The Lost Girl

by Liz Harris

  Charity stared at him in surprise. ‘I don’t wanna be friends with Su Lin. It’s Joe who wants me to be her friend. Why don’t you want that, too?’

  ‘You got Chinese face, but you American girl,’ he said bluntly.

  Charity nodded. ‘I know. But why don’t you want us to be friends if Joe does?’

  ‘Joe Walker not know Chinese way of things. Su Lin is good Chinese girl, you not. You go now.’

  Charity shifted from one foot to the other.

  ‘Maybe Su Lin’s unhappy she’s not got a friend,’ she ventured.

  ‘Chinese girl respect parents and obey wishes of parents and brother,’ he said stiffly.

  ‘Maybe her ma wants us to be friends.’

  ‘Honourable father’s second wife must obey wishes of son. That also is Chinese way. You go now,’ he repeated. He slipped the hand holding the letter out from the sleeve and pointed towards the entrance.

  Charity followed the line of his finger with her gaze, hesitated a moment, then looked back at him.

  ‘Why’ve you got a braid?’ she blurted out.

  A look of amazement crossed his face. ‘Why you ask?’

  She shrugged. ‘I wanna know. All the Chinamen in Carter have got one. Why?’

  ‘Honourable father tell me it from when Manchu conquerors capture China in 1644 and make themselves rulers of all China. It become crime for Chinese man to cut hair. He has head chopped off if he cut hair.’

  She pulled a face. ‘But that was years ago!’

  ‘You not understand – you not proper Chinese person. People who come from China to Gold Mountain—’

  ‘Where’s Gold Mountain? Joe’s pa used to pan for gold.’

  ‘Here.’ He indicated around them. ‘Gold Mountain is Chinese name for America. China people who come to America not think they stay here for ever. They think they go back to China one day so they must keep queue. The name for this braid, as you call it, is queue.’

  ‘But no one in America would chop off your head, so you could cut it off if you wanted.’

  A look of shock crossed his face. ‘I not do that. If no queue, Chinese man must wander forever from land of his ancestors. Cannot return to China without queue, which is sign of respect and obedience to emperor,’ he said, his voice grave. ‘Now you leave.’

  ‘What about Chinese girls? Must they keep their hair long or not be able to go back to China either?’

  ‘Girls not matter. They not important in China like men. Go!’ he said firmly, and he again pointed to the doorway leading to Main Street.

  Not moving, she stared at him for a moment in thought.

  ‘Annie wouldn’t let me work in her restaurant,’ she said at last. ‘She said I was a Chinese girl and if she took on a Chinese girl, the whites would stop eatin’ there. And the American girls in my school look at my face and say I’m Chinese so they don’t wanna be friends with me.’

  He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I very sorry, but you find friend in other place, not in General Mercantile Store.’

  Biting her lip, Charity glanced beyond Chen Fai to the squiggly writing on the tins that lined the shelves on the wall behind him, and to the grille, and to the curtained doorway through which Mr Culpepper must walk when he went to play games in the rooms behind the store – the rooms where Su Lin and her ma and pa must now be sitting – and she looked back at Chen Fai.

  ‘I look like Su Lin,’ she said, her voice taking on a stubborn note. ‘I’m a good girl, too. I always do what Joe and Joe’s ma and pa say.’

  He gave a short dismissive laugh. ‘You not taught to be Chinese like Su Lin. You not behave like modest Chinese girl. You not know how to cook Chinese way. You not understand important festivals and how to look after ancestors. Chinese family has much respect for honourable ancestors. Is very important daughter never bring shame on them.’

  Charity screwed up her forehead. ‘What’re ancestors?’

  He thought for a moment. ‘The people we come from. All the people who come before us in our family: people living; people not living. I explain well, do I?’

  She nodded. She stared at him, anxiety clouding her face. ‘Ma died when I was a very little baby. Joe found me down by the river and he kept me. I don’t have ancestors.’

  ‘I know this,’ he said. ‘Mr Culpepper tell me when I ask. Years ago I see Su Lin want to be friends with you, and I ask Mr Culpepper to tell me about you. Is not good to be without ancestors, not for Chinese girl. You go now.’

  Her face fell.

  He paused a moment, then added more gently, ‘Is not what face looks like – is what is inside head.’ He touched his forehead with her letter for Joe, and then he slid his hands again into his sleeves. ‘The way you talk to me now, to older man worthy of respect, show you very American in head. I think also you have mother who not have reputation. If you friends with Su Lin, is very bad for Su Lin, so I not let this happen. You leave now. You only come to store if you have letter to send. If letter come for you again, I bring it to you at bakery.’

  His face impassive, he raised his eyes and stared above her head towards the doorway. She saw dismissal in the angle of his chin. A sob rose in her throat, and she turned and ran from the store.

  Why did she suddenly feel like crying, she asked herself as she hurried along the boardwalk, struggling to hold back her tears. After all, it wasn’t as if she wanted to be friends with Su Lin; she didn’t. So it didn’t matter that her brother had forbidden it. She slipped her hand into her pocket and tightened her fingers around the little golden tiger. Her ma wouldn’t have cried for no reason, and she was going to be strong like her ma.

  Nearing the line of miners’ houses, her steps slowed.

  What would Su Lin be doing now, she wondered. Would Chen Fai be scolding her for smiling at that American girl? And if he was, would Su Lin be arguing that she should be allowed to have a friend, and that Charity was the only possible friend she could have, even if she was American in her head?

  No, she wouldn’t, Charity thought in a rush. Su Lin was a good Chinese girl like Chen Fai said. She wouldn’t argue with her brother; she’d obey him. She wouldn’t try to be her friend again.

  She swallowed hard.

  What would have happened if it had been someone like Chen Fai panning for gold that day and not Joe, she suddenly thought. She knew that Chinamen looked for gold, too; Joe’s pa had told her that. He’d said they’d seen several Chinese prospectors in the time between leaving the ranch and ending up in Carter. Would she now have ancestors if a Chinese man had found her? Or would he have left her in the open to die, thinking bad things about her ma?

  As she approached the Walker house, she saw a row of pails lined up outside the front door, and she speeded up her steps. She’d forgotten that she’d told Joe’s ma she’d take the letter to the store, then come straight back and go to the well for the water, and because of talking to Su Lin’s brother, she’d been longer than she’d expected.

  She ran up to the first two pails, picked them up and hurried to the well that lay further down the line of houses. She’d have to be quick as she had the Saturday baking to do after she’d filled the pails, and then she’d been asked to dig up some vegetables from the small patch at the back of the house and clean them.

  She had a heap of chores to do that day, but she was glad she did.

  All of a sudden, as she’d left the general mercantile, she’d felt lonely. Really, really lonely. She’d never felt like that before.

  She reached the well, raised the heavy arm of the pump, and brought it down hard. Was Joe feeling lonely, too, she wondered.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The rays of the late afternoon sun were lengthening across the town, painting the weathered grey houses with a sheen of gold that started to fade almost as soon as the last brush stroke had been drawn. As the sun dropped lower, shadows slid from behind the wooden tables and benches in Ah Lee’s bakery, and from beneath the large china bowls and baking trays that stood on ledges a
round the walls of the room. Slowly the shadows met and merged into a veil of dark grey that settled over the back room.

  Charity untied her apron, pulled it off, went across to the wall hooks and hung it up. Calling goodbye to Ah Lee, she went out through the front of the shop and on to Main Street. Pausing on the boardwalk, she waited while a Chinese vegetable seller passed by in front of her and slowly made his way down the street, a basket of vegetables balanced on each end of the bamboo pole he carried across his shoulders, then she ran to the other side of the road, hurried past the mercantile store, turned into Second Street and started walking down the centre of the track.

  ‘Charity Walker.’ A loud whisper came from somewhere on her left.

  She stopped in surprise and looked round. That had been Su Lin’s voice without a doubt.

  And then she saw her. Half-hidden by shadow, Su Lin was pressing close against the side of one of the houses opening out on to Second Street. She was holding a bucket in her hand and looking anxiously towards her.

  Charity took an involuntary step in Su Lin’s direction.

  Su Lin moved at the same time. She inched forward, peered round the corner of the house, looking back towards Main Street, and then ran across the road to Charity.

  They stood for a moment, wordlessly facing each other, Charity staring at Su Lin in amazement, Su Lin looking back at her, a tenuous smile on her lips.

  Su Lin’s pail was empty, Charity noticed, glancing down. She looked back at Su Lin’s face, at the hope in her eyes, then she impulsively beckoned Su Lin to follow her, and she spun round and started running past the miners’ shacks and out across the open ground to the gully.

  The clunking of the pail behind her told her that Su Lin was keeping up.

  Reaching the top of the gully, they scrambled down the short slope to the water’s edge, their feet sliding on the loose gravel. When they were almost at the bottom, Charity sat down and hugged her knees to her chin. She glanced up at Su Lin who was standing hovering next to her, and tapped the piece of ground beside her.

  Su Lin dropped the pail to the ground and sat down next to Charity. She looked at the way Charity was sitting, and pulled her knees up in imitation.

  ‘We’re okay here. No one will see us,’ Charity said. ‘Especially your brother. He’d be real angry if he knew you’d spoken to me. He said we mustn’t be friends.’ She gave a sideways glance at Su Lin. ‘I thought you were a good Chinese girl. Your brother told me you were.’

  Su Lin put her hand in front of her mouth and giggled. ‘I good Chinese girl. And I want to be friend of you.’

  Charity frowned. ‘How can you be a good Chinese girl if you’re not doin’ what Chen Fai said? He said good Chinese girls obey their brothers.’

  ‘Big brother very good brother. He want only what is best for humble self. But humble self think it is best to have friend. I not have friend.’

  She looked hopefully at Charity.

  ‘I haven’t got a friend, either; not now Joe’s gone,’ Charity said, her face serious. ‘Your brother said I’m not a good Chinese girl ’cos I’ve got no ancestors. He doesn’t like me and he said we can’t be friends.’

  With a sigh of hopelessness, Charity stared at the river, her eyes reflecting the golden glints on the surface of the water that was slowly deepening a dark blue-brown beneath a sky burnished gold by the light of the dying sun.

  ‘I likee you, and I likee you be friend,’ Su Lin said firmly, and she smiled tentatively at Charity.

  The warmth of Su Lin’s friendship crept around Charity, and a glow of happiness swept through her.

  Loneliness, her daily companion since Joe had left, walked away.

  Her face broke out into a wide smile. ‘And I likee—’ She stopped abruptly and burst out laughing.

  Su Lin wrinkled her forehead and looked at her questioningly.

  ‘I was gonna say, “and I likee you”,’ Charity went on. She gave a peal of laughter and covered her mouth with her hand. ‘But that’s Chinese American. You gotta say, “And I like you”. It’s like, not likee. Okay?’

  ‘I like you to be my friend,’ Su Lin said, and she giggled.

  Charity nodded in satisfaction. ‘Now you sound like an American girl.’ Both girls laughed, and turned again to look at the water.

  ‘I was found near here,’ Charity said suddenly. She pointed to her left, in the direction of the place where the plank bridge spanned the river. ‘You can’t see it from down here, but it was over there.’

  Su Lin followed Charity’s gaze. ‘Big brother tell me Joe Walker find you. That mean what?’

  ‘That’s what it means – he found me,’ Charity told her. ‘I was lyin’ on the ground next to the water, and Joe found me and took me home. He’d seen my ma fall off the bridge. I was a real little baby, one or two days old. My ma was next to me, but she was dead.’

  ‘I very sad for you,’ Su Lin said, her face grave.

  ‘Me, too. When I was growin’ up, Joe used to take me to the place where he found me, and then we’d go to where my ma’s buried. Joe’s pa and Sam buried her just outside the cemetery. It’s where the Chinese cemetery is now. Sam’s Joe’s older brother, but he’s not very nice. And the Chinese cemetery’s not very nice. Whenever we go there, Joe clears the weeds and pieces of rock from the patch of ground in front of the bit of wood that says Charity’s ma. We don’t know her name, see.’

  Su Lin’s face clouded. ‘Bones of Chinamen must go to family in China after five years. This always happen. Friends of dead person dig up bones, scrape bones clean, put bones inside can, and send can to China. Tong people sometimes do this.’

  Charity thought for a moment, and then shrugged her shoulders. ‘We don’t know where my ma’s family is, so there’s nowhere to send her bones.’ She cleared some of the gravel from the ground next to her and drew a face in the sand. ‘I’ve been wonderin’ recently what my ma was like. I think she’d’ve been a very nice ma.’

  Su Lin nodded. ‘I also think she a very nice ma. You a very nice girl.’

  Charity smiled broadly at her. ‘One day, we’ll go to the bridge together and I’ll show you where I was found, and then I’ll take you to Ma’s grave.’

  ‘I likee … I like that.’

  ‘Not tonight, though, it’s too late, and I must go home now. I always help with the cookin’ when I get back from the bakery.’ She paused, frowning. ‘Say, how come you were able to leave the store like this?’

  ‘Big brother go to barber. He have front of head shaved and queue braided. Then he meet friends in tong.’

  ‘You mentioned the tong before. I know where the tong building is, but not what it is.’

  ‘Tong mean meeting hall. Is club for Chinamen. Dai lou – big brother – is not back to store till later. Baba work in store, but not many customers so Baba say I not need be in shop. Mama is in kitchen and she not need me help. I know you leave bakery soon so I tell Mama I go to well. I go out back door and wait see you come in Second Street. When I see you, I call you.’

  Charity nodded. ‘I’m real pleased you did. To tell you the truth, I’ve been feelin’ a mite bit lonely since Joe left. I’m glad I’ve got a friend now. And you’re gonna be lonely, too, aren’t you?’ Charity went on, her face becoming sympathetic. ‘Your ma and pa are goin’ back to China, aren’t they?’

  ‘They go in one week.’

  ‘Why are they goin’?’

  ‘To see first wife of Baba. She is mother of Big Brother, and Baba always send money to family in China and to village. Parents of Baba grow old. First wife look after old parents of Baba, but first wife now is ill. Baba take many gifts for family and they visit graves of ancestors.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Baba also go China for wife for Big Brother,’ Su Lin went on. ‘Is no China woman with reputation in Carter.’

  Charity straightened up and stared at Su Lin in surprise. ‘Chen Fai’s gonna get wed?’ she exclaimed. ‘Does that mean he’ll go back to China? If he doe
s, it’ll be easier for us to meet.’

  Su Lin shook her head. ‘He not marry yet. First wife of Baba and go-between arrange marriage. They already find girl for him. She live near village of Baba. She poor, but family have good reputation, and she work hard. Is important Chinese woman work hard.’

  ‘But what if Chen Fai doesn’t like her?’

  ‘Reputation of family and hard work is more important. Is also important that year, month, day and hour of birth of girl and dai lou match. This is very important. Go-between already do all this. When Baba go back, he agree bride-price.’

  ‘So, will Chen Fai go back and marry her?’

  Su Lin nodded. ‘Then he bring her here. Chinese wife always live with family of husband. But wedding not happen yet. Girl is very young. Girl is age of you and me.’

  ‘But Chen Fai’s about the same age as Joe!’

  ‘Is good if man is older than wife. But wedding not happen while girl is very young. When Baba agree bride-price, girl move to house of first wife. She work for first wife until old enough to marry. When is old enough, dai lou go to China, marry girl and bring her here to America.’

  Charity frowned in amazement. ‘That’s different from what happens here. I’m glad I’m American.’ She thought about it for a moment. ‘When she’s livin’ here with you, I won’t be your only friend.’

  ‘But I not live with Baba and Mama when I marry – I must live with family of husband. So I not live long with wife of dai lou.’

  Charity thought for a moment. ‘But right now, when your folks leave, you’ll be lonely, won’t you?’

  ‘I not be very lonely. I got a friend now.’ She smiled happily at Charity. ‘And dai lou is good big brother. He look after me. He look after store when Mama and Baba go to China so I not work in store: I look after house and cook food.’

  ‘Is dai lou another name for Chen Fai?’

  Su Lin shook her head and giggled. ‘Dai lou is Chinese word for big brother. Does not show respect if little sister call older brother or sister by name. Baba say families in China often call children First Sister, Second Sister, Third Sister. Also Big Sister and Big Brother. It show importance in family.’