The Lost Girl

by Liz Harris

  ‘But they’re not Joe,’ she said.

  ‘And nor will Joe be the Joe you knew when he left, gal,’ he said gently. ‘He was a lad of seventeen when he rode off. He’s twenty-one now, and he’ll be older still when he finally does get back. He’s a grown man.’

  ‘I know that.’

  ‘I’m not sure you do. His letters are tellin’ you that it’s not an easy life, drivin’ cattle thousands of miles in every weather, over every kind of terrain, but I can tell you’re still thinkin’ of him as that boy you knew. You’re imaginin’ he’ll come back and start climbin’ the rocks with you again. Well, he won’t. You must let go of that dream, ’cos that’s all it is – a dream.’

  She stared at the ground, her mouth setting in a stubborn line. ‘I know he’s all grown up,’ she said, ‘but I can tell from his letters he’s still Joe.’

  Hiram shrugged his shoulders. ‘Think on this, then. He’s not the only one who’s grown up – you are, too. You’re fourteen now, and you’ve finished school and are lookin’ to pick up more work. Pretty soon, you’d not have time to climb the rocks with Joe, if he came back and that’s what he wanted to do.’

  ‘I’m gonna ask Annie if she’ll let me wait tables. I’d like that. I know she said I couldn’t before, but I’m older now.’

  ‘You’d be wastin’ your time,’ he said flatly. ‘It wasn’t your age that was the problem – it was the colour of your skin. And you bein’ yellow’s an even bigger problem today than it used to be. Stick to Chinatown. Ask Ah Lee for more hours in the bakery or ask Chen Fai for a job. You must know the store well enough by now – you go there whenever you’ve got a spare minute.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll ask Ah Lee, then,’ she said, her voice despondent. Frowning at the ground, she kicked the pebbles with the heel of her boots.

  He threw her a quick glance. ‘You know, gal, sometimes everythin’ can seem real terrible for a while. But as time goes by, you see it ain’t as bad as you thought, and there’s even good in it.’

  ‘What’s good about not bein’ able to do what you wanna do ’cos your skin’s the wrong colour? And not seein’ someone you wanna see?’

  ‘That’s what you’ll have to find out for yourself. Like I found out the rocks are not just grey. And the bits of short grass you see among the sand and the gravel aren’t just a dried up yellow. In the mornin’ they’re more like grey; later on in the mornin’, they’re a real bright green; in the afternoon they’re yellowy green, and when the sun’s gone down, they’re a sorta purple.’

  She stared at him, puzzled.

  He smiled at her. ‘The accident made my world seem black. But it gave me time to look around, and that’s bin good for me. Things ain’t so black now.’

  She frowned. ‘But how could never seein’ Joe again be good for me?’

  ‘If he was here, you might get to rely on him again, and that wouldn’t be good ’cos even if he came back, he wouldn’t stay. From real little, he’s said he’ll never live in Carter. He’d leave one day, and then you’d be upset all over again. He’s now made a life for himself that isn’t in Carter and doesn’t include you. Now you’ve gotta make a life for yourself that doesn’t include Joe. You’ve gotta stop dreamin’ about the past and look to the future.’

  ‘I’m gonna carry on writin’ to him,’ she said sullenly. ‘He likes gettin’ my letters; he said so.’

  ‘And we wouldn’t want you to stop. We’re grateful that you’re lettin’ him know what’s goin’ on here. Which reminds me, you’ll tell him that Sam’s walkin’ out with the superintendent’s daughter, won’t you?’

  She nodded.

  ‘And another good thing that’s come out of my accident is that Joe and Sam have had the chance to show me what fine men they’ve become. Joe’s never stopped sendin’ us money, and I appreciate that. And look at what Sam’s done for me! He’s worked real hard to put extra money on the table to cover what I’ve not been able to earn. To be honest, I’d had growin’ concerns about him, seein’ him so eaten up with hate as he was.’ He paused. ‘I’m sorry to be sayin’ that to you, gal, but you know what I mean.’

  ‘He’s never liked me,’ she said bluntly.

  Hiram nodded. ‘It’s not you; it’s the Chinese generally he don’t like. But he’s bin worse since Joe left to have a fine time who knows where, while he’s strugglin’ daily with the fallin’ price of coal, and I’d been worried about him. Not that Sam would wanna do what Joe’s doin’; he wouldn’t. But it can’t be easy, knowin’ his brother’s miles away from the problems here in Carter.’

  ‘Is Sam jealous of Joe?’

  ‘I reckon he might be. But it’s understandable. Minin’s not gone the way Sam thought it’d go – it’s not gone the way any of us thought it’d go – and with Joe obviously happy about what he’s doin’ … Well, like I say, it’s not easy. But I was wrong to worry about Sam: he’s proved a good son to me.’

  ‘Is that ’cos he’s got you the job of breaker?’

  ‘In part. He knew I needed work – a man can’t sit in a chair all day and look at the hills – and being a breaker’s about the only thing I could do in the mine with my leg as it is. All I’ll have to do is sit on a wooden seat above the chute and remove the slate from the coal. Then break the coal into pieces and put the pieces into sizes. It was Sam pushin’ for me day after day that made them finally agree to take me on and not look for a lad. It’s given me a lift, I can tell you, knowin’ I’ll be bringin’ home wages once more, little though it’ll be.’

  ‘Why d’you wanna go in the mine again? I thought you didn’t like it.’

  ‘Havin’ a job is a matter of pride. And it’s about keepin’ our house. We tried to hide it, but I reckon Sam saw his ma and me beginnin’ to fret about losin’ the house if he wed Phebe and moved out – I can’t see that gal wanting to live with us – and I reckon that’s why he ain’t wed before now. But now I’m workin’ for the company again, we’ve gotta right to stay on in the house. So the accident’s shown me I’ve two fine sons, and that’s done me a power of good. And you, too, Charity,’ he added warmly. ‘You’ve shown what a good heart you’ve got. Don’t think we don’t appreciate you, ’cos we do.’

  She blushed. ‘I guess.’

  ‘Anyway.’ He sat back in his chair and smiled at her. ‘I’ve done enough talkin’ for now. Why don’t you read me some more?’

  She smiled back at him, lifted the paper and started to scan the columns for what might be of interest. Then she stiffened. Frowning, she stared hard at the paper, her face growing pale.

  He sat upright. ‘What is it, Charity?’ he asked in alarm. ‘What’ve you read?’ He leaned across and caught her by the arm. ‘Tell me, gal; it’s not about Joe?’

  She shook her head. ‘It’s not Joe – it’s about Chinese people,’ she said, squinting at the print. Biting her thumbnail, she looked at Hiram. ‘I don’t understand it real well.’

  ‘Read it aloud,’ he said impatiently. ‘I may not be much for readin’ words that are written down, but I can understand well enough when I hear them spoken.’

  ‘It’s about somethin’ called the Chinese Exclusion – I think that’s what it says, exclusion; yes – it’s about somethin’ called the Chinese Exclusion Act. Exclusion means stoppin’ someone from doin’ somethin’, doesn’t it?’

  He nodded. ‘I expect you’re right, gal. It’ll be stoppin’ the Chinese from doin’ somethin’. What’s it say?’

  Stumbling over some of the words, she read the column aloud to him. When she’d finished, she looked at him anxiously. ‘What’s it mean?’

  He shrugged. ‘What we already know: Americans don’t like the Chinese and they’re tryin’ to stop them comin’ here. They’re not gonna let any skilled or unskilled Chinese labourers into the country for ten years, and they’re certainly not gonna let anyone in who might work in the mines. If they try to come in and they’re caught, they’ll be put into prison or sent back to China. Yup, keepin’ the Chinese out –
that’s what it’s all about.’

  ‘It says here that merchants, students, teachers, diplomats, and tourists are exempted,’ she read out. She lowered the newspaper and stared at Hiram. ‘That means the Act doesn’t apply to them, doesn’t it?’

  ‘I guess so. Yup, merchants and the others on the list can still come in. That’s what it’ll mean.’

  ‘Chen Fai’s a merchant.’ She stared down at the paper again. ‘It says any Chinaman who leaves America must get a certificate for re-entry before he leaves if he intends to come back. Also, Chinese immigrants can’t ever become American citizens.’ Her face brightened. ‘If Chen Fai gets that certificate, he’ll be all right, won’t he? He’s gonna go to China in a few years to get wed and then bring his wife back. And Chen Sing’s a merchant, too. He and his wife are goin’ with Chen Fai. They’ll all get that certificate and be able to come back, won’t they?’

  Hiram rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know, Charity. They’re merchants all right, but I’d be surprised if the Act meant merchants like them. There are lots of small merchants like the Chens all over the place. If they were all allowed to go in and out, the Act would be pretty useless.’

  Her face fell.

  ‘And even if Chen Fai did manage to get a re-entry certificate, and one for his wife, too, if that’s the way it’ll be done, I’m not so sure they’d let him back in, certificate or not. The whites want rid of the Chinese, and the way I see it, anyone who goes to China thinkin’ he’ll be allowed back in ’cos he’s got a piece of paper might just be takin’ the bait like a bass, and that could be the last he sees of America.’

  She stared at him, her eyes opening wide in anxiety.

  ‘So what d’you think Chen Fai will do?’

  ‘If I had to say,’ he said slowly, ‘I’d say he’ll not be goin’ back to China. Leastways, not for ten years.’

  ‘Maybe he’ll go to San Francisco to find a wife then,’ she said. ‘There’s a real big Chinatown there. He used to live there, you know. He and his pa came from a place in Canton I can’t pronounce, and that’s where they landed. They were there for a bit, and then they went on a riverboat to Sacramento, and that’s where Chen Sing met Su Lin’s ma.’ She paused and glanced again at the newspaper. ‘I wonder what he’ll do,’ she said after a moment or two.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  One month later

  August, 1882

  ‘What do you want?’ Sam pushed Martha aside and faced Chen Fai, who stood on the doorstep. A hand on the wooden jamb on either side of the door, Sam glared at Chen Fai. ‘We don’t want your sort here.’

  With each of his hands in the opposite sleeve of his red brocade tunic, Chen Fai tried to look above Sam’s arm to Martha, who was hovering behind Sam, her eyes anxious.

  ‘I come to ask Charity to go for a walk with me tomorrow, Mrs Walker,’ he said, raising his voice slightly to reach her, ‘and I bring you this.’ He took one of his hands from the sleeve it was in, and held out a slender package.

  ‘What d’you think you’re playin’ at, comin’ here like this?’ Sam exclaimed angrily. ‘And if you think bringin’ us things is gonna make you welcome, you’re wrong.’

  ‘Move out of the way, Sam,’ Martha said, and she pushed one of his arms aside.

  Scowling, he moved slightly to let her through.

  She took the package from Chen Fai and opened it. ‘Oh my, it’s the new yellow cotton Charity was tellin’ me about last week!’ she exclaimed in surprise. Her face broke into a smile. ‘She told me it’d suit me and I should get some. She must have told you, too. Thank you, Chen Fai; it’s a very kind thought, but there’s no need to do this.’ She wrapped the paper loosely back around the material and held the parcel out to him.

  He shook his head, took a step back and gave a little bow. ‘It’s my wish to give this to you,’ he said, a trace of awkwardness in his voice. ‘It’s Chinese custom to give gifts to show respect to other person.’ He hesitated. ‘Gift is given by one family to another when one family wants to make arrangement with other family.’

  ‘I see,’ Martha said slowly, looking down at the material in her hands. She glanced behind her into the room. Charity was nowhere to be seen, but Hiram was coming towards her, leaning heavily on his stick.

  She turned back to Chen Fai. ‘I see,’ she repeated.

  He gave her a half smile. ‘In China, one family does not talk to another about these things. It is someone else who talks for them and who takes gifts to woman’s family. But we are in America now, and we can do things in American way, I think, and I come to ask Charity if she like to walk with me. A short walk,’ he added. ‘You’ll see us walk from your chairs there.’ He indicated the two wooden chairs outside the house.

  Martha nodded. ‘And the American way is that Charity will answer for herself.’

  He nodded. ‘This is what I expect. I hope she agree.’

  Martha hesitated a moment. ‘To speak plainly, Chen Fai, I think I can see where this is leadin’. When we read about that new Act, we saw at once how it might affect you. You do know, though, that in America, girls don’t get affianced as young as I hear they do in China? I’m sayin’ this in a general way,’ she added quickly, ‘not meanin’ anyone in particular. But in a general way, they don’t; and they don’t get wed as young, either. Charity’s only fourteen, and she’s been brought up in the American way.’

  ‘I mean only to go for walk tomorrow,’ Chen Fai said with a smile. ‘I like her to see me as her friend, not only as Su Lin’s brother. This is all I like for now.’

  ‘I understand. And for what it matters, we don’t agree with what the law said.’ She fingered the yellow cotton, then turned to Hiram. ‘What d’you say, Hiram?’

  ‘I say he should take her back to Chinatown with him right now and stay there. We don’t want any Celestials here,’ Sam cut in.

  ‘Like your ma told Chen Fai, that’s rather up to Charity, don’t you think, Sam?’ Hiram said quietly. ‘It’s not up to any of us, and it certainly isn’t up to you. We’ll let the girl decide for herself.’ He turned slightly. ‘Charity!’ he called. ‘Leave whatever you’re doin’ and come here at once.’

  A moment later, Charity came from the corridor into the sitting room, a threaded needle in one hand and her pinafore in the other.

  ‘Chen Fai!’ she exclaimed, catching a glimpse of him beyond Martha and Hiram.

  She hesitated, then went slowly up to the group at the doorway. Hiram and Martha moved aside to let her through, and she found herself facing Chen Fai. ‘What’re you doin’ here?’ she asked awkwardly. She caught her breath. ‘Is Su Lin all right?’ she asked in sudden alarm.

  ‘It’s not about Su Lin,’ Hiram said. ‘He asked if he can go for a walk with you tomorrow, Charity.’

  She glanced at Hiram and then turned back to Chen Fai. ‘And what did you tell him?’ she asked, her eyes on Chen Fai’s face.

  ‘We made sure he was only talkin’ about walkin’ where we could see you,’ Hiram told her. ‘And we reminded him of your age. That said, we told him it was for you to answer. You must do what you want, gal.’

  ‘Tomorrow’s my day for cleaning the bedrooms,’ she said, glancing at Hiram. ‘And I help with the lunch, and then go to the bakery.’

  ‘I reckon you could fit in a walk if you wanted after you’ve done the bedrooms. Maybe you could leave off helpin’ with the lunch for once. Don’t you think, Martha?’

  ‘If that’s what you want, Hiram,’ Martha said, a trifle stiffly.

  ‘I suggest you go outside and tell Chen Fai if you wanna go for that walk or not. It’s up to you.’ He gave Charity a gentle push, and she found herself outside the house. The front door clicked shut behind her.

  ‘You needn’t look like that, Martha. She ain’t a servant, tied to us till her last breath,’ they heard Hiram say. ‘And as for you, Sam: you’ve got yourself a gal. Charity’s got a right to look to her future, too. And her future’s never gonna be with the whites. Think
about it, this is the best thing for her.’ A moment later, they heard a bedroom door slam shut, and then there was silence.

  She and Chen Fai stared at each other for a moment, the sudden lack of ease between them tangible.

  Then he gave her a slight smile. ‘I ask only to go for a walk, and talk a little, maybe,’ he said.

  ‘Why? I seen you lots of times. I’ve been friends with Su Lin for years and you often talk to us.’

  ‘Maybe I want to talk to you by yourself. I like you begin to see me as your friend, not just as Su Lin’s big brother.’

  She stared at him thoughtfully, biting her lower lip. ‘Is that ’cos you think Joe’s not comin’ back and I might need someone to look after me like Joe used to? Is that it? Or is it about you not goin’ to China? You aren’t, are you? Joe’s pa said that even if they agree you’re a merchant and give you a paper sayin’ you can come back, they might not let you back in.’

  ‘For the first thing you say, I will look after you if Joe is here or if Joe is not here, and if you not want to walk with me, I still look after you,’ Chen Fai said simply. ‘You are good friend to Su Lin. And you are good girl, Charity, and worthy of respect.’

  She gave him a sly smile. ‘Even if my Chinese ma has a reputation?’

  He grinned at her. ‘That is so.’ He paused. ‘For the second thing you say: no, I not go back to China. Not ever, I think. I not wed girl they choose to be my wife. I think like Mr Walker – I not be allowed back here, even if I have certificate. And even if I allowed come back, wife not be able to come here, too. I not want wife in China and me here.’ His smile broadened. ‘I live in America for most of my life and I become too American for that.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Be more sorry for girl in China. She expect in a few years to bathe in pomelo leaves before her wedding, to sit in family’s rice-drying tray while female relatives comb her hair and braid it into style for married woman. She expect to lie on ground before family’s ancestral tablets, and before parents, who she know she never see again. She expect to be taken by palanquin to her wedding and have banquet after it. But this now not happen.’