The Lost Girl

by Liz Harris

  ‘I miss you, Charity,’ she said, as they huddled close in the small space, the scent of herbs and spices strong in the air. ‘Dai lou says I must wish you well, then forget you and think only of my wedding to Ah Lee Don. But I do not want to wish you well and then forget you.’ Her face widened into a smile. ‘I am able to remember my good friend and also think about my wedding.’ She giggled. ‘I am a very clever Chinese girl.’

  Charity sighed. ‘I miss you, too, Su Lin. Sadly, I’ve not been a very clever Chinese girl. I’ve upset everythin’ and everyone, and above all your brother. Chen Fai’s a good man and I’m real unhappy at hurtin’ him. That he still wishes me well, after what I’ve done to him …’ She shook her head. ‘It just shows what a nice man he is. I wish him well, too, and I’d like you to tell him that.’

  ‘He still very happy to wed you, Charity,’ Su Lin said, her face suddenly earnest, her voice tinged with hope. ‘Maybe there is one day a chance of this?’

  Charity shook her head. ‘I’m leavin’ Carter. That’s why I’ve come down here,’ she said, nodding in the direction of the depot. ‘I need to find the time of the train to Green River as that’s where I’m goin’.’

  Su Lin’s face dropped. ‘To Green River! When you go?’

  Charity hesitated. ‘I’m sure it won’t hurt to tell you – next Monday.’

  Su Lin drew in her breath in an audible gasp. ‘Monday! You leave Carter in one week?’

  Charity nodded. ‘Yes, I do. Things have gotten much worse since the whites’ club started up. I’m sure you know what they tried to do to the priest, led by Joe’s brother. Everywhere you go there’re signs sayin’ the Chinese must go. The whites are set against them and anyone who has anythin’ to do with them, and that means Joe’s folks. They’ve been very kind to me and I must think of them. And now I’m gettin’ nasty looks from the Chinese, too, after what happened with your brother. I’ll never be able to get any more work here.’

  Su Lin nodded slowly, biting her lower lip. ‘I know this.’

  ‘That’s why I’m leavin’.’

  ‘But I think Walker family will not want you to go.’

  ‘Maybe; but they know I’ve no choice.’ She paused a moment. ‘And me bein’ here isn’t fair on your brother, either,’ she went on. ‘As long as I’m here, I’m a reminder to him and everyone else that he’s lost face. I know what that means to a Chinese man,’ she said quietly, ‘and I very much regret causin’ this. And also, me not bein’ here will make it easier for him to concentrate on findin’ a wife. There’re more Chinese women in the towns around here than there used to be. Maybe not many, but I’m sure there’re enough for him to find a suitable wife among them if he looked. Whoever it turns out to be, she’ll be a lucky woman.’

  Su Lin looked at her in surprise. ‘If you feel this way, why you not wed dai lou?’

  ‘I can’t. I like him – you know I do – but I just don’t feel about him the way a woman should feel about the man she’s gonna marry. I guess I’m too American for that not to matter.’ She hesitated. ‘You know what I mean?’

  Su Lin nodded. ‘I understand.’ She put her hand gently on Charity’s arm. ‘But maybe one day you will feel this way.’

  Charity shook her head. ‘I won’t.’ A look of helplessness spread across her face. ‘I love Joe; that’s the trouble. If Joe had never come back, everythin’ might have been different. But he did come back, and from the moment I saw him again, I knew what it was to love someone in every possible way. That’s why I can’t wed Chen Fai.’

  ‘I see it is a problem,’ Su Lin said, her face thoughtful. ‘But you are not able to marry Joe. You must marry a Chinaman. So why not dai lou? He will not expect you to feel what you do not feel. Is it not better to marry dai lou than work for lazy American woman who order you cook, you clean house, she like you wash clothes, iron, mend clothes, you fill tubs with hot water for her sit in? She like you do everything she not want to do.’ Her voice rose.

  Charity leaned forward and hugged her. ‘Don’t distress yourself, Su Lin. I’ll be fine as I’ve got you for a friend. I’m gonna be your friend wherever I live, and you’re gonna be mine. That’s because you’re in here, and you always will be.’ She put her hand on her heart.

  Tears came to Su Lin’s eyes, and she started to cry.

  ‘I do not want you go,’ she sobbed. ‘I very worried. White people are mean to Chinese people. You not feel much meanness in Carter because you live in Walker house and you are friend of dai lou, and he is respected businessman. But when you leave … when you leave … you all alone. No one keep you safe.’ Her voice broke and she put her face in her hands.

  Charity hugged her again. ‘Please, don’t cry, Su Lin,’ she said. ‘I won’t come to any harm.’

  ‘You not know this. You be all alone in strange town. I am afraid for you.’ Su Lin cried harder, her shoulders heaving.

  Impulsively, Charity bent her head to Su Lin’s ear. ‘I won’t be alone,’ she whispered. ‘I shouldn’t have told you this, and you mustn’t tell anyone. But I can’t bear to see you like this.’

  Su Lin pulled back and stared at Charity in amazement.

  ‘What you mean?’ she asked, her voice choking.

  ‘D’you promise you won’t say anythin’?’ Charity repeated.

  Su Lin nodded, her tears slowing. ‘I promise. What do you mean, you are not alone?’ she repeated.

  ‘I’ll be with Joe. We’re gonna get wed.’

  Su Lin’s mouth dropped open. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the palms of her hands, and stared at Charity, fear in her eyes. ‘You can’t. Is not allowed. You get big trouble. White folk kill you.’

  ‘We’re gonna have a Chinese weddin’. The priest’s gonna do it. He’s Chinese, and so am I, so it’ll be a Chinese weddin’. It’s just that it won’t be lawful in American eyes.’

  ‘Oh, Charity.’ Su Lin grasped her hand. ‘I want to come to wedding. When is wedding?’

  ‘Next Monday mornin’. We’re leavin’ Carter straight after. Much as I’d like you there,’ she said, her voice full of regret, ‘it’s better you don’t come. It might draw attention to Joe goin’ into the tong, and me, too. I’ve never been there before, and if it’s just us, it’ll be safer.’

  ‘But you get big trouble in Green River when folk see white husband.’

  Charity moved closer again. ‘We’re not really goin’ there. I’m just tellin’ everyone that I’m gonna get a job there. Joe’s thinkin’ of other places we can go.’

  ‘I am frightened for you, Charity,’ Su Lin said slowly. ‘But I am also joyful for you. I think you and Joe will be very happy together if you find a town where white folk like Chinese folk. But I am very sad you never be my sister.’

  ‘Me, too.’ She took a deep breath and gave Su Lin a watery smile. ‘I hate to say goodbye, so I won’t – not yet, anyway – but I’d better go now. If anyone sees you talkin’ to the girl who brought unhappiness to a well-liked Chinese man, it could be bad for your reputation. You’re gonna wed Ah Lee Don, and nothin’ must stop that.’

  Su Lin nodded, tears again trickling down her cheeks.

  Charity leaned forward and hugged her. ‘I wish you lots of boy babies,’ she said, a smile in her voice.

  They drew apart and stared hard at each other, as if trying to memorise every feature of the face in front of them.

  Then Charity raised her hand in a wave of farewell, and turned away. Her vision misting, she walked out of the alleyway, turned right into Main Street and made her way steadily to the depot, forcing herself not to look back, not even once.

  Chen Fai was standing at the end of the long counter on the left-hand side of the store, the bale of vivid red silk in front of him, when Su Lin went slowly back into the mercantile. He instantly pushed the red silk away from him, moved round the end of the counter and came towards her, his face anxious.

  ‘I see you run down the street after Charity,’ he said eagerly. ‘What did she say? You think she
come back to us, and want her and me to be friends again, and maybe more than this one day? I hope so. I look at red silk for your chang-fu and think of her.’ Putting hope into the depths of his eyes, he stared at Su Lin.

  She looked down at the floor, bit her lip and shook her head. ‘She will not come back, ge ge,’ she said, her voice trembling with misery. ‘She is leaving Carter.’

  His face dropped, registering great disappointment. ‘When is she going?’

  She looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. ‘On Monday morning. She go to the station today to find out time of train.’

  ‘Train for where?’

  She hesitated.

  ‘You can tell me,’ he urged. ‘You know I wish her well.’

  ‘Green River,’ she said. Not wanting to see his unhappiness, she looked down at the floor again.

  He stared at the top of her bowed head, his eyes narrowing speculatively.

  Then his face cleared. ‘To Green River!’ he exclaimed in loud delight. Su Lin looked up in surprise. ‘That is not far from Carter. Last year, I think to do business in Green River with Ah Wong, and then I think no. But now I will speak again to Ah Wong. Each time I visit him, I will also see Charity, and one day she might agree again to be my wife. I think that can happen.’

  His eyes filled with hope.

  She trembled.

  ‘This can happen,’ he repeated, smiling happily at her. ‘It is possible, is it not?’

  Slowly, she shook her head. ‘I think not, honourable brother.’

  A look of annoyance darkened his face. ‘You do not know this,’ he snapped. ‘If she does not like the job in Green River, there is maybe still a chance for me.’

  ‘Charity is not the only Chinese girl,’ she ventured. ‘You can ask a go-between to find a wife for you in one of the other towns near Carter.’

  He glared at her and took a step back. ‘It makes me very angry that you say this. I hope one day Charity will want me as a husband, and I wait for that. I not look for another woman.’

  ‘I not want you to wait for something that never happen,’ she said, her voice shaking.

  He let a wave of anger twist his features and his voice become shrill. ‘You not know that for certain. I wait for Charity, I tell you. I wait until I know for sure she never ever agree to come to me. I forbid you speak of another woman again.’ And he made a move as if to go to the back room.

  ‘She is getting wed,’ she blurted out. ‘To Joe Walker.’

  His heart seemed to stop, and he felt sick.

  He turned slowly and stared at her, his mouth falling open, no words coming out.

  ‘You wrong. She can’t,’ he said at last, his voice accusing, and he shook his head in disbelief. ‘She can’t. He’s American man. Is not allowed.’

  ‘Priest not obey American law, and he do wedding in our tong on Monday morning,’ she whispered, her face ashen. ‘For Charity and Joe Walker, this is a real marriage: she is Chinese; priest is Chinese. She then leave Carter with Joe.’ She gasped aloud. Her hands flew to her mouth. ‘I should not have told this to anyone. I promised.’

  ‘I am not anyone,’ he said impatiently. ‘I’m your brother, and I’m a friend of Charity. But this cannot be – Marshal in Green River will take them to jail or whites there will lynch them! I fear for her.’

  ‘She not really go to Green River. She not know where they go.’

  ‘She marry Joe Walker in tong and then they leave Carter together. That is right? And this happen on Monday morning?’

  She nodded.

  His last lingering hope – a hope he thought he had buried in favour of revenge – died away. Grief rushed in, followed swiftly by jealousy.

  A powerful, burning jealousy.

  Joe Walker was going to have Charity for himself.

  And she was willing to make herself little better than his concubine. For that she’d turned down her chance of being a lawful wife.

  He felt Su Lin’s eyes on him, worried, concerned. ‘She ask me not to say what she is doing to anyone, so you not tell,’ she said anxiously.

  His relaxed his features. His hands slid into the opposite sleeves of his cornflower blue tunic, and he gave her a smile, a gentle smile that he tinged with sorrow. ‘It hurts me in my heart to know I lose her, Su Lin, but I wish her well. And she needs my good wishes, I think. It is not easy to do something that is against the law.’

  ‘So you not tell anyone?’ She looked at him fearfully.

  He shook his head. ‘I will not tell anyone. We must forget what we know about Walker plans, and think only about our own happiness. You must think about wedding with Ah Lee Don, and because of what you tell me …’ He glanced towards the red silk, then looked back at Su Lin. ‘Because of what you tell me, I know I must ask go-between to find me a wife. I am not ready to do this now, but I do this after you wed Ah Lee Don.’

  Su Lin beamed at him in relief. ‘I am very happy about this, ge ge.’

  ‘You are right, Su Lin. Charity is a good friend, but she is not only China woman around here. I look for a woman who is a good friend, and also a good wife.’ He twisted his mouth into a smile of reassurance.

  ‘I want you to soon be happy again,’ she said quietly. ‘You are kind brother and good man. You deserve a nice wife.’

  Chapter Forty

  On Tuesday evening Chen Fai stood in the shadows cast by the closing down of day and listened hard.

  Finally, he heard the sound of footsteps.

  He gave a quiet sigh of relief. Pressing closer to the wooden wall of the house that stood at the end of Second Street, the last house before the stretch of ground, dotted with wooden shacks, that led to the miners’ houses, he waited for the first of the miners to walk by on their way home at the end of their working day.

  Hiram Walker was one of the first to pass by. Leaning heavily on his stick, his face was etched with fatigue. Joe Walker’s father was alone, he noticed with relief. He’d been worrying about what he would do if Sam Walker had been at his father’s side, but he’d worried in vain.

  Gradually, the steady flow of pit-dirt miners who had followed Hiram in their groups of two or three, their heavy boots loud on the boardwalk, dwindled to the occasional one or two. But the miner he was waiting for had yet to reach the spot where he stood concealed.

  Relaxing a little, he leaned back against the wall.

  Sam Walker must have stopped at the saloon for a drink, he thought with an inward sneer of contempt. What a way for a man with a wife and son to behave. He should go straight back home to them as soon as he left the mine. A father should be with his family whenever possible.

  He found himself feeling almost sorry for the fair-haired woman Sam Walker had married, even though she was a stupid woman. She had a pretty face, and would have found a better husband if she’d respected herself as a woman should do. Instead, she’d behaved like a louh geu with Sam Walker before she was wed, and had found herself with a child in her belly. Having shown herself to be a woman of no reputation, she was lucky Sam Walker had agreed to marry her.

  And Sam Walker, too, was at fault. He had not shown her the respect that a man should show to the woman he is thinking of taking as wife.

  At last he heard the sound of someone else coming along the boardwalk in his direction. Straightening up, he peered cautiously round the edge of the wall and saw a solitary figure in the darkening night, a lunch bucket in one hand and a miner’s hat in the other.

  He pulled back a little and smiled inwardly – his wait was almost over. Motionless he stood there, thick-veiled by shadow, waiting for Sam Walker to pass him by.

  There was a flurry of air as Sam stepped off the end of the boardwalk and struck out across the open ground.

  Chen Fai moved into position and started walking after him.

  Sam went a few steps more, turned round and faced him. ‘Oh, it’s you!’ he exclaimed sharply. ‘I thought I heard someone. What d’you want?’

  ‘To tell you something of interest to you
, something I found out yesterday. But I think you’ve had a drink and you may be too drunk to understand my words, so maybe I won’t tell you.’ He made as if to go.

  Sam grabbed Chen Fai’s arm and pulled him round to face him. ‘Like you said, I’ve had a drink. One drink. But that don’t make me drunk. If I’d gotten the wages I deserve for the coal I dug today, I could’ve had more than one drink, and maybe then I’d be drunk, but I didn’t. So if you’ve got somethin’ to say, I’ll understand it real well. So say it quickly and go.’

  Chen Fai assumed an expression of concern. ‘It’s about your brother Joe, and Charity,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t you say those two names in the same breath,’ Sam snapped. ‘And anyway, she’s leavin’ Carter, I’m delighted to say.’

  ‘They are soon much closer than just in the same breath, as you put it,’ Chen Fai said, his tone mild.

  Sam stared angrily at him. ‘What are you talkin’ about? Say what you’re tryin’ to say in simple words.’

  ‘You are correct that she’s leaving Carter Town. But she’s leaving with your brother. They will have a Chinese wedding first, Charity and Joe.’

  ‘Joe’s gonna wed her!’ Sam stared at him in amazement, then he threw back his head and laughed. ‘Sure she’s as hot as a whorehouse on nickel night, but he’d not be so stupid as to wed her! And he wouldn’t need to. The way she’s followed him around all these years, he could have it for the askin’. And if it’s just yellow whores he wants, he can have his fill at the tong. Nope, he wouldn’t need to wed her.’ He laughed again.

  ‘But he is,’ Chen Fai said, his face ice-cold.

  The laughter stopped abruptly. Sam thrust his face closer. ‘You listen real good. I don’t want my brother’s name in the same sentence as that … that whore. D’you hear?’

  Chen Fai gave him a humourless smile. ‘I do. But it is not my sentences you need to worry about; it is the law’s. He will be doing with Charity what is forbidden by American law.’

  ‘Why, you blam-jam, no account, yellow-skinned—’ Sam raised his hand to strike Chen Fai, but Chen Fai was faster. He caught Sam’s arm and held it in the air.