Grandmother's Namesake

by Cathy Bryant

  “What is the matter, Susanna?”

  “It is Grandmother and the others,” she replied, trembling. “I cannot get the vision of their executions out of my head.”

  With some difficulty, Maddie sank down onto the floor and wrapped her arms around Susanna.

  Leaning her head into Maddie’s shoulder, Susanna whispered. “I was there, Maddie.”

  Smoothing Susanna’s wet hair from her brow, Maddie gently responded, “Dreams do seem very real at times.”

  “No, I was really there!” she cried.

  “Are you saying that you attended the hangings, Susanna?” she inquired with astonishment.

  Still trembling—face buried in her hands—Susanna replied, “Yes, Maddie. I could not allow Grandmother to suffer alone. I had to be there.”

  “Did you go alone, or was someone with you?”

  Sobbing, she explained, “While I was in town one day—a week before that fateful day—I overheard Lydia Saunders’ parents speaking about going to observe the hangings. As she is a friend of mine and I am well acquainted with the family, I boldly asked if I could ride along with them. I explained that I had my own horse but had always been forbidden to travel beyond town alone. As they knew of my love for Grandmother, they reluctantly agreed.”

  Susanna had Maddie’s full attention at this point. She went on to explain that once she acquired traveling companions, when the time came to leave, she had prepared enough food and clothing for the trip. “At the time I was astonished that everything had worked in my favor. Salem is some distance from Amesbury; I would never have made it on my own. My friend Lydia had agreed to keep my secret and persuaded her parents to do the same. I also spoke with Elizabeth that week and told her of my plan. Though I hated to involve her in my deception, I convinced her to protect my secret. I had hoped that if it was not permissible for me to stay with Lydia that week, with her parents away, Elizabeth would be my second choice. The plan would then be for my family to assume that I was with her, though I really had no intention of staying with either one.”

  Looking a little confused, Maddie continued to listen. She hoped that, in the end, Susanna’s story would make sense.

  Sensing Maddie’s confusion, Susanna, through her sobs, clarified, “Don’t you see? I had to make it appear as though I was away at a friend’s that week.”

  “Were you speaking of Elizabeth Howard when you mentioned a second option?”

  “Yes, and, as it turned out, Elizabeth was with you at the time of the hangings. She became ill shortly after I had spoken with her.”

  “Yes, I was about to say that very thing—that option would not have worked. Elizabeth was, indeed, extremely ill during the time of the hangings.”

  “Yes, poor thing. I am grateful she survived such an ordeal. And, considering that I couldn’t have used Elizabeth as an excuse, I was thankful that my parents did not put up a fuss about me staying with Lydia.”

  Aghast by all that she was hearing, Maddie continued to listen to Susanna’s tearful account of all that had happened to her at the time of the hangings.

  “While we were in Salem, the Saunders allowed me to stay with them at their friend’s home. When it was all over, they conveyed me home again. I had hoped that when the time came to commence with the horror, the people there would be of a different mind and would not follow through with the hangings. However, that was not to be.”

  Maddie nodded her head in understanding. She, too, had wondered how anyone could have condoned such barbarism. “Why did the Saunders attend the hangings?”

  “One of the accused was a cousin of Mr. Saunders. They were also hoping for a different outcome. Right up until the end, none of us quite believed they would go through with the hangings. Maddie, Gr . . . Grandmother noticed me in the crowd that day. With a grief-stricken look upon her face, she whispered the words ‘I love you’ just before they placed the noose around her neck.” At this point, Susanna’s sobs became uncontrollable.

  Leaning her head against Susanna’s, Maddie, amidst her own tears, softly said, “Susanna, I never knew you were present when she died. Have your parents since learned of this?”

  “No, as they had forbidden me to go, I could not bring myself to disclose that I had been there. In fact, since I had prior permission, Jane mistakenly assumed that I had ridden off to be with Lydia for a few days, so she too was none the wiser. I arrived back in town scarcely ahead of my parents. Since then, I have spoken of this to no one—other than Lydia—not even Elizabeth. I think Elizabeth has been too afraid to inquire into the matter for fear of upsetting me. I am not quite sure how it is that I have never been questioned about my supposed time away at Lydia’s.”

  “And the nightmares, do they happen often?” inquired Maddie with concern.

  “Yes, however, since coming here they have been less frequent.”

  “It isn’t any wonder that you are having bad dreams after such a traumatic event. It is strange that I had not heard your screams before tonight.”

  “I am not in the habit of causing such a disturbance—that is not to say that I never have. However, I usually awaken before it progresses to that point.”

  “I am astonished that you have kept such a thing to yourself for so long. Come along; I shall make you some tea, as you are not likely to go back to sleep.”

  With her sobs abating, Susanna assisted Maddie to her feet. Arm in arm they made their way out of the young woman’s bedchamber. A short time later, their tea was ready.

  Taking their tea into the sitting room, they continued in conversation until they observed the sun peeking through the window. After rising from her chair, Maddie patted Susanna’s head and then set off to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

  Susanna ate very little before deciding it was time to return to her bedchamber and dress for the day.

  Maddie said, as the young woman rose from the table, “Susanna, when you return we shall beseech the Lord for deliverance from the terrible nightmares you have been experiencing.”

  “Do you really believe He can help me? I have had so many doubts of late.”

  “Susanna, I don’t know the reason why God allows such things to occur. However, I have been the recipient of His healing power at the most devastating moments in my life—times when I thought I should never recover.”

  “I feel as if I have moved exceedingly far away from Him,” uttered Susanna.

  “Susanna, I have not pressed for you to attend services with me in the weeks that you have been here. Your mother informed me of your aversion to public worship since your grandmother’s death. Knowing this, I remained here at home with you. In fact, she told me that you had been absent from worship for so long a time that your father had even been called upon by a couple of the brethren to give an account of your purported ‘frequent neglect of worship.’ I am certain that had it not been for my age, it would have been the same for me—given the many weeks I have remained at home with you.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that; you must be right. As for Father having to give an account, he told me that after he met with the men from church, they reported back to the pastor, explaining that I was in a melancholy state of mind after the tragedy that had befallen our family. Reverend Wells then sent back word that he completely understood and that he didn’t expect me to return until I was ready. It is a pity he had not been more understanding when the trouble started. He then might have acted on behalf of Grandmother.”

  “Many remained silent during that time out of fear of suffering the same fate,” responded Maddie with understanding for Susanna’s feelings. “I believe he and various others may have also been deceived, at least in part, that the accusations were in fact true.”

  “Yes, his lectures said as much,” groused Susanna with a furrowed brow.

  “Susanna, I understand that to attend alongside of your grandmother’s accusers, or even those who stood silently by, may not be conducive to your recovery, but do take care what you say regarding Reverend Well
s. You do not want to be accused of ‘reproaching a minister,’ for as you may recall, the General Court has called this particular action a punishable offense. When you wish to attend services again, you may accompany me to the meetinghouse in Haverhill. I completely understand if you never desire to return to the Amesbury church.”

  “You truly do appreciate my struggle, Maddie.”

  “To be sure, Susanna. I have had similar struggles. In fact, I have asked your mother how she manages to attend services at the Amesbury meetinghouse after all that has happened. Oh, I know it is expected and she would surely be called to account for being negligent in her attendance if she did not go.”

  “I wonder at Mother never having mentioned your conversation.”

  “She must have sought to spare you from any discussion that tended in the direction of your grandmother’s death.”

  “I am sure you are right. Had she informed me it would have necessitated a discussion that most certainly would have reminded me of Grandmother.”

  All at once, Susanna looked upon Maddie with gratitude. She had not once considered returning to the Amesbury church. But until Maddie suggested it, neither had she considered the possibility of attending elsewhere.

  “Susanna, I must counsel you not to allow bitterness to be the impetus for leaving any church. However, in this case, harmful actions, which resulted in the death of many innocent people—as well as faulty biblical instruction—may be enough to warrant a change. It was similar for Oliver and me when we left England. We believed the teachings to be faulty and desired a change. However, in our case, it was necessary to take leave of England for that to occur.”

  Though she had heard Maddie’s story before, Susanna, listening closely, had to agree that a time of introspection concerning her motives for attending another church was now in order. Consequently, she determined to spend some time in prayer before making any decisions on whether or not to take Maddie up on her offer.

  While Maddie had Susanna’s complete attention, she went on to say, “What is more, Susanna, you may come to me at any time with anything that is troubling you. Simply talking things through may help. You must know that your wellbeing is of the utmost importance to me.”

  Though Maddie wished to speak openly with Susanna regarding William’s family, the nightmares had served to confirm their decision to wait. The young woman was still in too delicate a state. That kind of news may well thrust Susanna back into a melancholy state of mind. Additionally, the situation could end the friendship between my two young friends. With all of this in mind, Maddie remained silent on the subject while praying that God would reveal the proper time for William to make his secret known.

  Susanna worked diligently throughout the rest of the day assisting Charles, William’s farmhand, for he was still learning the ropes. As she worked, she became all the more determined to overcome the haunting dreams and overwhelming grief she had endured for far too long.

  William returned too late in the day to proceed to Maddie’s. Consequently, the following morning, just as the sun was rising, he set off for the Osgood farm. He had been looking forward to seeing the ladies. He had missed them more than he had anticipated. Once there, he worked for a couple of hours before catching a glimpse of Susanna just as she was passing by the barn in the direction of the garden. Thinking about whether or not to follow her, he decided it was best to wait until she returned before speaking to her. He didn’t want to appear too eager.

  An hour later, William became a bit impatient for Susanna to return from the garden. Just as he had decided to go out to her, Maddie came moseying into the barn.

  Bumping into Maddie at the entrance, William said breathlessly, “Good day to you, Maddie. You startled me.”

  “Oh, William, I am sorry. I had not thought to find you here today or I should have been more careful upon entering the barn.”

  “I was sure that I had informed you of the day of my return,” responded William, quizzically.

  “I am sure you did. Do not mind me, as my mind is not what it used to be,” she chuckled. “William, before Susanna finishes up in the garden, there is something about which I must speak with you.”

  “What is it, Maddie?”

  “I was awakened last night to a scream coming from Susanna’s room. It seems that she has been plagued by nightmares ever since . . . well. In any case, she informs me that they have been less frequent since her arrival here this summer. Still, as terrifying as they are for her, less frequent is not acceptable. She must be rid of them once and for all if she is ever to move on with her life.”

  William, with a look of concern, stated that he would do anything he could to help.

  “William, there is more,” sighed Maddie, knowing her words would most likely distress him. “She confided in me that she was present at the hangings.”

  Grasping the back of his neck, he turned away to process the news. “That thought had never occurred to me. I had thought her parents might have been there so her grandmother would not have been alone when she . . . but Susanna!”

  Allowing William time to take in the news, Maddie, without speaking, simply nodded. William paced a bit before slumping down on a pile of hay. “It is not a wonder that she has been so distraught. Losing her grandmother in such a tragic way and she witnessed the whole thing. This is just too much. At times I really hate my parents!” he thundered.

  After blurting out his feelings, he inspected Maddie’s face for the disapproval he thought to find there. To his astonishment, there was nothing but understanding in her expression. She further demonstrated her forbearance by sitting down beside him and placing her hand on his shoulder. As he felt the warmth of her soothing touch, a great affection for this woman, who loved so easily, stirred within him. Of late, his own mother had been so full of hate that she was devoid of any real warmth toward anyone, including her son.

  “William, God understands how you feel. If you will allow it, He shall give you the strength to forgive your parents. It is to your detriment to hold on to your hatred.”

  Acknowledging Maddie, William shook his head and said, “There are times I believe that I have come to a place of forgiveness only to find the old feelings lurking just below the surface. How am I to remain steadfast in my forgiveness when I feel so terrible about what Susanna has gone through at the hands of my parents?”

  “Just keep seeking after God in this matter, and in time you shall find that you can do this.”

  Just then, Maddie and William were startled by the sound of Susanna singing as she approached the barn. Maddie quickly moved away from William and attempted to appear busy with her work.

  William then moved with haste out the other door in order to regain his composure before coming face to face with Susanna. However, Susanna caught sight of him as he was leaving and inquired of Maddie where William was off to in such a hurry. She wondered if he was avoiding her for some reason.

  “I am sure he was simply in a rush to get started out in the fields,” responded Maddie, averting her eyes from Susanna’s penetrating gaze. Though it was partly true—he did wish to get to work—she had never been very good at half-truths and feared her face would give her away.

  Disappointed that she had been unable to speak to William, Susanna shrugged and then continued with her daily chores.

  Later that day, exhausted from grappling with his emotions, William arrived back at the barn. Though he had struggled to come to terms with everything he had been feeling, he had not been the least bit successful. In short order, he finished tending to everything and then attempted to take his leave unseen, but Susanna observed him before he could get away.

  “William, I had hoped to see you today. I have not heard anything about your trip. Were you able to accomplish all that you had intended?”

  Avoiding her gaze, he responded, “Yes, everything went as I had hoped. As it has been a long day, I am setting off for home. Good night, Susanna.”

  Susanna felt a bit confused at thi
s point. Why is William behaving this way? He does not seem at all happy to see me. “Very well, William. I shall see you tomorrow.”

  “I may be at my farm for the entire day. I had thought to send Charles to help out tomorrow,” he uttered, aware that she might think him rude. Until he was able to face Susanna without struggling to hide his emotions, he decided it was best that he stay away. Keeping my distance from her is the hardest thing I shall ever have to do, other than telling her of my parents. I wish I knew what the future holds for us—or what I might say or do to lessen her pain.

  Chapter 9

  After a few days, William decided he could no longer stay away. He hoped he had gained enough control over his emotions to act in his usual manner around Susanna. Susanna had also been attempting to come to terms with how she had been feeling since her last encounter with William and why he had chosen to stay away. Maddie, on the other hand, understood full well the reason for William’s absence. Consequently, she sought to distract Susanna to allow William the necessary time to pull himself together and return. However, having knowledge of the reason for Susanna’s persistent low mood induced Maddie to pray it would happen sooner rather than later.

  William’s farmhand disclosed to the ladies one day that William planned to return the following day to his usual duties of overseeing the work at the Osgood farm. As a result, Susanna came to Maddie the next morning requesting to go home for a few days.

  “Susanna, if that is your wish, of course you may go. In fact, if you recall, today is the day your parents had planned to come for a visit. I am sure they shall be most happy to convey you home with them.”

  “Yes, I know. That is why I came to you now—that I might be ready when they arrive. I really dislike leaving you with all of the work that is required around here this time of the year, particularly since you were ill not long ago. I simply need to get away for a few days; but as this is a haven to me, I shall not be away for long. I would miss you too much.”