“Aren’t you gonna eat your pie?” he asks.
Actually the thought of pie makes me nauseous. I have a life growing inside me that rebels against sweet things at the moment. And then I think about that life and touch my tummy. This baby could be Drew’s. If Drew is a changed man, we could make it work. We could raise the child together and a baby could have a more calming effect on Drew. Things could be better. Things between us could be the way I always dreamed.
“I’m not hungry,” I say. “Drew… is this for real? This job, it’s legit and it’s permanent?”
“Absolutely.” Drew begins to eat his pie now, a smile coming to his face. “Well? What do you say? Will you give me a chance to prove to you I can do this?”
I don’t reply.
“Macey, we talked a lot in the past. We had plans. A nice place to live. Babies. Lots of ’em. Why can’t that happen now? Okay, maybe it’s taken me a while to get my act together, but I have now and I’m serious and I want us to start over.”
I let out a long breath I haven’t realized I’ve been holding in. “Okay.”
“Okay?” he repeats and his mouth spreads wide into a genuine smile. His wonderful, Drew smile, charming and adorable at the same time. It’s like his whole face is new to me. I haven’t seen him look this happy in a long, long time.
“Okay but one wrong move...” I say. My face is serious but I can’t help the beginnings of a smile begin to appear.
“I know,” Drew says. “There won’t be any wrong moves. I promise to God, Macey. I promise to God.”
I feel relief but concern at the same time. I have to think of the future of not just me but the baby too. Drew could make a good father. I always knew he had it in him. As for Adam, he has not been in touch at all. He’s obviously happy where he is and has forgotten all the things he said to me.
“When will you come home?” I ask, daring to smile fully.
“This evening.” Drew is bright and animated. “I just got to pick up one or two things from Tiger’s place and I’ll be back later.” Drew hurries to eat his pie. He eats mine too, pays the bill, and we leave.
He drops me at the bus stop. “I’ll see you at home,” he says and goes to kiss me. I freeze.
“Can we just take it slow?” I say.
“As slow as you want, honey.” The bus comes. “I’ll see you later.”
I get on the bus and find a seat. Drew is walking alongside the moving bus, smiling and waving up at me. He chases the bus and I look back at him, grinning at how he dodges in and around people on the sidewalk. Finally he stops waving and is out of sight. I sit back and sigh. I’m hoping I’ve done the right thing.
Chapter 7
The apartment was always missing something. I never thought I’d hear myself say it but it was missing Drew. Not the drunk and out of work Drew, but the one I fell in love with. The one I met after work today was an even more improved version of Drew. He was a lot more mature. I wonder how he will react to finding out I’m pregnant. I pray to God that telling him that will keep him on the right track. Maybe being pregnant could change everything that ever went wrong between us and eliminate the bad times.
I slump into the sofa and look around. I wonder about making a nice supper for me and Drew when my cell rings from within my bag. Don’t tell me he’s changed his mind. But the number I see on the screen I don’t recognize, so I answer tentatively.
“Macey?” a voice says.
“Yes, this is Macey,” I say, still not sure who’s on the other end of the line.
“Thank, God. Macey, it’s me, Adam.”
“Adam. Oh my God, Adam. You sound so different. How are you? They said at work you won’t be coming back.”
“I wasn’t. I’m not.”
“But how... how are you? I heard you got some genetic disease and had to be operated on.”
“No, I’m fine now, Macey. And no it wasn’t anything genetic. I was at an unfamiliar altitude, got dizzy, lost my balance and took a bad tumble. When they looked me over they discovered a shadow by my lung. They had to go in and explore and I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I became somewhere close to comatose for weeks.”
“Jesus. That’s not what we heard at all.”
“Well, you know how these things go.”
“But isn’t it true your wife hasn’t left your side?”
“That part is true. They needed her to sign for my operation so she flew to the middle of the equator and signed away. I thought she was hoping I didn’t pull through.” He gives a weak laugh.
“Don’t say that, Adam. She obviously cares about you.”
“It took almost losing my life for her to realize that.”
“So,” I say slowly. “Does that mean you two really are back together?”
“I’d say it’s a lot more complicated than that Macey. Look, I’m finally on my feet again. I want us to meet up.”
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Adam.”
“But why?”
“Why? Because I don’t hear from you in almost two months, I hear your wife wants a reconciliation, and you call me out of the blue and want to see me.”
“I know how it looks Macey, but nothing I said to you about the way I feel has changed. Nothing.”
I swallow hard. He has no idea how the situation has changed for me.
“Macey, after I was taken to the hospital in Brazil, I didn’t have my phone. Your number was on it and got lost in the confusion. So I couldn’t call, not at first. And then there was the scare, the operation, and then I was out of action. Since being back home, Sherry is not budging. She sacrificed her career to be with me and I...”
“You feel obligated to stay with her.”
“Only until I’m on my feet, properly healed. Then I have to give it time until she’s back on the show in LA or at least has something to go to. I at least owe her that after what she’s done for me.” That all sounds admirable to me. “And then,” he continues, “I can tell her the divorce is still going ahead, that my feelings haven’t changed.”
“You shouldn’t have let it go as far as it has, Adam. If you let it go further, you’ll break her heart. She’ll think you’re taking her back. Breaking it to her later is going to look pretty bad on you.”
“I know how that looks, Macey but my heart is breaking with every second I don’t see you. Tell me what happened when you broke up with Drew.”
I hold the cell, limply, in my hand and look to the ceiling.
“You there?” he asks.
“I’m still here.”
“So what...? You guys haven’t broke up, is that it?”
“You and Sherry haven’t either.”
“Don’t turn this around, Macey. I just explained myself to you. Before I left you said you would do it. The man is violent for Christ’s sake. Forget about us getting together, he’s no good for you, Macey.”
“Look, you’re the one who doesn’t get it. You don’t know—Drew has changed. I met him today he’s like a new man.”
“Guys like that don’t change.”
“What are you talking about? The real Drew isn’t a violent man. The anger was set in but now it’s out again. He went away, got sober, got cleaned up, and he has a job.”
“Why do you always sound like you have to defend him?”
“I don’t. I’m not. Look, Adam, I’m sorry. I can’t only think of myself. This is my marriage, I have to at least try to make it work.”
“I thought that’s what you’ve been doing since you were married. It hasn’t gotten any better.”
“It will. It will get better, Adam. I needed thinking time, I got that time and I know what I want.”
“You saying you don’t want me?” Adam’s voice takes on that unrecognizable tone again. “All the things we talked about have magically disappeared in a few weeks?”
“It’s been almost eight weeks, Adam, and yes, things have changed. Please, forgive me, Adam.” I pause for a breath and he does not fill the gap i
n the conversation. “I have to go. I’m sorry. Really I am.”
“It’s not over for me Macey. Okay, go ahead and try. Try living with Drew again. I hope it does work out for you. But, if it doesn’t, you know where I am. This is my new number. You call me. Any time, day or night, and I’ll be there for you Macey.”
“There’s no need to hold yourself to a promise like that, Adam. I’ve got a good feeling this time.”
“My offer still holds, Macey.”
Adam hangs up the phone before I can tell him not to wait for me. I am sure that this time, Drew is being honest with me—and himself—when he says he wants our marriage to work.
I go to the kitchen. There isn’t much in the way of food, but I make a rice dish and wait for Drew. It gets to nine forty-five at night and not only am I hungry, I’m yawning too. My chin is in my hand, elbow resting on the table and, in front of me, two shiny, empty plates. I wonder what’s taking Drew so long. How much can he have at Tiger’s place anyway? At ten, I spoon out some of the food onto a plate and start to eat. My stomach growls as I do, but I’ve left eating so late I can barely finish more than a few mouthfuls before I feel too fatigued to eat.
At the living room window, I look outside. I see the tail lights flashing, the headlights making pale streaks of light on the black road, but I see no sign of Drew. Did I get it right? He did say he’d pick up his stuff and come right over. By eleven thirty I’m in pajamas and have the television on but turned down low. I’ve got one ear on the film, that has been re-run so many times I know the script, and the other on any sounds coming from the hallway to indicate that Drew is home.
I wake at one in the morning. Maybe it is a dream that wakes me, but I’m sure I’ve heard a bang. I sit up and look around. I feel cold and reach to mute the television. It wasn’t a bang I heard, but a knock on the door. I wonder why Drew hasn’t used his key. I hear shuffling outside the door and think, perhaps, Drew can’t find his key so I go over to open up for him.
“Macey, baby, I’m sorry I meant to get here quicker.”
Drew reeks of alcohol and cigarettes. I just stare at him as he edges his way between me and the door frame
“What is this, Drew? What was this afternoon about? So you could make a fool out of me? Build up my hopes? You lied.”
“Shh,” he says, a shaky finger in front of his lips. “Not a lie exactly. This,” he slurs, “was just a parting gesture between friends.”
“You’ve been drinking with Tiger when you should have been collecting your things and coming home.” My lip quivers but I hold back the tears.
He walks to the sofa in a stagger and I follow, door still open. I look towards the hall and I see not one item of Drew’s property.
“Why Drew? How could you sit there and tell me to my face you’ve changed?” I sit beside him and glare at him.
“Now listen.” He gathers my jaw into the grip of his hands. “Stop going on. I didn’t come back here so you could nag me senseless. Tiger was right, this was exactly what he said would happen if I came here after I had one lousy drink. He said you’d smell it and freak out.”
“Drew I’d have to be dead—or stupid—not to see you’ve had a skin full. You call this one lousy drink?” I shake my head out of the grip he has on me. “How could you fall back so easily, Drew, or was it that you never stopped drinking at all?”
“I damn well stopped, okay?” he shouts loud into my face and I jolt backwards in shock and panic. It causes my neck to catch and a shooting muscular pain grabs hold of me. Maybe it’s a pulled muscle or I’ve trapped a nerve. Either way it causes me discomfort. I fold my arms and walk to the open door.
“You should go, Drew. Go before we say something we might regret later. I can handle you leaving me, but it has to be now. No pleading, no angry words.”
“What makes you think I’m the one who’s leaving?” He has a sick smile on his face and then leans his head to rest on the back of the sofa. In seconds he is snoring. I push the door closed with my back and stand looking at Drew. I shake my head at my absolute stupidity. He’s the same Drew who walked out that night. Amy knew, Adam knew. How could I be so stupid?
Chapter 8
Amy is doing her best not to ask me any questions about my situation. I returned to work when my face was healed. Everyone said how they missed me and were glad to have me back. Only Amy knew the real reason I wasn’t at work. But in the three weeks that I’ve been back, Amy can see I’m not happy but she has the good grace not ask me anything. She waits for me to bring it up first and I’m glad of that.
There’s a meeting for the sales team and as I’m lead administrator I’m invited and I get to discover, for the first time, who has taken over from Adam. It’s a guy called Richard Merrick. He’s great, fun, heads up the meeting with an assured air and knows what he’s talking about. But he’s not Adam. There is still a great vibe in the room with him taking charge, but I know I will miss Adam’s presence. No one will ever know that for a one brief moment Adam and I came close to having a relationship. A serious one. Guys like Adam are one in a million and I can’t help wondering about what could have been.
So far, Drew hasn’t laid a finger on me, but the drinking has crept its way back into his life so quickly it is hard to imagine that he was clean for over a month. Needless to say, he didn’t keep the job he said he had when he met me that afternoon. Who would want to keep on a guy who was late every morning and sometimes didn’t return after lunch?
Drew mooches around the apartment like a sick puppy. I have to tell him when to shower, I cook for him, get him to take out the garbage, and it’s wearing me down. I still haven’t told him about the baby. In a month or so I will start to show and I will have to let the office know. I will put it off as long as possible. I’m always praying for the miracle that Drew will get sober again.
“Macey.” Richard Merrick snaps me out of my dark thoughts about Drew at the end of the meeting. I look at him as if I’m engaged in what he’s saying, although the last few minutes of the meeting are lost on me. “I want to go over a few of these client files with you.”
The words resonate with me. Those were near enough the ones Adam used to use when he needed an excuse to get close to me. I miss that. It was a form of attention. Something that has been lacking in my life and that I would dearly love to have again. I miss being close with anyone. I miss the feeling of being in love and being loved. I’m sick of faking it with Drew and praying for a miracle.
“Sure, Richard. Now? Or should we schedule for later?”
“Now will do.”
I take a seat beside Richard at the big boardroom table. It seems enormous now that everyone is gone.
“I’ve been hearing good things about you, Macey,” Richard says.
“Really?”
“Sure. Senior management speaks highly of you and your work. Since you’ve been back I’ve been nothing but impressed. You were sick when I started.”
“That’s right. I hear Adam recommended you himself. How are you finding us?” I ask.
“Oh I’m loving it here. You?”
“Oh, the same. You know?”
“Well you could have fooled me.” He shocks me by what he says and the familiar way in which he says it.
“I beg your pardon?” I say. Executive or not, he has no right to pry into my personal life.
“Your work is phenomenal, no complaints there, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.”
I pause before answering. “I do know how. It’s just that I’m really into getting my head down and working hard.”
“That’s good to know,” he says. “But if you ever feel things are getting too much, do speak up. I don’t know what it was like working for Adam but I think that if we know each other on a friendly basis as well as a professional one, the operation runs smoother. Just something I’ve experienced.”
Richard is quick to get down to discussing the client files when he sees that I’m processing what he is saying. It took
a long time to get on to terms with Adam that were both professional and friendly too. Trouble was it blossomed into something more.
Just as I get up to go, Richard Merrick floors me with what to him is just a throw away comment.
“The last time I saw Adam, he and Sherry were making plans to renew their wedding vows.”
I am at the door when I hear this and the words have left me with a shiver up my spine.
“He’s what?” I say in a weak voice.
“You know what these celebrity couples are like. Well she’s the showbiz one I guess. Before she returns to the show in LA, they’re both flying out there and having an LA-style ceremony. I was telling him how sorry I was not to be able to come. I’ll be on a business trip that day.”
“What day exactly?” I try to sound casual about it.
“It’s next weekend. It’s on the Sunday but I don’t get back from a business trip until Monday. I guess Adam is a lucky guy. Well, they’re lucky to have each other.”
I swallow hard and slip out of the door. I can’t believe my ears and neither can I believe how what I’ve just heard has made me feel. Maybe it’s the pregnancy, but I’m so close to tears all I want to do is run.
I get back to my office as soon as I can. Amy just looks at me.
“You heard,” she says.
“You knew?”
“You know what the grapevine is like around here. Who told you?”
“Richard Merrick.”
“He told you? I’m surprised. Who knew he’d join the grapevine.” Her tone belittles the situation.
“This isn’t funny.” I flop into my chair.
“Why should you care anyway, Macey?” Amy says. “You told me that you and Drew are making a go of it. So tell me, has becoming a father been the making of him? Has he been good to you?”
I put my face in my hands.
“Macey? What is it?” Amy asks. “Don’t tell me there’s trouble in paradise?”
“Why do I get the feeling you already know there is?” I look through my fingers at her.
“He hit you again?”
The Baby Shower Page 50