At eight-thirty I call personnel and say I have a fever and I’ve got pains in my stomach. I tell then I’ll see my doctor but not to expect me for a few days. I’ll have to lie some more if my face isn’t healed but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I call Amy.
“No coffee for me this morning, girlfriend,” I say in the most normal voice I can.
“What happened to you?”
“Sick—as a dog. Don’t know if it’s something I ate or what. Drew is looking after me, though.”
“So I guess I’ll see you when I see you?” she says in her usual breezy voice. She’s not likely to suspect a thing. I’m never off sick.
“Yeah, anything new happening I should know about?”
“You mean with Adam?”
“No I don’t mean with Adam.” I look sharply to the door because I’m sure I hear it opening but it’s only my imagination.
“Well, the South America trip is arranged and they leave at the weekend. They’ll be gone a week, but I guess you know that.”
“You’re the one with your finger on the pulse, Amy. But listen, I’m not in touch with Adam, you know. It isn’t even like that.”
“It’s nothing to do with me, Macey. Just as long as you’re happy, and listen, if you need me, you know where to find me. I can’t wait to have you back.”
Amy has an uncanny way of sniffing out the truth. I’m not sure I’ve convinced her I’m sick. I have a feeling she’s wise to something but she doesn’t know what. I can’t tell her about what Drew has done. I can’t tell anyone.
In the late afternoon, after I’ve stared at my cell and wanted to call both Drew and Adam at different points of the day, it rings.
“Drew? Drew where are you?”
“Macey. May. I—I’m sorry. I mean, really I am. I drank so much. I was disappointed, you know? About the interview at Hardy’s. I thought that job was mine. I wanted to show you I was still a man. I wanted to show you I wasn’t some lowlife who can’t even...”
“Drew, I can’t hear you very well. Where are you? You coming home?”
“Not-not for a while. I need time. Time to clear my head. You looked so afraid of me; I hated that. You and I, we—we’re drifting apart. And I know it’s all my fault. I want to make it up to you, May. You have to believe I love you and I didn’t want to hurt you. I have to be away for a while. I need to clean up and make this better.”
“Drew come home and we can talk.” I can’t believe that I’m sitting here bruised and in pain and still worried about Drew. I must be crazy. But, somehow, I can’t just turn my back on him.
“There’s nothing to say. I was a bastard. Plain and simple. No man has a right to treat a woman like that and I swear to God I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna put this right.”
“Drew, I—”
“I’m serious. It’ll be the way we planned. You and me. A baby one day. I’ll make this right Macey. You’ll see.”
Drew hangs up and I don’t know how I’m feeling. I lay my head on the sofa and sleep.
A call from Adam wakes me.
“I hear you’re not well. Is there anything I can do?”
“Oh no, Adam. I’ll be fine.”
“Is that no good husband of yours doing anything for you?”
“He tries.”
“So you haven’t said anything to him about leaving yet?”
“Adam, I can’t even think straight right now.”
“I know, that wasn’t fair. It’s also not fair that you’re sick and you can’t come to South America. I was looking forward to being outside New York with you.”
“It’s a work trip. We couldn’t have been together like that anyway.”
“We could have tried. I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too. We’ll talk when you get back.”
“That sound ominous, Macey. Is everything okay? You still want to be with me don’t you?”
“I-I have to lie down, Adam. I feel dizzy. I can barely think. I’ll see you in a week.”
After a week, I’m still not back at work. My face is not completely healed and I need to fake a call about my health. I hate to lie. I’m sure they don’t believe me but I can’t go back to work quite yet.
***
On Monday evening, there’s a knock on my door and I freeze. I’m so afraid of who it can be that I run through a list of scenarios through my mind before I have sense enough to look through the peephole. Is it Drew, without his key? If he hasn’t got his key then he must be drunk or high and I can’t let him in. Adam? The week is up. Has he come to try to convince me to leave with him?
As quietly as I can, I creep to the door and look through the tiny hole that magnifies the comforting face of Amy.
“I can hear you behind the door. Open up,” she says and she is smiling.
“You shouldn’t have come, I-I might be contagious.”
“Not after a week. Open up, I need to talk to you.”
I unlock the door and stand back.
“Jesus Christ.” Amy draws out the word and looks at me with wide eyes. “Who did this?”
“Amy don’t act like an amateur. You’re the best sleuth in town. Work it out.”
“Is he here?” Her eyes dart around the narrow hall.
“He’s been gone since it happened. I don’t know where he is. Come in.”
Amy closes the door and gives me an enormous hug before I can show her to the living room.
“How long has this been going on, hon?” she asks with her arms tight around me.
“It’s the worse it’s gotten. He only slapped me. I did this damage when I slipped.” I pull away.
“But how did you slip? He shoved you right?”
I put down my head.
“A push and a shove here and there. That’s how it starts,” Amy says. “But it never stops at that. You need to get out of here, Macey. Let me help you.”
“He’s gone away. He says he’s going to make it better. He says he will change.” Amy follows me to the living room and I offer her a seat.
“That’s what they all say,” Amy says. “Believe me. I had a sister in the same position. Moved so far away now I barely see her. She let it go too far. Don’t do the same, Macey. You have a job and you’ll learn to become self-sufficient. You can do without a man. Especially one who beats on you.”
“I’ve never been on my own before.” The words sound so pathetic as they leave my mouth.
“Well it’s about time you learned to stand on your own two feet. Especially as...”
“Especially as what?”
“Well, I don’t know what’s happening with you and Adam but...”
“Just tell me, Amy. That’s why you’re here. Right? This has got something to do with him and it obviously needed to be said in person.”
“Well, Adam got ill. I mean badly. He ended up in the hospital and had to be operated on. Something genetic that no one could have seen coming. Anyway, they flew him back to New York but...”
“Go on.”
“Sherry is back. It was all over the papers. Why don’t you ever read anything? This break up of theirs, looks like they’re together again. She’s sorry and realizes how in love she is with him and can’t leave his side. She gave up her job in LA to nurse him back to health.”
“Are you kidding me? He said they were on the way to a divorce.”
“Well not anymore they’re not. And from what I can gather… he wants her too.”
My head begins to swim and my heart is thumping in my chest. I have no right to feel like this. Jealous. After all, wasn’t I the one who has been contemplating staying with Drew and not taking Adam up on his offer?
I must have been crazy to think of happy ever afters when I’ve got my own marriage to sort out.
“Are you okay, Macey?”
“Sure… Sure. I’m fine. Thank you for telling me. I could have made a complete fool of myself over Adam.”
“So where does that leave you?�
� says Amy. “I mean, with regard to either of them?”
“Well,” I sigh. “Right back to where I started I guess.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to stay with Drew after... this?”
“Maybe things will work out. Who knows? I don’t want to think right now. But, wait, I didn’t get you a drink, Amy. You want a tea?”
“Tea, no. This was just a quick visit. I should go.”
I’m not sure what that look in Amy’s eye is. Pity? Anger? Does she look down on me for wanting to wait for Drew to prove himself to me? Whatever she thinks, I know I’m feeling hurt and completely deflated by the whole situation. I’m worried about Adam but I can’t exactly turn up at the hospital and risk bumping into Sherry.
So I wait. I return to work and before I know it, over a month passes me by in no time. Drew has not come home and Adam is convalescing in his luxury mansion outside town. And that’s when I discover—I’m pregnant.
Chapter Six
“Is it congratulations for you and Drew or you and Adam?”
“Shh,” I say to Amy, although I know we can’t be heard in the office with the door closed. I look at the door anyway and shut my eyes. I count to three and open them but keep them lowered. “I don’t know who the father is.”
“You what? Surely you have an idea?” Amy gets up and comes to sit on the edge of my desk. “I mean, can’t you work it out?”
“That’s just it. The time this baby was conceived, I had slept with both Drew and Adam in a short space of time and it could be either of theirs.”
“Well whose do you want it to be?”
“Well what does that matter? Either way I’m having this baby on my own. Drew has done a disappearing act and Adam, well Adam is all loved up again and back with his wife.”
“There’s nothing to say they are loved up.”
“But they’re together still aren’t they? And I haven’t heard from him.”
“Did you try calling him?”
“No. He should have called me by now.”
“But he’s been very sick, Macey. Maybe he couldn’t.”
I think about this prospect. She’s right. He’s the patient and if he’s been incapacitated then he might not be near a phone or have any privacy to call.
“Adam won’t be coming back to work, you know, Macey.” Amy says. “Well, not back to full time work anyway.”
“That I did hear.” When I got the news on the grapevine that Adam was fighting for his life and that someone else was filling his role at the office, I had been tempted again to go to see him. But I had no idea where his mansion was. And what would I tell his wife? “Excuse me, your husband and I had sex while you were out of town, I’m married myself and, by the way—he might just be the father of my child.”
I knew before I’d even taken that pregnancy test that I was pregnant. Just something about how my life was shaping up told me that the ultimate blow was coming. I should have been happily married and looking forward to having a child with Drew, my childhood sweetheart. But my life was on its head and I cried myself to sleep most nights.
“You already talk like you want to keep it, Macey.”
I lean back in my chair. “I know my situation isn’t ideal. But for the split second I thought about getting rid of it, my heart broke in two. This baby isn’t responsible for my bad mistakes.”
“You didn’t make any bad mistakes, Macey. You’re human. Humans do things like this.”
“What? They have unprotected sex with two men on the same day?”
“Don’t make out like you’re a tramp. You’re nothing like that. It was circumstance. One was your husband for crying out loud and the other was a man you felt deeply about.”
“You make me sound like a girl in a sad movie or something. I’m just an idiot. A knocked up idiot. And one of the things that hurts me most is I can’t even tell my mom.”
Amy kneels beside me and holds my hand.
“I’m sorry, Macey.”
The words just bring tears to my eyes and I look up at the ceiling.
“The worst thing is,” I say, blinking all the while. “I really thought I had a chance to start again. It was such an amazing feeling to be loved again, to feel wanted and to feel good about myself. And now, well, now I can’t just think about myself any more. I’ve got to pull myself together. Forget about Adam and forget any hopes of Drew ever coming back to me and just get on with my life.”
“That sounds like the best thing you can do, Macey. And I’m here for you, every step of the way.”
“I know. But look at me.” I wipe tears away with the back of my hand. There’s not much time before the end of the day and I’ve spent most of the day pushing a piece of paper from one side of my desk to the other or staring at my computer screen.
“You should just go, Macey. Get yourself home. No one will mind. You work so hard for this place. I’ll cover for you.”
“Okay, I’ll go. I’m no good to anyone anyway. I’ll see you in the morning.”
It takes just minutes to be heading for the glass fronted entrance to the building. The glass is slightly smoked but I see a figure outside that I recognize straight away. Tall, well dressed, and looking full of confidence. I can’t believe he’s here. It’s the last thing I expect but there he is and my heart is beating fast in my chest.
I surprise myself at how calm and relieved I feel to see him there, despite everything, I’m just so happy he’s here. But at the same time I’m wary. He shouldn’t be here.
“Macey, hi.” I missed his smile. I missed him smiling like that in particular because it’s been a long time since he’s looked at me in that way.
“I’m the last person you expected, right?”
“Where have you been all this time, Drew?”
“Let me take you for a coffee. I’ll explain everything.”
I allow Drew to gently guide me by the elbow. I notice he said coffee and not to go to some bar. We’d end up at bars a lot in the past year and bit by bit I’d notice that, not only was I picking up the tab, I was picking up Drew and carrying him home. Eventually I’d stop going to bars with him but that didn’t stop him taking cash out of my wallet and going with Tiger and the other guys anyway.
“This one looks good enough,” he says, hovering at the door of Jack’s Place. “We came here a few times before. Remember when I used to meet you after work?”
“I remember.” I go in, tentatively.
I feel like I’m walking in there with a completely new Drew. He isn’t even the Drew I fell in love with, the easy-going, fun-loving teenager who made me laugh all the time. No, this Drew was calm to the point of sedate. His hair was neat and not a mad tangled mess, he’d cut it and got himself a real close shave. No more days of stubble that scratched my chin when he tried to kiss me. In fact, Drew hasn’t even tried to kiss me. He’s kept a polite distance.
When we find a seat he waits for me to sit down. Is this Drew or an impostor?
“Are you going to tell me where you’ve been all this time?” I say, unsmiling and not giving away my inner turmoil. “It’s almost two months since I last saw you, Drew.”
The waitress comes over.
“Macey, what can I get you?” he asks.
“I’ll have a black coffee,” I say.
“Make that two,” Drew says to our waitress. “And a couple of those great looking pies. What is that, blueberry?” The waitress nods and walks off. I stare at Drew. “Don’t worry, I’m paying for this,” he says.
“That’s not what I mean,” I say, shaking my head. “How can you just show up like this? No phone calls, no messages. You could have been dead for all I know. Or-or, drank yourself stupid and walked in front of a bus.”
“And would you have been sad to see me go? Don’t answer that. I know what I’ve been doing. I know what I was like the day I walked out on you. I was a stupid, lazy drunk. I know that. I know I messed up and you didn’t deserve that, May.”
The waitress puts down tw
o plates of pie and pours coffee into the already upturned cups on the table. “There you go,” she says.
“Thank you,” Drew replies but I still stare at him. “I went back home. I went to Borderton. My family helped me clean up. It took a while longer than I thought.”
“Did they blame me for how you were?”
“Surprise, surprise, yes they did. I told them it was all me, though.”
“They won’t have believed you.”
“No, Macey. I told them all about it. Told then how you have this great job, supporting me and I screwed up. They believed me. The last thing my momma said when I said I was coming back was, we might not approve of your marriage, but you’re a married man and you have responsibilities.”
“Like you didn’t know that already.”
“Macey, I’m trying to apologize here.”
“Sorry doesn’t make it all okay, Drew.”
“I know I’ve a ways to go to make you believe I’ve changed. But Macey, I got myself a job.”
“Where and whose place have you been staying at since you came back to New York?” I ask him.
“The job is in a factory and I’ve been here and there.”
“Like with Tiger and the others?”
“Mostly at Tiger’s, he has a couch I can crash on for free. I saved up three weeks wages just hanging out there.” He reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket.
“Don’t start pulling cash out here, Drew, I believe you. And are you staying on Tiger’s couch indefinitely, because if you hang around that loser you’ll be drinking before you know and God knows what else in no time.”
“When will you believe me?” Drew says. “I’ve changed Macey. I haven’t touched a beer in all this time and I’ve only smoked cigarettes, plain and simple. No drugs. I promise. I don’t want to stay at Tiger’s. I-I want to come home.”
I look at the untouched pie and the black coffee, still and deep. “I’m scared, Drew.”
“Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared of me. I know what I did but I never stopped loving you, Macey. Even if you don’t take me back, I’ll always love you.”
I pick up my coffee. Drew mirrors me. I sip; he sips. I rest my cup down; he does the same.
The Baby Shower Page 49