Mr. Gage is too formal between friends.”

  Susanna nodded distractedly. She could not stop thinking about her neglect of Maddie.

  Within a few minutes, Maddie called for them to join her. William then rose and went over to where Susanna was seated. Extending his hand, he inquired, “May I escort you to supper, my lady?”

  Susanna started when she glanced upward and saw William standing directly in front of her. She had been so absorbed in thought that she had not heard Maddie call. William swiftly reached down and helped her to her feet before linking her arm through his.

  Hesitating at his unexpected touch, Susanna looked intently into William’s eyes. Upon this close an inspection, she found him to be even more handsome than she had first thought. With his light brown hair hanging long about the collar and his dark, emerald eyes, she could scarcely keep from staring. Coming to herself she realized the position of her arm—it was linked with William’s. She then stared forward as they made their way out of the sitting room.

  Maddie smiled at the two young people walking arm in arm. “It appears that the two of you are becoming better acquainted.”

  Embarrassed by Maddie’s words, Susanna suddenly moved away from William. Undaunted by Susanna’s quick shuffling away, William held out a chair for Maddie. Then, hoping to put Susanna’s mind at ease, he moved to the far side of the table.

  The threesome chatted comfortably throughout the meal—discussing many subjects including some that were theological in nature. As the evening wore on, William’s regard for Susanna intensified as he perceived that she had been admirably taught in the Word.

  Susanna, too, had gained a better understanding of the young man with whom she had been conversing throughout the course of the evening. What is more, she had all but forgotten the uneasiness she had felt earlier. William began to feel completely spent. He, therefore, announced his intention to take his leave.

  Susanna felt sorrowful at the thought of him leaving. After having been ill at ease at the start of the evening, she had not expected to be so comfortable by the end of the meal. What is more, she realized she had not thought of her grandmother even once the entire evening.

  Chapter 4

  Late the next afternoon, Maddie made up her mind to speak with Susanna concerning the length of her stay. She had given a lot of thought to what Susanna had said when she first arrived about staying for just a few days. Finding her in the barn tending the horses, she said, “Susanna, I am aware you had intended that your visit would be brief. However, I hoped that, by now, you might have changed your mind. Wouldn’t you rather stay on for the entire summer?”

  “In truth, I have been considering it,” confessed Susanna. “Though I long for things to be the way they were—with Grandmother, you, and me all together—being with you has been a great comfort to me. Moreover, I have recently come to the realization that I have been selfish. In wallowing in my own pain, I have not given much consideration to your feelings.”

  “Susanna, do not give it another thought. I am much older and, therefore, rather used to tragedy and loss. You, however, are still so very young and have had little to no experience with such things. The loss of your beloved grandmother is difficult in itself, but to lose her in such a way . . . well, we shall not dwell on the circumstances any longer. To do so only breeds bitterness for those responsible, and once bitterness takes hold of a person, it can be extremely destructive.”

  “Indeed. I have been much consumed with such thoughts for far too long,” agreed Susanna. “It is now my fervent prayer that God would help me to prevail over my festering anger and resentment.”

  “You must know that I look on you very much as my own granddaughter—and your sisters too, of course. I can never take the place of your grandmother. Nevertheless I am always here for you.”

  With tears streaming down, Susanna lifted her head to respond. “Maddie, it has always been as though I have had two grandmothers. It is true that I have lost one, but I am blessed to still have you.”

  At that moment, having come in from the fields, William came strolling into the barn. As he entered, he observed Maddie and Susanna in an embrace. He then noticed Susanna’s tear-stained cheeks. Supposing this to be a private moment, he quickly stepped back out into the yard where he waited patiently for one or the other to appear. At last, Susanna emerged looking more at ease.

  “Good afternoon, Susanna,” he said, with a sympathetic look upon his face.

  Noticing his concerned expression, Susanna reached up to dry her cheeks. She supposed that there must yet be evidence of tears remaining.

  “And to you, William,” she replied, timorously, for she dared not look him in the eye.

  Sensing her discomfort, William strolled on past as though he had not noticed a thing. He then called back over his shoulder, “I am just finishing up for the day. I shall see you tomorrow, Susanna.”

  Upon entering the barn, William inquired of Maddie, “Maddie, I have just spoken to Susanna. Is she well? It appeared as though she had been weeping.”

  Maddie turned toward William to explain, but was unsure how to begin. There were things to which William had not been privy; telling half the story wouldn’t explain much.

  In view of the fact that Maddie hesitated before answering, William admitted, “In truth, Maddie, I walked in on the two of you a moment ago. I am aware that she had in
deed been crying. Nonetheless if you would rather not tell me, I shall understand.”

  “It is all right, William. I shall tell you. We were discussing the possibility of Susanna staying on for the rest of the summer. In the course of our conversation, we spoke of Susanna’s grandmother. She was concerned that she had been selfish with respect to my feelings over the loss.”

  “Oh, I was not aware that her grandmother had passed on,” replied William. “I am sorry to hear it. Were the two of you close?”

  “Indeed—the best of friends.”

  While he was sorry to hear the sad news regarding Susanna’s grandmother, William’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of her remaining for the whole summer. He had been rather preoccupied at the thought of her leaving. Though he did not wish for Maddie to suspect his true feelings, he desired to know her answer. In an attempt to appear indifferent to the question he had in mind to ask, William picked up the broom. “Well, what did you ladies decide? Shall she stay on?”

  Surmising that William had feigned his disinterest, Maddie responded with a grin, “She decided she would stay. It shall be as it has always been; that is, until last summer when she did not come at all. As good as it shall be to have her here, I shall always miss the days when I had my two Susannas for summer visits.”

  “I was not aware that she was named after her grandmother.”

  “Yes, she is her namesake, and very much like her grandmother—lively and spirited. I hope some of that spirit returns while she is here. In fact, I believe I have seen signs of it already.”

  Maddie continued, “I should not wish for the other Jameson children to hear me say this, but I have always preferred the company of Susanna over the others. She not only has spent more time with me but, as I have said, she is the most like her grandmother. It was much the same for her grandmother. She loved the others; however, Susanna always held a special place in her heart. What a pity her grandmother has been taken away so needlessly.”

  William began to believe that his impressions regarding Susanna had been right. Maddie seems concerned about her. She appears so despondent at times. I wonder if there is more to it than simply the death of her grandmother; though, that is a sufficient enough reason for her sadness. What was it Maddie said; she was taken away needlessly? Well, regardless of how her grandmother died, I pray that Susanna’s sorrow shall diminish over the summer. “I am determined to do whatever it takes to lift her spirits,” he said, not realizing he had spoken aloud.

  “What did you say?” inquired Maddie.

  Glancing in Maddie’s direction, William’s face flushed with embarrassment. He had forgotten she was still there. “Oh . . . nothing really. I was just thinking out loud.”

  Maddie smiled as she turned to leave. William remained behind to finish the chores. However, just as he was about through for the day, a distressing thought came to him. Her grandmother’s name was Susanna. What are the chances? It cannot possibly be that Susanna. “Oh, Lord, I pray that it isn’t.”

  His thoughts continued to torture him as he prepared to set off for home. I must inquire after Susanna’s grandmother’s surname. Perhaps she is Susanna’s father’s mother. If that be the case, her family name would be the same—Jameson, not Martin. But what if it is Martin? Though he attempted to push the disturbing thought out of his mind, he was not at all successful.

  “William,” Maddie called out from the house. She had observed him preparing to leave.

  William looked back over his shoulder and answered, “Yes, Maddie, is there something I can do for you?”

  “Will you not stay on for supper? We would love to have you join us.”

  William didn’t think he could sufficiently hide his concern while conversing over a meal. He then replied, “No. Regretfully, I cannot, for I still have some things to do at home. I may not even break for supper.”

  “Very well, but tomorrow night we shall not let you get away.”

  Susanna questioned Maddie upon her return to the sitting room. She was interested to know whether William would be joining them for supper. Maddie explained that he had things to do at home, but that she had insisted he join them the following evening.

  Susanna wondered at his decision not to stay. She then recalled his sympathetic look when she had come out of the barn. Maybe I wasn’t as good at hiding my emotions as I thought. Father has always said that men are uncomfortable around emotional women. I have spent an inordinate amount of time weeping lately. If only I could get control of myself.

  The following morning, Susanna rose early to spend some time in prayer. For the first time, in a very long time, she felt a desire to commune with the Lord. “Lord, I know I have been distant for quite some time. I now see that I blamed you for not saving Grandmother. I humbly ask for Your forgiveness. I thank You that I have begun to emerge from the darkness, which has been all consuming. Even in the difficult times, help me always to place my trust in You.”

  Just then, Susanna heard a knock on the door of her bedchamber. Maddie had surmised, by the noise coming from Susanna’s room, that she was awake. Therefore, she came to inquire whether she might like to join her for a time of prayer.

  After opening the door, Susanna ushered Maddie inside. “Maddie, as a matter of fact, I was praying when you knocked. Following the events of last year, I believed God to be exceedingly distant. However, I no longer blame Him, for I have come to realize it was I who was distant. Furthermore, I am ashamed to say that I never even beseeched the Lord on behalf of those who continued to languish in prison long after Grandmother’s demise. Thankfully, they were set free in May. Nevertheless, when I learned they were charged a fee for their keep and for the expenses of a trial at their release, I was angry. The correct response should have been for me to be on my knees thanking God for His mercy in that they did not suffer the same fate as Grandmother.”

  With a bewildered look, Susanna continued, “In truth, Maddie, I still cannot make sense of it all. Though I no longer blame Him, I continue to wonder why He allows terrible things to happen. Before you joined me, I had just prayed that I would trust God regardless of the situation. And yet I know it shall be difficult to put that into practice.”

  Comprehending that the anger she had observed in Susanna had begun to subside, Maddie spoke with compassion. “Susanna, I do not presume to have all of the answers; however, there is one thing of which I am sure; God’s heart breaks over all that has happened. Remember, He experienced suffering firsthand. His Son was murdered by those who believed that what they were doing was right.”

  Having observed that she had Susanna’s full attention, she continued. “Susanna, He loved your grandmother and she Him. Right up until the end, she never wavered in her faith. She remained constant—never blaming God for what was happening to her. Her peace over the eventual outcome was such that she had even instructed her children not to involve themselves on her behalf for fear they might be accused as well.”

  “Indeed, she was faithful. I am ashamed that I have faltered,” cried Susanna. “I believed with all of my heart that He would come to her rescue. When that did not happen . . . well . . .”

  Hugging her young friend, she responded, “Susanna, she is safe in His arms now. Remember what the psalmist said, ‘Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.’”

  Throughout the remainder of the day, while carrying out her chores, Susanna considered all that Maddie had said. “Lord, please create in me a faith akin to Grandmother’s and Maddie’s.”

  Late in the afternoon, with a heavy heart, William set off for Maddie’s. There were things that required his attention, which could not be avoided. Still tortured by the possibility that his parents might have been responsible for Susanna’s sorrow, he had purposefully stayed away until such a time as the ladies, he believed, would surely have finished their work.

  The more he pondered over the matter, the more he thought it would, indeed, explain everything—the reason Susanna had stayed away as well as
the pained expression he had observed upon her face so often. In vain, he had attempted to distract himself from such unrelenting thoughts.

  Coming into the yard, William found Maddie waiting for him. “It is about time. I was beginning to think you were not going to keep your promise of taking your supper with us,” she said with a grin.

  “I remembered,” replied William, looking exhausted from a sleepless night.

  As Maddie peered closer at William’s face, she became concerned. “You look completely done in.”

  “Just a bit tired. There are a few things requiring my attention, but I shall not be too long.”

  As soon as Maddie returned to the house, she found that Susanna had finished up the preparations for the meal and had set the table. As promised, it was not long before William joined them. Still feeling a bit embarrassed about her behavior the previous day, Susanna determined to be jovial and not allow any sad thoughts to enter her mind during the course of the evening.

  Noting a change in Susanna, William began to wonder if he might have been wrong about the circumstances surrounding her grandmother’s death. Maybe it was something altogether different than what I had imagined. I cannot allow myself to think about this any longer.

  As soon as the meal was over, the trio removed to the sitting room; at which point, they enjoyed pleasant conversation. After a while, Susanna began recounting a story involving her grandmother, which had taken place at the Osgood farm. “Having heard a noise out in the yard, Grandmother proceeded to load one of Christopher’s old guns before setting off to investigate. She wouldn’t allow us to accompany her. It wasn’t long before Maddie and I heard a scream. As we raced out into the yard, we heard Grandmother warning us to stay away. Soon after, we caught a whiff of something terrible. We laughed so hard I thought my sides would bust and Maddie was in much the same condition. As you may have guessed, my grandmother had come into contact with a skunk. Truth be told, she smelled for days. In fact, the entire house was filled with the horrible aroma for what seemed like months, yet in reality was no longer than a fortnight.”