Grandmother's Namesake

by Cathy Bryant

  Just as he was about to enter, he heard Jonathan suggest that he and Susanna take the horses out for a ride. Agitated, he hastened in just in time to hear Susanna’s response.

  “Jonathan, I am not sure that I should. I am not yet fully recovered—at least that is what everyone has been telling me. Perhaps it would be all right if we just go out for a short ride.”

  Moving in her direction, with concern showing on his face, William inquired, “Susanna, do you think that would be wise?” He was alarmed at the thought of her putting herself in peril. “Maddie would not be happy if she knew you were even considering the idea—no matter how short the ride.”

  Startled, Susanna exclaimed, “Oh . . . William, I did not see you there! I was simply thinking about it. What is more, Jonathan would be right by my side.”

  After observing William’s concern, Jonathan spoke up. “Susanna, maybe we shouldn’t.”

  William glanced at Jonathan, grateful that the young man appeared to be siding with him. “Thank you . . . ah . . . we have not been properly introduced. My name is William Gage.”

  Taking note of William’s obvious feelings for Susanna, Jonathan sheepishly moved forward to introduce himself. “Happy to make your acquaintance. I am Jonathan Bleasdell. I apologize, Mr. Gage, for suggesting a ride to Susanna.”

  “I am just concerned about her welfare, as it has not been that long since her head injury.” William then studied the young man a moment. He is a rather bright youth—good looking too. He seems to favor his father with the dark hair and eyes. It isn’t a wonder that Susanna has enjoyed spending time with him; they seem to relate to each other much the same as brother and sister. Then smiling, William continued in conversation with Jonathan.

  While William and Jonathan were discussing the reasons Susanna should not go riding, she became agitated. Can they not see me standing here? Then, red faced, she blurted out a question. “Shouldn’t the decision about whether or not to ride be mine?”

  “Well . . . yes, but it seemed as though you were about to consent to the ride!” barked William.

  What business is it of yours? she nearly retorted but decided to keep such remarks to herself. She then recalled how her grandmother had always said, “My thoughts are my own when they are in, but when they are out they are another’s.”[1] Wise counsel, she chuckled to herself. What a pity you didn’t heed your own advice, Grandmother. All at once, that thought, and how it had ultimately played a role in her grandmother’s demise, caused a wave of sorrow to sweep over Susanna.

  Sensing her distress, William looked intently into her eyes just as tears were welling up and beginning to spill out. “I am sorry, Susanna. I had no intention of governing your actions. I am simply concerned about your safety—that is all.”

  Susanna turned her head away to conceal the pain she was feeling. “It isn’t that, William. I—”

  Just then, she felt such a lump in her throat that she couldn’t explain any further. Suddenly, she needed to getaway. Therefore, to be alone with her thoughts she hastened out of the barn in the direction of the garden.

  Jonathan stared at William, shocked that Susanna had gotten so upset. “What happened? I didn’t think we said anything upsetting.”

  Placing his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder, William responded softly, “Susanna has been through a lot. I am not sure that what she was feeling right now had anything to do with what we may or may not have said. I believe I shall go after her. It might be best for you to wait here or return to the house. However, let us keep this to ourselves for now. It would embarrass Susanna to have everyone fussing over her.”

  “Yes, of course. I shall not say a word. You are right in saying that she has been through a lot. Besides her recent injury, I am aware of what happened to her grandmother. You go and find her. I believe I shall wait here for your return.”

  Following his conversation with Jonathan, William went in search of Susanna. Finding her in the garden, he spoke gently to her. “Susanna, are you all right? You ran off so quickly.”

  Wiping her eyes, Susanna responded, “I am sorry, William. I just never know when something will remind me of Grandmother. As hard as I try, I cannot stop the sadness from overwhelming me at times.”

  “What were you thinking about that brought her to mind?”

  “Well . . . I . . . I don’t know if I should tell you,” she replied with the edges of her mouth now beginning to curl into a slight grin.

  Seeing that her mood was changing for the better, William ventured another go at finding out what she had been thinking when she ran off so suddenly. “What was it that had you so upset, and what are you thinking about at this moment? It seems that whatever it is, not only brings you pain, but you also find some humor in it.”

  “Well, I was so mad at you and Jonathan for attempting to control whether or not I would ride that I almost blurted out something not very nice,” she giggled. “It made me think of something Grandmother always used to say: ‘My thoughts are my own when they are in.’ There was more to it than that. It is sufficient to say that it was simply a warning to think before you speak. I laughed at the thought until I remembered that, to her own peril, she had not heeded her own advice. As you see, my thoughts are all a jumble.”

  Placing his hands on her shoulders, he said, “I do not think it strange that there would be happy thoughts intermingled with sad ones, and there is no need to hide your feelings. It is comforting, at times, to talk about things.”

  Studying William’s expression as he spoke, Susanna became conscious of the fact that he had truly been there for her during the short time they had been acquainted. He is truly a kind and thoughtful gentleman.

  “William, I am grateful to you for your kindness. You are a faithful friend.”

  I wish you felt more for me than simply friendship, he thought, as he continued to search her eyes for the truth. At times, I believe you do, but I cannot be sure. What do you feel about me, Susanna? Smiling, he whispered, “I am here for you, Susanna. You must know that I care deeply for you.”

  Susanna felt a flutter in her stomach at his words. She wondered whether he spoke of a deep friendship, or if it was more than that. Their nearness began to make her feel ill at ease, for she questioned whether her true feelings were evident under so close an inspection. Can he see the truth in my eyes—that I, too, feel deeply for him, more deeply than simply friendship?

  Turning away from his gaze, she softly responded, “Yes, William. My feelings are similar.”

  Eager to understand her, he silently questioned, What could she mean? Does she take my true meaning? That I am not speaking merely of friendship, but a genuine affection. In fact, I am speaking of love?

  Deciding he could no longer put off learning the truth, he gently directed her chin to face him. Speaking straightforwardly this time, so there would be no doubt as to his feelings, he said, “Susanna, to say that your feelings are similar to mine, to me, signifies—love. When I say that I care deeply for you, what I mean to say is that I love you.”

  Trembling, she directed her gaze downward before responding. “I . . . I was hoping, but I wasn’t sure.”

  Lifting her chin once again, he looked intently at her, and smiled. “Did you just say you were hoping that I love you?”

  “Yes . . . that is what I said,” she answered, almost inaudibly.

  “Susanna, tell me now—what does that say about your feelings?”

  After a long pause, she replied, “I love you too, William.”

  Before she could say another word, he lifted her off the ground and spun her around. “You have made me so happy, Susanna. I believe I have loved you from the moment we first met and you nearly fell at my feet.”

  “I remember it quite differently,” she teased. “As I recall, when Father and I first arrived this summer, after opening the door, you fell at my feet.”

  Once again, circling his arms around her waist, he gently kissed her forehead. Not wanting the moment to end, he forced himsel
f to say, “We better get back to Jonathan. He is waiting in the barn for our return.”

  “I wish I had not run off as I did, with such a display of emotion. I feel so foolish.”

  “I am glad that it happened. Coming to find you has made me the happiest man alive.”

  They soon rejoined Jonathan, smiling as they came. “Jonathan, I am sorry for running off.”

  “Not to worry. I have been enjoying myself with my four-legged friends,” he replied, while motioning to the horses. “Shall we return to the house? Father and Elizabeth will be wondering what has become of us.”

  William nodded in Susanna’s direction as an indication for her to go along with Jonathan. Before she turned to leave, still blushing at what had occurred, she smiled at him.

  As Jonathan and Susanna entered the sitting room, Elizabeth Bleasdell glanced over at them. “There you are. Did you have a nice time?”

  For the first time in a very long time, Jonathan smiled at her, and then responded politely. “We had a very good time, and you?”

  A bit stunned at the change in his demeanor toward her, Elizabeth answered, “Yes, dear. It has been a lovely visit. We have filled our gracious host in on all the news regarding the Bleasdell family.”

  At this point, even Henry Bleasdell noted the change in his son. Delighted, he smiled at Jonathan.

  Late in the day, the Bleasdells departed, leaving behind a very happy William and Susanna.

  * * *

  [1]Joseph Merrill, History Of Amesbury: Including The First Seven Years Of Salisbury, To The Separation Years In 1654; And Merrimac, From Its Incorporation In 1876 (Haverhill: Press of Franklin P. Stiles, 1880) p. 128. (Transcript of the trial)

  Chapter 20

  Early the next morning, Maddie observed that Susanna seemed in a particularly good mood. “What is going on in that pretty little head of yours? You have been smiling all morning.”

  “As a matter of fact I am smiling because I am exceedingly happy. William has declared his love for me. Isn’t that wonderful, Maddie?”

  Though Maddie was happy that he had finally made his feelings known, she feared Susanna’s reaction to his secret once it became known. She hesitated a moment before asking, “And what was your response?”

  “I am sure you have already guessed, as you know me so well, but I shall tell you. I told him that I love him too.”

  “I am delighted for you both. Has there been any talk of marriage?”

  “Goodness, Maddie, it is too soon for that. We have only just declared our feelings.”

  “That is good,” she responded with relief. She hoped that they would take it slow, allowing William the necessary time to figure out how best to explain about his parents. “I think it unwise when people rush into these things.”

  “Do you have any reservations where William is concerned?”

  “Ah . . . no, no. I think William is a wonderful young man, and I believe he will make you very happy.”

  “Ah . . . well, I am happy to hear it. You frightened me for a moment. By your hesitation and the expression upon your face, it seemed as though you were not pleased by the news.”

  “Susanna, I have no concerns regarding you and William,” she reassured. That is no lie, but I do have other concerns. The whole matter with William’s parents worries me. I wonder if she is strong enough to take the news.

  “Well, I best not dawdle or the morning shall be over before I begin my chores,” Susanna said with a smile.

  Maddie was relieved that the conversation had come to an end. She feared that the deeper meaning behind her hesitation was much too apparent. “Yes, I must get to my work as well.”

  It was late afternoon before William set off for Maddie’s. He had spent the morning pondering over how best to approach Susanna with his terrible secret. She had to be informed if their relationship was to progress any further. William longed to ask for her hand in marriage, but until he divulged all to Susanna, he could not move ahead. It would not be fair to her. “Oh, Lord, prepare Susanna’s heart for what I have to disclose.”

  Maddie observed William’s wagon as it approached. Knowing full well that he must be struggling with how to tell Susanna about his parents, she prayed, “Lord, please strengthen the poor boy. His is a heavy burden.”

  Just then, William climbed down from his wagon. “Good day to you, Maddie.”

  “And to you, William. And how are you today?”

  “It has been a long night . . . and morning—for that matter. I did not sleep well considering that the time has come for me to tell Susanna about my parents. I am sure she has told you what took place between us yesterday.”

  “Indeed. I am happy for you both. Nevertheless, I share your concerns about how Susanna shall react to the news regarding your parents. Let us take some time to pray together.”

  Relieved by the support of his friend, William followed Maddie into the barn for a time of prayer. Meanwhile, Susanna was busy with her chores in the house.

  After a time, Maddie and William had finished praying. Then Maddie suggested that William accompany her to church the following Sunday. “Susanna has agreed to attend with me as well. Let us continue in prayer throughout the rest of the week. You will know when the time is right.”

  Heaving a sigh, William responded. “Very well, Maddie. If you think that is best.”

  William then determined to put the whole matter out of his mind, except for when he was in prayer. As a result, he and Susanna had a pleasant week together.

  Sunday came—it was time to set off for the meetinghouse. William arrived in time to escort the ladies in his wagon. “Good day, ladies. Are we ready to go?”

  “Without a doubt,” smiled Maddie, pleased that Susanna and William had agreed to come.

  Coming around to the side of the wagon, William assisted Maddie as she climbed up.

  Then, glancing down at Susanna, William, as always, was taken with her beauty. With her lovely blue frock drawing out the blue in her eyes, he could scarcely keep himself from wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. His joy, at that moment, was all consuming.

  However, upon observing her countenance, he sensed that she was ill at ease. For this reason, he clasped hold of her hand and whispered in her ear. “Everything is going to be all right. I know this is hard for you, but Maddie and I shall be with you. You are not alone.”

  Gazing up at William, Susanna smiled and said, “Thank you, William. I don’t know what I would do without you and Maddie.”

  As there continued to be Indian troubles, many of the church folk traveled together along the road. Susanna felt as though all eyes were on her as she bumped along on her way to the Haverhill meetinghouse. She became even more uneasy as the meetinghouse came into view. “Do you think there shall be anyone in attendance who knows of . . . well . . . who knows of Grandmother?”

  Patting Susanna’s shoulder reassuringly, Maddie replied, “Susanna, you cannot allow such thoughts to ruin the day.”

  “You are right, Maddie. Furthermore, it is of no importance what others think.” I will just keep telling myself that until we are on our way home again.

  “We have arrived,” informed William, glancing over at Susanna. “You ladies stay seated until I come around to assist you.”

  Within a few moments, the ladies and William were making their way into the meetinghouse. “This church is not as strict with regard to assigned seating. Therefore, Susanna, you shall be allowed to sit with me at the south-west side of the meetinghouse. William, the young gentlemen are to be seated over there on the south-east side.”

  Observing the fear upon Susanna’s face as she followed Maddie, William hastened toward her, and whispered, “I shall collect you directly after the service. Wait with Maddie until I come.”

  Susanna smiled and nodded. “Thank you, William.” Once she had settled in next to Maddie on the bench, she began to survey the little meetinghouse. It was a modest structure filled with mostly rough wooden benches and a high
pulpit at the front. However, some of the wealthier families had procured pews. She noted how the pews were boxed in with high backs for their occupants to rest against. Most importantly, in her opinion, the boxed-in pews offered an opportunity for families to sit together.

  Down in the front she observed that the pastor was clad in the usual Geneva gown and skullcap with white bands about the neck. In Susanna’s view, he was a tad too smart looking for the role, and perhaps would be a bit too distracting for the unattached females. Directly in front of the pastor, stood the raised seats on which the deacon and other prominent men sat. As for the rest of the parishioners, the selectmen often arranged the seating according to wealth and importance. Susanna had always disliked the practice ever since her grandmother had made it known to her, and that she disapproved of the tradition.

  I believe I read something in Grandmother’s diary regarding a dispute over her seating in which Grandfather had entered his dissent regarding the matter. I wonder what Maddie thinks of the custom? Oh . . . I mustn’t allow myself to become distracted. If I am to learn anything today, it is imperative that I be attentive to the sermon.

  Susanna determined not to allow her mind to wander any longer. However, just as she was attempting to focus, the tithingman strolled up beside the bench of a young man who had fallen asleep. Susanna tried not to look, but found herself compelled to see what would happen. Leaning forward to get a better view, she observed the tithingman as he rapped the sleeper on the head with his long staff. All at once, there was a loud scream as the young man awakened with a start. It was clear that he didn’t know where he was or what had happened. Knowing a giggle was about to escape, Susanna quickly covered her mouth with her hand. A few others had also heard the noise but paid little attention to it.

  Having observed all that had taken place, Maddie elbowed Susanna. She hoped to save her from the ire of the tithingman. Another giggle escaped from her young friend just as the tithingman moved in their direction. Maddie coughed, hoping to cover up the true source of the noise before the gentleman could make out to whom it belonged.